Amberlyn

“You’re a fuckin’ arse is what you are, Kane Levy, and I am done with you. Stay the fuck away from me.”

Kane throws his hands up and shakes his head. “You are overreacting. She’s a friend.”

“A friend? You kissed her!”

“I kiss all my friends!”

With that statement, I know that Kane Levy is a dead man. Fiona’s eyes go wild as she throws the bottle of pop she has at him. He ducks out of the way and tries to reach for her, but she dodges his grip while I just sit here and wish like hell we could leave. Why I agreed to ride with her to the park to find Kane is beyond me. I felt like it was my duty though. She is my best friend, and when they beg you to go see if the guy they are dating is cheating on them—you go. I just wish we wouldn’t have found Kane with another girl.

“Fiona. Please, calm down!” he says, reaching for her and pulling her to his chest. She slams her fist into him and pushes him away.

“No, you won’t cheat on me and then expect me to be like oh, no big deal!”

“I am not cheating, but also, I won’t point out that we’re only seein’ each other, so even if I was here getting it on with Ellen, it wouldn’t be cheating. I’m not doing anything wrong here.”

I want to jump out of the car and wrap my arms around Fiona because I can see she is about to lose it. Her eyes fill with tears and her lip wobbles as she slowly nods her head. “Yeah, you’re right,” she breathes. Kane smiles before reaching for her, but she swats him away. “We aren’t together. How stupid of me to assume the guy I’ve been going out with, slept with, and slowly fallen for could actually feel the same for me, but don’t worry… You’ll never have to bother yourself with me again.”

“Whoa, Fiona, stop,” he says, taking hold of her wrist to stop her. “We are seein’ each other. I never said we were going out!”

“Yeah, I forgot to tell my heart that.”

With that, she turns and gets in the car, slamming the door before jamming the key in the ignition. I reach over and wrap my arm around her shoulder, leaning into her as she takes in a deep breath, tears falling down her sweet cheeks. As the car takes off, I spare a glance at Kane to find him watching her, his face sullen and his lips parted. I look away just as his eyes meet mine, and I hate this. Nothing is coming to mind to say to her. I’ve never had my heart broken by a guy. I’ve never experienced the pain of rejection, so I have no clue what to say. Sitting up, I look at her profile, her nose red, her eyes swollen, and her lips wobbling as she sobs.

I want to make the pain stop, but I don’t know how.

“Fiona, I’m sorry.”

She shakes her head. “It’s no one’s fault but his. Or fuck, mine, for falling for someone who didn’t want what I did.”

“What can I do?”

She tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes as she takes my hand. “Just be here, okay?”

“Yes,” I promise.

“Grand.”

She drives faster than normal back to the house as her soft sobs fill the car, leaving me feeling helpless. Thankfully, my aunt and uncle are at the pub working, so we are able to hide in her room with ice cream, popcorn, and soda, watching horrible chick flicks in our PJs at two in the afternoon. With Fiona’s head in my lap, I braid her hair as we watch The Notebook. My nose is running from my tears, but damn, this is one of the greatest love stories ever put out.

“I want a love like this,” she whispers, and I nod.

“Me too. I want the kind of love that you run across a field for. Like in Pride and Prejudice when Mr. Darcy beelines for Elizabeth.”

“That’s a good one. We should watch that next.”

I couldn’t agree more. Smiling, I say, “Sounds good.”

She moves her head to look up at me. “I would have run across the field for Kane. I thought that he was it. How stupid am I? It’s only been a month, and I almost fell for him! No one does that. No one falls in love that quickly. I am so naïve.”

“Why do you think that?” I ask.

She shakes her head, sitting up before wrapping the blanket around her. “Because love is complicated and hard. It doesn’t come easy. You have to work for it. My feelings were lust, and I confused them for something more.”

I pause for a second, and I know she doesn’t mean any of that. She is just trying to cover up her hurt. Knowing that, I ask, “Do you think that it’s lust for me? And Declan, I mean?”

Her brow comes up. “You’ve fallen for him?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think so, not yet, but I think I could.”

“Yeah, well, be careful. He is the first guy you’ve ever been with. You’ll sleep with him, everything will change, and you’ll think he is the one. The next thing you know, he’s sleeping with the fuckin’ bitch down the road! Love is stupid, Amberlyn. Don’t get caught up in the ridiculous notion of it all. It turns smart women into dumbasses who do stupid things. Just don’t do it.”

With that, she suddenly gets up and goes to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I am stunned by what just happened, but more than that, I’m worried. Even with knowing she is just saying all this because she is upset, I can’t help but wonder if she is right. What if what I’ve been feeling since meeting Declan is just lust? I mean, I’ve never slept with anyone in my life, and maybe my body is like “Hey, you might want to get me off, and I am making you think you like this guy so you’ll do it.” My body knows that I won’t do anything like that unless I love the person. What if it is all a trick? Oh my God, have I lost my ever-loving mind? Am I actually sitting here thinking my body is trying to deceive me to get laid?

Really though, I need to remember that Fiona is heartbroken right now and not really speaking the truth. She’s hurting, and this thing with Declan is different. I’ve been dating him for two weeks now, and each day is something new and beautiful. He makes me feel alive, and I can’t stop smiling when I think of him. I like how easy it is around him and most of all, I like that when we talk, both of us listen, and we have real conversations. It’s not just small talk with us. We learn about each other. I like that. I like him.

When my phone sounds, I look down to see that it is Declan. Speak of the devil, I think with a grin as I read his text.

Haven’t heard from you today. Are we still on for tonight?

Not sure, I type sadly.

What do you mean?

Letting out a breath, I write back quickly. Fiona and Kane got into it, and well, she is all heartbroken. I’m in my PJs, watching movies with her.

Oh shite. That sucks. I haven’t talked to Kane today. His friend is in town or something. I’m not sure.

Yeah, we saw them kiss.

I wait for his text back, but then the phone rings. “No way,” he says when I answer.

“Yeah.”

“Like what kind of a kiss? Because Ellen is a lesbian.”

Hmmmm… Before I can answer, he says, “She was his sister, Amy’s best friend in school. We lost Amy a couple years back, and when Ellen comes in town, they always get together for old times’ sake. Surely, Fiona knows that, right?”

Oh, this is a crapshoot. Shaking my head, I say, “I’m not sure she does, but it’s more than that. He won’t commit to her.”

“What? Really? Every time I talk to him, he is all about her.”

“I don’t know. She is a pain in the hole,” I reply, mocking the way Fiona always says the angry sentiment.

He laughs. “I love it when you go all Irish on me. That’s hot.”

I smile as my heart flutters. “Well, thanks, but yeah, I don’t know, Declan. I’ll have to talk to her.”

“Talk to me about what?”

I look up to see Fiona. Her face is red, and she looks like hell ran over twice. Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “I’ll call you back.”

“Of course, my love. Call me soon.”

Yup, heart is fluttering like crazy as I say, “I will.”

Hanging up, I tuck my phone in my lap. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, ignore me, okay? I’m a crazy bitch, just broken over him. He’s a pain in the fuckin’ hole, I tell ya.”

I smile. “I know, are you okay? Do you need something?”

“I need you to go on your date with Declan. I don’t need someone to sit with me. It’s a broken heart, not cancer or some shit.”

Her words stab me a little bit, and I’m pretty sure my face gave me away. “Fuck, sorry, Amberlyn, just go. I’m a danger to society right now. I suck.”

I smile as I stand, going to her for a hug. “Not at all,” I say as we part. “But remember, the sun will shine tomorrow and so should you.”

She nods. “And I will. Today though, I’m gonna cry and act like he ruined me.”

“I also think you should talk to Kane, I think there is more to the story,” I say, not wanting to tell her what Declan said. We aren’t getting in the middle of this, and Kane’s story or reasoning is not for me to tell. He needs to tell her. I just hope she’ll listen.

She rolls her eyes. “Maybe one day, but not today. I’m too upset.”

“I know, hang in there,” I say before kissing her cheek. I hug her once more before leaving her room to go to mine. Glancing up at my mom’s letter, I pause as I read the words I just said to Fiona. She wanted so much for me, and I pray I am doing everything she wanted. Running my fingers along her writing, my eyes cloud with tears, but I hold them back as I whisper, “I miss you.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I turn and go to my closet for an outfit as I call Declan back. He answers after only two rings.

“Hey.”

“Hey, I am getting ready now.”

“Awesome, I was a little bummed I might not get to see you. I’m glad that changed.”

My mouth curves as I reach for a cute, floral-print sundress. “Me too. What are we doing tonight?”

“It’s a surprise.”

I bite into my lip as I lay the phone down, pulling the dress over my head. “I happen to like your surprises a lot.”

“I know. I have the house to myself tonight, and I thought I’d show you my favorite part.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll love it.”

I pause, the spot between my thighs quivering as my heart speeds up. The last two weeks have consisted of a lot of hot make-out sessions with Declan. While my body catches on fire at the mere thought of him, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. Swallowing loudly, I try to stay calm as I ask, “Awesome. When will you be here?”

“I can leave now.”

No, I need more time. “Wait like twenty minutes,” I say as I quickly button up the front of my dress.

His laughter fills the line. “Fine, that’s grand. I’ll be there soon.”

“Awesome.”

Hanging up the phone, I beeline for Fiona’s room, my heart pounding in my chest. She looks up at me as I enter, saying, “That’s a nice dress.”

“I think Declan thinks I’m having sex with him or something.”

“What?”

“Yeah, he said he wants to show his favorite part of the house, he’s sure I will love it, and his parents aren’t home.”

Her brow rises. “Are you ready for that?”

“No.”

“Have you told him that you’re a virgin?”

“No, again.”

“Okay, well, you said that you didn’t set boundaries with Casey, so you need to with Declan, or be ready for what he might want. You have the holy hot oven. He can’t do anything without your permission. He isn’t a sleaze.”

“You’re right,” I say with a nod. “But what is a holy hot oven?”

“Your vagina.”

I scoff. “You’re crazy.”

“Yeah, I know, but don’t worry. He likes you a lot. He isn’t going to do anything to fuck that up. Just tell him once he starts getting all hot that you’re not ready.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay, I gotta get ready.”

“Knock ’em dead, kiddo,” she calls after me. I smile as I run to my bathroom, doing my makeup soft with pastel pinks to match my dress. Running my fingers through my hair, I try to tame the mass but fail miserably. I could throw it up, but I’ve found that Declan likes it down, so I leave it before finishing my makeup.

I am putting on lip gloss when the door sounds. Slipping on some pink ballet flats, I snatch up my purse before running down the hall to the stairs.

“See ya!” Fiona calls.

“Bye! Call me if you need me.”

“Okay.”

Running down the stairs, I reach for the door and smile when Declan grins at me. Wearing tan shorts and a yellow tee, his sun-kissed skin glows. He is wearing a pair of aviators and that damn hat. I want to burn the fucking thing, but damn, he looks amazing. Leaning toward me, he places his lips firmly against mine, stealing my breath. Pulling away way too quickly, he laces his fingers with mine.

“Hi.”

I grin as I swing our hands like a child. “Hey.”

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” I say without hesitation. I may have been nervous before, but like Fiona said, Declan would never force me into anything I wouldn’t want to do.

The car ride to Declan’s is quick, both of us speaking of our days. He had meetings and then some drama in the malting room since Kane wasn’t there today. I told him again about finding Kane, and he still didn’t understand why we found them like that. He had tried calling Kane, but he wasn’t answering.

“I think we should leave it alone, you know? Even though he is my best friend and she is your cousin, I don’t want them to come between us. So let’s not talk about it, okay?”

I nod in agreement. “Yeah, sounds like a plan.”

He smiles. “Good, because I don’t need my girl getting pissed at me.”

I laugh. “Won’t happen.”

“You say that now. I’m a little weird.”

“It’s okay, your charm makes up for it. Plus, I’m weird too.”

He grins over at me as we drive through the gates of the O’Callaghan property. I take in the rolling hills of green, the lush trees, and the beauty where the horses are out grazing the field as we drive up a hill. When I look forward, the massive O’Callaghan castle is in view. Breathless at the beauty of it, I take in every single stone, the large, stained glass windows that cover every inch of the castle, and the general splendor of Declan’s home. It’s breathtaking, beautiful, and a little scary.

“It isn’t haunted, right?”

Declan laughs as he shakes his head. “Not our wing. My grandda claimed at one time his part was by his great-grandda, but I haven’t found any activity, and believe me, Kane and I looked when we were kids.”

“I don’t doubt that,” I say as he parks. Someone opens the door for me and helps me out before wishing me a good afternoon.

“Hello, thank you.”

The man, I think his name is Matthew, smiles before Declan takes my hand. “Thanks, Matthew.”

“You’re welcome, sir.”

Tucking my hand under his arm where it rests on his bicep, he covers it with his other hand as we walk through the large, stone doors. “Are you hungry?”

I shake my head. My stomach is hurting from all the ice cream and popcorn I devoured. “Not right now.”

“Awesome, we can get right to it then.”

My insides clench as my heart speeds up in my chest. Gasping for breath, I allow him to lead me through the gorgeous home. The furnishings are from the 1900s, classic and classy. There are pictures everywhere, big ones of Declan and who I assume is Lena. She’s as beautiful as he is, big blue eyes, long, light blond hair, and skinny as a rail. When he said she was more of a Barbie doll, he wasn’t much off. She’s perfect.

While it is a beautiful home, without the pictures of Declan’s family, I wouldn’t believe anyone lived here. It is immaculate. Nothing out of place, not like at home where Aunt Shelia’s yarn is everywhere or where the fireplace is cluttered with Uncle Michael’s hunting stuff. While the B&B side is nice and tidy, our living quarters are well lived-in.

Not like this.

This is too nice.

But then again, everything about Declan is always so put together. His car, his horse, his office, his home, and the way he acts around others. The only thing that isn’t is his hair, but he always keeps that hidden. While I like all of him, I like it better when he lets himself go and doesn’t worry one bit about the repercussions. Like when he almost fought Casey. I’ve never been so hot in my life. Or when he picked me up and kissed the stuffing out of me, his control slipping with every passing second. So fucking hot. Thankfully, though, he seems more himself when it is just us, and in a way, I like it like that. It’s like I get to keep all that part of him to myself.

I’m selfish like that, I guess.

As I lean into him, we head through the different corridors while Declan gives me the tour.

“The house is massive, as you can tell, but my family lives in the North Wing, which is eight rooms, twelve bathrooms, two dining rooms, a huge kitchen, and three studies. It also has my favorite part of the house.”

“Wow,” is all I can say as I take in every single detail of the house. I’m still blown away at how gorgeous everything is. “How many people work here?”

“On the whole grounds? Over fifteen hundred, but that includes the distillery.”

“Good Lord.”

“Yeah, I live here with my ma, da, Lena, grandda, and grandma. I don’t see my grandparents much. They are traveling with my uncle and his family. I think they are in England right now. Lena usually goes with them, but she stayed home this year. When my da retires, he’ll travel more, too.”

“So then you’ll have the whole house to yourself? Or will you travel, too?”

He shakes his head. “Yeah, it will be all mine.”

“Wow. This is a lot of house for one guy.”

He bites into his lip as he nods his head. “Yeah, but by then I’ll be married.”

I looked up, my brow raised. “Oh.”

I have no clue why I just got jealous, but I am. It’s a horrible feeling, one that feels like it’s on fire in the middle of my chest. Biting into my lip hard, I push the feeling away as we reach a huge, white door.

“So this is what I wanted to show ya.”

Excitement takes over, and I bounce on my heels. I may have been nervous before, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t his room. For one, the door is as big as a car, and for another, he would have said “This is my room,” right? Shit! Letting go of my hand, he takes both handles in his hands and pushes the doors open. I swear, what I see brings tears to my eyes.

“Please, pinch me.”

Declan laughs as he shakes his head. “It’s real and my favorite place on the whole grounds, beside my room in the distillery.”

“Good God,” I mutter as I set inside. The sun warms me from above, but I ignore it because all I see are rows and rows of books. It’s a library, a huge, beautiful library. Large marble pillars hold up another floor of books, and there is seating everywhere. It’s like a book nerd’s Holy Grail. “It’s like the Beauty and the Beast movie.”

“That’s what Lena said when we were growing up.”

“Oh my God,” I say in complete awe. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

He comes up beside me, and I look up into his eyes. He smiles before saying, “I was thinking the same thing.”

My cheeks rush with heat as my heart completely blows up in my chest. It’s not lust. I mean, yeah, it’s there, but this is more. My heart may very well be his. Looking away shyly, he says, “I figured you’d love this as much as I do. I mean, the books in here date back to the early 1700s. Voltaire, James Joyce, Samuel Beckett, Oscar Wilde, W.B. Yeats, C.S. Lewis, Jonathan Swift, Daniel Defoe, loads of Jane Austen… I know your favorite.”

He must have seen my face light up. “Oh my God, Declan, I am in complete awe. This is amazing.”

“I’m glad you like it. Come on, let’s go check out the Jane Austen. I think I have a first edition Pride and Prejudice.”

I halt and throw my hands up in utter shock. “No way!”

“Yes,” he says, his eyes sparkling as he reaches for my hand. “Go see for yourself.”

He does have it and when I touch it, a stray tear runs down my cheek. Like everything else in this damn house, it is impeccable, but I can see the wear where someone has read it. Along the front reads Charleston, and I can’t believe I am holding this.

“Oh my God, I can’t wait to tell my mo—” I stop before the whole word leaves my mouth. My grip tightens on the book, and I take in a sharp breath, trying to compose myself, but I can’t stop the tears from gathering in my eyes. Or falling as my heart feels like it is being ripped out of my chest. My mom would have loved this. She wouldn’t have believed me, but I won’t get that chance to tell her.

When Declan’s arms wrap around me, squishing me into his chest with the book between us, I want to try to save the book, but I can’t. I can’t do anything because I need his comfort.

I need him.