I can honestly say I never stopped loving Grizz, but after what he did to the man who attacked me, I became afraid of him like never before. Not of what he would do to me—I knew deep down Grizz would never hurt me. But I was very afraid of what Grizz was capable of doing to others.
It turned out it was very much a personal attack. The guy’s name was Darryl Hines. He was in love with a blonde hooker in Miami.
A blonde hooker named Willow.
Darryl Hines had heard so much from Willow about how Grizz had cast her out of the gang years earlier because of me. So he decided to do something about it. Darryl was crazy about Willow and wanted to show his love for her.
It was by pure coincidence that he picked a night to come to the motel when I was most vulnerable. He was high on drugs and wasn’t even sure if I would be in the room when he burst in. He had to know that if he came in and Grizz was there, he would have met certain death. But that night he was so high he just didn’t care. He took a chance and it paid off for him.
Well, it wasn’t paying off now.
I believed Darryl Hines needed to pay for what he did to me. But I will never be able to accept how Grizz dealt with him.
The day they brought him to the motel, I identified his voice immediately. It was a voice I’d never forget. I stayed in number four while Grizz marched him out to the pit. Chowder told me how he was kneeling in the pit and crying. He confessed to everything. He was more upset that Willow had dumped him after he told her what he did. She had used him to take vengeance on me, and once he accomplished that, she had no further use for him.
“Seems to me you should be more worried about what I’m going to do to you,” Grizz told him.
Darryl was sobbing. “You can’t do nothing to me that won’t hurt more than what Willow did.”
“We’ll see about that.”
It was July in South Florida. It was unbearably hot. That night, Grizz drove me over to Naples on the west coast. He set me up in an expensive hotel on the beach. He told me he was going to be dealing with Darryl and he didn’t want me around. He said I should relax and enjoy myself, not to worry. Like that was going to happen. He left me with a lot of cash and he returned to the motel.
Chicky showed up after two days and spent a day with me. I’d never really let myself get to know Chicky, and it was nice talking to her. We spent the day at an isolated spot on the beach. She told me about herself.
Chicky was forty-six years old. I was shocked. I thought she was much younger. Most of the women looked hardened and old from the drugs and the gang life. Not her. She told me she’d been with the gang for only a couple of years before I came along.
“Yes,” she answered without me having to ask. “I was in love with Grizz, too. Who wasn’t?”
Then she laughed and waved it off like it was nothing. She told me she had been waiting tables at a local bar popular for its hot wings. Grizz had approached her and asked her to work for him. She said she’d been a stripper in her younger years, so bartending topless wasn’t a stretch, and the money was great. Besides, she had a daughter to feed and put through school.
That shocked me. Her daughter was a senior in college. Chicky knew she surprised me.
“Just because I’ve lived hard and haven’t always made the right decisions doesn’t mean I don’t want better for my girl.”
I wiggled my toes in the sand. “How do you handle it, Chicky? How do you handle the awful stuff you’ve seen at the motel and other places?”
“Just do. As far as I can tell, I ain’t done nothing bad to nobody. Unless loving somebody is a bad thing.”
I looked over at her. Before I could voice it, she said, “No, not Grizz, honey. I stay around hoping Fess might take notice of me one day. I know he had eyes for Moe, but I think I could be real good with Fess.”
I smiled. “Yes, I think you could too, Chicky.” We both lay back in our beach chairs and closed our eyes.
After a minute, she said, “He really is in love with you, you know? Grizz. I’ve seen him with all kinds of women.” She stopped then and said, “Sorry, don’t mean it like that. Just that he could pretty much have any woman he wanted and he did, until you came along. I ain’t never seen nothing like it. A lot of the men put their women to work, share ’em with other guys. It’s a normal thing. But not where you’re concerned.”
I leaned up on my elbows and looked over at her. “Chicky, I love Grizz with all my heart. I really do. But you know, I don’t go to all the biker rallies and different meetings with him. He could be with anyone and I’d never know.”
“Yeah, except he isn’t.” She sat up and looked at me. “I’ve been to some of those rallies. Those meetings. I’ve seen women take their clothes off and stick their stuff in his face. He just pushes ’em away.”
“Really?” I was surprised. It was something I’d not let myself think too much about.
But now that I let myself think about it, I avoided the pit as often as possible for a few key reasons, one being the dirty looks I got from the other women. They were never mean or disrespectful to me. Grizz wouldn’t have allowed it. But I caught the occasional nasty glance. Was that because Grizz was loyal to me? I was a little shocked.
Then I remembered the night I caught him with Willow.
The words tumbled out before I could stop them. “I was pretty sure after I walked in on him and Willow that time that he did as he pleased, regardless of me.”
“Oh, I remember that night,” Chicky sighed. “You went to Grunt’s room to listen to records. Yep. I remember it well. He did it on purpose to make you jealous.”
This got my attention. “How could he have done it on purpose? The timing had to be exactly right for me to catch him.”
“He just gave Grunt the signal that he wanted to know a few minutes before you were leaving his room.”
“What?” I sat straight up in my beach chair.
“It’s a signal system they set up.” Chicky sat up, too, waved her hand absently. “I’m surprised you don’t know about it. They’d been using it awhile. Now that I think on it, haven’t seen him do it since then, but it was a regular thing.”
“What kind of system? For what purpose?”
“A while back, when someone would come to the motel that wasn’t familiar or known to be trusted, they’d be taken into one of the rooms and shown some hospitality, if you know what I mean. This would give the gang a chance to check them out. Go through their car or saddlebags if they were riding. Whoever was inside knew to flick the outside light twice to signal that the person was going to leave in a minute or two. That’s what Grunt did right before you left. Flicked his porch light. You should’ve seen Grizz drag Willow like a bat out of hell to your room.”
“Grunt was in on it?”
“Nah, he just saw Grizz give him the signal that, for whatever reason, meant Grizz wanted to know when you were gonna be leaving Grunt’s room. The kid didn’t know why.”
I laughed. I laughed hard. Grizz had been trying to make me jealous? Well, now that I think about it, it worked. As a matter of fact, if I’d peeked through the crack between the curtain and the window of number four instead of running back to Grunt’s room, I bet I would have seen Grizz shove Willow away from him, pull up his pants and tell her to get her ass out of his room.
All with a big, gigantic smile on his face.
I lay back on my beach chair. “Thanks, Chicky. Thanks for telling me.”
A day or so after Chicky left, I was visited by Anthony Bear and his woman, Christy. Anthony was a friend of Grizz’s. He was the equivalent of Grizz, the leader of his own motorcycle gang, but on the Florida west coast.
I remember the first night I’d met Anthony. It was a year or two earlier, on one of our church trips to the west coast. We’d made a stop before getting on Alligator Alley to go home. I’m sure my mouth hung open as I gaped at one of the most handsome men I’d ever laid eyes on. Grizz was big and definitely handsome, in a rugged way. But where Grizz had light eyes and hair, Anthony was dark. He was a Native American and had chiseled, exotic good looks. He was living proof of that old saying—tall, dark and handsome. Black eyes, black hair and, on at least one occasion that I’d witnessed, black mood. He was bigger than Grizz, at least six foot six, muscular and tattooed. And he wore a single braid down his back that reached his waist.
Christy was a short, tanned, natural blonde with chin-length straight hair and big blue eyes. She wasn’t little, but had a traditional hourglass figure, filled out in all the right places. She’d been abducted, like me. I hadn’t met her until more recently, and when I did meet her she made it obvious she wasn’t happy with her situation. She’d even tried to convince me to help her escape.
The three of us spent a nice day together, relaxing on the beach. It was now the end of the day and we were back in my hotel room. Christy was using the bathroom.
“I’m sorry I haven’t let her come see you on her own. Things are still a little unsettled. I guess I’m still not completely comfortable letting her out of my sight,” Anthony said quietly.
“You don’t need to apologize. I understand. I remember how it was for me and Grizz in the beginning. I’m just glad I got to see you both today,” I answered.
“You’re happy with him? You don’t ever want to leave him?” he asked.
“I love Grizz. I don’t love what he does. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I fantasize about a future with him away from this lifestyle.”
He looked at the ground. “I’d give it up for her. I’ve tried to tell her that. I don’t know if she believes me.”
Wow, I thought to myself. This was an admission I didn’t expect, especially from Anthony. If I was going to be honest, I think I may have been a little jealous of his last statement.
“Has she tried to leave recently?”
“No, not for a few months. I don’t know if it’s because she’s finally happy with me or if she’s waiting for me to let my guard down.”
I reflected back on the last several hours. If Christy was planning to escape from Anthony, it wasn’t obvious to me. She came out of the bathroom just then and caught me in a hug that lasted longer than I expected. She didn’t say goodbye. She just looked up at Anthony, and he took her by the hand and led her out of the hotel room door. I shut it quietly behind them. I was sad to see them leave.
I walked over to my balcony and looked down at the beach. It wasn’t long before I noticed movement to my left and realized Anthony’s motorcycle was parked up on the small sidewalk. Before getting on, Anthony turned around to face Christy. He took her face in his hands and bent over to gently kiss her on the lips. It was a tender moment, and I almost felt guilty for witnessing it.
She’ll be fine. And I went back inside and closed the balcony door behind me.
Grizz called me every morning and every night, and after a week I started to get a really uncomfortable feeling. I had no doubt he was going to kill Darryl, but wouldn’t he have done it by now? And again, why wasn’t I calling the police? What was wrong with me?
I couldn’t fathom my own heart.
* * * * *
After eight days, Grizz showed up and took me back to the motel. Darryl wasn’t there, and everything seemed back to normal. I was certain Darryl was dead, but I didn’t know any details. I didn’t know if I wanted to know any details.
Eventually, Grunt told me some things. I wish he hadn’t. It was my own fault—I asked him. He wasn’t there the whole time, but he knew enough.
While Grizz was setting me up in a fancy hotel in Naples, his guys were looking for Willow. They found her and brought her back to the motel. When Grizz got back he immediately ordered his guys to relieve Willow and Darryl of all their clothes. He then had them walked over to the empty cement pool. He told them to walk down the steps into the pool and stay there.
And that’s just what they did. They were trapped in the cement pool with no food or water and open to the elements for days. Hot, scorching days in July with no breeze or shelter. Their skin was soon pink and blistered. The nights were cooler, but that’s when they were exposed to mosquitos and other bugs.
As if this wasn’t bad enough, Grizz had two poisonous coral snakes tossed in there with them. The snakes were always seeking shade during the day so Willow and Darryl could barely keep still if the sun was out. The snakes were always trying to work their way under their wilting bodies looking for relief from the sun.
To make matters worse, Grizz taunted them. Not with words, but with actions. He set Lucifer and Damien up to guard the pool steps where they might try to climb out. He put an umbrella up for his dogs and had Chowder run an extension cord out to a couple of fans so that the dogs would stay cool. He made sure they had big bowls of water that were just out of Willow and Darryl’s reach. If Willow or Darryl tried to get out of the pool, Damien and Lucifer were ordered to attack. That was their choice. Be mauled to death by dogs or die from exposure.
Instead of sitting around the pit at night, Grizz used them for entertainment. Whoever came to the motel would sit around the pool instead of the pit and mock the prisoners. Grizz was never there, though. They were allowed to do whatever they wanted to Willow or Darryl as long as they didn’t help them or kill them. Needless to say, some of the younger, newer members of Grizz’s group really enjoyed this. They tossed heavy rocks, firecrackers and lit cigarettes at them. The one night Grunt was there, some of the guys were spitting at them. They were so thirsty, they were trying to drink the spit. Grunt had seen enough and left.
Willow died first. Then Darryl. They were slow, agonizing deaths that took days and were slightly prolonged by a couple of afternoon rain showers. The little bit of water they got just made their deaths drag out longer. Grizz had his guys toss them in the swamp and there was never any proof that either person had ever existed.
I listened in disbelief as Grunt told me what happened. He was only there one time and couldn’t stand it himself. Chowder told him the rest. As much as Chowder hated what Darryl had done, the wizened gang member still thought it was too much retaliation. Even for Grizz.
Froggy couldn’t bring himself to be there are at all.
I felt sick. Empty.
Where was I to go from here? I was now nineteen years old. I would be twenty in six months. I still didn’t have a plan for my life. I had not witnessed what happened to Darryl and Willow, but it haunted me. I would catch myself staring at Grizz and wondering who is this person that knows such evil? It didn’t help that he did what he did in retaliation for what was done to me and Gwinny.
But as much as I wanted to, or told myself I wanted to, I didn’t make any attempt at change. I was in love with Grizz. I hated what he did, but I loved him.
Unfortunately, my love for him was causing me to hate myself.