Sierra

I wallowed in self-pity, and it took the very little strength I had to make it through the days. Cameron said he’d be at the party, but I knew it was only for Kirsty and James. Those four words— I will be there—hurt because he could have at least said something more. But he didn’t. He didn’t even bother to try to talk to me. I guess the thing I learned about him was that once he was done, he was done.

I climbed into bed and placed my hand on my belly. Me, Sierra Adams, a mother. The thought freaked the fuck out of me. What the hell did I know about raising a child? And it was not like a child exactly would fit into my life. I was frightened. Frightened of the unknown. Frightened of this little being whose life depended on me. I was too selfish to have a kid. Anyone who knew me would say the same thing. There was one thing I needed to do tomorrow regardless of how tired I was. I needed to talk to Delia.

I was sound asleep when I heard footsteps inside my bedroom. Startled, I sat up and turned on the lamp that was sitting on the nightstand and gasped when I saw my father sitting on the edge of my bed staring at me.

“Hello, princess.” He smiled.

“Daddy?” Tears started to form in my eyes.

He placed his hand on my leg and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I hear you’re having some life troubles.”

“More like life disasters,” I replied.

“Well, I’m here to tell you that your pity party has come to an end. Listen, princess, it seems to me you have forgotten who you are. Where’s that fierce girl I know? The one who worked her ass off to get where she is today?”

“I’m still here.”

“No, princess, you’re not.”

“I don’t think I can do it. I can’t raise a child.”

“And you also didn’t think you could run Adams Advertising. But look at you now, sitting in my office, in my chair, running it better than I ever could. You’re a strong-willed beautiful woman. You are a fighter and you stand on your own. I’ve never been more proud of anyone like I am of you. The greatest gift anyone could ever receive in their lifetime is the gift of a child. Fear is natural, but so is raising a child. Don’t ever doubt yourself. You’ve always had powerful confidence ever since you were a child. There was nothing you couldn’t handle. Stay strong, my beautiful daughter.”

He got up from the bed and began to walk away.

“Daddy, wait!” I yelled.

“You’re going to be just fine, princess,” he spoke before his shadowy figure faded away.

I gasped as I opened my eyes and quickly sat up. My heart was racing and I was drenched in sweat. The air in the room constricted my lungs and I found it difficult to breathe. Turning on the light, I climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. As I stood and looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the little girl I once was staring back me with a smile. The fierce smile that graced my face when I knew everything would work out in my favor. The same smile I displayed at the board meeting when they all tried to force me out.

****

“Good morning.” I smiled as I walked into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.

“Senorita? Are you feeling okay?” Rosa asked.

“Yeah, Sierra. What’s going on?” Kirsty spoke as she shoved a forkful of pancakes in her mouth.

“I’m feeling great, Rosa.” I held up my cup of coffee to her. “And nothing is going on, Kirsty. I’m ready to get back to the office. What’s on the agenda today?” I asked as I sat down. “Oh, Rosa, I’ll have four pancakes, please, with strawberries and whipped topping.”

“You never eat pancakes.” James looked at me in confusion.

“I’m eating for two now, love. Kirsty, agenda.”

“Umm. You have a meeting at nine o’clock with Waterline Cruises. You need to sit in on auditions for the Bosco Wine commercial at eleven, and then you have a two o’clock skype call with Francesca from Diligent Cuisines.”

“I won’t be sitting in on the auditions. I trust you to make the right choices. From eleven to two, I’ll be over at Delia’s house. Wait, let me make sure she’s going to be home first.” I held up my finger and picked up my phone.

“Long time no talk, Sierra,” she answered.

“Hello, Mother. Are you going to be home around eleven o’clock today?”

“I believe so. Why?”

“Because I’m stopping by for lunch. Have Lolita make those delicious finger sandwiches and a salad. Also, make sure there are baked chips available and I want dessert. Perhaps she can make those amazing cheesecake cups I love so much.”

“Sierra, you just can’t call me last minute like this and demand Lolita make lunch.”

“Really, Mother? You do it all the time to Rosa. I’ll see you at eleven. Goodbye.” I ended the call.

I looked over at James and Kirsty, who were staring at me in confusion. Rosa walked over and set down my plate of pancakes in front of me.

“I’m proud of you, Senorita.”

“Thanks, Rosa.” I smiled.

“Hold up here!” Kirsty waved her hands and stood up from her chair. “For the past couple of weeks, you have been a train wreck. You’ve been depressed, unable to eat, function, etc. Now all of a sudden, you’re back to yourself without any warning. What the hell is going on?”

“Nothing. Let’s just say I had an epiphany last night, and I remembered who I really was. There’s no keeping Sierra Adams down too long.”

“And what about the baby and Cameron?”

“What about them? I’m having this baby and I’m raising it on my own. Cameron can have visitation.”

“Huh?” She cocked her head. “I don’t think he’s going to be happy about that.”

“Too bad. He walked out of my life without giving me the chance to explain things to him.”

“What was to explain?” James asked. “You went behind his back when he asked you not to. You kept secrets from him.”

“I know. But I did it because I love him and I wanted him to be happy. It was wrong, I get it. Lesson learned. But if he’s going to leave every time I do something he doesn’t like, I’m out. I can’t and I won’t allow myself to ever go through that again.”

A sick feeling arose in my belly.

“Excuse me, I need to go throw up.” I got up from my chair and headed to the bathroom.

****

It was precisely eleven o’clock when I walked through the door of Delia’s house.

“Mother?” I yelled as I set down my purse.

“For goodness sakes, Sierra. I’m right here.” She walked into the foyer. “Lunch will be ready soon. Let’s go out on the patio.”

I followed her out to the back and took a seat at the table, which was delicately decorated for lunch only as Delia would have it.

“So, what’s with this last-minute lunch call?” she asked. “Do you need to talk about something?”

“No.” I picked up the glass of lemon water sitting in front of me and took a sip. “Do you?” My brow arched.

“No. But I think you do.” Delia picked up her glass.

“No, Mother. You do.”

“Oh my God, Sierra. Why can’t you just come out and tell me that you and Cameron broke up?!” she exclaimed.

My eyes widened as I stopped mid-drink and set down my glass.

“He told you?” I narrowed my eye.

“I forced it out of him. I knew something was up and I wouldn’t give him his check until he told me what was wrong.”

The fact that he could talk to Delia and not me triggered a rage inside. Of all people. Kirsty and James, I could understand. Even Rosa. But Delia?!

“What exactly did he tell you?”

Lolita approached the table and set our plates down in front of us.

“Thank you, Lolita,” I spoke.

“You’re welcome, Miss Sierra.”

“He said you emasculated him.”

I rolled my eyes.

“He also said you got him those jobs. You went behind his back when he asked you to stay out of his business.”

“Well,” I popped a cucumber sandwich into my mouth, “I did. But I did it out of love. All I want is for him to succeed. I want him to be happy.”

“I do believe you, Sierra, but I also believe you were afraid he’d leave California if things didn’t pan out with work. Or, you knew if things didn’t work in his favor, he’d be depressed and stuck maybe in a job he wasn’t happy with just because he loves you and wouldn’t leave.”

I sighed as I picked up another sandwich. As I brought it to my mouth, a sick feeling arose in my belly. Setting it down, I excused myself and ran to the bathroom. After I returned to the table, Delia sat there and narrowed her eye at me.

“What was that all about?” she asked.

“I had to go to the bathroom.”

Her eye narrowed further at me.

“You look pale. Were you just sick?”

“I may have a little stomach bug.” I took a sip of water.

“A stomach bug that will last approximately nine months?” Her brow raised.

I didn’t say a word as I set down my glass.

“Judging by your silence, I’m going to assume I’m correct. Have you told Cameron?”

“Who says it’s Cameron’s?” I spoke.

“Sierra, this is not the time to be funny.”

“No. I haven’t. But I will.”

“So, I’m going to be a grandma. Not quite sure how I feel about that. I’m really not old enough to carry that title,” she spoke with a small smile on her face.

“Apparently. Not when you’re banging twenty-something-year-olds.” I smirked.

She shrugged.

“It was a one-time thing, and quite enjoyable.”

I placed my hands over my ears.

“Delia, please.”

“Did you really think you were the only one who could have some fun, Sierra?” She smirked.

I pushed my plate away and took in a deep breath.

“I didn’t come here to tell you I was pregnant. I was going to tell you, but just not today. The reason I came here was because I saw you the other day at the medical center. You went into an oncology office. Why?”

Her eyes stared into mine for a few moments before answering my question. She picked up her glass, took a sip of water, set it down, and wiped her mouth with her napkin.

“I have breast cancer,” she spoke. “Both breasts.”

“Oh, Mom.” I reached over and placed my hand on hers. “How long have you known?”

“About three weeks.”

“Have you told Clive or Ava?”

“Not yet. I’m kicking Clive to the curb first. I don’t need him staying with me out of pity, nor will I allow it.”

“And Ava?”

“I’m not sure she could handle both Clive moving out and this.”

“She’s a strong girl, Mom.”

“I know. But she is only sixteen. Listen, Sierra, I know you have a lot going on right now, but I’ll need you to be there for her.”

“Of course I will. You don’t have to worry about that.” I gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

I was in shock to say the least. I didn’t ever remember Delia having a cold, and now, she would be fighting for her life.

“So now what?” I asked.

“I’m having a double mastectomy in a couple of weeks, and I’ve come to terms with it. After that, I will be undergoing chemotherapy four weeks later.”

My eyes started to tear. Even though Delia and I had spent most of our lives in a shit storm, she was my mother and I loved her. Maybe I didn’t realize how much I loved her until now.

“Sierra, don’t,” she spoke in a firm tone as she pointed her finger at me. “I will get through this. Have you forgotten who I am?”

I looked up at the sky to prevent the tears from falling.

“No, I haven’t forgotten and I know you’ll get through this. You have no choice. You have a grandbaby on the way that will need a grandma.”

“And that right there is all the more reason to fight.” She smiled.