I had barely slept a wink since I had found out I was pregnant two days ago. In the very beginning, when I realized my period was late, I was actually afraid the doctor might tell me something along the lines of ovarian cancer or something that would indicate as to why I couldn’t conceive for so long.

When she had beamed at me, delivering the news that I was actually in the early stages of pregnancy, I had thought it a cruel joke at first. Then, when she had kept insisting that I was, I couldn’t believe it, not until she had showed me the cutest, tiniest bean sprouting slowly inside my womb.

I was pregnant. I’m actually pregnant! I was having a baby, and I was going to finally be a mom, just as I had dreamed for so long. My excitement had kept me awake most nights, weighing the options of telling Reiss himself, but I always came to the conclusion that it was best I kept this to myself in case he demanded I hand over the child, or worse yet, he actually stressed that maybe getting it terminated would be suitable for both parties since he loathed me to Hell and back.

Covering my lower stomach with both my palms, I rubbed it gently, hoping it would ease the baby’s worries away as well as mine. “I’ll protect you with my life. I promise,” I whispered softly. “Nothing will come between us. It’s you and me against the world, my love.”

Instinctively, my stomach growled, making me grin senselessly as I acknowledged it was time to eat something light. It was half past ten, and on most nights, I was on my own. Ashton visited me on a daily basis and still persisted on mending things with me. I had wanted freedom before, and after learning about the baby, I wanted it even more.

I understood Ashton’s argument, pointing out that the baby could very well heal both of us, that it was what we had been waiting for and we could still have what we had wanted from the start. To me, though, it was already too late. Nothing could patch us, even if the very thing that had drawn us apart was my drive to becoming a mother. He had let the resentment fester inside me for two years, and I simply didn’t want to harbor any ill feelings towards him any longer. I just wanted a fresh start with no one telling me what to do.

I had accepted that things with Reiss would never be; therefore, it was best not to hound him about this new development, even though it was a major development. I was convinced he’d someday appreciate this effort. Eventually, I’d come to my senses and tell him. As for this moment, I only wanted to bask in the warmth and enjoy this downpour of love I had for my unborn baby.

I still had a lot of qualms about carrying it full-term because a lot could happen during this delicate stage, but I would do anything in my power to keep it safe. After all, apart from wanting Reiss to be alive again, this was all I had ever wanted.

Drifting into the bar area, I lazily opened the fridge and took out a half pint of chocolate milk. I never could fully fathom drinking fresh milk without adding cocoa powder or strawberry syrup. I supposed, I had spent too much time as a kid wandering about the kitchen, full of curiosity, excited about the idea of anything and everything chocolate. Through the years, my mother would hire cooks that were meticulous about their pastries; thus furthering and enabling my education about its rich velvety goodness.

I was on my fourth sip of my favorite drink, reminiscing about the past as I secretly longed to have the same experience with my child, when I heard three hard, pounding knocks on the door. Since the doorbell wasn’t used, I knew this visit was more than likely personal. Could it be Ashton?

He’d been rather pushy, to a point where I found myself wanting to lessen my time around him. It bothered me a great deal that he wouldn’t agree to a divorce or let alone tell our parents we were thinking about it. Deep down, he harbored a great deal of hope in resurrecting our marriage; however I couldn’t see myself with him anymore. True, I still loved him and maybe a major part of me always would, yet living with him wasn’t very enriching nor was it a happy life. Coming out tonight wouldn’t change my mind, even if he begged me for the hundredth time.

Besides, he was due back for work, and he definitely needed to get a move on. Wasting all his time and effort trying to win me back would result in nothing. I had already made up my mind, and I was sticking to it, come Hell or high water.

Strolling towards the door as I held the bottle in my left hand, I took a dragged intake of breath as I gradually opened it just as I started saying, “Ashton, it’s late, could we please do this some other time when I have the energy to listen to—” My words became suspended mid-sentence when my gaze landed on greens and not the usual blues I was so accustomed to.

“Ava,” he aloofly greeted me. “I believe you and I have something to discuss.”

Bastard, I silently cursed as different thoughts ran through my head. Was he here because he wanted to see me? Or … was he here because he somehow found out about this little bean I had been trying to hide from him?

Taking his cue, I decided to act vague, hoping this would make him go away. “I wasn’t aware that you and I have something to discuss, Reiss.” I paused, feigning innocence. “Unless, of course, you’ve changed your mind about not wanting to do anything that had me included.”

“Don’t take me for a fool!” he spat out before he stepped into my comfort zone, letting himself inside the room without asking permission. I could smell traces of alcohol on his breath as he passed, making me all the more aware that he was under a lot of strain. Whatever this was about, he was troubled by it.

Closing the door, my heart thudded rapidly as I watched him pace around, stopping at the dining table before he decided to pull out a chair. He sat and stared blankly at the opposing wall, appearing as if he was studying the painting.

“Your husband came to see me today with a contract stating I’d be willing to revoke all my rights to my child.”

Damn and blast. I knew Ashton couldn’t be trusted with such a bombshell of a secret. He was bound to do something drastic, and idiot me had thought I could trust him about something that meant so much to me. Bugger.

“I wasn’t aware of this. He never told me about it.”

“Of course he didn’t.” He looked lost, causing me to feel this heavy ache deep inside because I wanted nothing more than to comfort him. However, I knew it would be unappreciated; therefore, I remained where I was, openly staring at him. “I want a part of this child, Ava, make no mistake of that. So, whatever you have under your sleeve, mark my words, I’ll fight you until I have nothing left in me. This is my child as much as yours.”

What did he intend to do? I wasn’t planning on restricting any of his parental rights. I wasn’t some vindictive bitch who would do that to my baby’s father just because he didn’t want me. I didn’t want to be like my mother. I would rather keel over and die than be like her.

“You must understand, I did intend for you to know. I wasn’t sure when the right time was, but I promise you, I had every intention of telling you. I admit that a lot of foolish thoughts have graced my imagination, which resulted in me postponing the intended visit to inform you. You must know, after what I’ve gone through, I’m still having a tough time accepting it. It’s been surreal—a dream come true—and I just wanted more time to myself before the rest of my friends and family finds out because, once they do, my life will be chaotic, and I need to save as much energy and positivity as possible before facing any of them.”

He gave me questioning look. “How do we do this, Ava? I don’t know much about babies, let alone raising one. The thought alone brings a lot of doubts. I fear I might not be a good father since I don’t have any bloody clue where to even begin with this. I thought I’d choose someone to marry that would fit to be the mother of my children, then we’d raise them together. Never once did I consider that things might turn out differently than planned.” He shook his head, evoking a dry laugh. “I suppose I should’ve known that, wherever you’re concerned, I could never expect what comes next.”

His speech hadn’t meant to hurt, but it had all the same. When would I ever stop hurting because of him?

“I know the situation isn’t the most ideal, but we’ll cope. We can make it work as long as we’re on the same page. I guess we’ll learn … together.” I hadn’t meant for it to sound as if I wanted us to try to be a couple; as a result, I felt obliged to add, “If you’re willing to work with me, that is, then you have nothing to fear.”

He remained silent, tormented by his own demons. Warily watching him, I gradually moved towards the sofa, feeling drained from facing him.

It wasn’t really disappointment I felt when he had said he’d meant to marry someone he had chosen for himself to be the mother of his children, but I felt a jab from his words, either way. It made me feel unworthy of carrying his flesh and blood.

Knowing his distrust of me, I was actually quite surprised he hadn’t asked immediately if it was truly his or demanded a DNA test. Then again, it was too early to tell. He could very well command it later on, which wouldn’t surprise me a bit. I understood fully that, whenever it came to me or anything associated with me, he had little confidence in my believability.

“Are you okay, Reiss?” There was a snag to my voice, almost as if pleading with him to fully see me to see the woman within, crying out to reach him, anything at all. But he never did. I was lost, and he hadn’t even bothered to leave a trail of crumbs for me. He felt nothing, wanted nothing, and I should start accepting that.

“I was just thinking … about how cruel life be …” he mused, although with little thrill in his voice. “Just when I thought life was going to get better and brighter, a whole maelstrom of fucks follows through. I guess fate put you in my life to remind me I’m nothing but a mere mortal, a defenseless human to handle whatever it throws at me. What a bloody warped trick, don’t you agree?”

I wasn’t sure what to say; thus, I remained quiet. In fact, I was on the verge of tears, but I willed myself to get it together. I couldn’t very well breakdown right in front of the man who thought I was his bad luck. Maybe I was, though I was purely in denial of it. Was I that blinded by my own desires that I couldn’t see him for what he truly was? A broken man. A shattered man of my own making.

I had no one to blame but myself for turning him into such a cynical bloke, too wrecked to acknowledge when a blessing had come along.