Alissa
Strength is something that comes from deep inside you.
I said Grace’s words over and over inside my head.
Strength is something that comes from deep inside you.
Those words were the only thing that kept me alive, kept me from giving in to the pain. Those words helped me to block out a good portion of what happened next.
Over the next hour, I endured many painful slaps to my face, so that now my face was numb and swollen, the skin stretched from rapidly forming bruises. Romeo and his thugs had also landed painful blows to my stomach, my ribs, my back… making me gasp and writhe on the forest floor in agony. Romeo would ask me where Nate was, and when I said I didn’t know, he would hit me. Then he’d ask me again. And again I would say I didn’t know. After two or three blows, I was blubbering and incoherent, so he would get disgusted and march over to the van, leaving me lying on the ground, my body screaming in pain, my mind numb with shock. He came back several minutes later and repeated the question, “Where’s Nate?”
And again, later, “Where the fuck is Nate?”
I denied knowing where Nate was. I refused to give him up. They could kill me and I wouldn’t tell.
Through it all, I somehow managed to keep Nate’s secret.
I was proud of myself. They hadn’t broken me. They hadn’t forced me to admit the truth.
I had believed I was weak, but I’d proved myself wrong. I was strong.
I was convinced that if I hadn’t met Nate, I would never have found the courage to find myself again. If I hadn’t met Nate, I would still be wallowing in self-pity. If I hadn’t met Nate, I don’t know if I would have been able to survive this now. Thinking of Nate was what helped me escape the pain. I was able to block it all out. By letting my mind go, by pretending I was somewhere else, with Nate, I was able to endure. But the mind could only block out the pain for so long.
Romeo left me alone for several minutes, going back to the van to smoke a cigarette. I whimpered in misery as I huddled on the cold ground, the pain overwhelming.
I vowed I would never betray Nate. Ever. He’d risked his life for me, so now I was returning the favor. They could keep torturing me, and torturing me, endlessly, but I would never tell. Because I knew how to keep a secret. I would protect Nate with my life. They could all go to hell. I wasn’t talking.
It hurt to move. Hurt to breathe. I laid on the cold ground, tremors wracking my naked and severely abused body. I escaped inside my mind, going to another place, a place where I didn’t feel any pain. It was the only way to cope with what they’d done to me.
I curled my body into a tight ball, shaking from the cold, and let my mind go…
Farther.
Back in time.
Memories swamped me. My life. Spinning before me like an old-fashioned film roll. One reel at a time.
Me as a little girl. With big dreams. Dressing up in Mommy’s clothes. I loved pretty clothes. I loved fancy shoes. Someday, I was going to wear pretty clothes and fancy shoes.
Then, years later, as my girlhood dreams turned into reality. Me on the runway. A gorgeous model. I was now famous. I was on the cover of coveted magazines like Sports Illustrated, Vogue, Vanity Fair, and InStyle. People shouted and snapped photos of me wherever I went. I was a celebrity. Everyone wanted to be me. Every girl wanted to look like me. Every man wanted to possess me.
And later, the reel changed from happiness to sadness, to a horrible nightmare. A brutal rape and beating that had left me broken, and changed me overnight. Turned me into a weak, fragile person. Damaged.
A car door slammed, jerking me out of my memories. I began to shake violently.
Romeo strode toward me. “She’s not talking,” he told someone. “I don’t think she knows where they are. Let’s take her deep into the woods and toss her out where no one will find her.”
Romeo’s thugs hauled me to my feet and threw me back into the van. Then we were heading deeper into the forest, bouncing along into the trees. Every bounce of the vehicle caused pain to zing through my bruised and beaten body.
About ten minutes later, they opened the back doors of the van.
Rough hands picked me up and thrust me out of the vehicle.
The ground rose up to greet me in a swift rush. Scrape. Smack. Bang. Thud.
Ouch!
My body rolled as I hit the underbrush, over and over, smacking into fallen branches, rocks, shrubs, a broken tree stump…until I finally tumbled to stop.
The roar of the engine and the crunching of branches and pine needles beneath the tires slowly disappeared as they drove away.
I lay there for a moment, my body in shock. Was I still alive?
I opened my eyes, trying to ignore the fresh pain that throbbed everywhere from the fall out of the van.
They were gone.
I breathed in deeply, then out. It hurt everywhere. But I was still alive. And I hadn’t told them where Nate was.
I slowly sat up, flinching in pain. Grace wasn’t too far away at her apartment back in Eatonton. I could make my way back to town and she would take me to a hospital. I knew she would.
But I didn’t want Grace right now.
I wanted Nate.
Nate.
I let out a sob.
Nate.
I wanted to feel his strong arms around me, holding me close.
Nate.
I wanted to hear his sexy, southern drawl as he comforted me with soothing words.
Nate.
How far was the old mansion from here? How would I find my way in the dark?
I would find him. Somehow. Someway.
I don’t remember much about the next few hours. Only that I somehow made my way through the forest, tripping and falling every so often, shivering with cold. Night animals moved out of my way as I stumbled along in my determination to find Nate.
The sun was just appearing over the horizon when I finally reached the dregs’ hideout.
I collapsed onto the front stoop of the dilapidated plantation home, my naked body now shivering so violently I feared hyperthermia was settling in. But I’d made it here. I’d found my way through the dark.
Now I had to get to Nate.
I stumbled to my feet again and made my way inside the mansion. The angry ghost returned, hovering closer, not welcoming, but not quite a threat. I ignored it and finally found the closet with the stairs that opened into the gym below.
Collapsing into the closet, I lay there for several minutes, breathing slowly, trying to ignore the pain, still shivering with cold.
Sounds from below indicated the dregs were down there, working out.
I found the lever that released the steps and shoved it back.
The ladder unfolded as it fell down into the room below.
A sudden silence from the gym told me I’d gotten their attention.
But they didn’t know it was me up here. They might think I was someone else and shoot me. I had to let them know it was me.
“Nate,” I whispered, leaning my face over the edge of the steps. My voice came out a scratchy whisper. I cleared my throat and tried again, saying louder, “Nate! Help! Please!”
Footsteps thundered from below. Then the ladder creaked as someone climbed the steps.
Tony’s faced loomed in front of me.
I gasped and cringed back, recalling the last time he’d found me here.
His gaze swept over me as I cowered against the wall, trying to cover myself. Then he swore under his breath. “It’s okay,” he grumbled, the guilt in his dark eyes holding mine hostage. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
I hesitated, my gaze searching his. “You’re n-not?”
He sighed. “No.”
“Nate,” I whispered. “I need Nate. P-please.”
He turned away and shouted down into the room below, “Get Nate! Hurry!”
He glanced back at me, his expression darkening. “What happened? Who hurt you?”
“Romeo,” I whispered, hovering tightly into a ball, not wanting Tony to see me like this. “It was Romeo.”
Voices came from the room below, then Tony disappeared.
And Nate was there.
Relief swept through me.
Then joy.
Nate was here.
I let out a sob. “Nate.”
He drew me into his strong arms, holding me close. And I snuggled into him, absorbing his warmth. His strength.
Nate was here. I’d found him. I hadn’t told his secret.
“I didn’t t-tell them,” I babbled against his chest. “I k-kept your secret. I didn’t tell them w-where you were.”
“Shh,” he murmured. “I’ve got you. No one can hurt you now.”
I don’t remember much after that, though I had a vague recollection of Nate carrying me down the ladder and into his apartment.
He sat on his bed and pulled me into his arms, cuddling me close. Gradually, my body stopped shivering. I’d found him. I was safe now. This was where I belonged. With Nate. Not out there on my own. Here. With Nate.
Nate.
I snuggled against him, feeling safe and warm, and drifted off to sleep…
The nightmare sucked me under, back into hell, the one I’d only recently emerged from, broken and beaten, a few hours ago. This time, the darkness was so black I couldn’t escape from it.
The brutal, endless interrogation. The beatings. The pain. Would it never end?
I’m not telling. Not telling where Nate is.
“Where is he?” Romeo’s voice hissed in my nightmare.
I cringed back, curling away from the terrifying dream.
“Not telling. Not telling. Not telling,” I rambled, over and over.
Whispered words floated around in my subconscious. Then a gentle, soothing touch. And a voice. Soft. Coaxing.
“It’s all right,” the voice said. “Everything’s going to be okay. I’ve got you.”
I turned toward the voice, craving its promise of help. “Not telling,” I murmured. “I’ll never tell.”
Strong arms tightened around me. I squirmed and fought back, trying to escape.
“No!” I slurred, my elbow connecting with a hard chest. “Leave me alone. I’m not telling. Not telling where he is. Not telling.”
“Jesus,” a voice exclaimed from somewhere close by. “They really fucked her up. I wondered how long it would be before she crashed.”
“She’s out of it, man,” another voice said in a hushed whisper. “She’s lost it.”
“PTSD,” someone else murmured sympathetically. “Such a brave girl.”
What? Were they talking about me? Was that what was wrong with me? PTSD?
“Yeah,” another voice whispered. “After what they did to her, it’s no surprise.”
“We’ll have to help her when she comes out of it,” the first voice said. “Show her the dreg way.”
The dreg way…
“I’ve got it, you guys,” a deep voice responded. A voice I recognized. Nate. “I’ll take care of her. You guys can go now.”
The dreg way…
Was I with Nate? With the dregs?
My mind spun.
Was Nate really here? Or was it all in my head? I shivered and snuggled against a warm body that pulled me closer, holding me protectively. “I’ve got you,” he whispered against my ear. “It’s going to be all right. I’ve got you. They can’t hurt you anymore.”
The dream slowly faded and I blinked up at Nate. He was here. Yes. I remembered now. I’d found my way to the dregs’ hideout. I’d found my way back to Nate.
“Nate?” I whispered past swollen and bruised lips. Sharp, pulsing throbs of pain wracked my body everywhere. I was afraid to look in the mirror. “Am I dead?”
“No,” came Nate’s response. “You’re very much alive. Thank God.”
My fingers tightened in Nate’s T-shirt. “I didn’t tell them,” I whispered, wanting him to believe me. “I promise I didn’t tell them where you were. I would never tell. Never tell.”
“Shhh. It’s all right,” he whispered. “You’re safe now.”
You’re safe now.
I was safe now. With Nate. Where I belonged. I was never leaving him again.
I closed my eyes and drifted off, feeling safe and content in his arms. Was this part of my dream? Or was it real? If this was a dream, then I didn’t want to wake. Ever. I wanted to stay in Nate’s strong arms forever.
I’d taken a severe beating tonight. Only this time, I wasn’t weak and broken. This time, I’d been strong. Brave. I hadn’t revealed the location of the dregs’ hideout. I’d kept their secret throughout the entire interrogation and the beatings.
I would never tell.
Never.
Tell.