Alissa
The days quickly passed as Nate healed. I spent a lot of time with him, watching football or other things on television, playing card games, fixing him meals and sitting on the edge of the bed and visiting with him while he ate. Logan and Noah brought a portable foosball table into Nate’s room and set it next to his bed. Each of the dregs spent time playing foosball with him, while I sat back and watched, and laughed, highly entertained. After they left, Nate invited me to play a few games with him. He won every time, but I didn’t mind. I simply enjoyed being with him.
Nate was a good guy. A really good guy. He made me relax for the first time in years. He made me feel alive again. He had a nice laugh. And I loved to listen to him talk, the sexy lilts and drawls in his speech making little tingles of awareness zing throughout my entire body. It had been a long time since I’d felt sexual attraction to a man. That female part of me had been dead for a long time, but now, slowly, it was coming back to life.
Whenever Nate looked at me with those intense green eyes, I felt exposed, as if he could see inside me and knew all my secrets. He never probed into my past, never asked me personal questions, though I could see the questions in his eyes just waiting to be asked. Was he afraid to ask me? Was he worried about how I might respond? If Nate did ask me about my past, I wouldn’t lie to him. But I’ll admit I was nervous about telling him the truth. He might view me differently if he discovered I’d been a victim, that a part of me would probably always be a victim. He had to know by now that I wasn’t the strong, independent woman I pretended to be, but it didn’t seem to bother him. Our friendship slowly grew over the coming days, and a tentative trust began to forge between us. I felt connected to him now in a way I’d never felt connected to anyone else before. Sometimes when he looked at me, I thought I glimpsed attraction, even desire in his eyes, but other times nothing more than friendship, so I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it or not. Was he attracted to me physically? Or was I nothing more than a friend to him? Nate was a serious guy with a dry wit, but he could be funny, too. I enjoyed talking with him, getting to know him. Just being with him.
The more I was around him, the more I liked him, and the more attracted I became to him. The brokenness inside me was slowly disappearing, little by little. Being around Nate was good for my soul. He was helping me heal inside, even though he didn’t know it.
It had now been three days since the night he’d been shot. He was now getting up several times a day and walking around as he healed. The other dregs stopped in daily to check up on him. They were obviously concerned about him, and I liked the easy camaraderie that flowed between them all. They were a close-knit group. A group I wasn’t a part of.
Nate hadn’t asked me to stay, despite my fantasy that he would. I tried not to be depressed by that, but my heart hurt knowing he probably wanted me to leave. It was time for me to be on my way. I just had to figure out where I was going to go.
My parents were still in Boston. I hadn’t talked to them since the night I’d called them several weeks ago and told them Kenny was dead. They hadn’t been surprised, knowing my brother was involved in the gang wars, but they were definitely heartbroken. He’d been the golden child, the love of their lives, even after he’d taken a turn down the wrong path.
I had no desire to return to Boston. There was nothing for me there. My parents and I didn’t exactly see eye-to-eye. They’d never approved of my modeling career. I’d actually gotten my nursing degree just to make them happy. It had also been a back-up plan in case my modeling career went south.
Kenny had been their favorite, and even after he’d gotten involved with a gang, they’d still never given up on him, believing he would someday straighten out and do great things. I think deep down they blamed me for his death, since I was the reason he’d come to Georgia. He’d wanted to see the kind of life his famous sister lived, but coming here had only gotten him killed.
No, I was not returning to Boston.
I did have one true friend left. Grace, the cop who’d rescued me the night of my attack. She’d left Augusta to take a job in Eatonton over a year ago, before the gang wars had broken out, and now worked for the local small-town police force. I had no doubt Grace would help me out, but I didn’t want to be a burden. She was a foster mom to orphaned girls and always had a houseful of teenagers. I knew she would let me stay on her couch for a few weeks until I found a job and a place of my own.
When Kenny had taken me under his wing after my attack, I’d given him the key to my Lexus and complete access to my bank accounts. I obviously hadn’t been in my right mind at the time or I wouldn’t have done something so foolish. It hadn’t taken Kenny long to empty my accounts, and he ended up totaling my car in a wreck while fleeing from the cops one night. So now I had nothing, everything squandered away by my criminal brother who was now dead.
It was past time to figure my life out. Maybe I could inquire about nursing jobs at the hospital in Eatonton. I certainly needed to do something with my life. I’d been wasting away for three years with no sense of direction, letting my brokenness drag me down. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself. Time to find a purpose in life. Time to do something.
And do my best to forget about a hunky dreg named Nate who would probably never view me as anything more than a friend. Why did the thought of leaving him hurt so much?
My leg was slowly healing, though it was still sore, and I was able to walk without pain if I didn’t put too much weight on it.
This morning for the first time, Nate had gone to the workout room with the others. He’d said he was ready to get back into the swing of things.
I was curious about what he did in the gym, so I followed after him, then leaned against the wall to watch as he worked out with the other dregs. Even injured and moving carefully to not upset his injuries, he was a sight to behold. My breath caught as I watched him run on a treadmill, then lift weights, then pound his fists into a punching bag. He’d removed his shirt, and seeing all those hard muscles moving so fluidly was mesmerizing.
Then he joined Noah in the ring, and they sparred for about thirty minutes. Noah was cautious with him, careful not to be too rough, I noticed. These guys obviously cared a great deal about each other. It made me very aware of how much I didn’t belong here.
Tony entered the gym while Nate was still in the ring with Noah. Luke and Ryan were lifting weights now, and Logan was running on the treadmill.
Tony’s hard gaze landed on me. He strode forward.
Shit. I straightened my spine, bringing myself to my full height, and forced myself to hold his gaze as he stopped before me. I’d made sure I was never alone with him the past few days so he wouldn’t have an opportunity to try to intimate me. But my luck had run out.
“You’re still here?” It was a sneer. “Shouldn’t you be moving on now?”
Don’t let him intimidate you.
I lifted my chin. “I’m taking care of Nate, in case you didn’t notice.”
He snorted and motioned toward Nate in the ring. “Looks to me like Nate is back to normal now, so there’s no need for you to stay.” His gaze hardened. “You need to move on, puta. Get over your fantasies about being with him. You’re too broken. You’re not worthy of him and you know it. He might want to fuck you, but he’ll never respect a woman like you.”
Heat washed into my face. I glanced over at Nate in the ring. He was so handsome, so masculine. And so not mine. As much as Tony’s words hurt, he was right. I was too broken. I wasn’t worthy of a man like Nate. But that didn’t stop me from wanting to be the one and only woman for him.
Fool. What had I been thinking? That Nate would want me as I was? He was a powerful, dangerous man. A dreg. He would never fall in love with weak woman like me.
My heart squeezed and twisted with a sharp pain. As much as I wanted to be the kind of woman he could love, I wasn’t. I didn’t know if I ever could be the kind of woman that would win Nate’s heart.
And Tony had just made that painfully clear.
I pulled my gaze back to Tony’s, unable to hold back the swirl of tears that threatened to fall. “Don’t worry,” I whispered, the huskiness in my voice betraying the weakness inside me. “I’m leaving now. I won’t come between you two.”
His eyebrow slanted up in surprise. “You’re leaving?”
A huge lump formed in my throat. I swallowed hard, forcing it back. “Yes, I’m leaving. You win.”
I stepped away from him, heading for the door.
I was leaving right now. This very moment. While Nate was still in the ring. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about a painful goodbye. My breath hitched.
I felt Tony’s hard gaze following me from the room, but I didn’t turn around. I didn’t glance back to see if anyone else noticed I was leaving.
Footsteps thundered after me.
Dammit, couldn’t Tony just leave me the hell alone?
I hurried faster.
Finally reaching the door, I yanked it open.
A hand gripped my arm.
Gritting my teeth, I spun around. “What now?” I hissed out, trying valiantly to hold back a sob. “Can’t you just leave me the hell alone?”
Tony hesitated, his black gaze narrowing on me. “You’re leaving right now?”
“Yes! You obviously want me gone, so I’m leaving.”
He gave me a weird look I couldn’t decipher. “You’re not going to argue, plead your case, tell me why you think you deserve to stay?”
I let out a snort of disbelief. “Right. What good would that do? You hate me.”
He quirked a brow, then shook his head. “You disappoint me, chica. I was hoping you would fight for him, show the strength that I know is hiding in you somewhere, but you’re obviously too weak.” Then he sighed. “You want to go right now? I’ll give you a ride.”
I glowered at him. He could go to hell.
“The hell you will! Just stay away from me!”
He chuffed. “Don’t be an idiot. It’s an hour’s walk into Eatonton and you have an injured leg. Let me take you.”
“No. I’m not going anywhere with you. Just leave. Me. Alone.” I spun on my heel and headed out into the corridor. A sob burst out.
His soft chuckle followed after me, making my hair stand on end. He thought it was funny that I was leaving? That he’d just ripped my world out from underneath me? That he was forcing me to leave Nate?
“Fuck you, Tony!” I shouted over my shoulder.
He snorted. Then, suddenly, he appeared right in front of me. I gasped, my hand flying to my mouth, and tripped to a halt. What the hell?
Hands on my hips, I glared up at him. “That’s not funny.”
He smirked. “You never asked what my dreg name is.”
I let out a huff. “I don’t care what your dreg name is.”
He actually looked offended by that. “I’m The Smuggler, don’t you know?”
“What does that mean?”
He bared his teeth in what I imagined was supposed to be a smile. “I’m a magician, an illusionist, an escape artist. I make things disappear. And reappear where I want them to.”
“Things?” I repeated. “Ah. Like yourself. Yes. Back at the college you made yourself disappear. You could be described as a thing because you’re certainly not very human.”
His lip curled in a sneer. “True. But to answer your question, yes, especially myself. You already saw it. It’s pretty cool, don’t you think?”
Was he trying to impress me? I didn’t think so. He hated me. So why, then, was he telling me this?
“Well, good for you,” I muttered. “Why are you telling me this? I don’t care. Just get out of my way.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I was offering my help. If you need something smuggled somewhere, or a prick taken out for you, let me know, and I can help you.”
Was he serious? Was this his way of apologizing for being an asshole? There were are a lot of pricks I’d like to personally take out, starting with Romeo, and then Enrique, but that was just wishful thinking on my part. I couldn’t deny I was curious about the smuggling.
“How, exactly, does the smuggling work?”
His lip twitched, but it wasn’t quite a smile. “I can make myself, and other inanimate objects, disappear. Become totally invisible to the naked eye. I focus my energy on becoming invisible, and anything I’m touching at the time can become invisible with me. Anything except other living things. That’s the only catch.”
I had to admit that was fascinating, but I would never tell him that. “So if you were, say, holding someone’s hand, you couldn’t make them disappear with you.”
“No.”
I cleared my throat, reminding myself I was mad at this jerk. “Why would I want you to smuggle something for me? I don’t even have anything left.”
He shrugged. “I just want you gone. You don’t belong here. So I’m offering my help to get you out of here.”
I glowered at him. “I will never need or ask for your help. Ever.”
Our gazes locked in a fierce stare that I struggled to maintain as long as he did. Finally, he threw up his hands.
“Fine. Go then, puta. You’re either stubbornly proud, or stubbornly stupid.” Then he lowered his voice. “But you’re doing the right thing. In a few days, Nate will forget all about you. I wish you luck.”
I rolled my eyes. Sure he did. He more than likely wished me dead. He still insisted on calling me a derogatory name. I could think of plenty of derogatory names to call him.
He stepped aside and I marched past him with a final glare. I hated him, I decided. I never wanted to see him again. He could take his smuggling ass back to Mexico or wherever the hell he’d come from.
I got no farther than halfway down the corridor before I halted. I had no flashlight to navigate the maze, nor did I know the way out of the maze. I might be stubborn and proud, but I wasn’t stupid enough to take off in the dark into a maze that I could easily get lost in.
With a sigh, I turned back to Nate’s apartment. Tony had disappeared, thank God, so he didn’t witness my humiliation. I would have to wait until later when no one was in the gym, and then sneak up the escape hatch and out into the woods.
I might be staying a little bit longer than Tony wanted. But I still had to accept the painful truth.
As much as it hurt…
As much as I wanted to wrap myself into a tight ball and sob in misery…
I would never be the woman for Nate.