Chapter Four
I woke in the morning after having one of the best night’s sleep I’d had in years. I had laid awake for ages with my back to him, listening to him flipping the pages of the book. But the thing that I remembered most about last night was the moment I realised he’d fallen asleep. Ashton Taylor, easily the most handsome man I had seen in a long time, snored. And not just a little, quiet snore either; it was a loud chainsaw-type sound. For a long time I’d laid there, giggling to myself, as I watched him with his head propped against his hand, his legs folded under him and the book abandoned on his lap. It was actually a cute sight. I’d eventually fallen asleep too, still hearing the sound of his snores even in my dreams. It was nice actually because it was like they’d stopped me from going into a deep sleep. I hadn’t had any more nightmares last night, just like he’d hoped.
I sighed contentedly and looked over at him still slumped in the same position. He would probably suffer for the awkward position all day long. I smiled weakly and pulled the sheets up around my shoulders as he stirred too, wincing as he moved and blinked a couple of times.
“Hi,” I greeted, unsure what I was supposed to say. This was a first for me.
“Morning,” he yawned, sitting forward and arching his back, letting out a little groan. “You sleep okay?”
I smiled and nodded, wondering if I should tease him for snoring so loud. I decided against it, after all, he had attempted to stay awake all night so I could sleep. It wasn’t my place to make fun of him after he’d forgone his bed for me. “Actually, yeah I did. Thanks,” I answered sheepishly.
He grinned triumphantly, swinging his legs off the chair and standing up, stretching. Without my permission, my eyes instantly raked down his body, taking in every inch of his perfection from his tanned skin, his chiselled abs and the little V-line that disappeared down into his underwear. I gulped and closed my eyes quickly before he caught me watching him.
“You think I could maybe borrow this so I can read the end?” he asked.
I opened my eyes to see him awkwardly holding up my book. I smiled and nodded, noting his obvious embarrassment that he was enjoying a book aimed predominantly at teenage girls. “No need to be embarrassed, you can’t beat a good vampire novel. I’ve got the other three as well if you want them.”
He laughed and shrugged. “I’m not embarrassed; I’m just waiting for the teasing to start because I read a chick book.”
“Chick book,” I laughed at his derogatory choice of words, sitting up and shaking my head.
He smiled and nodded back towards the door. “I’m gonna go grab a shower.” When he bent down to retrieve his gun and knife from the floor, my eyes sneakily dropped down to his behind. I arched one eyebrow in appreciation. The back view was actually just as good as the front. After collecting his weapons, he strutted across the room, pulling open the door. Before he could leave I called his name, making him turn to look at me expectantly.
“Thank you for last night. That was nice of you,” I admitted. The words were hard to say. I wasn’t used to being nice to people lately so I was kind of unsure how to do it.
His lips curved into a beautiful smile. “Anytime.”
As he closed the door behind him, I pushed myself out of the bed, deciding that I would take a shower too.
After, I didn’t bother drying my hair or putting on make-up – I never did. I threw on a pair of loose combat-style jeans and a black tank top with a black, baggy sweatshirt over the top, and then headed downstairs for breakfast.
As I walked into the kitchen, I saw Ashton sitting at the breakfast bar with a huge stack of pancakes in front of him. The kitchen staff were falling all over him. Sarah, the waitress, was flirting with him shamelessly, her cleavage almost popping out of her shirt that was never normally undone like that.
My stomach was already full of anguish over what was going to happen this morning, so instead of eating a proper breakfast, I just grabbed a banana, ignoring how Mary, the chef, frowned disapprovingly.
Ashton turned and smiled at me. This earned me a nasty look from Sarah because she’d lost his attention. While I poured a glass of orange juice, she stepped closer to him, pulling her shoulders back to make her breasts look like they were about to pop out of her shirt. “So, Ashton, I have a few hours off today, would you like to do something?” she asked, raising one eyebrow in a silent offer of nakedness, I assumed.
A frown lined his forehead as he shook his head. “Actually I was hoping that Anna would want to hang out with me today,” he replied, turning to me.
The banana seemed to get stuck in my throat. “I’m busy today.” I had things I needed to do.
One of his eyebrows rose in question. “Oh really, what are you doing?”
I swallowed loudly. This was why I didn’t like having guards; they were always trying to get into things that had nothing to do with them. “I’ve got things to do. It’s not really any of your business,” I replied rudely, downing the last of my juice before tossing the banana skin into the trash can and storming out of the room before he could question me further.
Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I strutted out of the front door and over to my car. Just as I opened the door and slid in, I heard him shout, “Hey! Where the hell are you going?”
I winced as I saw Ashton jog out of the house, frowning angrily in my direction. Annoyance bubbled in my stomach because I didn’t want him with me. Deciding to leave before he could insist I let him come, I threw the car into drive and shoved my foot down on the gas. Instead of watching me leave like I’d assumed he would, he jumped into the path of the car. My eyes widened in horror as I slammed my foot down on the brake and held my breath, waiting for the thud of his body to hit the car. It didn’t, instead almost as soon as the car stopped, the passenger door opened and he climbed in, still glaring at me.
“No! Get the fuck out of my car!”
“You were going to leave the estate?” he snapped incredulously.
“Yes! I’ve got things to do, and you can’t come,” I ranted, giving him my best warning glare and slamming my hand down on the steering wheel in frustration.
“Anna, you can’t just leave without me! I mean, have you even told Dean you were leaving?” he asked, running his hand through his hair.
“No. I’ll only be an hour or so. Just get out, Agent Taylor,” I spat nastily.
“No. For Christ’s sake, you can’t just leave without me!” he growled, shaking his head fiercely.
I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself as I realised I wasn’t going to win this argument. “Fine.”
I put the car back into drive and sped out of the driveway. I smirked as he quickly snapped on his seatbelt and gripped the door handle so tightly that his knuckles went white. I sped down the narrow lanes that I knew like the back of my hand until I got to the small row of shops that constituted Main Street. Taking the last space available, I turned to look at Ashton. I smiled wickedly at his tense jaw and straight back. That’ll teach you for not getting out of my car!
“I’m just going to jump out, why don’t you wait here for me?” I teased, knowing he’d follow me regardless of what I’d said. I leant into the back and snagged my purse before climbing out of the car and heading into the florist. While I purchased a bunch of daisies, Ashton hovered behind me, silently looking around the empty store as if some knife-wielding madman was going to jump out and butcher me.
When we finally made our way back to the car, he winced. “Can I drive?” The hopefulness to his voice was unmistakable.
I raised one eyebrow and shook my head in answer, smirking at him. Maybe next time you’ll learn and just stay at home. He groaned, and I noticed with some measure of satisfaction that he fastened his seatbelt as soon as he was in his seat before gripping the door handle tightly again.
A small smile graced my lips as my foot pressed down onto the accelerator and the car lurched along the road. Dodging and overtaking cars that were in my way, I finally arrived at my destination. Ashton glanced at me quickly as I pulled into the parking lot of the cemetery. Understanding and sorrow crossed his face, and I tightened my hands around the steering wheel until my skin pinched and started to burn.
“Is there anything I can say or do to make you wait here for me?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want him here. I needed privacy for this.
He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m sorry, Anna, but I can’t.”
My heart sank. I took a shaky breath to try and calm myself and then nodded, grabbed the flowers from the backseat and walked off without waiting for him. I could hear him a few steps behind, but he didn’t try to catch up with me. As I walked the familiar path to Jack’s grave, I stopped to collect any dandelions that I saw on the way. Finally, I reached it.
JACKSON IAN ROBERTS
January 19, 1992 - March 12, 2008
Beloved son, brother, and friend
Taken from us too soon. We will miss you
Sleep tight.
I ran my fingers over the letters of his name before collecting the wilted flowers and sweeping the fallen leaves from his grave. I put the daisies on the grass and sprinkled the dandelions over the top of the marble headstone before sitting down.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Hey, Jack. I just wanted to come and say hi and to let you know that I miss you, even though you probably know that already.” I smiled weakly and ran my hand over the grass. “Not much new to tell you really…” I paused, trying to think of what had happened since I was here last. “I got my car fixed, so it’s not making that humming noise anymore. Oh, and I finally threw out my old sneakers, you know the yellow ones that you hated? Well they finally ripped and the sole came totally off, so that should make you happy,” I sighed deeply. “I got a new near guard because Agent Jenks quit last week. I told you he couldn’t handle it. He only lasted a month, the lightweight.” I chuckled wickedly. I’d known that guy wouldn’t last very long; I had seen it in his eyes.
“Er… I got a text from your mom asking me to come over for dinner sometime this week but, to be honest, I don’t think I’ll go. I hope you don’t mind, but I just can’t stand going to your house; it’s just too hard and I can’t do it anymore. I know you understand.” My teeth sank into my bottom lip as I tried not to let the sadness take over. I picked a few strands of grass to distract myself.
“Your brother’s doing well. From what I’ve heard he’s a real star on the football field, so maybe those games you two played as kids, paid off. Apparently, he’s a bit of a ladies’ man too; he’s getting himself quite the reputation for being a player.”
I looked up at the sky; it was a beautiful day, perfect, not a cloud in sight. “I got kicked out of school again,” I said quietly, a little embarrassed. “I know, I know, it’s the second one this school year and the semester only started like a month and a half ago. You’re probably up there laughing your ass off at me, but hey, whatever, right? Look to the future, that’s what you always used to say. But it’s so hard, Jack, so hard.” A tear finally escaped down my cheek. I fought hard to keep them at bay; I didn’t like to cry here, I didn’t like the thought of crying in front of him in case I made him sad.
I pinched the skin on the inside of my elbow to distract myself from the pain that was building up inside me. “So anyway, as of next week, I’m going to ASU.” That was the latest college my dad could bribe me into. “I’m really going to try there because this is the last time I can start over. If I can’t do it, then I’m just going to drop out and give up. I know we promised that we’d never give up on our dreams, but it’s just too hard for me to keep starting over and over.” I wiped my face and took a few deep breaths, pushing away the grief that was trying to pull me under. “I won’t be able to come here as much to see you because it’s a few hours away, but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you and missing you because I do that whether I’m here or not, and I know that you know that.” I smiled through my heartbreak. He had to know how much I missed him, I told him every day.
I sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the birds singing in the tree nearby. “I guess I’d better go,” I conceded, standing up. I kissed my fingertips and traced his name one more time. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, Jack, and I always will,” I vowed, wiping another tear that escaped. I needed to go before I broke down; I didn’t want him to see that. “Bye, baby.” I turned on my heel and walked away.
Ashton was leaning against a tree about ten feet away from Jack’s grave. He was close enough to have heard everything that I said, I was sure of it. His face was the mask of sympathy, but he didn’t say anything; he just walked alongside me silently.
When we got to the car, he opened the driver’s door for me. “Will you drive?” I asked quietly, holding out the keys to him.
“Sure thing,” he answered, following me around to the passenger side and opening the door for me before going back to get in his side. After a few minutes of driving in silence, he looked over at me. “You okay?”
“Yep,” I lied, trying to pretend that my heart wasn’t breaking all over again the same as it did every time I left Jack’s grave.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more privacy.”
I nodded, not wanting to talk about it. “It’s fine,” I mumbled, looking out of my window, swallowing the sobs that were fighting to break free.
His hand closed over mine in silent support. It was a small gesture and one that normally would have had me freaking out and my body in a nervous state, but actually it felt nice, comforting, reassuring, and it made me feel safe. I squeezed his hand a little as a ‘thank you’ and carried on staring out of my window at the fields and trees that whizzed past.
As soon as we pulled into the drive, I saw Dean leaning up against the porch, his arms folded over his chest and a scowl on his face. Ashton groaned. “That’s just perfect! Well, it was nice working with you, Anna,” he mumbled, shaking his head.
I scoffed. “Yeah right, you think you’ll get in trouble? Dean won’t say anything, you don’t need to worry,” I assured him, climbing out of the car.
I forced a polite smile as Dean pushed himself away from the wall, glaring at me. “Where the fuck have you been, Annabelle?” he spat.
I raised one eyebrow. “Wow, language, Agent Michaels, there are ladies present,” I joked, nodding in Ashton’s direction.
My far guard didn’t laugh. “Annabelle, how many times do I have to tell you? You can’t just leave without me. Where the hell have you been anyway?” His eyes darted around the long driveway, probably checking to see if anyone saw us.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, just chill! I came back, didn’t I? You’re just pissed because you had to cover for me again.”
His murderous glare turned in Ashton’s direction. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going? Shit, Taylor, I know you’re new to all this but I’ll give you a clue, you’re near guard, I’m far guard, we both need to guard!”
I laughed at his annoyance. Technically he should have been used to this happening by now; I snuck out at least twice a week when I was here at the lake house. “Aww, Dean, are you jealous I took him with me and not you? Are you feeling a little left out?” I teased in a singsong voice.
Ashton didn’t look amused; his eyes narrowed in a clear ‘shut the hell up’ warning. “Dean, I didn’t know we were going, I barely got in the car before she drove off,” he interjected innocently.
My far guard turned back to me. “Where did you go?”
“That’s none of your fucking business, Agent,” I retorted, now just as annoyed as he was.
“Taylor?” he prompted, looking back Ashton. I looked at my new guard pleadingly, silently begging him not to say anything. Once the guards knew I went there when I snuck out, I’d never get peace there again.
Ashton sighed. “Look, Anna would rather I not say,” he answered, sidestepping Dean and wrapping his hand around my upper arm. “We’re back now. I apologise, she apologises, let’s leave it at that. It won’t happen again,” he said sternly, giving me a gentle push in the direction of the house.
As soon as we were inside the house, I pulled my arm out of his grasp. “I didn’t apologise,” I stated sarcastically.
He laughed and nodded. “I noticed,” he replied, smiling. “So, considering as I just took one for you and kept your secret, how about you show me this lake?”
I rolled my eyes. “You haven’t seen the lake yet?” He shook his head in response. “Come with me.” I turned and stalked towards my bedroom, listening to him trudge along behind me. When I got to my room I gestured towards my window and the beautiful view of the lake that I had. “There it is, Pretty Boy.”
He laughed and rolled his eyes. “Right, well thanks, but I was thinking we could get a boat or something, maybe go for a swim? We need to get to know each other ready for next week. I know nothing about you other than what I’ve read in your file.”
My heart sank. A file? I have a file? “What kind of file?” I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
His face fell, and he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. “Er, well, you have a file that gave me all the information I need for my job. You know, like your schools, your routine. A brief overview of your character. It had some stuff about Jackson.”
I stiffened. “Jack. He liked Jack, not Jackson. He hated being called Jackson.” I frowned down at my feet.
“Right, okay. There wasn’t really that much in there about you and what you like and don’t like. If I’m gonna pretend to be your boyfriend, I figure I should at least know some stuff about you.” He bent his head, trying to catch my eye.
I gulped. He hadn’t said anything about Carter, did he know about Carter? “Did it say anything about Carter in my file?” I asked, my voice breaking when I said his name. Bile rose in my throat. I hated to talk about him, my therapist made me talk about him which wasn’t good for my whole staying emotionless plan.
He nodded. “Yeah it did,” was all he said.
The frustrated anger came out of nowhere. “Right, of course it did. I should have known, I forgot that I’m not entitled to privacy anymore,” I snapped. A tear fell down my cheek, so I swiped it away angrily. I hated the fact that everyone knew; it was no one else’s business.
“I’m sorry, Anna, I needed the information to help keep you safe.” Ashton took hold of my hand, squeezing it gently.
I snorted, wrenching my hand out of grasp. “How the hell would knowing that stuff keep me safe? That’s private stuff, no one should know about it! I don’t want anyone to know!” I shouted, making him flinch. My blood felt like it was boiling in my veins. Everyone always thought they knew what was best for me, but in reality, they all just made it ten times worse. I didn’t need their pity.
“It didn’t go into details. Just an overview,” he countered, frowning, looking a little concerned I was going to break or something.
“Oh, it didn’t go into details? You want the details, Ashton? You want me to tell you why I wake up screaming every night? Want me to tell you how I tried to kill myself by slitting my wrists and the fucker saved me just so he could live in some little, sick fantasy where we played house? You want to know that apparently he was in love with me, love at first sight he said? That’s why he killed Jack right in front of me, because he wanted me to himself! He had Jack beaten so badly that I can still hear the sounds of his bones snapping, I can still see the terrified look in his eyes just before they threw him over the fire escape,” I ranted, taking a shaky breath.
Ashton had gone pale.
“You want to know that exactly a week after my sixteenth birthday, he raped me and took my virginity? And then he raped me every day after that? You want to know that he got me pregnant and was so angry about it that he threw me down the stairs and then kicked me in the stomach repeatedly until I had a miscarriage? Huh, you want to know that? Shall I carry on?” I shouted. He flinched and shook his head; his eyes alight with both concern and horror.
I couldn’t stop, it was pouring out of me now. “Did it say in my file that I didn’t leave his house the whole time I was there? That I wasn’t allowed to eat every day, that if I said something he didn’t like or didn’t do as I was asked, that he would beat me until I blacked out?” My chin wobbled at the memories. “Did it say in the file that he tried to be the perfect boyfriend? Or that he gave me everything a girl could ask for – designer clothes, shoes, purses, flowers, chocolates? I had laptops that couldn’t go on the internet. I had the latest cell phone that could only dial his number. He even got me a puppy which he let me keep just long enough for me to fall in love with it before he drowned it in the pool for peeing on the carpet. Every night in my dreams I see him kill Jack. He was murdered because of me. Did it say any of that in my file?” I asked venomously. “Do you want to know what hurts me the most everyday? The fact that I would have gone with him willingly if he would have just let Jack go. I would go through that for the rest of my life if it meant Jack could have lived. He didn’t deserve to die, especially not because of me,” I whispered, unable to keep the tears away any longer.
“Anna, I’m so sorry,” Ashton croaked, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around me.
I sobbed uncontrollably against his chest as his arms tightened around me. I’d never told anyone that; I’d refused to give the police any details, just the basic facts. I didn’t want to press charges against him because I couldn’t talk about it; I couldn’t tell anyone what he’d done to me. And that was the first time I’d ever mentioned the fact that I’d had a miscarriage.
When I finally managed to calm myself, he pulled away and looked at me tenderly; his eyes were soft and warm and filled with compassion. “I’m sorry this happened to you, but I promise he won’t ever hurt you again,” he said fiercely, his jaw becoming tight.
I shook my head at his words. “Don’t worry, Ashton, he can’t hurt me anymore, no one can. I have nothing left to lose,” I said honestly.
This seemed to upset him, and a pained look crossed his face. “Don’t say that, I can’t hear that,” he whispered, looking at me pleadingly. I pushed him away and stalked to the bathroom, locking myself in and taking another shower to try and rid myself of the dirty feeling that always crept over me when I thought about Carter.