Chapter one

I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to tear off my arm and beat him with it. Blind dates were the devil’s handiwork, but I had been on the shelf for too long. It was a mistake to let my best friend set me up with someone that she thought was going to be perfect for me. How she could possibly think that I could enjoy myself while he was blathering about his car was beyond me.

“I never thought that I would be ‘that’ guy, but I have never been happier with my latest acquisition. The cherry red color turns heads and if you play your cards right you might be able to see the back seat of it.” Helena was right about one thing and he was handsome, but he was also boring.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm for your car, but maybe we can talk about something else.” I was seriously regretting shaving my legs when I could’ve been sitting comfortably in my sweats watching my favorite shows on Netflix.

“I know I have been monopolizing the conversation, but you have to experience it for yourself to understand what I’m talking about. The power and the exhilaration of flying down the highway with the wind blowing through my hair was the best possible feeling in the world.” He did smell nice and I felt that it was in poor taste to walk out on a meal that was the only good part of the date.

The lobster with garlic sauce had me holding the tears of joy back with each bite.

He hadn’t even mentioned how decadent I looked in the little black dress. I was also wearing my dirty little secret, but I had a feeling he was not going to get past the cover of this story. I was well aware that love could lift me up into the stratosphere with a smile on my face, but it could also bring me back down to the cold and unforgiving earth at my feet.

I was getting over a nasty breakup with only one man to blame for all of it. Measuring each relationship with the one that got away was destined to fail from the very beginning.

“I’m getting a headache and might have to take a rain check on the test drive.” It would’ve been interesting to get behind the wheel and get a brief peek at what he felt.

“You really didn’t think that I was going to allow you to drive a $30,000 automobile. I meant that you could sit beside me and live vicariously through me.” I felt like reaching over the table and grabbing him by the scruff of his neck to throttle some sense into him.

“I’m going to be very blunt. Life is too damn short to spend one more minute with you. The only thing you have talked about from the moment that we sat down is that damn car. I’m through playing nice for the sake of our mutual friend.” I signaled the waiter, but he was way ahead of me bringing the check and lightly touching my shoulder to show that he understood my outburst.

This man with closely cropped hair took out his glasses and began to mumble underneath his breath. He was using a pen from his pocket to circle the entrees on the bill. I wasn’t sure what he was doing until he slid it across the table in front of me itemized for my perusal.

“Helena told me that you were opinionated, but I gave this a chance to get back on the whore… horse.” The slip of his tongue gave me a clear understanding of what his motives were for the evening.

“You would have had a far better chance getting into my pants had you been a little more attentive to my needs. I would rather go home and break out one of my toys that don’t talk back. Sometimes it’s better to keep your mouth shut. It’s a painful lesson that you have learned here tonight that not every woman is interested in cars. I think that I can speak for every female in this restaurant that talking about cars is the last thing we want to hear when we sit down to enjoy fine dining.” I had raised my voice and my declaration had been received favorably with an applause that was deafening.

Those that the women had come to dinner with were shaking their head and trying to hide.

“I don’t need this and I have options.” I could’ve left well enough alone, but he was gradually getting on my last nerve and needed to be taken down a peg.

“The only option you have is to go home and use the hand that you have been intimately acquainted with since you were a teenager. No woman in their right mind would ever consider sleeping with you. Change your tune or you’re going to be alone for the rest of your natural life. Take it as constructive criticism to use in the future when you feel compelled to share every detail of your sports car with another woman.” He was expecting me to pay half the bill going Dutch, but we had never discussed anything of the sort during the initial phase of this date.

“I have a little black book and what I consider a port in the storm. There’s a booty call with my name on it and she will gladly and enthusiastically open the door at midnight with her arms and her legs open in invitation.” This time the applause was directed at him by the men that were going to find themselves in the doghouse for siding with him.

“The only way this could’ve gone worse was if I considered sleeping with you out of pity and catching something as a result. I have no doubt that you have a standing arrangement with your Dr. for a shot of penicillin. I feel it’s my duty to warn every woman out there that you are not worth a lobster dinner.”

The wave of my hair was covering my eyes and I had to constantly blow the strands away to see him stewing in his own juices. My mother warned me that there would be days like this, but I never believed her.

“You are a stuck up bitch and it’s no wonder that you haven’t had sex in almost a year. I would have slept with you, but I would’ve snuck out in the middle of the night to avoid breaking up with you in the morning.” I heard loud boos and hisses which fueled me into standing up to his tirade.

He might have been a foot taller than me, but the encouragement from the women made me feel like I was 10 feet tall.

I gripped the tablecloth and pulled it with the food on the table spilling into his lap with his wine glass staining his pants making it look like he had some kind of accident. Getting out relatively unscathed was no longer something that I could consider when the battle of the sexes was at its finest.

“I have no idea how you have gotten laid in the past, but I suspect that it was last call at a bar where pickings were slim. Seeing things through rose-colored glasses is the only way a woman would give you the time of day. I would have to have my brain pickled and feeling no pain to even consider jumping into your bed willingly.” I wasn’t backing down and we had gotten the attention of both sexes and I felt that I had a duty to give him a piece of my mind.

“I’ve never had a problem attracting the opposite sex. You might be the exception. To be completely honest, you’re not even my type, but sometimes a man wants something different than the same old thing all the time. There’s just so much chicken I can stomach and sometimes a man has to splurge on Filet Mignon. The only high point of this evening is the very thought that this will be the last time I ever see you.” His tongue was in desperate need of being severed from his mouth.

I stood my ground staring down the barrel of the metaphorical bullets coming from his mouth. The venom spewing was unexpected, but the anger building up inside of me was going to be used in a more constructive way than slapping him across the face. That behavior would be typical of any woman that was caught in the headlights of something they couldn’t handle. I wasn’t about to play the same game

“I went to all the trouble to shave my legs and go to the salon for this. I don’t know how I’m ever going to forgive Helena for putting me in your crosshairs. This could have been a pleasant diversion from my troubles, but you made it the most painful and prolonged agony of my life. The fine art of listening is something that you are missing. Take my advice filling the awkward silence with details of your car is only going to leave you with your cock in your hand.” I took out a wad of cash and wasn’t even concerned about what kind of extravagant tip I was leaving.

He grabbed my wrist with his seething rage seeping through every word that was coming out of his mouth.

“How dare you talk to me like that and expect to get away with it? Somebody should teach you some manners and I elect myself.” I swallowed hard wondering if he was really considering hurting me to give him a modicum of pleasure.

“I would really consider what you’re going to do next. The best thing that you can do right now is to take your hands off of me before I do it for you.” He thought that he was the immovable object, but I used a tried and true method to break his grip.

He was slightly startled, but even more, alarmed when I grabbed a cluster of nerves underneath his arm. He dropped like a sack of potatoes on his knees screaming at the top of his lungs.

I owned my own business passed down from my grandmother and had very little time for a social life. There was a martial arts class that I attended regularly next door to my business. This was one of those moments where I felt vindicated by putting him on his knees in a subservient position.

“I’m going to sue you for every penny you’re worth.” I turned my attention to the other customers and they had turned their back giving me plausible deniability.

“It doesn’t look like you’re going to have any witnesses.” His only saving grace would be subpoenaing the video evidence.

That went out the window when the owner came over and stood on my side of the fence.

“I erased the footage and nobody here saw a thing. I regret to inform you that you are banned from this establishment and the ladies dinner is on me.” Randy was present during those meetings with the neighborhood entrepreneurs and I felt that we had a good neighbor relationship.

I had made the mistake of turning over my love life to somebody that had been down the aisle three times unsuccessfully. Helena was known to have her heart on her sleeve and playing cupid had become a necessary pastime to make people as miserable as she was. I should have known better than to keep the home fires burning by letting her see a flicker of hope that I was ready to move on.

Colton was the one name I couldn’t seem to escape.