I barely have the energy to stand, much less finish washing up. Ethan keeps his arms around my waist. His touch is sweet and affectionate as he shampoos and conditions my hair, runs soap over every inch of my body, and rinses me off.

This, Ethan holding me with all the affection in the world, is everything I wanted.

No, it's still everything I want.

I try to push my thoughts out of my mind. I'm too tired to think. I want to feel.

Ethan wraps a towel around my chest, finishes stripping to nothing, and leads me to the bed. He nestles into the spot behind me, his hard body warm against mine.

His arm goes to my waist. He pulls me closer. My towel is in the way of our torsos connecting, but I can feel his hands, his chest, his legs, his breath on my neck, his lips brushing my ears.

I can feel his heartbeat.

It's steady.

His breath too.

My heart is in overdrive. I take a long, slow breath, hold it for as long as I can, exhale as slowly as I can. He's calm, at peace, like he's exactly where he belongs.

Something stirs in my chest. It's not lust. It's not fun. It's not even close to platonic.

I remind myself about our arrangement—one week of fun, then we both walk. I can't get mixed up. I can't fall for Ethan. He's here with me now, yeah, but he's not going to stick around when I'm back in school. He's not going to rearrange his life for me.

He's going to do what he did last time. He's going to throw me away as soon as I'm inconvenient.

Damn, I can't do this. I can't fall in love with Ethan. I can't hand him my heart.

This needs to stay fun.

I take another deep breath, but that does nothing to soothe me. It feels good being in his arms. It's everything I ever wanted. Everything I still want.

My eyes go to the clock. We're into evening now. That buys me something. I try to keep my voice steady, so I won't give away how terrified I am of my feelings for him. "Don't you have to go to the sound check?"

"Mal's going to fill in for me."

"At the show?"

"No." He runs his fingers through my hair. "He would, but he can't play rhythm and lead at the same time."

"Oh." My attempts to breathe steadily aren't working. Ethan is staying with me instead of going to the sound check. That's not like him.

No, it's only a sound check. It's not like he's skipping the show or even practice. There's no reason why he has to be at the sound check.

It doesn't mean anything.

He presses his palm against my shoulder. "I have another few hours." His lips hover over my ear. "I can go if you want to be alone."

I play with the threads of the towel. I don't want to be alone. Not now, not later, not when I get back to New York.

But I only get Ethan now. I can't get ideas about later.

Later isn't happening.

I need to move this back to sex and fun or my ideas about later are going to build to engagement rings, ivory dresses, and frolicking on the beach in Hawaii.

"No, stay." I peel my towel off and toss it aside. "I want you here." I take his hand and place it on my stomach.

A soft groan escapes his lips. He pulls me closer. He shifts his hips to press his crotch against my ass.

I grind against him until I feel him hardening.

He's hesitant. Hard to blame him. This really isn't the time. He should be holding me, stroking my hair, and whispering that it's going to be okay.

My eyelids press together. I want Ethan holding me, stroking my hair, and whispering that it's going to be okay. I want him whispering I love you, Violet. I want him making plans with me. I want us making plans together. I want us to be a team again.

I can't have that.

But I can have this.

He slides his arms around my shoulders to turn me around. He stares into my eyes, picking apart my intentions. Is it obvious that I'm running from my feelings again?

It must be.

He runs his fingers over my cheek and jaw. "Vi…" He presses his forehead against mine.

"Please." I run my fingers through his hair. "I need you."

His stare is a challenge. Do you need me or do you need me to fuck you?

I wish I only needed sex. I wish I only wanted his body.

I'd never lie to Ethan. Never. Every word of this is the truth. "I need you, Ethan. I need you like I need oxygen."

"Vi…" He plants a soft, sweet kiss on my lips.

Damn, he tastes good. He's mercilessly slow about sliding his tongue into my mouth. He's still hesitant.

I do need him like I need oxygen.

All of him.

Dammit, this whole have sex with Ethan in the hopes of forgetting I'm falling in love with Ethan thing isn't working. It's a stupid plan, now that I think about it. It sounded better in my head.

It's still sounding really fucking appealing.

His hand goes to my leg and hooks it around his. Thoughts of a plan slip away. All my intentions of pulling back to protect my heart fall away.

When our kiss breaks, I press my forehead to his. I mean to say something dirty and demanding. Make me come on your face, baby. But those words won't get anywhere near my lips.

My gaze meets Ethan's. "You make me feel alive. Not just my body. Every part of me feels alive around you. Like it's okay to feel good." So I'm terrible at dirty talk. I'll work on it. From the softness in his eyes and the hardness between his legs, I think it's working. "Make me feel good."

"Vi…"

"Don't make me beg."

The look in his eyes screams I want you to beg.

God, when he looks at me like that, I want to beg.

We're both naked. There isn't much I can do in terms of stripping seductively.

I hold Ethan's gaze as I slide my hand down his torso. My fingers brush that soft tuft of pubic hair. Then they're on his cock.

His eyelids press together as he groans.

"Fuck me, Ethan. Please. I want you inside me." I stroke him. "I want to come on your cock."

He groans. When his eyes open, they connect with mine. Something in his expression shifts. He's still concerned about me, but he's also ravenous with desire.

He needs this too.

I press my lips to his. He kisses back hard and deep. His hands go to my hips and hold my body in place against his.

His cock strains against me. I pull back as I wince. Ethan is huge and I'm not warmed up yet.

He pushes himself to his forearms. His eyes lock with mine. "Look me in the eyes, Vi."

I do.

"Tell me you want to feel pleasure."

"I do."

"That you deserve every fucking ounce of pleasure in the world."

That's harder. I take a deep breath to fight the anxiety spreading to my limbs. "I… I don't know."

"You do." He drags his lips over my neck. "You don't believe it yet. But you will." His tongue flicks against my nipple. "This is for me." He teases me again and again. "Because I want to watch you writhe under me. Because I want to hear you scream my name. Because I want you more than I've ever wanted anything."

"Ethan, please."

"Beg me."

"Please fuck me. Please make me feel good."

His voice is heavy, breathy. "Fuck, Vi." He looks up at me, his eyes filled with all the desire in the world, then his lips are on my chest. He plays with one nipple. Then the other.

His tongue is hot and wet and it feels so fucking good. Every flick of his tongue sends pleasure racing to my core. I do need him. All of him.

I only get his body, but right now that doesn't matter. Right now, I want to give all of myself to him. Right now, I really do believe I deserve all the pleasure he wants to give me.

His hands go to my hips and pin me to the bed. He takes his time dragging his lips down my torso. He plants a kiss just below my belly button. Then lower. Lower.

His tongue slides over my clit. My body screams with pleasure. That voice in my head, the one that believes I deserve only pain after the way I failed Asher, nags at me.

I try to shake it off, but that doesn't work. My hands go to Ethan's hair. "Bite me, Ethan." I press my thigh against his cheek.

He drags his mouth to my thigh. His teeth scrape against my skin. It's light. Barely hurts. He bites harder. Harder. Hard enough it stings.

"Fuck." I tug at his hair. "Don't stop."

He bites me again. Again. It hurts but in a way that feels fucking good. There's something soothing about the pain. It opens me up. It makes me believe I've earned the pleasure he's going to give me.

He drags his lips back to me. His mouth consumes me.

My eyelids flutter closed. I cup the back of his head, arching my hips to match his movements. He's fucking good at this.

Pleasure spreads through my pelvis. It pools between my legs. He licks me everywhere then he focuses right where I need him the most.

My sex clenches with tension. Almost.

Almost.

With the next flick of his tongue, I go over the edge. Pleasure spreads through my torso as my sex pulses with an orgasm.

I scream his name. It encourages him. It keeps his mouth on me.

He licks me again, again, again. Within moments, that tension is building again. It's intense and hard. It aches in the best possible way.

His grip tightens against my hips. His movements get harder, faster.

"Fuck, Ethan." I dig into his hair. I shift my hips against him.

Pleasure overtakes me. I lose my ability to form a conscious thought. My orgasm is heavy, intense, amazing. I scream his name again and again.

He moves faster. His body plants on top of mine. His lips find mine. He kisses hard and deep. Then he's straining against me.

Ethan's eyes meet mine.

It's there in his eyes— he needs my heart and my mind as much as he needs my body.

I spread my legs wider. I'm not sure what I'm offering him— my body, my heart, my mind, all of the above.

At the moment, I don't care. I need him, whatever I can get.

He holds my gaze as he enters me. I'm wet enough to take every inch of him.

Damn, he feels good.

Not like this is a fling.

Like I'm finally whole.

I wrap my legs around his hips. I wrap my arms around his shoulders. And I kiss him.

I kiss him like his lips are the only thing I've ever wanted.

He kisses back as he thrusts into me. My hips move with his. My lips move with his. My tongue dances with his.

We stay locked together, hearts pounding together. I can feel the pleasure building in his body in the way his fingers dig into my skin, in the way he kisses harder and groans against my lips.

He's almost there.

He brings his hand to my clit and strokes me.

Fuck, that feels good. My entire body is humming with pleasure. It's almost too much to take.

Ethan pulls away to bring his lips to my ear. "Come with me, Vi." His teeth scrape against my neck.

"Please," I breathe.

He groans against my skin as he bites me. The hint of pain is what I need to push me over the edge. My sex pulses as I come. It pulls him closer, deeper.

Then he's there too. He groans against my skin, rocking his hips harder and faster. His cock pulses as he fills me.

Once he catches his breath, Ethan positions his body next to mine. He pulls me into a tight embrace. I can hear his breath. I can feel his heartbeat.

God, the things I can feel.

He looks down at me with all the affection in the world.

I melt.