Chapter Twenty-Two
Summer
More than a week has gone by and Tigger is growing more and more on me as time has gone be. He spends most of his days with me and every single night. But now I have a problem. A huge one. One of catastrophic proportions. I’m not even used to having the attention of one man, and now I have the attention of two, and I can’t figure out which one of them I like more.
On the one hand, the man from the nightclub is all dark and mysterious and won’t let me see his face, bringing an allure to the table that I didn’t even know was possible. I like the way he fucks me and controls my body without my ever having to see his face. The connection we feel is raw and passionate, an all-consuming kind of raw attraction.
On the other hand, the like the way Tigger treats me. He’s become more than a friend, he’s become, my lover. He’s gentle and kind to me, but when he fucks me, he dominates and owns my body, much like my stranger does.
Fuck, I’m so confused and don’t know what to do. I like my stranger, but Tigger is real, and I have parts of him the other man won’t allow me to have. He won’t even let me have conversations with him. Every time I mention wanting to know his name or know more about him, he retreats and runs for the hills.
With Tigger, everything is so much more real. He’s kind, but only to me, every other woman he’s adamant they need to stay away, and he’s even yelled at some of them. With me, he’s never raised his voice -not once- and that’s a problem for me because I think I love them both but in very different ways. So now what do I do? I wish I could bottle the both of them up and they could become one man. It would make things so much easier for me. I need a magic potion so I can combine them together into one person.
“Ryan, what should I do?” I ask her late one afternoon.
“What do you mean? I thought everything was going great with the stranger? He mistreating you?” she narrows her eyes and gets to her feet like she’s going to go and pummel him. I don’t even think she knows who he is, no one seems to know who the mystery man is. I mean sure I’ve sent her to see him, but more than likely he hid his face from her too and only allowed her to see the color of his eyes.
I hold up my hands defensively, getting to my feet I block her access to the door. “Everything is great, Ryan. That’s not the reason I was asking what I should do.”
“Oh,” her shoulders sag, and she sits back down in the chair near my bed.
She’s giving Tigger’s half-open door the evil eye, and I look in that direction curiously but don’t see Tigger over there, so I ignore his open door and turn back to face her.
“I have a problem, Ryan, like a serious one,” I tell her, running my hand through my blonde hair. I look in the mirror, not liking how long I’ve allowed it to grow, I’m going to need a haircut soon. I continue to play with my hair, refusing to meet her stare. I know she’s staring at me like I’ve grown another head.
“Let’s get Nat down here,” she pulls out her phone and starts to dial before I can stop her.
She’s bouncing up and down excitedly when she gets to her feet and comes to sit down beside me. I watch her reflection carefully and immediately I know what she thinks. Oh god, this isn’t going to be good. Already I feel emotions bubbling to the surface.
“Nat, let go your man’s dick and get down here,” whatever Natalie says to her has her giggling wildly. Normally I’d be joining them, but I’m too busy trying not to hyperventilate. Suddenly I’m in need of a bag and don’t have one at my disposal.
I step away from Ryan and over to my open door. I look down the hallway in both directions and find it empty. All the laughter is coming from the front room, and I find myself alone in a deserted hallway. I step to the side so Ryan can’t see me and bend my upper body, so I am leaning against my knees and take in a deep, shaky breath.
I can do this, it’s time I told them the truth anyway.
I just don’t want their pity. I hate pity, that’s why I haven’t told anyone. Tigger understood, maybe they will too? Then again, he might’ve understood because he also can’t have children. It doesn’t matter that he made that choice voluntarily, he understands what I’m going through on some level. Maybe that’s why I like him so much?
I peek up at his door and wish he would come out here and save me. Save me the tears, the embarrassment, the looks of damnation I’m sure to receive for not telling them sooner. I know on some level they will judge me. I know it isn’t my fault I can’t have kids, but they will judge me for not telling them this before now. Four years have gone by, and I have not uttered a single word about this to them.
“Girl, what’s up? Come on, Ryan said you have something to tell us. I have something to tell you guys too,” she tugs on my arm and yanks me into the room excitedly.
These two are way too excited for me to tell them what I have to say first. Especially Ryan whose bright red hair bounces perfectly in time with her body.
“So, out with it,” Ryan gestures in my direction for me to go first.
“No, Natalie should go first. Look at her, she’s about ready to jump out of her skin with how excited she is,” I nod in her direction. Her green eyes are shining brightly, and already I know what is coming. I feel the tears burning the back of my eyes, a lump forming in my throat. If she says what I think she’s going to say, I won’t be able to do this. Lord help me if it’s what I think it is.
“I’m pregnant!” she jumps up from the bed and throws her hands up in the air. She jumps up and down, and Ryan stands to join her. The two of them hug one another and yelp excitedly.
I watch the two of them from my space on the bed. Frozen, unable to move, disbelief over the news. I’m happy for her and Thunder, really I am, but why does life have to be so unfair to me? Natalie is going to have her fifth child, and I can’t even have one.
“That’s great,” I stand to my feet once Ryan steps away from me and they both turn to face me. I am truly happy for her, it’s just hard, especially since they just thought I was the one having the baby. I hug her, but the hug is forced.
“Can you guys give me a minute? I’ll be right back,” I tell them, turning away and exiting the room.
I faintly hear their agreement, neither following me out into the hallway. I don’t stay there when they start laughing, I instead take off running down the hall and out towards the front of the club.
I don’t stop running when the tears start to fall, sorrow taking over my entire body as big giant tears fall from my eyes. I don’t stop until I reach the bench in the middle of the yard near Natalie’s house. That’s when I collapse and fall to my knees, my world falling apart around me.
I think the approach of my birthday and the anniversary of the date my life first fell apart is getting to me. Next week it will be five years since I found out Michael was married. It was the first day my life officially started to fall to pieces. Or maybe it’s because I couldn’t handle Ryan being so excited about the prospect of my being pregnant. Maybe it’s just a combination of everything in my life over the past five years coming to a head, and now the bubble I’ve been sitting on top of is about to burst, and my life is about to completely crumble.
I don’t know, and I don’t care.
I clutch my stomach painfully, the memory of the day I found out I couldn’t have children hitting me full force. Image after image assaulting my mind, memories taking hold and breaking my heart all over again.
Strong arms pick me up off the ground, and I don’t fight them. Instinctively I already know who is behind me. I don’t need to turn around to know Tigger is behind me.
“Come here,” he forces me around to face him and envelopes me in his arms. “That’s okay, I’ve got you.”
He strokes the back of my head while I continue to cry and fall apart.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” when I hear Ryan’s voice behind Tigger, I hug him tighter, not wanting him to let me go when he starts to pull back.
Right now, I just want him to hold me, I don’t want to face reality right now or my friends. Especially when I hear Natalie voicing the same question beside her.
Ryan tries to pry Tigger away from me, and I lock my arms around him, not allowing her to pull him away from me.
“Hey Summer, what the fuck?” Ryan sounds offended.
“Are you not happy for me?” Natalie asks in a low voice.
“She wants to be left alone,” Tigger’s voice vibrates in my head, and I turn my face into his shirt, inhaling a shaky breath and taking in his manly scent.
“What the fuck would you know, asshole? Let me talk to her, we didn’t do anything wrong to her,” Natalie steps around him and tries to tug my arm away from him.
“Leave me alone,” I whisper, but my voice is muffled by Tigger’s shirt.
“But why?” Ryan comes to stand beside us and tries to tug on my arm too, and that’s when I lose it.
“Just leave me the fuck alone,” I yell, pulling my face away from Tigger enough that they can hear me. “I just want to be alone right now.”
“Doesn’t look like it,” Ryan eyes Tigger in disdain and I start to release him so I can take a step in her direction, but Tigger gently squeezes me, and when I look up at him, his eyes tells me he’s got this for me.
He pushes me behind him defensively, and I wrap my arms around his back protectively.
“Don’t you two get it? Her birthday is next week. Or did you two forget what next week represents for Summer?” his voice is low and calm, but his entire body is shaking with anger. I know he won’t hit them, but he’s upset making me wonder if he heard the entire conversation inside the clubhouse.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Natalie asks when he doesn’t elaborate.
“Seriously? You have the fucking nerve to ask that question? She’s your best friend guys, and you didn’t even think to ask her if she’s okay. Or did you two get so complacent with your lives here that you forgot what happened to her five years ago? I’ve held her at night while she cries, memories and nightmares of Michael assaulting her, slowly killing her on the inside,” he goes to continue, but Ryan cuts him off.
“That asshole isn’t worth her time. Sure, he hurt her, but she’s better off without him. She’s going to get married and have a family of her own someday,” I hiccup when she says that and Tigger rubs my hand comfortingly.
“Besides, what do you know about anything, asshole. You are just taking advantage of her vulnerability,” Natalie shouts in his face. I peek around him and find the both of them giving him a deadly glare.
“I know more than the two of you ever will. I know she hasn’t told you her secret,” he takes a step forward, and I release him staying back. I know he’s going to do the dirty work for me and I want to feel bad, but I don’t. I don’t think I can muster the courage to tell them the truth, and if he wants to do it for me, I’ll let him.
“Summer is our best friend, we know everything about her. You are the one who doesn’t know shit, Tigger,” Ryan is getting angry, I can tell when she takes a step in his direction and doesn’t stop until she’s standing right in front of him and pushes him.
She takes a swing at his stomach and I can to give the man credit, he doesn’t take a swing at her or flinch.
“Oh yeah, well did she tell you that she can’t have kids? Did she tell you that Michael made her sick and she’s unable to ever have children of her own?” Tigger is shaking, and his fists are clenched at his sides.
Ryan flinches back visibly like Tigger just slapped her, and so does Natalie. He snorts at them and gestures in their direction when he sees them watching me pitifully from in front of him.
“You see, this is exactly why she didn’t tell you guys. Now you feel sorry for her. She wants someone to understand what she’s going through and instead you guys are giving her pitiful looks. That’s not what she wants,” Tigger turns away from them and stomps back over to where I’m standing.
“Summer, I’m-” Ryan starts, but I cut her off.
“I love you both, I really do, and Natalie I’m happy for you, really I am, but I just want to be left alone for now, okay?” they both nod slowly and I allow Tigger to lead me away.
He hugs me into his side as we walk and he doesn’t stop until we reach his bike and he mounts it. I stand beside him when he starts it up and revs the engine.
“Go grab your jacket and shut my door. Let’s get out of here for a while,” he shouts over the noise.
I look behind him and see we have an audience in the doorway of the clubhouse.
“Ignore them and let’s get out of here,” he nods towards them, indicating for me to not mind them.
I kiss him on the cheek and jog inside to grab my belongings and slam both doors shut, no longer caring that everyone is staring at me. I just want to get out of here and not look back.
Especially when I catch Thunder watching me sadly from beside Drag.
Without another backward glance, I get on behind Tigger, and we take off out of the compound.