Everything hurts.

Dammit, I can't remember the last time I was sick. Is getting caught in the rain really that bad? It's happened plenty of times, but only for the distance from the subway to school or the subway to my apartment. Yesterday was the first time I spent the entire day in the pouring rain.

I get myself into my pajamas, wrap a blanket around my shoulders, and put on a pot of tea. The sky is still white. It's still pouring outside.

It's an ugly day.

Then the door opens and Ethan steps inside and it's not ugly anymore. His blue eyes really brighten every room.

But there's something in his expression…

Something is wrong.

He pulls the cough medicine from the paper bag in his hands. "You want a full dose?"

"Please."

He says nothing as he pours orange liquid into the dosing container and hands it to me.

I swig the thing in one sip. Artificial orange flavor. It's not awful.

My apartment is small—all New York City apartments are small, even the ones this far out in Brooklyn—but somehow it feels like Ethan is far away.

I nod to the couch. "Got Netflix queued up to Battlestar Galactica but there are a whole bunch of monster movies we could watch instead."

He runs his hand through his hair.

"You're wet."

"It's raining."

"You're not taking off your shoes."

His eyes turn down.

"Or your coat."

He says nothing.

"I know you always drink coffee first thing, but we have coffee here. Athena is into dark roast. She taught me how to make a pour over. I can get that for you."

"Vi—"

There must be some reason why he isn't settling in. I have to figure it out before I start to panic. "Don't tell me your rich people gym chain is nearby."

But I know there's no chance of that. No one who lives this far out in Brooklyn could possibly afford Ethan's gym.

Why does it look like he's leaving?

He promised he'd stay all weekend.

He promised and he's…

"Ethan…"

His voice is low, apologetic. "Dangerous Noise got invited to perform on a late night show. Their guest canceled. Rehearsal starts in an hour and a half."

"And you're leaving to go to rehearsal?"

"Yeah."

"You're leaving now?"

He swallows hard. "That's the plan."

My words are hollow, an echo. "That's the plan… right. Because you're Ethan Strong, the Dangerous Noise guitarist, and music is everything to you. I get it. Yeah. Right."

"Vi-"

"You promised."

"This is a great opportunity."

It is. I know it is. And I want that for Ethan. But he fucking promised.

I want that to be enough for him. I can't compete with the millions of people who will watch that show. I can't compete with thousands of fans screaming his name.

I don't want to.

I want him promising me he'll be here to be enough to convince him to do it.

I want to matter that much to him.

I blink back a tear. I feel dizzy. I'm not sure if it's the head cold or if it's all the feelings stirring in my stomach.

I take a step towards the couch, but I trip on my blanket.

Ethan catches me. He pulls me into a tight hug. God, I want to absorb all the comfort of his arms.

But I can't.

"You're going to be late," I whisper.

He holds my body against his. "I can come back as soon as it's over."

"Right. Yeah. When is that?"

"Later tonight."

He promised me this day together and now he's leaving like it's nothing.

"And tomorrow, when you get a chance to play some corporate gig?" I pull away from his touch and plant on the couch.

Ethan turns to look at me. "No, I…"

He can't even promise he'll be here tomorrow.

"I thought things were going to be different. Why would they be different?" My voice gets soft. "I must be the stupidest person in the entire world."

He sits next to me on the couch.

I shake my head. "I guess it doesn't matter that I love you, does it?"

"Violet, I love—"

"Don't finish that sentence. It's only going to make this worse."

I believe that he loves me, even without him saying the words.

I thought that was enough.

But it's not.

I pull my blanket tighter. "I… I love you so much, Ethan. I was watching you at the show and my heart was so full it was ready to burst out of my chest. I could see all that happiness on your face. I could see that you were finally where you belonged. You love the stage. You love the guitar. You love Dangerous Noise. Don't you?"

"Yeah."

"I thought I was okay with that coming first. I thought I was okay knowing that music would always matter more to you than I did. But I'm not. I want you to look at me the way your friend Drew looks at his fiancée Kara. I want to trust you to keep your promises. I want to know that if you ever have to choose, you'll choose me."

He stares at me with all this hurt in his deep blue eyes.

The kettle whistles.

"I'll get that." Ethan pushes himself off the couch. He moves to the stovetop and makes me a cup of tea. He turns and presses his back against the counter. His eyes meet mine. They're still wracked with hurt.

But he says nothing.

I can only barely get the words out. "You're going to be late."

"Vi, I…"

He wants to fix this, but he can't. Neither of us can. He's got the love of his life and I'll never be able to compete with his guitar.

His eyes turn to the floor. "I'm sorry."

Then he goes to the door.

And the door is closed.

And he's gone.