I wasn't sure when I drifted off, only that at some point in the early morning hours, I woke up. Rylan was still wrapped around me, his pulse a slow and steady thump in my ear. One of his hands was on my hip, fingers curled possessively over the curve. His leg was thrown over mine, his calf across both of mine. I felt his cock, soft and warm against my stomach. The insides of my thighs were sticky and I realized I hadn't cleaned up. Right now, however, that wasn't forefront in my mind.

I tilted my head back, maneuvering myself enough that I wouldn't get a crick in my neck. His embrace loosened and he frowned in his sleep, a crease forming between his eyebrows. The faint moonlight that came into the room through the crack between the curtains cast enough light for me to see him. His lips were parted slightly and I could see that they were swollen from my kisses. Mine felt the same way. I let my gaze travel along his face, then down his throat to his chest. I'd left a mark there at some point. It might've been absurd, but a part of me was glad. I liked the idea that, at least for a short while, he'd have to remember me.

I didn't want to do this. My heart twisted at the thought of leaving him, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I'd always known he was too good for me, but I'd thought that, as long as I made him happy, I'd stay. When he realized that I wasn't who he wanted, I wouldn't complain. I'd leave without question. The more I'd stayed with him, however, I'd seen that he was the kind of man who wouldn't give up. Suzette had been right. Rylan wouldn't just walk away.

I had to be the one to do it, but I wasn't sure I was strong enough.

He wasn't only the man I loved. He was part of me. I'd always known that loving someone, truly loving them, meant giving up a part of myself, letting someone in. In a way I still wasn't entirely sure I understood, he'd broken down my walls, insinuated himself at the very core of me. Now I had to rip him out and he'd take my heart with him.

I bit my bottom lip to keep from crying. I knew how attuned he was to me. If he sensed that I was upset, he'd wake up and I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

I needed to go now. I couldn't wait until later, risking him waking up. My bag was sitting next to the dresser where Rylan had left it. All I needed to do was get up, put on my dress, grab the bag and leave. There wasn't much in it, but it'd be enough for now. Enough for me to use while I figured out what I was going to do.

I hated not having a plan, but I hadn't expected this. I'd been prepared for Rylan's family to hate me, but not for Suzette's revelation. A burst of anger cut through the other emotions. Not at Suzette, but at Rylan. If he'd told me how much kids meant to him when I'd told him I couldn't have any, we could have ended things there and spared us both some heartache. Or, at least, it would've spared me. I didn't know how much this would hurt him. There was a small part of me that hoped he'd be totally heartbroken, lost without me, but I knew that was selfish. I wanted him to be happy, to have the life he deserved.

And that meant having it without me.

The anger faded as quickly as it had come.

I needed to go now or I wouldn't have the strength to do it.

I carefully extricated myself from his embrace, watching as he rolled onto his stomach, the sheet sliding down to partially wrap around his waist. His back was bare, as was one long leg. I gave myself a moment to look at him one last time before I grabbed my clothes from the floor and went into the bathroom. If my moving had woken him, I wanted him to think I'd just gone to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up enough to be presentable and then dressed in the warmer clothes I had in my bag.

When I came out of the bathroom, Rylan's breathing was deep and slow. He was still asleep.

“Good-bye, love,” I whispered before quietly walking out. I made my way back downstairs, tears burning in my eyes. I couldn't cry, not yet. I had two more things to do, and one involved me seeing well enough to write.

* * *

The air outside was cold enough to make me gasp. I pulled out my phone and called for a taxi as I started to walk down the driveway. I didn't want them pulling into the driveway and waking Rylan. I wanted him to sleep with the memory of our last night together fresh in his mind. When he woke up in the morning and figured out I was gone, it'd be bad enough. He deserved a few more hours of peace.

And then what? I walked a few feet down the road before stopping to wait for the taxi. What would Rylan do when he realized I'd left? How long would it take him to find the note and the box that I'd left? Even though I knew Rylan would've insisted I take it with me, I left my Christmas present. I couldn't keep something so expensive, no matter how much I wanted to cherish the only present I'd ever received. If I left with it, Rylan's family would think they'd been right about me only wanting him for the money. Leaving it was hard, but I reminded myself that his family saw the gift as money, not love, and I couldn't let Rylan suffer their smug satisfaction at believing they'd been right.

I'd debated whether or not I should leave a note, but it had seemed too cruel not to say anything. I hadn't been able to write much though, not without the risk of either bursting into tears or abandoning the whole thing, so I'd kept it simple.

I'm sorry. I can't.

I'd considered telling him not to look for me, but I knew that would only make him look harder. And I didn't want to give him a head's up that I was planning on quitting my job too. If he simply waited until Monday, thinking he'd see me then, it would give him time to process me leaving. I hoped that once he received my resignation, he'd be inclined to accept it and move on.

I climbed into the cab, barely feeling the warmth. I started to give the driver my address and stopped. I couldn't go back to the apartment. It would be the first place Rylan would look for me, maybe even before he found my note. I didn't want to face him, especially if he thought I'd just gone back to get a head start on the moving.

“Take me to a hotel,” I said.

“Which one?” The driver gave me a curious look in the rearview mirror and I knew he was trying to figure out what my story was.

“It doesn't matter,” I answered. “Any hotel.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

At least he was polite enough not to ask questions. I kept my eyes fixed firmly ahead as he turned around and headed back into the city. I just needed to hold it together a bit longer and then I could let it all go. Not that crying would help. I pulled my jacket more tightly around me. Nothing could help me. There was a black hole inside my chest, threatening to swallow me and I wasn't sure I had the strength to pull myself out of the darkness again.

I'd thought my future would be brighter than my past, but I could see now that it was just a different kind of darkness, and without Rylan, I didn't see any way out. At least, I thought, I wouldn't pull him down with me. I clung to that, the knowledge that Rylan could have his happy ending. I loved him too much to take it from him, no matter what it meant for me.