Alissa
Grace was a forgiving person. She wasn’t upset that I hadn’t visited her in nearly a year. When I apologized for just showing up out of the blue without any word for so long, she told me it was fine, she understood. I vowed I would be a better friend to her, especially after all she’d done for me.
We spent over an hour getting caught up on each other’s lives. I asked her to go first, needing time to gather myself and figure out what I would say to her. She told me she currently had two foster girls living with her, ages sixteen and seventeen. Grace was one of the kindest people I knew, and also one of the toughest, which was why I’d decided to come and see her rather than stay with Nate. I wanted Grace to teach me how to be strong and independent and brave like she was.
Grace was an Irish immigrant who’d come to America about five years ago. Two years older than me, and many years wiser, she’d taken me under her wing like one of her foster girls, helping me get back on my feet after the attack three years ago. She was now a US Citizen and said she loved America and the opportunities that abounded here. Her parents and three brothers still lived in Ireland, and she tried to visit them once a year around Christmas time. A tall, gorgeous redhead, she was the same height as I was, and virtually the same weight, though she had a muscular, athletic body, while mine was thinner from lack of a proper diet. Being around Grace made me painfully aware of how much I’d let myself go. I was embarrassed by how far gone I’d become. The pity in her eyes shamed me.
But I was ready to fix that now. Ready to take better care of myself. Ready to become more like her. And ready to find myself again.
Grace had a lovely Irish accent that was adorable. Not only was she a knockout, but a truly wonderful person. Nothing scared Grace, and I wanted to be more like her. If she hadn’t found me the night I’d been attacked, I’m not sure I would even be alive today. I owed her so much.
After she finished filling me in on what she’d been doing lately, she urged, “Okay, Alissa, I know you’re avoiding the subject, but it’s time to tell me what happened to you and why you’re here.”
Her pretty green gaze was kind, and filled with concern. She always seemed able to read me when no one else could.
I took a deep breath, slowly exhaled. “Well, first I got kidnapped by the Spartans, who sold me to the Sureños, and then the dregs snuck in and saved me right before the Flesh King auctioned me off. I got shot in the escape, and the dregs took care of me—one dreg in particular named Nate. He let me stay with him, until I asked him to take me here.”
Grace sat back, her eyes wide with shock. “Did you say the dregs? Seriously?” She didn’t sound surprised that the gangs had captured and traded me, just that the dregs had rescued me. “And one in particular named Nate.”
I nodded and let out a breathless, dreamy sigh. “God, he’s so hot. Midnight hair, pale green eyes, a body that makes me drool. And he’s so kind. So good. I think I’m already half in love with him. He risked his life to save me. They all did. And he kissed me. It was so wonderful.” I sighed again, my face heating at the way Grace was staring at me. I sounded like a giddy schoolgirl. Nate made me feel like a giddy schoolgirl.
“Okay, there’s obviously a lot you’re not telling me. Out with it. Now. All of it.”
And so I found myself telling Grace everything, starting with the night a few weeks ago when Nate had given me his cellphone number, and ending with the kiss that had rocked me to my core, before I’d climbed out of his car and hurried to her door.
“Wow,” she murmured after I’d finally finished. “Sounds like you’ve got it bad for this Nate. I’m just so shocked. I mean, the dregs aren’t what everyone says they are.”
I shook my head. “No. They’re good guys. All of them. They’ve just gotten a bad rap. I would appreciate it if you could help spread the word that they are good guys. Heroes.”
She nodded. “I’d be happy to do that. Anyone who goes out of his way to save you is definitely a good person and deserves respect, not ridicule.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled, her gaze kind. Then she cleared her throat. “So if you have feelings for this Nate, and he has feelings for you, why are you here? Why not stay with him?”
I lowered my gaze. “Because I’m not worthy of him. I’m a mess. I’m broken. I need to be strong and brave and independent. That’s the kind of woman he deserves.”
Grace scoffed. “What makes you think you’re not any of those things, especially after what you’ve been through? Come on, girl! Wake up! You’re one of the strongest women I know.”
I flushed. “Don’t mock me. I know I’m not strong. I’m weak.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Do you really believe that? Why?”
My face grew hotter. “I feel weak. Damaged. That’s why I’m here. I want you to show me how to be tough, teach me how to be strong and independent like you.”
Grace sighed. “I can’t teach you those things. Strength is something that comes from deep inside you. Independence is something you teach yourself when you’re tired of relying on others.” Then her voice turned gentle. “Alissa, I’ve always been your biggest supporter, and I’ve always admired you, you know that, right? You need to learn to trust in yourself, believe in yourself. You’re the only one who is holding you back.” She paused. “But you’re certainly welcome to stay here as long as you need. I don’t have a spare bedroom because my girls are using the second bedroom, but you’re welcome to sleep on the couch.” She squeezed my hand. “Everything will be all right. Give yourself a few days to think about what you want to do. I’ll support you no matter what you decide to do.”
My eyes welled with tears. I appreciated Grace’s kindness, but I’d come here expecting a miracle. I’d come here expecting her to say she could help me be strong and brave and independent, and that in a few weeks, I’d be a new person. Now it became apparent to me that I was the only one who could teach myself to be those things. I’d wallowed in self-pity for three years. It was time to get my life back. Time to find myself again. It wasn’t going to be easy.
Was I determined enough to do that?
Yes, dammit, I was.
I wanted to be a woman Nate could respect and desire. A woman he might someday grow to love. I cared about him so much I couldn’t imagine being away from him for very long.
So find your inner strength and go back to him a new woman. The woman he deserves.
Nate’s words came back to me then.
You don’t have to leave, Alissa. I can help you heal. You’re not alone.
My heart squeezed. Was I going about this the wrong way? Nate was the reason I’d started to feel again, started to live again. If it weren’t for him, I would still be that weak, pathetic woman Tony had called me.
I’m not weak and pathetic. Fuck Tony.
I am strong.
Tears burned my eyes. I was strong, dammit. I was. Why hadn’t I realized that before? Why had I let Tony make me feel worthless? Why had I let my insecurities push Nate away?
Because I’d been afraid to believe in myself.
Grace’s words came back to me: You need to learn to trust in yourself, believe in yourself. You’re the only one who is holding you back.
She was right.
Leaving Nate wasn’t the way to heal. Believing in myself was. Nate was the one who had helped me this far. His very presence alone gave me strength. How could I have just walked away from him? I didn’t want to do this alone. I wanted to be with Nate.
So go back to him. Hurry.
My chest tightened with emotion. I bolted up from the couch. “I’m going back to him. Can I borrow your phone?” I had memorized Nate’s number the night he’d given it to me, just in case I lost my phone and needed a way to contact him someday. That someday was right now. How could I have just walked away from him?
Grace raised a brow. Then she chuckled, rising to her feet. “Good for you. Of course you can use my phone.” She handed it over.
I quickly dialed Nate’s number. Please answer. Please come back for me.
It went directly to a generic voicemail message. “The person you have dialed is not available…”
Disappointment swept through me. “He’s not answering.” I handed Grace her phone. “I’ll just go to him, then.”
Grace’s smile widened. “I like the way you’re thinking, girl. Go get your man. You want me to give you a ride?”
Grace’s apartment complex was only a few blocks from the entrance to the woods. I could easily walk that far. And I didn’t want her to know where the dregs’ hideout was. They wouldn’t appreciate me giving up their location.
“No. He’s not far. I can walk. But I’d like to borrow a flashlight if you have one.”
Grace pulled me in for a tight hug. She squeezed me for a long moment, then stepped back. “I hope this Nate makes you happy, Alissa. I truly do. You deserve to be happy after all you’ve gone through.”
My heart pinched. “Thank you.”
Several minutes later, I was heading down the street toward the woods, using the flashlight Grace had given me to help guide me through the darkness. It was almost two in the morning now, but I was determined to get back to Nate.
Nate.
My heart raced with nervous excitement. I was going back to him. I was going to tell him how much I cared about him and how much I wanted to explore this attraction that was brewing between us. I wanted to be with him more than anything. He was what gave me strength. Him.
A car’s headlights came around a turn up ahead, shining directly on me. I moved over to the side of the road closer to the woods. The car came closer. Closer.
Then the vehicle rocked to a halt, its headlights blinding me.
I lifted my hand to block the glare and stepped to the side.
Doors swung open and closed. It was a van. A black one. With no windows in back.
My heart sped up as wariness crept under my skin.
A figure strode forward, walking right into the light beam. Stocky. Definitely male.
Romeo.
I gasped. Had he been out searching for me? Or was it just a stroke of bad luck that I was walking down this road at night when they’d come around the corner?
Romeo’s thugs followed after him, quickly surrounding me.
I was trapped.
Romeo paused in front of me, sending me a glare so fierce it was all I could do to keep from cringing.
Don’t cower. Be brave. You’re not weak. You’re strong.
I drew in a deep breath for courage and forced myself to not back down.
Romeo tilted his head back to glare up into my face. Some men were intimated by my height, and I sensed that was one of the reasons why Romeo hated me so much—because I was taller than he was and made him feel inferior.
“You thought you could get away with what you did? You fucked up my deal with Enrique, you stupid bitch. Now we don’t have the Sureños as allies. That really, really pisses me off, Alissa. We had a bloody battle between us a few days ago. I lost ten guys. I don’t know how many Enrique lost. Now the lines have been drawn in the sand. The Spartans and the Sureños are mortal enemies. We need to align ourselves with another gang, or the Sureños or one of the other gangs will take us out, slaughter us all. It’s getting brutal and violent in Augusta. Everyone wants to rule. But I aim to be the one in control. I’m going to be king. I’m not about to let one stupid girl ruin that for me.”
An overwhelming surge of emotion tightened my chest and clogged my throat. Fuck him and his gang wars! I wanted no part of any of it! I didn’t even live there anymore, so why couldn’t he just leave me the hell alone?
Strength is something that comes from deep inside you.
Grace’s words came back to me then, sweeping through me with a fierce determination. I wasn’t going down without fight. Not this time.
“I’m not a part of your stupid gang wars! Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
Romeo’s gaze narrowed on me. “Because someone has to pay for fucking up all my plans. And that someone is you.” Romeo was a vengeful asshole, and my hatred for him blossomed deep inside, slowing spreading outward. I refused to be a meek, broken woman any longer. It was time to fight back. Time to stand up for myself.
I lifted my chin. “What do you want?”
For a moment, he seemed taken aback by my defiance. “Rumor has it that the dregs freed you. I want them. I want that Nate guy. He fucked up my deal with Enrique. You lead me to him, and I might let you live.”
He had to be joking. Did he seriously think I would give up Nate’s hideout? No way in hell.
I shook my head. “I don’t know where they are. I can’t help you.”
Romeo snagged a chunk of my hair in his hand and yanked my head back. Hard. I tried not to gasp, but he was good at inflicting pain. He knew just how and where to make someone hurt. My scalp screamed for relief, the pain making me flinch. “You will tell me where to find him, Alissa.” His hand tightened in my hair. I was unable to hold back a whimper of pain. “You tell me right now where to find him, and I’ll let you go. You don’t tell me willingly, then I have ways of persuading you. The choice is yours.”
I remained silent, refusing to give Nate away. I would not betray him.
Romeo let out an angry snarl and thrust me aside. I stumbled back, slamming into one of his men. The flashlight fell from my hand, crashing down onto the pavement and flickering out. Strong arms locked around me. I squirmed, but the man who held me was big and bulky and strong. No escape.
“Looks like you’re going to need some persuasion.” Romeo glared at me. “That’s fine with me, bitch. I get off on persuading people. I’m curious to see how much it will take you to cave.” He sneered. With a wave at his men, he turned away. “Let’s take her to the woods. We can torture her there where no one will hear.”
The thugs all followed in a swarm, like a bunch of slaves, spineless worker ants doing whatever the queen mother bid them to do. They shoved me in the back of the van, and moments later, we were turning into the forest at the edge of town.
Nate wasn’t too far away. But I wouldn’t give him up. No matter what they did to me.
Nate.
We reached the forest and they pulled over beneath a grove of pines. Fear slipped in to take hold, causing me to tremble all over. I had no doubt Romeo had some type of torture planned for me.
Be calm. Be brave. Don’t give Nate up.
I would have to find the strength to endure whatever Romeo did to me.
Because I couldn’t betray Nate. I just couldn’t.
Not after all he’d done for me.
The thugs shoved open the back doors of the van. Romeo embarked from the front of the vehicle and marched around back. Reaching inside the van, he snagged a handful of my hair and yanked me out. I fell onto the forest floor with a gasp, tripping over a branch at my feet.
Romeo glared down at me. “This is your last chance to tell me where Nate is.”
“I don’t know.”
Romeo pulled my head up, his palm connecting with my cheek. Hard.
I gasped, my head jerking to the side as pain exploded in my face.
“Where’s Nate?”
Don’t tell. Be brave. Be strong. Don’t tell.
“Fuck you.”
Another slap and my lip split. Blood dribbled down my chin.
“Where the fuck is Nate?”
I closed my eyes and tried to go somewhere else in my mind. I knew it was only going to get worse. Much worse.
“I don’t know.”
“Strip her!” Romeo ordered. “It’s amazing how loose-lipped people get when they’re naked and vulnerable with nothing to hide behind.” Strong arms yanked me back, hands tearing at my clothes. I tried to fight, but there were too many of them, and they were too strong. They groped at my breasts, slapped at my ass, making me cringe and pull away. They released me and I stumbled back, landing on my butt, shivering on the forest floor. Naked. I lifted my arms to cover my breasts and glared up at Romeo.
Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give Nate up.
Romeo leaned down in front of me, his nose nearly touching mine. “You stupid bitch. Tell me where he is!”
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
Romeo’s foot connected with my stomach.
I hunched over, gasping in pain.
Don’t tell. Don’t tell. Don’t tell.
And then it got worse. Much worse.
But I didn’t tell.