Grizz took me to the doctor the next day, and sure enough, I was pregnant. I was puzzled, though. I’d taken birth control pills religiously, never missed even one time. But I’d had a nasty case of strep throat the month before, and the doctor explained antibiotics can sometimes interfere with the pill. I was just one of those cases.
I told the doctor I was still taking the pill and had only suspected the pregnancy because my last period was very short and light, not my usual full week of heavy bleeding. He told me to stop taking it and not to worry. Some women got pregnant while on the pill. It wasn’t unheard of, and we’d detected the pregnancy early on.
I looked over at Grizz, who was smiling. He was happy about this pregnancy. If it was meant to be now instead of a few years down the road, then so be it.
Grizz took me to lunch and immediately started offering up boys’ and girls’ names. My head was spinning. I was overwhelmed. What about my degree? Could I still go to school and be a mother? I was dizzy with thoughts of the future and how it would all play out. I took some comfort in the fact that the baby would be born after we were in our new home. I would have hated bringing a baby into the world while living at the motel.
Grizz surprised me with something else. He told me that it would take him about six months to wrap up some business and he would be done with the gang. For good. I couldn’t have been more thrilled. Jan was going to get her wish after all: Grizz was turning his gang over to Blue.
We decided to keep the pregnancy to ourselves for a little while. It was still early. Sarah Jo was the only one who knew, and I had no doubt about her loyalty and ability to keep a secret.
Morning sickness hit with a vengeance. I couldn’t even call it morning sickness; I was sick all day, so much so that I couldn’t keep anything down and Grizz wanted to take me back to the doctor to see if they could prescribe something to help. I refused. I’d live with it. I wasn’t going to take any medication while I was pregnant. Nothing except for prenatal vitamins, and that was only if I could keep them down.
I was about ten weeks along when Grizz told me he had to talk to me about something. I was sitting on the couch looking through interior design magazines. I’d already picked a neutral color for the baby’s room, light green. Now I was considering a theme. Noah’s Ark maybe. Or teddy bears.
He took the magazine out of my hands and laid it on the coffee table. This looked serious.
“Kit, there’s something I have to tell you.”
“What? What is it?”
“I don’t want you to be upset, especially since you’re pregnant, but I love you and I’m afraid if I don’t tell you and you find out later, you won’t like it.”
He was starting to scare me. “Tell me now. Whatever it is, don’t keep it from me.” Had something happened to Sarah Jo or Fess or Grunt? Was Grizz in trouble? Were we in trouble?
“I just heard from Guido,” he said, gripping my hands tightly. “He told me your parents were killed in a car accident the day before yesterday. He thought we should know.”
I was stunned. I’d never expected this. I hadn’t given much thought to Delia or Vince in years. I can’t say I missed them; what was there to miss? I had been on my own from an early age. But Grizz was right. I’m glad he told me. Memories washed over me.
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
“Head-on collision. Big semi. Driver fell asleep, crossed the yellow line. It was instant.”
I was relieved there had been no suffering on their part and that they weren’t the cause of the accident. I didn’t hate Delia and Vince. I didn’t miss them, either. But I wanted to do what was right.
“Grizz, there’s no other family. What are they going to do with them?”
“Probably a box and a state-owned cemetery. I think. Maybe cremation. I honestly don’t know.” Before I could say anything, he added, “You want me to take care of it, Kit? Would you like that? To give them a proper burial?”
This surprised me, but I guess he remembered how important it was to me that Moe was given a proper burial. At least as proper as it could be.
I nodded. “Yes, I think I would like that. Doesn’t have to be fancy, Grizz. Just a decent cemetery and maybe instead of a headstone, one of those plates that are in the ground. Something that shows their name, birthday and the date they died.”
“Write it all down for me, baby, and I’ll take care of it.”
And he did. He was so good at giving me anything I wanted. It never occurred to me that this was another chance at my freedom. Of course, there’d been many times over the years that I could have gained my freedom. Certainly, the death of my parents would’ve been one of them, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t leaving Grizz. At least not on purpose.
A few weeks later I started spotting. I called the doctor in a panic, but he said there was nothing that could be done. It could be nothing. Wait it out and don’t do anything strenuous. Grizz made me lay in bed for three days. The spotting continued and he insisted on taking me to the doctor.
I was sitting on the paper covered examining table when I felt something. I didn’t move, just looked at Grizz with tears in my eyes.
“I think I just lost the baby.”