Grizz was ready to sleep with me. The problem was he didn’t want to force himself on me. He didn’t want to be the one to cause that initial hurt. I was going to be his, and he didn’t want every time he had sex with me to be a reminder that he’d taken my virginity. So he ordered Grunt to do it.
How he ordered Grunt to do it sickened me, but more than that, I was baffled by it. It would take me awhile to discover the reasoning behind Grizz’s strange request. But as time passed, it would make more sense.
Earlier that day, he’d called Grunt into number four. I don’t know where I was. Probably outside with Gwinny. He told Grunt to bring me into his room that night and slip me some kind of drug to make me pass out, and to take my virginity. But not with his body. He handed some kind of billy-club to Grunt and told him to cover it with some lotion or something and take care of it. He wanted me to be asleep. He didn’t want me to remember it.
Looking back now, it makes sense that Grizz didn’t ask one of the girls to do it. He didn’t want them to know he hadn’t been sleeping with me. As for the comment that no man would ever touch me, he wasn’t thinking of Grunt as a man. Grunt had been there since he was ten. Grizz just didn’t notice that he had grown into a healthy, virile, sixteen year old. He didn’t see Grunt as a threat. As to why Grizz didn’t do it himself, it was simple. He couldn’t bear to hurt me.
So I was there to be drugged and raped by someone I thought was my new friend.
I was getting drowsy. Grunt had offered me a soda earlier and I’d been drinking it as we talked and listened to his records. I didn’t recognize the drowsiness for what it was and stood up and told him I had to go back to number four. I was getting really sleepy.
He stood up and gently grabbed my arm. “Don’t leave yet, Kit. Stay here with me.”
“Why? I don’t think Grizz would like me to take a nap in your room, Grunt.”
He looked uncomfortable then, and I immediately sensed something was up, but I never imagined how deplorable it was.
“Please just sit down. Actually, lay down. You can fall asleep here. It’ll be okay. I promise.”
My senses were on alert and adrenaline kicked in, temporarily killing the buzz.
“What is this? Tell me what’s going on, Grunt. You have to tell me. Oh!” My mind went into overdrive, and I started to panic. “You’re going to kill me in my sleep, aren’t you? He’s decided he doesn’t want me, and he can’t let me leave. I’m going to die tonight, aren’t I?”
“Kit, I’m not going to kill you. Grizz doesn’t want you dead. I want you to sleep because I don’t want you to have an awful memory. Please don’t ask me anymore, just sleep. Trust me. You’re not going to die.” Grunt fisted his hands. “Fuck! I wish he’d handle this himself.”
“Handle what?” I blinked my eyes open, willing myself to stay coherent. “And no, I’m not laying down. Not until you tell me. I’m going to make myself stay awake. You put something in my drink, didn’t you? Well, I didn’t finish it and I’m not going to. You have to tell me.”
He sighed and walked over to his dresser. He pulled out the bottom drawer and removed what looked like some kind of stick. He told me it was an old billy-club. It was on the smallish side and had a strap at one end so it could be held on one’s wrist.
“You’re going to beat me with that stick?” If he was going to kill me it would take a lot of blows. I felt nausea rising in my stomach.
“No Kit. Grizz wants you to lose your virginity tonight. He didn’t want to do it. He told me to do it. With this.” He looked down at what he was holding. His face was flushed.
“And you have to do everything he tells you?” My voice rose.
“What do you think? If you’d just fallen asleep you would’ve woken up a little sore. I would have done my best not to hurt you.”
I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the floor. He just stood in front of the dresser still holding the offensive object. I wasn’t going to be able to stay awake forever. I had to make a decision.
“You do it.” I said to him. “You personally, not with the stick. Please, Grunt. I can’t lose my virginity to something so vile. You do it.”
“He would kill us both if he knew.”
“He’ll never hear it from me. I swear. Please, I can’t stand the thought of you sticking that in me. It’s awful. Please. We’ll never talk about it again after tonight. Please, Grunt.”
He didn’t say anything, so I added, “I’m on birth control so I won’t get pregnant. He’ll never have to know.”
Well, this was certainly something I never expected. Here I was begging to be raped. I still can’t get over the irony of how that happened, but it did.
He walked over to me then, and I stood up. Then he did something I never expected. He hugged me. He held me close to him for almost a full minute. I was shaky on my feet, and he eventually let go.
I started to undo my jeans and he undid his. I laid back on the bed and struggled to pull my pants off. The adrenaline was wearing off, and I was starting to get drowsy again. He helped me pull my jeans and panties down. I knew he took his off too, but I didn’t look. He reached for some hand cream that was on his nightstand and coated himself with it. Again, I didn’t look, but I could tell by his movements.
He was on top of me now and gently spread my legs with his knee. I just looked at him. We made eye contact then, and I said, “Can you call me by my name, just once? Can you call me Ginny?”
“I’ll try not to hurt you,” and then after a pause, he softly whispered, “Ginny.”
“Please. Please tell me your name. I’ll never tell. I swear,” I pleaded.
“I can’t do that. You know that. You shouldn’t have even told me your name.”
I was starting to pass out now. I could feel him slowly entering me. I closed my eyes. I opened them as he entered me fully. I registered some discomfort, a burning sensation, but no real pain.
I was starting to go under again. I quickly opened my eyes in an attempt to stay awake. But to no avail. They were slowly closing. As they were closing for the last time and I was losing consciousness, I was certain I saw tears in his eyes.
And I heard him say, “Tommy. My name is Tommy.”