I’d gotten over my period a few days after I arrived, and a week or so after that Grizz still hadn’t tried anything sexual with me. Willow continued to hate me, but from a distance. By the end of the first week I’d even started sleeping through the night. Before that, I’d had a hard time falling asleep and would wake up all night long.
I worried Grizz was going to try something with me, but he never did. I figured after I started sleeping through the night that he was getting up while I was asleep and going to one of the other women’s rooms. Good. I hoped that’s what he was doing. I sure didn’t want him to take out his pent-up desires on me.
I’d also managed to nurse Gwinny back to health. It wasn’t hard. The only remnant from that awful night was a nasty blister that had since formed a scab. She was a lively little thing and showed no fear even after the abuse Monster inflicted on her. I was still a prisoner, but allowed to roam the motel freely and without Grizz. He wasn’t always with me like in the beginning. I obviously wasn’t going anywhere.
Magically, everything I needed was provided for me, including a year’s supply of birth control pills. In my mind I tried to deny it was an indication of how long I could be there; regardless, I still didn’t know for what purpose. Would they farm me out as a prostitute? Would I work at a topless bar like Chicky and Willow?
I didn’t know then how Grizz acquired everything. Slowly, items would just show up outside his room. The day after I got Gwinny, I found a litter box, food and a cat toy outside the door. I kept the kitten inside with me and made sure the litter box was cleaned as soon as she used it. I didn’t want to give Grizz any reason to take her away from me.
Another day, five pairs of new underwear, a toothbrush, a sweatshirt and a pair of sneakers showed up—all in my size. Up until then, I’d been hand washing the same pair of panties and letting them dry overnight. I would sleep in one of Grizz’s T-shirts and my jeans, which I hadn’t washed, and I usually started my days wearing damp but clean underwear.
Another day brought with it new jeans, a couple nightgowns and shorts. Within the month I had a complete wardrobe. It was nice, stylish stuff, too, with the store tags still attached. Almost everything fit perfectly. I wondered if it was bought or stolen. I never asked, but I’m pretty certain it was Chicky and Moe who got everything for me. If it was up to Willow I had no doubt I would have spent my days in a used burlap sack.
I knew for certain Moe got my pills. Moe had a friend who worked for a gynecologist, and this friend had a serious drug habit. Since Grizz made sure all the girls stayed on birth control, Moe would take her friend her drug of choice, and her friend would supply the group with pills from the stash of free samples they got regularly at the doctor’s office.
My days were routine and I was bored to tears. Strangely, though, I was no longer frightened. I don’t know why. I should’ve been. But I wasn’t required to work at the topless bar like the other girls. I wasn’t required to have sex with the guys. I wasn’t asked to cook, clean or do laundry. But I had to do something to keep myself from going crazy. I’d done chores in my own home. I decided to try to do some here just to keep busy.
That was how I learned that Damien and Lucifer were my jailers. As if the death threat to Delia and Vince hadn’t been enough. Up until that point, the dogs had left my kitten alone. They were allowed in Grizz’s room whenever they wanted. They were extremely well trained dogs and never got on the furniture. They slept on dog beds on the floor. They ate their dinner, went to the woodsy area beyond the motel to relieve themselves and pretty much came and went as they pleased.
One day I decided to mop the floor in number four. When I was finished I carried the bucket of dirty water outside, but I didn’t want to dump it where someone might walk and track it back in. So I headed for the edge of the motel grounds near the woods.
As I got closer I noticed that bordering the property was what looked like a swamp. I’d forgotten I was in the Everglades. Wait. Weren’t there alligators in the swamp? Before I could ponder that question, I’d reached the edge of the motel lawn and was lifting the bucket to pour it out. Suddenly, both dogs were there—one behind me and one to my left. I held the bucket in midair as they both got into attack stance and growled. I froze.
Oh, my gosh. They thought I was trying to leave and they were stopping me. I couldn’t believe it. How did they know to stop me there? I’d seen some of the guys go right to the edge of the lawn to pee, and the dogs never went after them.
I stood there, paralyzed with fear. Then I heard Grizz whistle to them and shout a command as he walked toward me. The dogs trotted off, happily wagging their stubby tails like they were little pups. When Grizz got to me, he took the bucket and poured it out.
“I wasn’t leaving, you know.”
“Didn’t think you were. But they did.”
“Your dogs are trained to attack me if I try to leave?”
“Not attack you. Just stop you. But see, you were smart enough to stop. Just keep stopping and it won’t be a problem.” His tone was matter of fact.
“You would want them to hurt me?”
“No, I don’t want them to hurt you, and they wouldn’t have attacked. They would’ve stopped you.”
“By attacking me?” My voice started rising, and I couldn’t control it. I realized my feelings were actually hurt. I thought Damien and Lucifer had warmed up to me. They certainly had warmed up to Gwinny, letting her swat at them and chew on the nubs of their tails. Sometimes she would even try to chew on their ears while they slept. They never flinched.
“Kit, quit overreacting. They’re also your protectors. If anyone ever so much as lifts a hand to you, they’ll kill ’em.”
“Really? They would do that?”
“Yeah. If they’d been there that night when that scumbag tried to rape you in your parents’ house, they would’ve ripped his balls off.”
My head snapped up to meet his eyes. I could see by his expression he hadn’t meant to say it.
“That was over a year ago,” I said, my heart thudding. “How did you know that? Grizz, how did you know about that guy?”
He started walking back toward the motel. I was carrying the empty bucket and trying to keep up with him. I continued to fire questions at him about how he could possibly have known about that incident. He didn’t answer. He just kept walking.
I followed him inside number four, and when I shut the door behind us, I quietly said, “Please. Please tell me.”
Grizz spun around then and stared at me, like he was trying to decide whether to tell me. We hadn’t had many conversations up until then. He didn’t talk much, and I couldn’t tell if he was going to say anything at all. The seconds ticked by. Finally, he gestured toward the couch. I sat down and put my hands in my lap. Gwinny jumped up on my shoulder and started playing with my hair. I barely noticed.
I couldn’t believe what came next.
Monster’s random abduction of me was not random at all, I learned. It was a direct order from Grizz. As far as the rest of the group knew, I was a “thank-you gift,” like Monster said.
It all started in October 1973. I was thirteen. Grizz was in my neighborhood when he saw me get off the school bus. I was in eighth grade, and the bus dropped me almost at my door.
He explained how he’d been sitting in Guido’s driveway when I passed him, walked up to my porch and let myself in the house. (Guido? He knew Guido?)
Guido’s real name was Tony Bono, and he worked for Grizz. Something with drugs. Grizz saw me and instantly wanted me. He didn’t know I was only thirteen, but when Guido told him my age, he decided on a plan. Guido was to watch me and report anything strange or unusual. It was an order, and Guido was only too happy to cooperate. He reported the Johnny Tillman incident, plus many other details about my life and my family.
As I listened, something else occurred to me.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” I asked, realization dawning. “You were the reason Matthew broke off our friendship.”
Grizz clenched his jaw, not looking at me. “He was becoming too interested in you. Have you been with him? That kid. Did you do anything with him?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. We never got beyond the kiss on my porch.”
“Good thing for him.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I told him if I ever found out he touched you, I would go back and cut his balls off.”
“Why would you do that?” My cheeks were hot. “He wouldn’t have defied you. He immediately ended our friendship. So why did you still have Monster take me?”
“I couldn’t risk you being with someone else. You look a lot older than fifteen. I couldn’t chance it.”
Matthew would tell me many years later that he regretted never speaking up when I disappeared. He was certain he knew who was responsible. He apologized for not going to the police to tell them about Grizz. He said he was just a kid and he really believed the guy would come back and hurt him. I told him not to feel guilty, and I meant it.
He was right to be scared. Grizz would have gone back for him.
Now my head was spinning. I was actually dizzy from racing thoughts. Mine wasn’t an arbitrary kidnapping. It was a well-planned and carefully executed one. He then explained how my guitar got to the motel. It hurt so much to hear that Guido paid five dollars for it at one of Delia’s many garage sales—that particular sale being held shortly after my disappearance.
“So that first night when you looked at my license and laughed at my name, it was an act. You already knew my name.” It wasn’t a question.
“It wasn’t an act. I didn’t know about the ‘Love’ part.”
I now had no doubt that it was my image on their gang logo. He’d long been obsessed with me. I think I was more frightened at that realization than when I first figured out I’d been abducted.
Grizz went on to explain that after seeing me the first time he knew he would come back for me one day. That I would be his. He admitted that even with Guido keeping an eye on things, he would personally check on me once in awhile. He’d even been at Smitty’s when I was there. He’d quietly observed me for almost two years. But he insisted he was no child molester or pervert and that he’d been waiting for me to get older.
I stopped him. “But I’m still only fifteen.”
“You’re old enough. And I’m tired of waiting.”
My head swam and I fought to keep tears at bay. “So what is my purpose for being here? Am I going to work like the other girls? How do you expect me to earn my keep? What’s going to happen to me when you get tired of me?”
Grizz eyes turned very serious. “You will never work. You will earn your keep by staying with me. And no man, I mean no man, will ever touch you. No man but me.”
So there it was: He was going to rape me. Why hadn’t he?
Before I could ask, he added, “The last man who tried to touch you paid for it. So will anyone else who comes near you.”
“The last man?” I asked. “Not Matthew, right? Please tell me you didn’t hurt Matthew.”
“The kid? Nah, I didn’t hurt him. The guy that tried to rape you.”
“Johnny Tillman?”
“Yeah, Johnny Tillman.”
“He knew my stepdad from Smitty’s. We called the police and my parents were gonna press charges, but he skipped town so fast that the police never even got to arrest him. Found his truck in front of a supermarket. Figured he hitched a ride out of town.”
The part I left out was that I felt the only reason Vince and Delia called the cops was because they were worried Tillman was going after Delia’s pot stash. Of course they didn’t tell the police that part. They just wanted him arrested so they didn’t have to worry about him showing up again. I think there was some sincere concern on their part about him trying to hurt me, but Delia’s pot stash was what they were really worried about.
Grizz looked at me then, and I read something in his expression. I knew immediately.
“He didn’t skip town, did he? Did you beat him up and chase him off? Is that what happened to him?” Shock filled me.
“No, I didn’t chase him off, but I did beat him up, and when I was done with him, he was begging for me to put him out of his misery.”
“Okay, so where is he?”
“I don’t know where he is, but I can tell you where he was.”
I rolled my eyes. “All right, so where was he?”
“About three feet from where you were tossing your dirty water.”