"Kay-bear." Grandma's voice is soft. Quiet. She's smiling. Her eyes are a little fuzzy.

According to Mom, she's on a lot of painkillers.

But she doesn't look like she's dying.

She just looks tired.

How can she only have weeks left?

Or less?

I swallow hard. "Hey, Grandma."

Mom squeezes my hand.

"You look terrible, Kay. Haven't you heard of under-eye concealer?" Grandma teases.

It's the same as always. Except for the circumstances.

"I just got off a plane. Give me a break." I move closer to her bed. "I'm tea deprived."

"Nothing good here," Grandma says. "But there is a Starbucks up the street." She looks to Mom. "Get us something, honey?"

Mom nods. She pulls me into a tight hug and plants a kiss on my forehead. "Take as long as you need."

Because this is it.

This might be one of a few weeks of conversations—there's no way I'm flying back to LA now. Not until...

This might be our last conversation.

Tears threaten to hit my eyes, but I swallow them down. If this is our last conversation, I want to savor it.

I want it to be about more than Grandma dying.

But I still have to say a goodbye. "I love you, Grandma. I'm... I just want you to know how much I love you. And how much I've missed our conversations. And spending summers with you. And reading you my Days of Our Lives fan fiction. I'm up to chapter five in my book. I wrote a little on the plane."

"Yeah?"

I nod. "It's been a nice distraction."

"From this?"

"Yeah, and... I don't want to talk about my problems."

"I do." She sits up a little straighter. "You know I love giving you advice, Kay-Bear."

"You mean telling me what to do?"

She laughs. It's hearty. Alive. "Tell me what happened. It's that hot friend of yours?"

I nod. "Emma realized. She freaked. She stopped talking to me. Then I... I thought we were okay, but he..."

"Oh, Kay—"

"I told him I loved him. And it scared him, I guess. I don't know. He kept saying he's not good for me. That I shouldn't love him. But that's ridiculous. He's the sweetest guy I've ever known."

Grandma squeezes my hand. "I'm sorry, baby. Some people won't get out of their own way. You can't always stop that."

"I know. But it sucks."

"That it does." She laughs. "There will be other guys."

"Is it that hopeless?"

"Maybe not." She pats my hand. "You're a catch, Kay-bear. Pretty. Smart. Sweet. He's a fool to let you go."

"He's trying to say it's for me. Because he's bad for me. Or something. I'm not sure."

"The hot ones are never smart."

I laugh. "He is. Just—"

"We've all got our baggage. After your grandfather left, I wouldn't even look at men. I'd get write ups at work for being disrespectful to my supervisors."

I smile. That sounds like Grandma.

"Once your mom was older, I tried dating, but I was still angry at the world. I wasn't ready to trust someone to be my partner. I lost a few good things because I wouldn't get out of my way. But there was nothing any of those guys could do."

"Nothing? You sure?"

She laughs. "You think he loves you?"

"He said he did, but I don't know... if he loves me then why doesn't he want to be with me?"

"I don't know, baby. I'm sorry. Sometimes it takes a while to get over past hurt. I never did. I was never brave enough to risk my heart again."

"Maybe that's it. He... his parents were awful to him before they died. Made him feel worthless. Then they died suddenly. I mean, sorry—"

"It's okay. I know I'm dying."

A tear catches on my lashes. "And you... are you ready?"

She presses her lips together. "I've been too weak to live a long time. I'm ready."

Oh God.

"But I'd rather talk about your hot friend."

I wipe a tear from my cheek. "Okay. I just... You have to know how much I appreciate you. You were my best friend for a long time. You still are."

She squeezes my hand. "It's been an honor watching you grow, Kay. You're such a bright young woman." She blinks back a tear. "It's good you take after your mother and not me."

I shake my head. "I wish I was more like you."

She wipes her cheeks with her free hand. "That's about all I can take—"

"Okay. I do... I do need advice about Brendon."

She nods. "You think he's worth the trouble?"

"You've seen his picture."

She smiles. "Not lately."

I pull out my phone to grab one of us. There's a text from Emma. A few actually.

Emma: I'm sorry. Brendon is so stupid. I can't believe he did that. Did you get to Jersey okay? How is your grandma? Call me, Kay. I'm so sorry about flipping out. I just... I guess I did freak out. I love you.

"That him?" Grandma asks.

"No. Emma."

"You're smiling."

"She apologized. She forgives me for lying to her."

"Good. Now let me see the hottie."

My laugh hurts. These pictures are salt in the wound. We look so happy. So right together.

I pick one of us at Inked Hearts. I'm sitting on the stool behind the counter, and he has his arms around me, and we're both smiling like we're happy enough to die.

I hand my cell to grandma.

"Mmm. Yes. I can see why you look so miserable." She taps the screen. "Anything good in here?" She raises her brows twice.

"Oh my God, Grandma! No. If there was, do you think I'd show you?"

"You'd deprive a dying woman of a juicy pic?"

"If it was meant for my eyes only, yes."

"You're not convincing me to stop looking."

I laugh as I steal my cell back. "You're sick. You know that?"

"Of course." She smiles. "How is school?"

"Good. Hard. But good."

"And work?"

"It's fine. I... um... I might extend my trip and—"

"Don't miss school for me."

"Grandma. You're... I'm staying here as long as I need to be here. You won't talk me out of it."

She looks up at me with a sad smile. "You really are a strong young woman."

I wipe my tears. "I try. But I don't feel that way. Not usually."

"If your boss gives you shit, tell me. I'll call him. Cough a lot. Guilt him."

I shake my head. "No. I can find a place with better tips, so I can drop to two days a week."

"You should, Kay-bear. And play up the flirting. You'll never go broke appealing to a wealthy man's ego."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"You won't. If things were different, you'd lecture me about integrity."

"They aren't different." I press my lips together. "You were a single mom. I get it."

She nods. "You're such a good kid. And so strong, going through everything on your own. But it doesn't have to be like that, Kay-bear. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Let people in. Let them see when you hurt. Even if it means risking your heart."

"I'm trying."

"Your mom told me about your depression."

"What?" How does mom know?

"You're on SSRIs. Insurance, they send a summary of benefits. Billing codes. All that shit. She wanted me to know, so I could look for signs that you might be thinking about hurting yourself."

"Oh."

"Let her think it was our secret."

I nod. If things were different, I'd argue. But they're not. "Okay."

"Your mom probably never told you, but she had terrible postpartum depression. She couldn't get out of bed. And she felt so guilty, thinking there must be something wrong with her. She had a new baby. She was supposed to be happy."

"Oh."

"I guess you can blame my genetics. The same thing happened to me." Grandma squeezes my hand. "It's the human condition, Kay. We're all a little bit broken. Don't let that stop you from going after what you want."

I nod.

"Promise."

"I promise."

"You mean that?"

I nod. I really do.