I left off the eyebrow and belly button piercings. I hadn't been wearing them much anyway. I kept the make-up light as well. A little heavier than what I wore to meet Agent Matthews, but not even close to what I'd worn before. I wasn't going back to the way I had been, but I wasn't going to go the total opposite either. I'd pick a place about halfway in-between, I decided. The clothes were still fitted to show off my body, but I went for comfortable but stylish shoes rather than heeled boots. When I looked in the mirror this time, I felt pretty good. Not great and not like I was completely back to myself, but I was getting there, and that was progress.

I didn't go back to the club I'd tried the last time. I wasn't looking for a random hook-up and I didn't want to risk running into Chad. I doubted he'd be feeling too friendly towards me and a confrontation was the last thing I needed at the moment. I just wanted to forget, but not to lose myself in a man. There wouldn't be another man in my life anytime soon.

I smiled as I walked into the club. I'd always liked this club better. The music was loud, but more than just a beat. The lights were flashing, but more hypnotically than the nearly overwhelming pulsing of the previous club. I made my way over to the bar. I didn't want to get drunk, but something to take the edge off would be nice.

The bartender gave me a once-over as he poured my drink and I could see the appreciation in his eyes. Surprisingly, he didn't hit on me, though I suspected that was more because it was too early in his shift to try to find someone to go home with. Too bad. He was cute and I might've enjoyed a bit of flirting. I didn't want to get him in trouble with his boss, so I left him alone and surveyed the crowd as I sipped my drink.

The place wasn't nearly as crowded tonight as it would be on the weekend, which was another reason I'd wanted to come out on a Monday night. I'd always preferred slower nights. Enough men to choose from, but I didn't have to risk a panic attack from too many people.

“Can I ask you to dance?” A man's voice came from my right.

I half-turned towards him. He was tall and lean with dark hair and eyes, skin the color of creamed coffee. He had the kind of long eyelashes that girls would envy. All in all, a quite beautiful man. He still couldn't hold a candle to Rylan, but I thought he might be a good distraction.

“I might be up for a dance or two,” I said. I took his hand and let him lead me onto the dance floor.

His hand stayed in mine as we began to dance, but he kept a respectful distance between our bodies. I smiled at him, letting myself relax and move with the music. Halfway through the song, he leaned down to speak in my ear.

“I have a confession to make.”

I looked up at him, wondering if I should yank my hand away from his or if I should wait. The conversation could be something innocent, like some sort of clichéd pick-up line about how beautiful he thought I was or how much he wanted me in bed.

“I'm gay.”

I blinked, startled by the admission. Not exactly what I'd been thinking.

He grinned. “You looked like you wanted to have fun, but not like you were looking for a hook-up. I wanted to dance, but I didn't want to give the wrong impression.” He gave me an apologetic look. “Sorry I wasn't upfront with you.”

“Not a problem.” I was actually relieved. Hot guy to dance with, but absolutely no chance of there being a sexual misunderstanding.

“So we're good?” He raised an eyebrow and looked around. “I'm sure there are plenty of men who'd love to be in my place.”

“I'm having fun,” I said truthfully. “Are you?”

He reached out and put his hands on my waist. “I am.”

I liked the way his body moved with mine. If I'd been looking for a sexual partner, I might've been disappointed that this guy was off the table, but as it was, I was enjoying myself. I wasn't going to second-guess myself.

I turned, letting him pull me back against him. My ass fit firmly against him, confirming his sexuality as our grinding bodies provided very little physical response, and what he was having was easily explained by friction. I didn't know of any man who'd be able to keep himself from getting an erection dancing this way with a woman, and, not to sound arrogant, especially me.

“You're a really good dancer,” he said, his breath hot against my neck.

“Thank you,” I said. “Right back at you.”

We danced through another half dozen songs before I had to cry off and head for the bar again. I was thirsty, this time for water. He smiled at me and moved on to another partner. I smiled back and watched him go.

I leaned back against the bar and drained a bottle of water. It wasn't until I finished it that I realized I was smiling. Actually smiling, and not just in response to someone else doing it. It took me a moment to place my current emotion and when I did, I was surprised. I felt good. Not great. Not whole or happy or even content, but good, and that was enough for now.

The hair on the back of my neck prickled and I immediately stiffened. Someone was watching me.

I looked around, trying to be discreet about it. Anyone looking would've thought I was simply scanning the crowd, looking for someone new to dance with. The thing was, I couldn't see anyone giving me more than a glance, either filled with admiration or jealousy. Still, I felt uneasy, like there were eyes in the shadows.

I shook it off, reminding myself that it was a natural reaction to have after finding out that the man who'd tried to assault me was essentially going to walk free. I was surprised I hadn't felt it before.

I tried to shake the feeling, searching the crowd, trying to find someone else to dance with. Someone else to take my mind off of things. I could still end the night feeling good for once.

And then it all went to hell because I saw him.

For a brief moment, I thought I was mistaken, that the play of light and shadows had made me see things, but I'd been right. Those broad shoulders and that narrow waist. Dark hair. I couldn't see the color of his eyes from where I was standing, but I knew them. Knew what they would look like when they were lit up with happiness, dancing with laughter. I knew what they would look like blazing with passion, dark with anger. I knew him and it hurt.

I wanted to turn away before he saw me, but I'd lingered too long and I watched his expression change. First, surprise and recognition, then hurt. His eyes flicked to my left and right, and I knew he was trying to determine if I was here alone. When his gaze returned to me, I saw the determination that meant he wasn't going to stop until he got what he wanted. Not for the first time, I felt that focus on me, only this time, I didn't want it.

He began to walk towards me, never taking his eyes off of me. I'd been hunted before, knew what it was like to feel the difference between predator and prey. This was different. I'd never felt like I was torn between wanting to be caught and wanting to run away. I wanted to feel him wrap his arms around me, pull me tight against his chest so that I could hear his heart beating, that slow, steady thumping that was my anchor.

What if that wasn't why he was coming over, though? What if that look of sheer stubbornness was because he felt like he needed to tell me himself that it was over and he'd moved on? The kind of man he was, I could see him feeling as if that was something he needed to do.

I was dealing, but I could feel how fragile the walls were that I'd put back up. Strangers couldn't get through them. Zeke and Suzette could crack them. One word from Rylan, however, and my defenses would crumble. It wouldn't matter what he wanted to say. A kind word or a cruel one would be equally dangerous.

Still, I couldn't move. The bar was at my back, but it was more Rylan's gaze that held me in place than any sort of physical trap. My heart was in my throat, blood rushing in my ears so that I almost couldn't hear the music. I couldn't see anyone but him. Everyone else was faceless, nameless, and he was the only thing that was real. I could feel my body reaching for his. Not in the physical sense, but something deeper, something I couldn't explain.

Movement at the corner of my eye caught my attention, and a beautiful blonde stepped between Rylan and me. Her dress was white, glowing under the lights. It barely covered her ass and the glimpse I got of the front revealed cleavage that was far too ample for her slender frame to be real. She tossed back her hair and went straight for Rylan. I didn't have to see her face to know her intentions.

As she reached him, Rylan's eyes moved from me to her and I found that I could move again. Still, I stood and waited, wanting to see what he would do. His face was impossible to read, but when she pressed her body against his, he didn't step back and that was enough for me.

The dark-haired man next to me at the bar had been checking me out since I'd first come over and he smiled as I turned to him. I jerked my head towards the dance floor and the smile widened.

I took his hand and pulled him after me, intentionally taking a path that would let us pass near enough to Rylan and his blonde that he couldn't help but see us. I didn't look at him though. I wanted him to think that I didn't care. He could flirt with whoever he wanted to. I could too.

As we reached an open spot, I turned around, wrapping my arms around the man's neck. His hands came down on my hips as I began to move. I could feel eyes on me and hoped that at least one pair belonged to Rylan. The ache in my chest had a vindictive little streak and I was feeding it. He should have stayed away. Instead, he was flaunting his freedom. Intentional or not, I wanted him to know that I'd moved on as much as he had.

My partner was definitely enjoying my decision. His cock was hard against my hip as he pulled me closer. I let him do it, molding my body against his. I was starting to reconsider the whole 'no sex tonight' intent with which I'd started off the evening. He was cute and it would serve Rylan right to watch me walk out with this guy, knowing exactly what we were going to do.

Even as I imagined what Rylan's face would look like, a wave of guilt washed over me. Guilt for wanting to hurt Rylan even though I’d wanted him to move on. That’s what I wanted. A wave of guilt washed over me as I thought about how I was using the man I was dancing with to get back at someone who didn't deserve it. He might've been the kind of guy who didn't really care if I was using him or not, but I did. Hooking up with a guy for the sole purpose of physical satisfaction was one thing. Doing it to hurt someone else was another. I wasn't that kind of person. At least, I didn't want to be.

I gave my dance partner a smile and gestured towards the bathrooms. He smiled and nodded, not missing a beat as he released me. I was pretty sure he thought I was coming back, but he wouldn't miss me long. There were at least a dozen other women who'd gladly take my place. I wasn't going to worry about that though. My goal at the moment was to get out of here without having to explain myself to that guy or see Rylan again. There had to be a back door somewhere.