Nate
Alissa was unusually subdued when I returned to my apartment after working out that morning. I’d seen Tony talking with her, then stalking out into the corridor after her. He’d returned a few minutes later, looking pensive, and a little disappointed, though I had no idea why. What had they talked about? Whatever he’d said to her seemed to have upset her because she hardly spoke to me for the rest of the day. I was still a little weak from my injuries, so I decided to rest and watch some football. I invited Alissa to join me, but she shook her head and left me alone. What was going on with her? What had Tony said? I was going to confront him about it later. I would get the truth out of him if I had to beat him to death. Alissa was definitely causing a rift between us, but I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
When I woke, it was after eleven o’clock at night. I’d slept longer than I’d anticipated. I must be weaker than I thought.
I quickly discovered Alissa was gone. She wasn’t in my apartment, so I headed out in the corridor. Where might she have gone? She wasn’t in the laundry room or the workout room, either. What the hell? Where could she be?
I went to Tony’s apartment and banged on the door, slamming my fists against the wood over and over and over until he finally yanked the door open and glowered at me. “What the fuck, man? I’m watching a game.”
“Where’s Alissa?” I growled out. “What did you say to her?”
He shrugged. “Stubborn chica left.”
Alarm raced through me. “What do you mean, she left?”
“She left, man. She’s gone. Adiós.”
I grabbed the front of his shirt and shoved him back against the wall outside of his apartment. “Why? What did you do to her?”
He locked his eyes with mine, but he didn’t shove me back like I expected. Instead, he sighed. “I didn’t do anything to her, amigo. I just pointed out the truth, and she couldn’t handle it.” He shook his head sadly. “I was hoping she would fight, show some spirit, but that girl’s beaten, man. She’s lost inside. She’s more damaged than me.”
I glared at him. “You don’t know what happened to her. How can you say something like that?”
He sneered and finally shoved me back. “No, I don’t know what happened to her. But I do know she’s not right for you. If you want to fuck her and get her out of your system, fine, but don’t waste any more time on her. She’s a lost cause.”
Excuse me? Had Tony just said that? Tony? I had never given up on him, and he was about as close to a lost cause as anyone could get. Alissa was far from a lost cause. And I was going to prove it.
“Did you really just say that? Did you just call her a lost cause?”
He turned his head away, a muscle clenching in his jaw. “You just need to forget about her.”
I shoved my face into his. “Where did she go? How long ago did she leave?”
He held up his hands. “I don’t know, man. The last time I saw her was right after she left the workout room. She said she was leaving right then.”
I knew Alissa hadn’t left right then because she’d been in my apartment all afternoon. I’d slept for several hours, so if she’d left as soon as I’d fallen asleep, then she could have been gone for hours. But if she’d waited until a while after I’d fallen asleep, then she might have only been gone for a short time. I still might be able to catch her.
I had to find her. I had to stop her. But if she’d been gone for a few hours, she could already be in Eatonton.
Or she could be lost in the forest.
“I’m going after her.” I had to.
Tony groaned. “No, no, no! Don’t be an idiot! Just let her go.”
“Fuck you. You need to stop interfering in my life. She’s a nice girl. She’s my friend. And I trust her. I can’t believe you sent her out there on her own.”
He huffed loudly. “I offered to give her a ride, but she turned me down. Stubborn woman.”
I snorted. “Imagine that, after the way you’ve been treating her.”
I turned away with a snarl, heading back to my apartment for my car keys. I was going to find her. And try to convince her to come back. I didn’t even know if she had anywhere else to go. If Enrique’s thugs spotted her, they would snatch her up again. I couldn’t let that happen. Tony had frightened her away and I wanted her back.
A half hour later, as I was slowly cruising down the dirt path that led into Eatonton, I spied a flash of movement in the trees up ahead. A shock of blonde hair darting behind a tree.
I put the vehicle in park, leaving it running so the lights would keep the forest lit up, and jumped out to investigate.
“Alissa!” I called. “It’s me, Nate! You can come out.”
Silence. Then, finally, she stepped out from behind a tree. She was still wearing my clothes—too-big sweats and an oversized hoodie sweatshirt. She’d pulled the hoodie up over her head, obscuring her features, but my acute vision easily picked up the tear streaks on her cheeks. Dammit, why was she crying? I wanted to take her pain away. Soothe her fears. Damn Tony. He’d done this. He’d upset her.
I didn’t want her to leave.
But I couldn’t make her stay.
She paused just outside of the car’s headlight beam, but close to a large tree, as if she believed she might escape around the tree, if necessary. Did she think I would hurt her? She had to know better than that by now. She eyed me warily, lifting a hand to wipe at her tears.
“Why’d you leave?” I asked gently.
She shrugged and sniffled. “I don’t belong there. I’m not a dreg. And you’ve already done more for me than I deserve. It was time for me to go.”
I studied her in silence. I couldn’t let her leave, dammit. “What did Tony say to you?”
She lowered her gaze. “Nothing that wasn’t true. I am weak. I am broken.” She swallowed hard. “Please, Nate, just let me go.”
“No.” She wasn’t leaving. She was staying.
She stilled, her gaze darting back to mine. Defiance filled her eyes. “No? You can’t make me stay.”
I groaned. Goddammit. She was right. I couldn’t force her to stay. But I would try my hardest to convince her to.
“You can’t run from Tony. You can’t let him scare you away. This isn’t about him.”
She drew in a ragged breath. “I’m not running from him. I’m running from you.”
My heart skidded to a halt. What? What did that mean?
“You’re afraid of me?” I’d never done anything to frighten her, had I? I’d always been a perfect gentleman around her. I’d thought she trusted me, that she was my friend.
She shook her head. “No. I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of how you make me feel. And what might happen if I stick around and let these feelings grow. You’re a special guy, Nate. You’re like the perfect man, and you could break my heart so easily. Because I’m not strong right now. I’m weak. Needy. I can’t let myself become dependent on you. It’s time I found my own independence.”
Her words left me momentarily speechless. She had feelings for me, too? Warmth spread in my chest. Dammit, I couldn’t let her go now. Not after she’d admitted that. Why did she think I would break her heart? What did she think would happen? She wasn’t weak in my mind. She was strong. Brave.
“Why?” I needed a better explanation than that. She couldn’t tell me she had feelings for me, then say she had to leave.
Color blossomed in her cheeks. “You never asked me about my past or why I’m so broken. Why is that? Are you afraid to find out the truth, that it might shock you?”
I snorted. “Hardly. After all the shit I’ve been through, there isn’t anything that could shock me. I never asked because I figured it was none of my business, and if you wanted me to know, you would tell me.”
Respect and admiration filled her gaze. “If I tell you the truth, will you let me go?”
I hesitated. I wanted to say no, I couldn’t agree to that, but what right did I have to keep her? She wasn’t mine. While it was true we’d grown closer the past five days, and I considered her a true friend, I didn’t really know much about her. And if she left, I would never get the chance to know her.
“I would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do, Alissa. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try to convince you to stay.”
Her lips twitched. “Fair enough.” She glanced over at my Escalade. “Let’s talk in your car. It’s getting cold out here.”
I agreed. Autumn was settling in here in north Georgia, and the nights were now quite cool.
Moments later, we were closed inside the warmth of the Escalade. She stared out the front window for a long moment. I didn’t push her. I just waited patiently for her to speak.
Finally, she faced me. “When I was seventeen, I was approached by a well-known photographer for one of the top fashion magazines. He said I had a face that belonged on the cover of magazines and he could easily see me strutting down a catwalk showcasing the latest fashions. Naturally, I was flattered. He set me up an appointment with a modeling agency and shortly thereafter, I found myself whisked into the world of modeling. My parents were disappointed in my decision. They didn’t want me to go into modeling. They didn’t believe it was a respectable career, that it would corrupt me. In a way, it did. I got my nursing degree on the side, more as a backup plan in case the modeling didn’t work out. But I quickly climbed my way to the top, and by the time I was twenty, I was one of the most highly-paid fashion models in the area. I was selfish and vain and thought I was God’s gift to men. I had really long hair then, clear to my waist, and I wore sexy, revealing clothes. I loved the attention, the whistles and catcalls that followed me down every street.” She cleared her throat, her face filling with color. “I was not a good person. I slept with just about every good-looking guy who wanted me. And then one night, three years ago, it all came crashing to a halt.”
I waited patiently for her to continue, wondering where this was going, but sensing it wasn’t going to be good.
“I was attacked that night, viciously raped and beaten by two men.” She drew in a deep breath, slowly exhaled. “They held me down in a dark alley and brutalized me. I fought for my life, thinking for sure they were going to kill me. There were many times afterwards that I wished they had killed me.” A tear trickled down her cheek. “After they were done, they ran off, and left me lying there, bloody, bruised, half the hair ripped out of my scalp.” She stared down at her lap for a long moment. “I’m not telling you this so you’ll feel sorry for me. I’ve done that enough for myself. I just want you to know the truth. You deserve that much for all you’ve done for me.”
Fuck. I reached over and squeezed her hand in comfort, my heart pinching, my stomach churning at what she’d had to endure.
“I became a totally different person overnight,” she went on. “I cut all my hair off—what was left of it anyway—and rarely left my apartment. I wore baggy, unflattering clothes. And I quit modeling. I lost over a quarter of my contract, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t that girl anymore. I was just a broken, damaged person, and there was no way I could ever model again.”
I leaned across the seat and drew her into my arms, wanting to comfort her somehow. The center console got in the way, an annoying hindrance that stopped me from pulling her as close as I wanted. She let out a quiet sob and clung to me.
“I can’t seem to find the girl I once was,” she whispered against my neck. “She’s long gone. I don’t even know who I am anymore.” She leaned back and wiped at her eyes. “For three long years, I was so dead inside, I was like a zombie. I barely ate. I barely slept. And I felt nothing. Nothing at all. Until that night you gave me your number. A ray of hope shined down on me that night, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you after that. I kept thinking ‘that is a good man. He’s someone special.’ But even so, I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. That’s why I never called, never texted. But these past days around you, I started to feel things again. The deadness inside me slowly turned into life. You made me want to live again. To feel. To be human.” She turned away, staring out into the dark forest. “Being around you felt so good. I was starting to feel like a woman again. I was starting to feel sexual attraction again, and that was something I never thought would ever happen. But then Tony pointed out that I wasn’t worthy of you, that I was too damaged. And I knew he was right. So that’s why I left.”
“Hey,” I said gently, grabbing her chin and turning her face toward me. “Only I get to choose who’s right for me. Not you and certainly not Tony.”
Her eyes widened.
“If I say I want a chance to get to know you better, will you stick around and give me that chance?”
She closed her eyes. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” She pulled her face away. “I’m already getting attached to you. I need to go now before I end up getting hurt. I’m not the woman for you. Please, Nate. Just let me go.”
A painful ache pinched around my heart and squeezed my lungs, choking off my air. The thought of her leaving filled me with so much sorrow that it hurt to breathe. She couldn’t leave, dammit.
“You don’t have to leave, Alissa. I can help you heal. You’re not alone.”
She shook her head sadly. “Thank you for offering, but only I can help me heal. I’ve been wallowing in self-pity for too long. But being around you has helped me discover that I want to find myself again, that I want to be strong and brave and the kind of woman you could respect. I want to thank you for that. You’ve been very kind to me. But I don’t want your pity.”
I was silent, unable to think of a suitable response to that. I didn’t pity her. I admired and respected her. How could I not? She was a survivor. She’d been through hell. I’d been there, too. I understood. And whether she believed it or not, there was strength in her. She just needed to discover that strength. I wanted to help her do that, but I couldn’t force her to stay. So I didn’t push her. I didn’t try to convince her to stay. This was a decision she’d obviously already made, so I had no choice but to let her go.
“You’re bound and determined to leave?”
“Yes. It’s time.”
I sighed. That ache in my chest increased. Dammit. I wasn’t used to this kind of pain.
“Okay. I’ll take you wherever you want to go, and that’s not negotiable. You are not walking into Eatonton in the dark all by yourself, not when they are two gangs that might be hunting you.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “I’ll never forget you or what you and the other dregs did for me. I’ll be sure to spread the word that the rumors about you guys are false. You’re not bad guys. You’re heroes. Every one of you.”