16

 

BRYNN

Think it’s about time Levi and I climb the stairs to the castle that he has given everything to build. Time to go home. Being home doesn't mean Chicago, doesn't mean Lola's place, it doesn't even really mean Levi's house. It means being with them; that is coming home.

I came back and waited. Unsure just what to do to get my family back. Then I got a delivery. Flowers. Peonies; and I remembered one night while making love, Levi told me I smelled like peonies and peppermint and it drove him crazy. Everyday a delivery and then the best gift of all: a first date with Levi Holt. My king.

After that night, I thought he would ask me to come home. To him and Amelia. To our family. And at first, it hurt me that he didn't. Until I realized why. I needed to atone this time, not Levi. And so, I did.

“I owed two-hundred forty some grand. I paid almost seven.” I admitted after another date—dinner and a movie where we made out in the back row—as we walked the Pier.

“Honey. Jesus. Why? Why not go to the cops or...I am friends with cops, you know.” I nod, peering out at the inky water, the stars bouncing back at us.

“Because you. Because Amelia. Abbi. Because me. I cleared my debt to be free. I don't care about the money. I lost that much two times over, sadly enough. I don't know if Donnie Kelly even wanted the money; he wanted me to own up to my choices. I chose to gamble. To do drugs. To be scared. Bernie didn't scare me, not really; I stayed, I gambled and punished myself because I thought I failed Abbi.” Levi sighs, wrapping me up as we lean over the edge of the pier.

“You did the right thing for her. You put her before you. That means you made a good choice, honey.” I nod because at last I think I did.

“I did. I did it for her. I punished myself because of what I lost, but I should have been proud of what I gave her. I got to pick the parents, the last kind thing Naomi did for me. I got a few photos a few months afterwards but then.... until you and Amelia, I wondered if I made the right choice. I will always love Abbi. She is a part of me. But you two...you are all of me.” I admitted before he kissed me underneath the stars again.

Again, beneath the stars, he took me as if he had always owned me.

“Give me something, honey.” Levi growled as we lay out on the cold sand, on the same blanket from our first date.

“Everything. Everything this time, baby. Take everything.” Kissing turned from sweet and playful, two lovers fooling around on the beach on a cool fall night, to something else.

Levin pinned me to the scratchy blanket, biting at my lips, sucking, licking at my mouth. Beneath him, I shuddered like I always did when he touched me. Levi shoved my thighs open with rough hands, tearing my panties off. The lace tore into my skin but he kissed my hips, my thighs, my pelvis, shoving my skirt up to my waist.

“Love seeing you in the moonlight, under the stars. Goddamn beautiful.” Levi whispered and before I could worry about the chilly air or the crowded pier above us, he took off my top and skirt, tearing them too.

“Let me see you too, Levi.”  A breeze kicked up off of Lake Michigan, doing nothing to chill my fevered flesh.

Levi stripped too, the moon shining off his perfection. Bulky shoulders and thick, toned arms, the forearms roped with veins that drove me crazy. Strong hands, thick fingers. Fingers that were rubbing between my legs, spreading my wetness over my sex. I reached out, tracing my fingers over the dips and curves of his abs, the defined V that made me want to lick him. My eyes shot to his as I wrapped both hands around his stiff cock, both of us moaning into the sky.

“God....fuck I love when you touch me. Those little hands on my skin. Wrapped around my cock. Fuck, honey.” I smiled, rubbing my feet along his powerful calves. Urging him closer.

“Touch me too. Make me come under the stars again, baby. It's romantic, right?” I giggled, gasping when he obeyed, thrusting two fingers into me. Hard. Fast, deep.

“Mmm, so romantic. So Goddamn wet. This will always be mine, Brynn. Pretty little pussy. So fucking mine. Spread for me, baby. Let me see how you shine in the moonlight. Fuuucckk.” Levi groaned, his fingers stilling, sliding out and spreading me open. I moaned, arching off the sand, my feet linking behind his ass.

“Oh God.  Baby please...Levi...don't stop. Make me come. Give me something.” My fingers barely wrapped around him, pumping his hot velvety heat slow, thumb swiping over the wet slit.

“Honey, I am about to give you everything. Come for me first. Show me how beautiful my queen is when she comes for me in the moonlight.” His thumb began strumming furiously at my clit, my heels digging into the sand as I bucked up off the blanket.

“Fuck! Levi...baby...” Between us, I guided him towards my aching pussy, sliding his thickness between my pulsing folds.

“Oh fuck. Let me inside.” I whimpered, nodding, tugging at him with all my limbs, the stars bursting over his head as he slid into me.

In the cold night, he gathered me close and pinned me to the sand, pounding into me. Harder. Harder. Faster. I tangled my fingers in his thick sandy hair, gasping puffs of cold air between us, craving his mouth. But Levi was talking, telling me everything. Everything filthy and sweet and absolutely romantic.

“I love being inside you. Never enough. Love to feel you coming on my cock. Jesus, I never want to leave this sweet pussy. Ever. Give me something. Come for me again, honey. Let me.... fuuck yes. That's it. Goddamn. I'm coming too baby.” We'd forgone using condoms a long time ago, and he had once insisted on coming inside me. And tonight, I wanted it. Wanted to feel him lose himself inside me. But he started to pull out.

“Baby...inside me. Come inside me. I want.... yes!” My fingers clawed at his bare shoulders, my body bowing up off the sand as we came together, Levi's cock jerking as it emptied deep inside me.

Levi took my mouth in a brutal kiss, mumbling about princes and Princesses and his queen. I closed my limbs around his shuddering body, bringing him close as I shuddered from the inside out. I got cold fast, even with his heavy, warm body on top of me, and he rolled us so I was on top of him, the blanket covering us.

“I love you, Brynn. I was so damn stupid.” Levi breaks the quiet just as I begin to shiver.

“I was. I trusted you.... just not enough. You deserved everything. You made me promise you everything and I just.... couldn't give it. I was too scared. You both...you both meant everything to me.”  Levi kissed my face, traced his lips over my jaw, pausing at my ear.

“You gave me everything you could then. Now, you give me everything else. And I give you everything this time too, honey. I am getting it right, building that fairytale. Dating the fuck out of you.” As he had every previous night, he took me home, kissed me at the door and let me see Amelia. I got lingering goodnight kisses, but he kept his promise for weeks.

He dated the fuck out of me.

We did everything new couples do. Bonus: we knew one another like an old married couple. Levi did everything to make it just about us. Just Brynn and Levi. Until the first Friday I was home. That day, was about us. Our family. My Princess and my king.

Levi picked me up with Amelia and took us out to see the Winter Fest. I held my little Princess and kissed my king and it was magical. We shared hot cocoa with Lola, Hunter and the kids and I could reach out and grasp my fairytale in my hands.

“What do you want to do, besides be her mom and my woman?” Levi asked that night while we lay in bed.

“I want to build things. Like I promised my brother we would do together. I chose it because I love it.” Just like that, I knew what else I wanted to be: a designer. One who built homes for families to love and live in.

Like the one I missed sharing with Levi and Amelia.

Within a week, I had a design job—Deacon Cooper decided to purchase a shit ton of land and wanted to design some homes near his lake. Design and Amelia filled my days, Levi filled my nights and my life felt almost complete. Except when I woke up alone or without the sound of my daughter just across the hall.

I was ready to come home to my king and my perfect Princess.

Instead of going to the condo after an afternoon at Lola and Gigi's studio—where they set up a corner for my drafting board and mess I called templates—I went home. I let myself in with the key I still had and headed for the kitchen. I'd been here once or twice since being back—we even fucked on the couch one night after the GOT season finale—but it wasn't the same. I wanted to be here when he came home.

“That you, Husband?” Levi told me once her voice was like ice creeping through his veins. I'd heard it just once before, but could confirm that.

“Yeah, no. Evening Isabel.”  I had feared her once, for reasons I still didn't understand, but not anymore.

I found her in the kitchen, her high heels clicking on the slate floor as she paced. Amelia sat in her high chair, her favorite cereal puffs scattered over the top. However, my little Princess' fat little lip was jutting out, her beautiful blue eyes watery with unshed tears. Broke my fucking heart. I didn't even hesitate; I crossed the room towards her and she let out a cry, lifting her arms in the air for me.

“Hey Princess. How's my girl?” I was absolutely confused, borderline murderous, but I was not about to let my little girl—and certainly not that whore—see that.

“Your girl? Fairly certain I pushed that little girl out of my vag, honey. She's my little girl.” I laughed; barked it into the air, leveling a look at her.

I can feel the anger, the disgust, the resentment I feel for her cut through me; each sharper and deeper than the last. Isabel had Levi, had his last name. But it wasn't enough. Then she had his daughter and she couldn't be bothered to give her anything, not even a name. She was no mother. I was startled to see her here, in the space I had made our home, but I wasn't as shaken as she thought I would be.

What I am is livid. At her for being in this space, but at Levi for not telling me she was back. We hadn't heard a word from her in almost five months and I'd honestly hoped it stayed that way. There had to be an ulterior motive for her coming here, now. The darkest part of me, just briefly made me wonder; all the nights he left me to come home, all the times I could have just come with them. Was this why? Was Isabel the reason?

As I turned to face her, to respond to her comment, I saw it. Saw the flash of feigned confidence, the way she fixed her features into calm disinterest. Isabel was playing at something, I had no doubt. She didn't know who she was up against. Coming for my family would bring us to war with one another. I'd made the mistake of walking away once, not fighting for my family. I wouldn't make that same mistake again.

“Funny. A mother, she usually loves and provides for her child. Names her. A mother does not set an infant in someone's arms and vanish for nine months.” I was surprised at myself, at the venom in my voice as I glared at her.

“Who are you, again?” Isabel knew my name, knew who I was, I had no doubt.

“You know who I am. I'm the woman who's raised your daughter since you couldn't be bothered to. Why are you here, now? In our house?” I brushed my lips over Amelia's soft head, trying to draw strength from the tiny little Princess.

“Excuse me, your house? Honey, my name is on the deed not yours. This is my house. My family. My husband. I made a mistake walking away...” I laugh again, the sound hollow and icy cold as it cuts through the room.

“No, honey,” I curve the word with disgust, glaring at her, “You made a mistake coming back. You abandoned him and then you abandoned her. You were not here for her when she cried, when she got sick, when she needed to be held and bathed and put to bed at night. And you weren't here for him while he became a father, while he changed his life for her. And you won't be here for them now.” I move past her to head down the hall when she delivers her blows.

“Think again, honey. That little Princess.... isn't even Levi's. Didn't tell you that, did he? Didn't tell you I came weeks ago to let him know I wanted my daughter. That I made a mistake and I want to be her mother. I mean, if he wants to be part of her life, I guess.... but you, honey, have no place.” Isabel was a lovely girl; curves for days, pretty smile, glossy reddish hair. But she was so ugly I could see nothing but the petty, pathetic woman she was.

“Try and take our girl from us. Not only will we fight you, we will win. You don't know a single thing about parenting, and I'm guessing even less about the law. Abandonment in this day and age, the courts think none too kindly of it. That paperwork you left with Levi, documenting how she came early, spent a month in NICU, and still left the hospital without a name? And the diaper bag not even enough to get him through a weekend? Evidence of neglect.” I felt a lot less stoic than my tirade came off, and I was grateful because Isabel looked shaken.

“Who are you?” Isabel repeated, her eyes darting around as if the answer might be hanging somewhere.

And, it was. Our life was in this house, now. It had stung those first few weeks as her memory ghosted the shadows and corners. Then we made it ours. I thought once I might want to move, build us a home. And, maybe we would. But this wasn't our home because of the gray walls we painted together or the owls in Amelia's room that were meant to be us. This was our home because the love we made here, the laughs with our little Princess, the dinners we fell in love over, the bedroom we slept in, woke up in. I was everywhere, and she was nowhere at all.

“I am Amelia's mother. Levi's future. They are my family. You can do your best to change that, but I think we both know you won't win. Give it your best shot, though.” And, although it was my castle, and I'd slayed the dragon, I take my Princess and leave.

I am not sure why I left. Maybe because I was angry. Or scared. Because I did know a thing or two about the law. My parents were lawyers, after all. Not everything I said was complete bullshit. But, still...the possibility of her taking my daughter, her daughter, was real. I felt panicked and scared.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was on the L. Heading away from our neighborhood and towards Ladder 71. I needed to see Levi. To ask why he had not thought to warn me Isabel was back. That she wanted to take our daughter from us. That our daughter might not even be ours.

“Hey Goldie,” Finn was the first to greet me with a booming holler and a hug that lifted me off my feet, “Give me that Princess.” I laugh when the mountain that is Finn snatches tiny Amelia up, making her giggle like he always does.

“Levi out on a call?” I wonder, suddenly feeling foolish for coming here.

“Nah, sweets, he's up in the commons. Levi!” I laugh when he booms his name, Amelia laughing even harder.

Finn is going to make a great dad. I know he and Gigi are waiting—hell they waited half a lifetime to finally be together, but man when those two have kids? He's going to be such a good dad and those babies will be gorgeous. Just like I'm sure all the Cooper babies will be. I wonder briefly if Levi meant what he said all those weeks ago about me giving him kids. I look up as he pops up in the loft overhead. Levi's perfect face splits in a smile and he rounds the railing, taking two steps at a time.

“Hey, honey. Princess.” Levi pauses as Finn heads up the stairs with Amelia, kissing her head.

“Hey. Sorry I came by, I just...” I shake my arms out and tip my head back, letting out a quiet scream of frustration.

“Honey, you can come by any time you want. I was called in or I'd be at home. Was Megan okay with the baby?” He glances over his shoulder with a smirk; it falls when he twists back to me, taking in my less than pleased expression.

“Not so much. Because it was definitely not Megan I found with our daughter,” I growl, angry that he thought to reach out to our next door neighbor and not me first, “Why don't you guess who I found instead?” Levi pales and tilts his head back, cursing at the sky.

“Fucking bitch. I told her to stay away. Baby, I am so sorry. I got called out...” I laugh, loud and cold, hating that I'm becoming this person.

“So sorry that I found your ex-wife with our daughter? In our home, which you have yet to ask me to come back to? So sorry that she told me not only is Amelia not mine, but not even yours? Or so sorry that you called someone else to take care of our daughter instead of me? Again?” Levi cursed, closing the distance between us until we both backed outside the wide open doors of the firehouse.

“Honey, no. I am on call. I told you today and tomorrow, remember? I got called for a rescue, thought you'd be home soon and I'd let you know. I left our daughter with ap. I should...I should have told you Isabel came back. Said that bullshit. Amelia is my daughter. And yours. She can't change that.” I shook my head and walked away and he rushed to stop me.

“Lies. We just keep telling lies.” Levi hooked both hands around my neck, tipping my head back so I had to look at him.

“No lies, Brynn. I fucking love you. That's not a lie. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No lie. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Absolutely the truth. And the best mother Amelia could ever have. You know that's the truth. No one will ever take her from you; we will fight for her. Just like we fight for each other. We slay dragons together baby, remember?” I shake my head again, overwhelmed by the situation suddenly.

“Levi. Isabel is her mother. We can fight...but we might lose. I could lose everything. Maybe you two should just...” Levi pins me to the brick wall, lowering his head to whisper against my mouth.

“We slay dragons. We build castles. We get the fairytale. We will fight, we will build, we will get our happily ever after. I love you, Brynn Gold. You are the best mother my daughter could ever have. Amelia loves you. Don't you give up on us now.” I let him kiss me softly, but I am still scared, so I shove away.

“I need to go. I need to think. I thought...why have you not asked me to come home, Levi? Is it because...because she's there? Taking her place back?” My back is to him when I ask, because I can't bear to see whatever the truth may be.

I don't want to believe it. And, the rational part of me doesn't, not really. But the part of me that aches at the idea of losing them, really losing them, and the dark parts of me that say I might deserve that, latch onto it. It would explain why he hasn't asked me to come home. Why he says goodnight and leaves me at Lola's, when I could just be with them. Doesn't explain much else, but again, the dark parts of me clutch at the fragile pieces of negativity and stare at him to wait for him to break them into nothingness.

“Oh, honey. No. Nothing and no one can take your place. Ever. Not for Amelia, Brynn. Damn sure never for me. I love you, I am sorry I just...I should have taken the fifty-five fucking seconds.” Levi sounded defeated and I wanted to tell him it would be okay. But, I couldn't, not yet.

I jumped when the alarm sounded and I heard the pounding of feet down stairs, and the hollers of the guys. I rushed in, taking Amelia from Cage, who Finn had seemingly relinquished her to. I stood back as we watched Levi and the others gear up. I hated to be angry with him, to fight, at the same time I'm glad we were fighting things out. Being honest about when we got hurt or upset. But I couldn't deal with more lies, not when I'd finally shed the last of my own. I watched them board the trucks, Levi watching us with a sadness that settled heavy in my chest.

“I love you Princess. Love you too, Brynn.” And then they tore out of the station and I watched them go.

It was too late for me to tell him I loved him back. That nothing and no one, surely not Isabel, could change that. Dread settled in my chest, low in my belly, and my heart skidded to a slow thud. 

I was so stupid. My head ran my heart and caused me to make terrible choices. All. The. Time. I loved Levi and Amelia down to my bones and beyond. And yet, I allowed Isabel to walk in and get just what she wanted. Driving a wedge between the two of us, with little effort, was a win for her and nearly a loss for us. I could not let her win the war.

I vowed to slay our dragons and keep slaying them until we got our fairytale ending.