Amberlyn

“I’m a dumbass.”

Fiona lets out a laugh as she looks through the racks. “Totally. Who yawns while her guy tries to get off? Was it boring?” she asks, cutting me a look.

I flash her a dark look, shaking my head quickly. “No, I was just dead on my feet. Nothing is boring about Declan. He’s romantic, perfect, and can kiss like you can’t believe. It was amazing, and I didn’t want it to end even though I was so tired.”

“I suggest when you go out, make sure you are awake, and don’t ever yawn again. You’re gonna give him a complex, and he won’t want to kiss ya.”

Like I hadn’t thought of that already. “Thanks,” I moan as I look through the racks that are full of white dresses. On a rare day where my aunt and uncle have given us a day off, Fiona and I are off on a mission of shopping for the ball before getting lunch. I am starving, but Fiona said we couldn’t eat until after we got our dresses, since she didn’t want to be bloated trying them on. I didn’t care one way or another. I just wanted to eat, but she told me that she wasn’t buying a dress sporting a food baby.

While I am annoyed and hungry, Fiona is excited, wearing a bright smile with her blond locks falling in her eyes as she searches the racks. She is more excited than I am because I guess it means she and Kane are coming out to everyone. Which is great, don’t get me wrong, but while I can’t wait to get dolled up and spend the night dancing with Declan, I’m nervous. I haven’t been to a ball before. I don’t even know how to act at these types of things, but Fiona has and guarantees me everything will be fine. I just hope I can find a dress that suits me. I don’t want to look like a whore or a frumpy weirdo when I meet my boyfriend’s parents.

Turning to me, Fiona holds up a dress. It’s hideous! I shrug, not wanting to be rude, and then after a moment she does the same before putting it back. We do this for what seems like hours as my night with Declan plays over and over in my mind. The more time I spend with Declan, the more I get to know him, and the more I fall. I love his smile. I love his eyes, they are like coming home, and his arms are so warm. I was being honest when I said that I’d be lost without him—I would be. It’s become such a routine between us. We spend the day texting until the moment we are able to see each other, usually during lunch. Then we both return to work before joining up later that night. Tangled in each other’s limbs, we talk for hours, learning so much about each other, and I love every single moment of it. He keeps me on my toes, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel so special. It’s perfect and everything I’ve ever wanted.

 I remember when I was fourteen. I told my mom that I was going to marry Mr. Darcy. She agreed that he would be an amiable man and that we would need to get first-class tickets back in time to find him. For the next hour, we discussed what we would do to help my dreams come true and how Darcy would be a fool not to fall for me. I was convinced that he was the man for me. It was so innocent and perfect that it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

Before my mom passed, she said not to settle for anything but Mr. Darcy status and I feel that I’ve found that. While it worries me that this is my first love and how people never stay with their first loves, I can’t help but feel so strongly about him—like he consumes me. Every single part of me is in love with him, and I don’t know how to handle my feelings. They are so scary.

“Why are you just standing there? Look,” Fiona says, playfully smacking my butt as she passes by me.

I smile before biting into my lip and looking over at her. She catches me watching her and asks, “What?”

I shrug, a smile still pulling at my lips. “Declan said I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”

When my shoulders sway back and forth with a girly grin on my face, I feel a little dumb but not enough to stop doing it. She smiles before leaning against the rack.

“That’s sweet. What did you say?”

Shyly, I answer, “That I’ve never felt like this before.”

Her brows come up as she sets me with a look. “Felt like what?”

Biting the inside of my cheek, I shrug. “I love him.”

“You said that?” she asks, her face visibly shocked.

“No, I haven’t. I don’t know how.”

Coming to me, she cups my shoulders, looking deep in my eyes. “Don’t. Wait for him to say it to you.”

“Why?”

“Because if you do it, then that means you care more. What if he doesn’t, but he says it because he wants to be nice? This is Declan O’Callaghan. The Whiskey Prince, Amberlyn. He has duchesses, actresses, and debutantes throwing those three words at him all the time, but not once has he ever been in love with any of them. I’m not saying he doesn’t care for you. It’s obvious he does, but don’t say it yet. Wait for him because… Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, promise?”

I can only blink as I process what she is saying to me. “Okay?”

“You are the only normal person I’ve ever seen Declan with. He has always dated the rich and famous. So I don’t know what to think of this. Does he really love you? Or is he trying to do it as a stunt? You know? Don’t get me wrong, I want to trust Declan because of how highly Kane thinks of him, but he makes me nervous because it’s you. You’re basically my sister, and I don’t want any more pain to come to you. Not after everything you’ve been through.”

Taking her hand in mine, I smile. “I love you, I do, and I love that you worry about me, but Declan is shy. I think those other women were just what he was expected to do, and maybe I’m the real deal. Maybe I’m grasping at straws because really, a guy like Declan falling for me is kind of comical, but I can’t help but hope to God it can be true because I do love him. I love him with all my heart, and I can’t wait to hear him say it back to me.”

“It’s not comical, Amberlyn. You are amazing, and I think you may be right. I mean, you know him, the real him, so I trust your judgment. But please give it a little more time before you start screaming you love the man. Wait till you sleep with him and then decide. He could have a small dick, ya know.”

“Good God,” I mutter as I drop her hands and shake my head as she laughs.

“What? He could!”

“Not that I would know since he’d be the first!” I counter, and she nods.

“True, so here’s the rule of thumb… You want more than a mouthful.”

I close my eyes, seconds away from covering my ears. “Please, Fiona.”

She sends me a sneaky grin before going back to flipping through the racks. I stand there for a second, thinking of what she said, and then I say, “I think I will wait.”

She nods. “Good.”

“It’s only been like six weeks. While I know what I am feeling is true, I think it’d be better to wait. Don’t want to go scare him off.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “Wait until he says it.”

“I mean, we’ll see what happens. I live in the moment. If for some reason, I have to tell him, or I know I can’t go on, I’m just going to do it. I know what my feelings are, and all I can hope is that when I tell him, he feels the same.”

She nods. “True, now stop worrying about all that. Let’s pick dresses out that will blow our fella’s minds!”

“Okay!” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. Truth is, I suck at dress shopping. I never went shopping for dance stuff. I was too busy studying and changing my mom’s bedding. Flipping through the racks of beautiful, white dresses, I sigh. “Why couldn’t it be like a black ball? White is so boring to me.”

Fiona shakes her head. “No way. White dresses are gorgeous because they are usually blinged out, you pair it with some brightly colored heels, and life is grand. This one is nice. It would look good on ya. It’s very Victorian, which suits ya,” she says, holding up a dress.

“The top is see-through,” I say, taking in the gorgeous detail of it. It’s an off-white, jeweled tulle top with cups that would cover my breasts, but still, you could see right through it except for the white, high-waisted skirt that would come to maybe mid-calf. It was beautiful.

“So? It’s gorgeous. Seriously, go try it on,” she says, pushing it at me.

“You don’t think it’s whoreish?” I say, my face scrunching up.

“No way. It’s classy. Lena would rock something like this in a heartbeat.”

Reluctantly, I take the dress and walk to the dressing room. I figure it’s my curiosity that fuels me to get undressed and slowly slide the gorgeous gown up my body. It fits like a glove even with only being zipped up halfway. Turning to look at the side, I smile when I can see my tattoo on my ribs through the studded fabric. My ass even looks great, and I can’t help but love everything about this dress. I’m sure that Declan will love it, too.

Stepping out, I don’t see Fiona and ask, “Fiona?”

“Hold on, I’m throwing one on, too.”

“Okay,” I say just as she steps out in a white dress that covers her all the way up to her neck. I make a face because the dress is ugly in my opinion, but when she turns and I see that the back is backless with two black lace patches by her ass, I quickly change my opinion. “Beautiful,” I say with a grin.

“Thanks, I think it will drive Kane insane and wow, you too. Turn around.”

I do as she asks, and she zips me up. I turn, smiling, and she nods. “I think you found your dress.”

I run my hands down the front of the dress, loving the fit, and completely agree. “And you’ve found yours.”

“I think so. So now all we need is shoes,” she says as her eyes gloss over.

“Yay,” I groan, and she laughs.

“Come on, it will be quick.”

Such a liar. It took another hour to find shoes before we finally settled at the pub by the store for food. My heart is still pounding from the money I dropped, but Fiona said it was worth it to look good with a whole bunch of rich folks. I guess she is right, but still, it sucks knowing my bank account took a major hit. Taking a huge bite of my burger, I smile as the flavors explode in my mouth. I am so hungry, and this burger is going to hit the spot perfectly. I am tempted to order some wings, too, but refrain since I want to look good in my dress, and instead, I smother my fries with mustard.

When my phone sounds, I drop the burger on my plate to dig it out of my purse to find Declan has texted me. I usually wouldn’t answer it while I eat, but since Fiona is in the bathroom, I find it the perfect time to get in a quick word with him.

Still shopping?

I smile as I text back. Nope, finally eating.

So you have a dress then?

I do, and it is going to knock your socks off.

I can’t wait.

Me neither.

Wanna get out tonight?

I bite into my lip. I can’t. Since we had the day off, we have to work late.

I haven’t seen you in two days. I miss you.

I smile, my face heating with color as I write back. I miss you too.

Grand, so meet me by the lake when you get off.

I know I am going to be tired but seeing him is worth it. Okay, but if I yawn, you can’t blame me.

He sends me a smiley face and I go to send him one, but before I can, I hear a voice that makes my skin crawl. “Howya, Amberlyn.”

Looking up at Casey, my heart kicks up in speed. Not because he looks good with his hair falling in his face in such a cute way, but because I am still very much afraid of him. “Casey.”

“How are you?”

“Good,” I say, tucking my phone in my lap.

“You look beautiful today,” he says, dropping in the stool beside me.

Inwardly, I groan as I say, “Thank you.”

I turn to go back to my burger, hoping he’d get the hint, but no such luck. “Surprised to see ya out at this hour. Not working, I see.”

“Nope,” I say before taking a bite.

“Who ya with?”

I cover my mouth as I chew. “Fiona.”

“So you and O’Callaghan broke it off, then?”

I make a face as I shake my head. “No, he’s working.”

His face falls. “Guess that was hopeful thinking, huh?”

“Bug off, Casey. We are trying to enjoy our lunch,” Fiona calls at him as she falls into the seat beside me.

I send her a grateful look, but Casey waves her off. “Shut it, Fiona. I just wanted to say hi.”

“Well, we don’t want to say hi to you. We have to eat before getting back. My da is waiting on us.”

He rolls his eyes. “Why are ye off anyway? Shouldn’t you be running the lunch rush?”

Fiona glares. “None of your business. Bye.”

“You’re a bitch, Fiona.”

“And you’re a wanker, fuck off,” she says and he stands angrily, making me nervous.

Looking down at me, he says, “Call me sometime.”

“Don’t think so,” Fiona says, her eyes narrowed as she watches him. “She’s happy with Declan, doesn’t have time for arseholes. Which reminds me, bug off before I call one of them to come after ya.”

Shaking his head, he walks off without another word. When he looks back, his eyes in dark slits, I can’t help the chilling feeling that overcomes me. While I am relieved he is gone, something about that guy really makes me nervous.

 

It’s a cool night as I walk toward where Declan asked me to meet him. Wrapping my sweater tighter around me, I walk in the darkness until I see the silhouette of him standing by the large oak tree. He must have heard me coming because he turns, reaching for me as I come close to him. Holding me tight in his arms, he kisses the top of my head, and I love how safe I feel in his arms. I had been on edge after running into Casey today, but now, nothing matters. I am safe. Declan will protect me.

Looking up, I smile as I say, “Hi.”

“Howya, love,” he whispers before dropping his mouth to mine. Slowly, our mouths move together as I drink from his beautiful lips. It has been so long since I felt him like this, and I savor every second. Pulling away, I smile before kissing the side of his mouth. Lacing his fingers with mine, he pulls me down on the blanket I didn’t see. Lying back, he brings me down with him until I’m cuddled in the crook of his arm.

“I see you brought a blanket this time. Didn’t want me to dent up the car, huh?” I say, grinning as I move my nose against his chest, taking in his spicy smell. His chest rumbles with his laughter as his arm tightens around me.

“No,” he laughs before cupping my ass in his hand and squeezing. “I thought this would be more comfortable.”

“Oh, well, yeah, you’re right.”

He smiles, kissing my temple before we both fall silent. The sounds of crickets and the wind on the lake fill the air around me, and I’ve never felt so relaxed in my life. Snuggling closer, I ask, “How was your day?”

He shrugs, his lips dusting my temple. “Long.”

“Ugh, that sucks.”

“Yeah, but if this is the way it ends, I’ll endure it every day just for this moment.”

“You’re making me blush,” I groan as I smile, my face warming. I’m answered with his laughter, so I softly bite his chest, causing him to jump, his laughter continuing before his arms close around me tighter.

“Yours?” he asks.

I wonder if I should tell him about Casey. While I want to tell him, I know it’ll just irritate him, so I shrug before saying, “Long, too. I hate shopping.”

“That’s weird. Don’t girls love to shop?”

I give him a sneaky look. “You didn’t know I wasn’t like most girls?”

He smiles. “Yeah, I did know that.”

I smile back as he says, “Well, this is nice to do after a long day, the two of us and the stars.”

“I agree,” I say, snuggling into him and closing my eyes.

Neither of us is saying anything, just enjoying being in each other’s arms. I am so warm, so comfortable in his arms, that soon I am almost asleep. But before I can fall into a sweet slumber, he says, “I wanted to talk about tomorrow, love.”

Opening my eyes, I look up at him. He is watching me, his face glowing from the lantern he had brought for us to see.

“Yeah?” I ask.

“I know I’ve said this before, but my parents are intense, and I worry that they might offend you tomorrow.”

I can see that he is worried, and while I am scared shitless about meeting his parents, I know that it will work out. I love this man, and I’m sure I’ll love his parents.

With a shrug, I say, “It’s no big deal. I’m sure it will be fine.”

“My sister, you’ll like her, but my ma is very suffocating and will question you relentlessly and my da, he’s a snooty arse who might say something rude. So I just want to apologize now.”

I smile, reaching up to place my palm on his sweet face. “Do you want me to come tomorrow?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then don’t worry. Everything will be fine because we’ll be together. That’s all that matters, right?”

His eyes are swimming with something. I don’t know what it is, but looking into them, I can’t help but feel like he loves me. Running my thumb along his jaw, I get lost in his eyes, and I want to whisper the three little words, but before I can, Fiona is there, urging me to wait. So I bite on my lip to keep the words in as Declan says, “You’re right, and I’m sure it will be okay.”

Leaning up to brush my lips against his, I flash him a grin before saying, “Of course it will.”

Cuddling beside me, he asks, “Do you think your ma and da would have liked me?”

I smile as I nod slowly. Tears sting my eyes as I say, “Yes, they would have loved you.”

Holding me closer, he whispers, “I wish I could have met them. I feel like I know them because of you, but I wish I could tell them how amazing you are and how much you mean to me.”

I smile, and without much warning, a single tear runs down my face. “I would love for that to happen, but it isn’t in the cards. Plus, you know, if I wouldn’t have lost them, I wouldn’t have been here, and we never would have met.”

Holding my gaze, he says, “As much as I couldn’t fathom my life without you now, I would rather you have kept them than come here and met me. I see how much it pains you to be without them, and I honestly don’t know how you do it.”

When another tear falls, I suck in a breath before saying, “I do it because I have to. Because my mom raised a strong woman, and I want to be the type of person she would be proud of.”

“They are. Proud of you, I mean.”

“Thank you.”

“No thanks needed, love. It’s the truth.”

Not knowing what to say, my lip wobbles. He smiles before running his thumb along my cheeks to catch my tears. Leaning forward, he presses his lips to mine and kisses me long and thoroughly, curling my toes and making my heart sing. When we part, he kisses my nose, then my temple, before wrapping me up tight in his arms. I cuddle into his chest, and his lips dust my forehead before he whispers, “Don’t ever change, Amberlyn. You are the light of my day and anyone else you meet.”

Closing my eyes tightly, I kiss his chest before laying my head down to keep myself from whispering the words that I so want to say. As much as I believe he may feel the same with the words he just said to me, I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t say it if he did. Deciding that this moment is too amazing to spoil with rejection, I cuddle in closer to Declan, and this time, I don’t fight the sleep away, I welcome it being wrapped in the arms of the man I love.

A man my mom and dad would have loved.