Chapter Twenty-Seven
Tigger
How do you cope with loss after it happens? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself for more than a week now.
The club is still mourning the loss of Dorothy and Drag. No amount of time will pass where we won’t think about them and the damage that’s been done to this club.
Their funeral was on Halloween. Imagine my having to tell Summer that they are both gone. I know she knows I blame myself. She tried to tell me not to blame myself, but I can’t help it.
I’m walking normally again, the doctor said I got lucky, and no permanent damage was done to my leg. But my heart doesn’t agree with that. The damage emotionally is something that can’t be undone.
Thunder was hit the hardest by their deaths. Dorothy and Drag were the only parents he’s had for the past few years, and they viewed him and Natalie as their children. Fuck, when the children found out, it was devastating. I never want to see that look on their faces ever again.
More than a week later and we are still trying to figure out how to move on with the club and plan what has to be done now that our fearless leader is gone.
Even as our new President, Thunder is still only half there. I told him for Drag’s sake, we have to keep moving and avenge their deaths. That’s what Drag would’ve wanted. That’s what all of us want too.
Thunder is our new President, Firebird was moved to the VP position, and the rest of us stayed in the same positions. I was offered the VP patch, but I declined it. I don’t want the responsibility, and I don’t want to take over once the President is gone.
I look over at Thunder and can’t imagine him being gone. God, I don’t think I’d survive it.
None of us would.
We still haven’t figured out a way to bait Lefty to come out of hiding. It would have to be one of the women that goes out so we can catch them, but no one is willing to do it, and even though Summer is the number one candidate, I could never ask that, nor would I want her to be the one to go out there. After what happened to her the last time, I think I’ll pass.
Summer is just now getting back on her feet, having to spend her birthday bound to a bed was not how she dreamed of spending her birthday. I didn’t want that for her either. I was planning to throw a costume party so she could get dressed up and forget about all the bad things that have happened to her over the past few years.
Things are still rocky between us, but I think it has something to do with the secret that still looms in-between the two of us.
I don’t know how to act around her. I love her, but I’m scared that her being too close to me could get her killed. Not to mention that I’m terrified what will happen when she finds out I’m her mystery man. I don’t know why I lashed out at her the way I did the night she was attacked. She was, after all, coming to meet me even though she didn’t know it. I guess I did it to throw her off track and let her know that I was jealous of her going to meet another man. The man may have been me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m worried she likes that side of me more than she likes the real me. I’m fucked up in the head, I know this.
I spend a lot of time in my room, and this is where Thunder finds me after our last meeting about finding Lefty.
“Have you given any thought to what we discussed last night, Tig?” I look up to find Thunder standing in my doorway. He steps inside and closes the door most of the way when I look around him and see that Summer’s door is open a little.
“I thought about it, but what if she doesn’t accept me for who I am, Thunder? You saw what happened with Kara. I don’t think I could survive having that happen to me again. I care about her, a lot,” I love her. I don’t add that part. Thunder doesn’t need to know how I feel about her. Knowing I care about her is enough. Besides, he knows me well enough to know that I love her. I don’t need to share that out loud with him for him to know that.
“Drag would’ve wanted you to tell her your secret. She knows your big secret, this one isn’t as big as that one, and besides the secret that could’ve gotten you killed, didn’t, you’re still here, even though Dean wanted to kill you,” he chuckles, and I glare at him. Leave it to Thunder to find humor in something that isn’t the least bit funny.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally say after thinking about it for a little while.
“Do it before one of her friends tells her, she deserves to hear from you that you are the man who lit up her nights. Besides, I know she’s been rocking your world for a while now. Tell her before you lose her,” he pats me on the back and leaves my room, leaving the door wide open.
I look over at my dresser and see his phone is there, so I quickly stand from my bed and grab it and chase after him. He’s already left and gone to his house, so I’m forced to chase him clear across the yard.