Violet works all morning and afternoon. She only gets up to make tea, grab a snack from the fridge, or to use the bathroom.

Long days on the bus always make me stir crazy. They always make my body crave motion.

Today is worse. I want to be the fuck away from everything else with her. I want to take some long walk on the beach, or swim after her in the pool, or throw her against my bed and fuck her until she's screaming my name.

I settle for stretching on the couch with my eyes on Violet.

It's not that I'm watching her. It's more that she's ten feet away. She's close enough I can see her brow furrow with concentration. I can see her chewing the cap off one of her pens. I can see her eyes light up when she works something out.

Damn, I could get lost staring in those green eyes.

I manage to pay attention to the game we're playing when it's my turn. Yeah, we're taking turns, the same way Piper and I did when we were kids.

When it's not my turn, it's hard keeping my eyes on the TV. They want to be on Violet. Can't blame them. The woman is gorgeous and her sweater is tight on her curves.

Already, I want her body against mine, under mine, on top of mine… doesn't matter as long as I can get her eyes rolling back in her head.

Can't rush this. She's still hurting over Asher's death. As much as I'd like to use my mouth to make her come, she needs me using it to reassure her this is okay.

I can't sit here and watch her hurt. I'm not making the same mistakes. This time, I'm doing something to help.

I let my mind wander as I take my turn. By the time I hand the controller over to Kit, I've got it. This might not be what Violet wants, but it's something she needs to do. She needs someone to push her to do it. She needs someone there, holding her hand.

Fuck, I want to be that person.

I arrange everything on my phone. It takes half an hour and a few favors, but I work it out. Perfect. This will be a surprise.

"Earth to Ethan." Joel taps me on the shoulder.

"What?" I ask.

"It's your turn." Joel waves the controller.

"Skip me this time." I push myself off the couch. I'm about to take a step towards Violet.

"Ahem. A word, Ethan." Joel grabs me by the back of my shirt and pulls me onto the couch.

"Didn't realize you felt this way about me." I look to Kit for backup.

"With those strict 'no fraternization' rules, he can't express his attraction." Kit chuckles.

Joel rolls his eyes. He moves between us, close enough to whisper. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Was gonna talk to Violet," I say. "Do you object to that?"

"Fuck yeah, I object to that. Look at her." He motions to Violet.

I've been looking at her. Her eyes are on her laptop. Her brow is furrowed with concentration.

That's how she always looks when she's working.

Except that her shoulders are tense and she's tapping her fingers against the table.

She's nervous about something.

All the more reason to talk to her. Whatever this is, we can work it out.

"Kit and I know that you and Violet ever being casual is a pipe dream." Joel lowers his voice. "Does she know that?"

"She's the one insisting." I'm playing by her rules.

"You skipped the sound check," he says. "You've never done that before."

"It's just a sound check," I say.

Joel shoots me a you aren't convincing me with that bullshit look. "I get it. Violet is fun, she's smart, she's hot. If she wasn't your ex-girlfriend, I'd be the first in line to fuck her. But she wouldn't look at me the way she looks at you. And I certainly wouldn't look at her the way you do."

What's his point?

"You're going to hurt her. You really want that on your conscience?" Joel asks.

No, I don't. Biting aside, the last thing I want is to hurt Violet. But there's no reason to tell Joel that.

He's only gonna fuck this up.

"We're on the same page." I try to keep my voice light but I'm not selling this story.

From the look on Joel's face, it's clear he's not believing it either.

Doesn't matter what Joel thinks. I'm tired of everybody looking at me like I'm about to screw shit up. I deserved it once upon a time—when Mom and Dad bailed, I used the freedom to drink and screw around. Flunked out of high school, lost my part-time job, lost my friends.

But that was six years ago now.

I turned shit around. I got my GED. I got a better job. I channeled my energy into the thing that mattered—making music.

Wish I could object and tell Joel to go fuck himself, but the drummer has a point. I'll never forgive myself if I hurt Violet again.

Sitting here with Joel isn't doing shit for me. I nod goodbye and move into the kitchen.

Violet looks up at me. She pulls her headphones off her ears. "Did you need something?"

"This." I open the fridge and pull out a bowl of strawberries. "You want some?"

"Yeah, that would be great." Her lips curl into a tiny smile.

I set the fruit on the table and slide into the other seat. It's a small enough space that my knees bump Violet's. "What are you working on?"

"I need to start applying for jobs. Most people at school lined something up months ago."

"Genetics?"

"Yeah." She takes a small bite of a strawberry. "There are a lot of openings in New York, Los Angeles, even Orange County." She looks up at me. "I haven't decided where I want to be."

I can hear the question in her voice. Where do you want me to be?

She presses her lips together. "The field is growing but it's still small. I want to make sure it's some place I can see myself for a long time."

"You can see yourself in Orange County?"

"I don't know. Maybe." She gnaws on her strawberry until her lips are red. "If Asher was still here or if you and I were together, it would be no question." Her words run together. "I mean, as much as I can't stand the whole Orange County superficiality, hair extensions and fake tits everywhere, I do love being in Huntington Beach. If I could live a few blocks from the ocean, that would really be amazing."

"Cali girl," I tease.

"Maybe I am." Her cheeks flush. Her eyes flare with nervousness as they catch mine. She stuffs a strawberry into her mouth and takes her time chewing it.

She's scared. I need to do something to fix that.

I make my voice soft. "I think about where I should be too."

"Yeah?"

"Only reason why I'm still in Orange County is 'cause Piper is there. Joel and Kit live in Los Angeles. It would make sense to move closer to them. I'll have to be in LA when we record, have to tour half the year, but the rest of the time…" I look Violet in the eyes. "I can be anywhere."

"Would you really move away to be with… with someone?"

"Would depend on the someone. And if she asked."

"Right, yeah. That's um, well, you know, it can be good to change things up. I like New York a lot. It's really alive and vibrant. You don't need a car. People don't give a fuck if you wear a black tutu or if you dye your hair purple, not that I've tried either, but I have seen it. You're so friendly. You could get to know people anywhere. But then your family is in southern California, so it might be a good idea to stay there." She catches herself babbling and shoves another strawberry into her mouth. When she's finally finished chewing, she speaks with a soft voice. "I… I think I'm going to take a nap. I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah."

She nods to the fruit bowl. "You can finish these." She scoops her things into her arms, slides into her bunk, and pulls her privacy curtain closed.

Joel clears his throat. "You want your turn, Ethan?"

I run my hand through my hair.

"You want it or not." He waves the controller.

"Yeah. Sure." It's four steps back to the couch. I take the controller, plop in the corner, and attempt to concentrate on the game.

* * *

After another round, Joel retires to his bunk to read.

Thankfully, Kit appreciates a good monster movie as much as I do. We watch The Thing, the remake. Violet would love this movie—it's all about people going crazy with suspicion and mistrust, like her favorite TV show, Battlestar Galactica.

I want to share it with her. I want to share everything with her. But now isn't the time. Something is bothering her. As much as I hate it, I have to give her space.

Violet stays in her bunk until well after sunset. She's quiet as she steps into the kitchenette and rifles through the fridge for something to eat. The thing is full of premade meals— Mal is the only one of us who can cook for shit. She grabs one and sticks it in the microwave.

Her eyes meet mine. She looks at me like she's searching for something. Whatever it is she wants, I want to give it to her.

But she doesn't want that. Her expression gets strained and awkward. She grabs her takeout container the second it's ready and slips back to her bunk.

She's avoiding me.

But why?

I give her time to finish her food, then I make my way to her bunk. She's propped up with a pillow behind her back and her e-reader in her hands.

"Hey." I kneel on the ground in front of her.

Her voice is unsteady. "Hey."

"We have a guacamole date."

"Oh. Yeah." She presses her lips together. Then her fingertips. "Do we have everything? We need avocados, limes, cilantro, salt, and onions."

"I'll check."

Her eyes stay on me as I make my way to the fridge. It's clear Mal is in charge of the kitchen. Everything is organized in its proper place. It only takes a minute to find all the ingredients.

Violet slips out of her bunk. Her steps are unsteady as she joins me in the kitchen. Something is off. Something is wrong.

I'm going to find out what it is.

She examines our ingredients. "We need a bowl, a knife, and a cutting board."

One by one, I get everything we need. There's not much counter space in the bus. I have to put the coffeemaker away.

"Joel won't let you hear the end of that." Violet's voice lifts.

"Joel can kiss my ass."

"Not until I leave in New York. Until then, that's my ass, and I'm protective of my property." She smiles, but there's a sadness in her eyes.

I want to scoop Violet into my arms and pin her to the wall, but that's not the right move here.

Not if I want her mine again.

Not if I want her forever.

I tease back. "Always nice to feel protected."

"Yeah, it is." This time, her smile wipes away all the frustration in her expression. "I'll lead, but you're the one with your hands on the controls. Okay?"

I nod. "Where do I start, Master Guacamole Chef Violet Valentine?"

She laughs. "Onions first. Do you know how to peel an onion?"

I nod.

"Okay. Let's wash and peel this one." She picks up a red onion. Her fingers brush mine as she hands it to me. "We should only need half of it."

I wash and peel the onion, then I cut it into tiny pieces.

Violet watches with a nervous expression. "Be careful. I don't want to be responsible for knocking your fingers out of commission."

"Because you need them or because I won't be able to play?"

"No comment."

I'm extra careful with the knife as I cut the avocados, lime, and cilantro. Still, Violet sighs with relief when I put the thing away in the dishwasher. She takes a more hands-on approach, stirring the ingredients with a spoon and taking frequent tastes.

Bit by bit, the tension in her shoulders eases. Things are light and easy again. That's how they should be. I get that life is tough, there's all this shit that hurts. I don't want her running from that. But I don't want her wallowing in it easier.

I want Violet light and free.

I want her happy.

"Voila." She scoops guacamole into the spoon and offers me a taste. "Better than anything from the grocery store."

I hold her gaze as I slide my lips around the spoon. The guacamole is great but it's nothing compared to being with her like this.

"Much better." I take the spoon and offer her a scoop.

She moans as she licks the silverware clean.

"Am I missing something good?" Joel steps into the kitchen. He shoots me an incredulous look then his eyes fix on Violet.

Violet holds up the bowl of dip. "You want some?"

"No, that's okay."

She takes a step backwards. All the tension spreads back to her shoulders. "I'll get out of your way."

"It's fine. Just wanted to check with the driver." Joel calls out to our driver. "What time are we stopping in Montana?"

"Another hour or two," the driver calls back.

Joel pulls out his phone to check the time. "Damn, getting in late. I have plans."

"Oh yeah?" Violet asks.

"Yes, Valentine. Not all of us travel with our sexual partners," he says.

"Not all of us have a strict one-and-done rule," Mal calls from his bunk.

Joel flips him off.

"Oh, going to the clubs, picking up some babes?" Violet asks.

"Wouldn't use those words," Joel says. "And I don't think there are any clubs where we're stopping."

"Can I come?" she asks.

"Only if I can watch you with the babe you're picking up," he says.

"No." Violet blushes. "To be your wingman. Ethan and I are exclusive. Until I leave. Then I'm free to screw as many babes or fellas as I want." Her voice is unsteady, like she's reminding herself.

Joel looks to me and raises a brow. When I shrug, he looks back to Violet. "All right, but you have to do what I say. We're not stopping in Los Angeles. This town has three bars and it's a weekday. You understand me?"

"You've only got ten babes to pick from and you want to nail the hottest one?" Violet takes another lick of guacamole.

"It's not about looks, Valentine. It's about attitude. I need somebody who's game." Joel turns back to his bunk.

"I'll come too." I'm going to be wherever Violet is until I figure this out.

"Great, two sidekicks." Joel shakes his head.

"Make that three. We need to talk," Mal chimes in from his bunk.

"You too, Rhythmic One?" Joel asks.

"No." Kit pulls the privacy curtain on his bunk closed.

"Guess spending the entire day on a tiny bus isn't enough. Now we have to go out together too. Awesome." Joel plops in his bunk with a what the fuck sigh.

Violet presses her lips together. She pulls her arms over her chest. "I should get back to work."

"Sure. Thanks for the cooking lesson." I study her body language. As much as I want to kiss her, it's not the time. I press my lips to her forehead instead. "Really, thanks Vi."

"Anytime." She returns to her bunk.

The words linger in my mind. Anytime. That's what I want. I want Violet around anytime I need her. I want to be around anytime she needs me.

Just need to figure out how to make that happen.