Rylan had been worried enough about me on the way home from the party that he'd suggested I go back to his house. When I declined, he'd offered to sleep on my couch. As much as every fiber of my being longed to tell him to take me home with him, to curl up in his arms, I told him no. I wanted to be alone.

I took some cold medicine since I knew it would knock me out and the last thing I needed was to spend the entire night running over every miserable detail of the evening. A part of me even held out some hope that if I got a better night's sleep than I'd gotten the night before, I'd think more clearly and things wouldn't be as bad as they seemed now.

When I woke up Wednesday morning after a deep and dreamless sleep, I found that I was partially right. Things weren't as bad as I thought the night before. I knew I was overreacting with my jealousy, but I wasn’t able to completely shake everything I'd been feeling, especially the thought that Lara was a better match for Rylan than I was.

As I got ready for work, a new thought occurred to me. What if my behavior last night made him reconsider being with me? Wasn't it just as easy to fall out of love with someone as it was to fall in love? Especially people like us who'd fallen in love under such strange circumstances. And he'd loved Lara once too. What if seeing her last night, comparing us had made him realize what he'd given up? I didn't doubt for a moment that she'd take him back.

Maybe that was for the best, I thought as I waited at the bus stop. I shivered as a swirl of snow blew inside. It hadn't snowed hard enough to stick yet, but the weatherman said it was coming. We'd have a white Christmas most likely. I tucked my hair more snuggly under my hat. As a kid, I once told my mom that I wanted a white Christmas. She'd pointed out that we lived in Florida. No chance of snow there. Aside from the mountains, the possibility of snow had been one of the reasons I wanted to come to Colorado. I'd gotten my white Christmas my first year here.

I could still remember it. The campus had been basically deserted. Only a few international students had been there and because the campus was so big, we hadn't really seen each other. I'd gone out at midnight, the moment it had officially become Christmas, and stood out in the courtyard between the dorms. I'd stared up at the sky, watching the snow coming down, and for a moment, I'd felt peace. Until I'd met Rylan, it had been the only time I'd ever felt that way.

I sighed. I started to wish I'd taken the rest of the week off, but I knew I'd be alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as it was. I didn't think I could spend one more day than necessary in that apartment. At least there wasn’t anyone else at the office. Rylan was the only one I'd have to avoid.

It wasn't that I really wanted to avoid him. I simply didn't know how to deal with all of this. When the only examples you've ever had of relationships have been either totally fucked up or fictional – or both – it tended to make it more difficult to know what to do. Fortunately, I'd run into a glitch with a program I'd been working on and it demanded my full attention, giving me the chance to not think about personal things for a while.

My phone buzzed and drew me out of the zone. It was a text from Rylan asking if I wanted to go to lunch. I sighed. I wanted to go, wanted to see him, but I wasn't sure I could hide my feelings from him. I didn't think I'd gotten out of practice. He was just good at reading me. I sent back a quick reply saying I had to finish working out this problem.

I was just starting to get back into work again when my office phone rang. I almost didn't pick it up. I knew who it was. I didn't get outside calls. But he knew I was here so not answering would be a slap in the face and I didn't want to do that. Dammit! Not having feelings for anyone was certainly a lot simpler.

“Hello,” I answered the phone.

“Come to my office.”

I stared at the receiver. He'd hung up. While that short sentence hadn't exactly told me much, the tone had spoken volumes. He was pissed. Anxiety knotted my stomach. I'd seen Rylan mad before, but never directed at me. This was it then, the end. That had to be why he wanted me to come to the office. He'd planned on breaking up with me over lunch, but I'd thwarted that, so this was how it would be done.

I kept my shoulders back and my head up as I rode the elevator to his floor. Once he was finished, I'd tell him that I was going to take the rest of the week off. I'd find something to do. Maybe start looking for another apartment. The best thing about living in a college town was that there were always places for rent. With that plan firmly in mind, I walked into Rylan's office.

He was waiting by the conference tables rather than back at his desk, his eyes dark, his expression serious.

“You lied to me.”

My eyes widened. “There really is an issue with the–”

“Not about that.” He waved a dismissive hand and took a step towards me. “You were acting strange all day yesterday and even more so last night at the party. I kept asking what was wrong and accepting those bullshit excuses you gave me. I haven't been able to sleep the last two nights because I've worried about you.”

Guilt gnawed at my stomach, combining with the anxiety until I felt like I was going to throw up. He'd been worried about me?

He reached out and I flinched involuntarily. Pain flashed across his features and he dropped his hand.

“I did hurt you, didn't I?” he asked softly, a sick expression coming onto his face. “I never should've pushed you to try any of those things this weekend.” He raked his hand through his hair.

“No!” I blurted out the word. “You didn't hurt me.” Watching him beat himself up over something he hadn't done tore at me. I closed the distance between us and put my hand on his cheek. “I swear, Rylan. I enjoyed it all.”

“Then what happened?” he asked. He put his hand over mine. “What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said and sighed. “You didn't do anything wrong, and that's the problem.” He looked confused so I continued. As much as I hated baring my insecurities, I hated the thought of him thinking this was his fault more. “It's me.”

“Jenna, talk to me. Please.”

“Being at that party last night reminded me how much I don't belong in your world.” I took the easy way out.

“My world?” He rolled his eyes. “Jenna, that is so not my world. Just because I have money and my parents like to pretend they're high society doesn't mean I'm anywhere near that world. I wasn't poor growing up, but until my dad married Suzette's mom, we weren't rich. He's a doctor, but not some specialist or surgeon. My mom worked part-time too. Suzette's mom is the one who has the money. And even that's new money. Trust me, Lara's family didn't like me even after I made my first million.” His eyes narrowed and I watched it click. “That's what this is about really, isn't it? Lara.”

Damn him and his ability to read me. “She's gorgeous,” I said.

“I would agree with you, but I think that's probably not a good idea.” He tilted his head. “Are you jealous?” He didn't sound like the idea bothered him much. If anything, he almost sounded pleased.

I dropped my hand and looked down, heat flooding my cheeks. “She seems like she's a much better match for you. She's beautiful, sophisticated, moves in all the right circles. No one looks at her like she's a freak.” My eyes burned, but I refused to let the tears spill over. As much as I loved him, I hated that he could do this to me. “And there's no way she has as much baggage as me. She's so much better for you.”

His arms wrapped around me, but I didn't look at him.

“I figured you'd see it last night. That you'd regret breaking up with her and want her back.”

His laughter stopped me. It was a low rumble, gentle and without a trace of mocking. “Jenna, look at me.” The words were quiet, but I heard the command in them. “Look at me.”

I raised my head. Despite his laughter, his expression was serious.

“Lara and I started dating when I was twenty-two and she was eighteen. We were together for two years. She's the only woman I'd had a serious relationship with. I thought I was going to marry her.”

I didn't want to hear this. I wanted to leave, to run out of the building and never come back. As if he could hear my thoughts, his arms tightened, holding me where I was.

“I went to our apartment one night, excited to tell her about this big, beautiful house I wanted to buy. I just knew that was where I would raise my family. Then I walked into the bedroom and saw her with our neighbor...Cassandra.”

I frowned, sure I had to have misheard or misunderstood.

“Lara broke up with me, Jenna. Because she's a lesbian. She'd thought she could make it work because she really did love me, but she realized she couldn't pretend anymore. Not for her family and not even for me. She broke my heart, and I was angry with her for a while. About a year ago, we saw each other at a party and got to talking. We're friends, but it'll never be anything else.” He kept one arm around my waist as he raised his hand to twist a chunk of hair between his fingers. “And I don't want it to be anything else. You're the only one I want.”

Relief flooded through me, so intense I had to close my eyes. He didn't want Lara, even if he could've had her. I felt his lips on my forehead and I put my hands on his chest. Even through his shirt I could feel the heat of his skin.

“Now.” The tone of his voice shifted and I felt my body respond. “We both spent a lot of unnecessary time being upset. I think you need to be punished for not talking to me about this earlier.”

I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was definitely in Dom mode. A thrill went through me.

“I think I should spank you.”

Well, damn. This was not how I saw this conversation going.

I knew he was waiting for a response. We'd done a bit of pain play with nipple clamps, but he'd never broached the subject of any sort of spanking, flogging or any of those types of things. His collection in his play room told me that he was into that sort of thing, but it was an area we hadn't ventured into yet. I hadn't been sure how I'd react when he did finally bring it up. I'd been forced to act out plenty of 'naughty schoolgirl' or 'punished by daddy' scenarios that the idea of spanking was definitely a trigger for me.

But so was being tied up.

I let out a slow breath. “Okay, but this is yellow territory.” Yellow was our safe word for taking things slow.

He nodded. “Set the boundaries.”

“No bending over the knee or saying I was a bad or naughty girl,” I said.

“Understood,” he released me. “And you say 'red' if it's too much.”

“I will,” I promised. I took a step as my pulse began to race. “Tell me what to do.”