I couldn't take being here anymore. I'd spent the good part of the afternoon pacing around my apartment, unable to concentrate. My head kept telling me that it wasn't worth the risk to see if there was anything to Rylan's offer. That the reactions my heart and body were having were only because we'd had great sex together and I hadn't gotten laid since. I liked that explanation since it meant that everything about me and my world would stay the same. I wasn't changing.

Finally, I decided there was one way to take care of this once and for all. I'd go out and hook up with some random guy. I'd get off and that would be the end of it. No sexual tension mucking things up. I’d be able to think clearly and offer Rylan several honest and logical reasons as to why we shouldn't try to have a relationship, not the least of which would be that sex wasn't emotional for me. It was physical. Only physical.

I needed a reminder of that.

I didn't bother showering again, but I did change my clothes. The ones from Rylan were comfortable, but not exactly conducive to hooking up. Sure, I could probably find someone who wouldn't care about what I was wearing, but I didn't want to work for it right now. I wasn't in the mood for a hunt. I wanted to fuck and get my head cleared.

It was November, so even though the weather had been mild, I still had to dress warmly if I wanted to walk. I went with an ankle-length black skirt made of a flowing material I liked and a long-sleeved, off shoulder matching shirt. It was clingy, so it showed off my curves, and the low cut neckline revealed a good deal of cleavage. I finished things off with knee-high leather boots, did my make-up and headed out.

I felt better now that I was back in my own attire, but I had to admit that I did miss the comfortable clothes I'd been wearing. Mostly the smell. They'd carried with them the scent of Rylan's house and his detergent. It hadn't been quite the same as him, but it had been close. Not exactly what I wanted when I was trying to hook up with someone else.

As I stepped into the restaurant of the Marriott Hotel, I pushed thoughts of Rylan aside. The whole point of this excursion was to forget about him. I didn't usually come here, but I wanted to make sure I'd never see this guy again. A man on a business trip would be perfect. And I wanted someone older than my usual college fare.

I scanned the nearly-empty room. It was about four o'clock, which meant most people weren't coming in for dinner or drinks just yet. There were a couple of people at the bar though, including one that looked promising. He looked like he was in his late twenties or early thirties, probably a year or two older than Rylan. Sandy-colored hair and a ruggedly handsome face. I couldn't tell how tall he was, but he had broad shoulders and looked fit enough.

I smiled and walked toward him. He turned when I was just a few steps away and gave me a once over. When his eyes lit up, I knew this wasn't going to be hard at all. Less than ten minutes later, we'd exchanged first names – his was Daniel – and we were going into his hotel room. Daniel didn't offer much by the way of personal information, but I was fine with that. In fact, I preferred it. I wasn't looking to get to know him.

He tasted like scotch when he kissed me and I pulled away as soon as I could without insulting him. I pulled my shirt off and tossed my bra onto the floor next to it. The boots went next and I felt Daniel's eyes on me when I bent to pull them off. When I straightened, he was already stripped down to nothing. He was about average build and his cock looked like it'd be the same once he was fully erect.

“Condom?” I asked as he began to stroke his cock.

“On the dresser.” He gestured but didn't take his eyes off of me. “Will you leave the skirt on?”

“Sure.” As long as he was fine with me being on top, I'd keep on whatever clothes he wanted me to keep on. I picked up the package and tossed it to him. “Get on the bed.”

He climbed onto the bed and I followed. Neither one of us said a word as I moved up toward his head, settling my knees on either side. I pulled up my skirt and lowered myself down until his questing tongue found my pussy. I made a pleased sound and dropped my head, taking his half-hard cock between my lips.

His mouth was busy, lips and tongue working around my clit and pussy while I sucked on his hardening flesh. He tasted salty and musky. Not bad, but not exactly appealing either. I shifted my weight onto one arm, balancing me so I could use the other hand to play with his balls. I wanted him hard because I wasn't getting anything from what he was doing. He was trying, but couldn't quite get me there. I wasn't a quick trigger, but after a couple minutes, I could usually tell if I was going to get off from oral. It didn't look like it would happen for me tonight.

Finally, he was hard enough and I climbed off of him. I picked up the condom, tore the wrapper open and rolled it on. I grinned down at him as I straddled his waist, pulling my skirt over to cover us both. I slid down, grimacing a bit as he entered me. He'd gotten me wet, but I wasn't nearly wet enough for it to be easy going. Fortunately, he was on the thinner side so there wasn't any pain.

His hands went to my breasts as I began to move, riding him with a slow, steady rhythm. My body reacted to the friction and to his fingers playing with my nipples, making him slide more easily in and out of me. I leaned forward slightly, hoping that some friction on my clit would get me out of my head and into the sex.

The problem was, all I could keep thinking was all the ways Daniel wasn't like Rylan. His body. The way he touched me. There was none of the intensity or confidence I'd felt with Rylan. Daniel wasn't exactly bad, but he didn't seem to know my body the way Rylan had. The instincts that Rylan had displayed when we'd been together, knowing what I wanted without me having to ask. Daniel didn't have any of those, despite how hard he was trying.

“I'm close,” Daniel grunted. “Are you?”

I appreciated that he asked, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth. It wasn't his fault that I wasn't feeling anything beyond a bit of pleasant friction. Honestly, I'd gotten more out of masturbating before. It looked like I would have to fake it if I didn't want to hurt his pride.

I nodded and began to ride him faster, contracting my muscles the way I'd been taught. I started to moan, making sounds of pleasure I wasn't truly feeling. I was convincing. Considering all of the practice I'd had, it wasn't surprising.

After just a minute or so, Daniel groaned and his hips jerked up against me. As he came, I cried out, my body tensing as I pretended to join him. I stayed where I was for a moment, giving myself a few seconds to maintain the lie. Then I climbed off of him and started to get dressed. I waited for Daniel to say something, but he didn't. When I glanced back, I saw he'd fallen asleep.

“Typical,” I muttered. I wasn't annoyed though. Not at him. I was angry at myself.

And, honestly, at Rylan. Why had he needed to tell me all of that emotional shit? I was grateful that he hadn't taken me to the hospital, but if it had meant avoiding everything else, maybe it would've been better if I'd gone. I hadn't asked him to care about me, and I certainly hadn't asked to know about it. He should've just let it go, moved on, found someone better.

Emmaline's face popped into my head, those glittering turquoise eyes, lips twisted into a sneer. I shook my head. Not Emmaline. I didn't know her well, but I didn't like her, especially not with Rylan.

I glanced down to make sure my clothes were all adjusted and then smoothed my hand over my hair. I headed for the door, my thoughts returning to Rylan.

If he'd only kept his mouth shut, everything would've been fine. I'd be going about my business today, taking advantage of the day off and thinking about going to a club over the weekend. Why had he ruined it? I'd been happy. I scowled at the voice in my head that questioned that particular statement. It was the truth, wasn't it? I'd been happy not knowing, going about my business the way I always had, the way I couldn't seem to do it now.

I went home, my entire body throbbing with unfulfilled need. It hadn't been much, but it had been enough to get me wound up, to want to finish things off. I wasn't going to though. I didn't masturbate often and when I did, it was always some nameless, unknown fantasy man. Tonight, however, I had a feeling if I tried to get off, Rylan's would be the only face I'd see. I didn't want that. I didn't want him in my head any more than he already was.

I showered and climbed into bed although it was still early. It had been a long day and I had work tomorrow. Which meant I was probably going to see Rylan, whether I wanted to or not. I needed to clear my head and prepare myself for the questions that would inevitably come my way. Of course, all that busyness in my head meant it took me hours to get to sleep, but when it came, it came fast and hit me hard. I didn't even remember when I started dreaming.

“It's okay, Jenna.” His voice was gentle. “Trust me.”

“I trust you.” I looked into the blue-violet depths of his eyes. “I trust you.”

The restraints around my wrists and ankles were secure, but not overly tight. They held me, spread eagle on the bed, every inch of me exposed. My nipples were hard pink points, the flesh around them marked from Rylan's mouth. He'd made me come so many times already that I was dripping, and we weren't done yet.

He knelt between my legs, his cock sticking straight out, hard and swollen. I licked my lips and smiled as it twitched. He'd already gone in my mouth once and the taste of his cum was still on my tongue. It was mixed with my own flavor, thanks to the deep kisses that he'd shared after going down on me.

“Roll over.”

I did as he said, the leather tying me up disappearing before I could pull too hard on it. I laid on my stomach, feeling no fear as I lost sight of him. I meant what I'd said. I trusted him, completely.

I felt his hands on my ass, palming the firm muscles. Then his tongue was there and I began to writhe and moan. Every inch of me felt like it was on fire, all of my nerve endings singing with pleasure. I'd enjoyed sex before, but never like this. I'd never known that giving myself over to someone so completely would make it so much better. It was everything I'd always heard it was supposed to be, but had never truly believed it could be. Two people connecting in ways that defied physics, becoming one and all that.

Then he was pulling up my hips and pushing inside me. The feel of skin against skin should've freaked me out, but it didn't. I wanted nothing between us. Wanted to feel every delicious inch of him as he filled me. He pounded into me, each thrust making my nipples rub against the sheets in a way that chafed in the most enjoyable way.

When his finger teased my asshole, I moaned, pushing back against him. He chuckled, a low sound that made things low inside me twist and turn.

“That's my greedy girl.”

He never missed a beat as he put his other hand on my back, holding me down against the mattress even as he worked his finger into my ass. My eyes rolled back in my head and then I squeezed them shut. It was so intense, the pressure in my ass, then the burn as he alternated strokes with his cock, keeping one part full while the other emptied. My hands opened and closed convulsively, needing something to hold on to.

“Look at you,” he said. His middle finger teased at the ring of muscles fluttering around his first digit. “I love seeing your pussy stretched wide around my cock, love the way you beg for me to do what I want with you.”

I whimpered. It was true. All true. I had begged him. Begged him to spank me. Use the flogger and the crop on every sensitive inch of me. He'd used a variety of nipple clamps, each one offering their own unique version of pain. He’d even attached a chain to a pair of them and then taken me from behind, holding the chain while he fucked me. We'd tried dozens of different positions. He'd spent hours making me come until it hurt. Denied me until I was crying with the need for release.

“And you're going to let me fuck your ass tonight, aren't you?”

“Yes,” I moaned. The pressure inside me was building again and the thought of his cock where his fingers were just made me hotter.

He groaned. “Your pussy is so fucking tight, but your ass is going to be like a vice. I'm going to love being balls deep inside you, fucking you until you scream.”

I shuddered as I came, my muscles tightening around him. He swore, but kept fucking me, driving me into the most explosive orgasm I'd ever had. Then he was on top of me, stretching his body out over mine, his front flush against my back. He put his mouth against my ear even as his hand moved beneath me to rub my throbbing clit.

“I love you, Jenna Lang,” he breathed the words even as he came, pulsing and spurting inside me, filling me. “I love you.”

I came again, crying out his name and an agreement. “I love you too.”

I jerked awake, breath coming in pants, heart racing. My pussy was pulsing, the insides of my thighs slick. Had I come in my sleep? I'd never done that before. Hell, I'd never had a dream like that before.

I stared up at the ceiling. I knew that sex dreams were completely normal, that even climaxing during one of those dreams wasn't entirely unusual. I'd just never experienced either one before. The only kind of sex I'd ever experienced in my dreams had been of the nightmare variety. Terror-inducing half-memories of only pain and violence, never pleasure.

I ran my hands through my hair. Why did the only sex dream I'd ever had have to be about Rylan?

I sighed. Fuck it. I knew the answer. I'd known it all along, ever since we'd slept together, maybe even before that. I'd known he was different the moment he'd come to my apartment to apologize for startling me instead of pressing charges for me hitting him. I'd felt something in that first kiss and there'd been an attraction from the first moment I'd seen him. Sleeping with him had just made it worse. Then, seeing that non-sexual side of him when he'd taken care of me last night had solidified it.

I was still absolutely petrified by what I was feeling, by the possibilities it represented. But, I hadn't overcome a horrific childhood of abuse and become a college graduate with a successful career by lying to myself or hiding from things. I didn't dwell on my past, but I didn't pretend it hadn't happened either. I owed it to myself and Rylan to give this the same attention.

I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes.

“Dammit!”

The word sounded loud in the otherwise silent room, but it didn't stop me from asking my question the same way.

“Why the hell did I have to fall for him?”