Part of Alex had hoped that the party would go well. He’d half expected it to be some sort of miracle, where he would click with Ezra and things would be perfect. Instead, he’d spent most of his time with Jasper’s dog or at the edges of conversations, zoning out as the others talked. He felt a little bad about it, but there was really no getting around the fact that he just isn’t really as interested in Ezra as everyone thought he would be. Alex is at least glad to know so that he can finally concentrate on Jasper. At least having someone will help distract him from Reid’s wedding and the fact that Alex still has no clue what he’s really doing, except waiting for the inevitable.

Monday morning comes around without a word from Jasper, but Alex isn’t surprised. Every brief lunch or coffee they’ve shared has been Alex’s idea, mentioned offhand for Jasper to immediately agree to. Alex almost considers asking if Jasper wants to do something, but then he remembers that Dean is coming to his office. Maybe I could ask him about what he knows about Jasper, Alex thinks on his way to work, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. If he gets time alone with Dean, he can figure out whether Jasper was telling the truth about his reasons for lying.

“Alex. Hi,” Dean says, leaning against the cubicle, casually angled like he’s posing for a picture. Dean always seems offhandedly photogenic, Alex thinks. It hadn’t been a stretch to imagine Jasper liking him.

“Dean. Good to see you,” Alex says, quickly stowing his papers away in his desk. “I was just about to get some coffee. Are you done?”

“I am. Mind if I join you?”

“Of course not. I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway,” Alex says cheerfully, moving away from his desk. Dean raises an eyebrow in question as they walk over to the elevator, dodging boxes and shelves of office supplies.

“Really? What about?”

“I’m just curious. How long have you known Ezra and Jasper?”

“Hmm. Well, we were friends as kids, but I moved away in middle school. They only just moved into town about a year ago, but it’s been nice. We’ve all changed, so it was strange getting to know each other again, but there are things that don’t change. Ezra’s definitely always been a social butterfly.”

“I’ll bet,” Alex laughs. He tries to think of what to ask next, or what questions would be best to figure out whether Jasper is a serial liar or not. He feels a little guilty, trying to figure it out behind Jasper’s back, but he reasons that it’s fine. After all, I have to protect myself. “How have they changed?”

“Well, Ezra’s more independent. They used to do everything together. Jasper...well, Jasper isn’t as fearless. I don’t like pressing either of them about it, but I think they both kind of changed recently because of their family.”

“Family?” Alex remembers Jasper mentioning his family—that they were the reason he and Ezra left. That they were controlling and disapproving, and in the end, Ezra had decided to leave and Jasper had gone with him. “Jasper said something about that.”

“Yeah. They’re not the best,” Dean says, frowning. “I think it hit Jasper harder than Ezra, in some ways. Ezra didn’t need them as much as Jasper did. Jasper spent so much time trying to do what they wanted that he kind of forgot how to live for himself, or how he wanted to.”

“Well, it sounds like you care a lot about him. I’m glad someone does,” Alex says, trying to sound as casual as possible. Dean looks at him sideways, brow furrowed as he opens the door to the coffee shop.

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Jasper’s been a little more open, I think. You’re a good friend.”

They order their coffees, and Alex tries to come up with something else to say or ask. The more time he spends with Dean, the less certain Alex feels. He has no idea what he was thinking when he decided to find answers with Dean. I already said yes to a casual relationship. I told Jasper I couldn’t trust him, so why am I trying to find out if I could forgive him?

“Ezra’s great, though,” Dean says suddenly, moving as the line slowly inches forward. “You kind of remind me of him. Ezra’s always been worried about his brother. He does a lot to make sure Jasper is protected. I think Ezra stopped taking crap from his parents at a young age, and then he started focusing on looking after Jasper.”

“How do I remind you of him?” Alex asks, bemused.

“I guess you’re both just very social. I get the feeling—not that it’s bad—that you also both like the spotlight, even if you won’t admit it.”

Spotlight? Alex stares at the chalkboard over the register, thinking. Now that Dean mentions it, Alex realizes that it’s kind of true. Alex always takes the more active role in his relationship with Jasper; he’s usually the one planning their lunches and coming up with ideas for their dates. I hope Jasper doesn’t feel like I’m overpowering him, he thinks, but he suspects that’s not the case. Jasper is just more introspective; and besides, if he didn’t like it, Alex would probably have heard about it one of the many times Jasper has mentioned his brother. Who I am apparently like. Is that why I didn’t really click with Ezra? We’re too much alike? It doesn’t make much sense. On paper, Alex and Ezra probably seem like the perfect couple. They’re both outgoing and dominant personalities. In this case, maybe it’s true that opposites attract.

“Ezra’s always been great. I’m glad he moved them out here. Hopefully, it gives them a chance to grow. Ezra is already making plans, I think. He talked to me the other day about finding a better job.”

“Huh. Nice,” Alex says, only half paying attention. Dean parts ways with him as soon as their orders are done, and Alex is left to wonder what kind of game he’s playing. I wanted a short-term relationship, he thinks. It’s why he agreed to the date Katy had set up with Ezra in the first place. Alex was looking for a diversion—something to keep him distracted from his brother’s wedding. Yet, all his plans have spiraled out of control since that first date with Jasper. No matter how much he tells himself that he shouldn’t trust Jasper and that there’s too much risk, Alex can’t help but want more. He tries to push thoughts of Jasper out of his mind, but he’s barely able to finish his work for the day. Before he can leave, someone comes up to his desk.

“Alex—good, you’re still here. Sarah mentioned that you know the owner of a nearby bakery?”

“I do,” Alex says, tapping a pen against the open manuscript on his desk. He’s suddenly glad he’d left it there; he’s not keen on his boss catching him slacking at work.

“We’re going to have a going away party in a few days. I was going to order a cake for it; Sarah mentioned I should ask you to make the order, since you know the best place to go.”

“Yeah, sure,” Alex says, curious. “Who’s going away?”

“One of the chief editors. You haven’t met her, I don’t think; she’s been on a trip for the past few weeks.”

“And you want me to get what?” Alex adds, sliding his notebooks into the top drawer of his desk. He feels like he hasn’t done enough work for the day; he’s been so distracted that he can hardly concentrate on comma splices and continuity errors in the manuscripts he’s reading.

“A cake,” his boss says, handing him a paper. “Everything is on here. Thank you for helping out.”

“It’s no problem. It’s on my route, anyway,” Alex says, taking the paper. He reads it as he rides the elevator down—chocolate cake, strawberry filling, buttercream frosting. A farewell message. It reminds him of his going away party in Ireland. It had been quite an affair. He hadn’t expected so much, even knowing what he did about the staff and the culture. Alex had arrived at the small clubhouse next to the cricket field to find it bursting with people; students and teachers and graduates all mingling with drinks and bright smiles. The food had been amazing, everyone contributing a little something, and there had been music and speeches and dancing for hours. It had seemed to him like the party had never actually ended; it had just splintered, groups of people leaving arm in arm to find a pub or sing merrily down the sidewalk. Alex misses it more than he can say. It had been nice, being around so much energy without feeling overwhelmed or challenged.

“Alex! How are you?” Katy grins when she sees him, dusting flour from her hands. Alex envies her the easy comfort that comes while she’s at work; she seems just as at home in the bakery as she does when she’s out with everyone at a bar. I guess that’s what happens when you find what you’re meant to be doing.

“Good. I’m here on business,” Alex says jokingly, unfolding the paper in his hands. “A cake for a coworker I’ve never met. It’s for a going away party.”

“How nice! I love those,” Katy says, scanning the paper. “Legible handwriting, thank goodness. Sometimes I can’t tell buttercream from bubblegum on the notes I get.”

“Well, my boss asked me to order it. The date is on the paper. I’ve been advised not to worry about cost or anything else.”

“Must be nice. I’ll get it done,” Katy promises, folding a neat line in the paper. She tucks it in her apron, and Alex almost says goodbye before she speaks again. “So, how are things with Jasper? You two seemed to be having one hell of a time at the bar.”

“We did. It was good,” Alex says, trying to end the conversation before it begins. He’s acutely aware that he could give too much away, and the last thing he wants is for Katy to know all the messy details. She might not be the best matchmaker, but she can see right through people when it comes to telling the truth or lying. The last thing Alex wants is to get caught by her before Jasper can talk to her. “I’ll see—”

“No, no. Have a coffee on me,” Katy insists, turning to start his order. Alex opens his mouth but closes it immediately, sighing. At least she gave up, he thinks, and then she asks another question. “So, how did his confession go? I know you found out about that stupid trick.”

“Oh. You knew about that?” Alex asks, suspicious. Now that he thinks back on it, Katy hadn’t exactly said anything about Jasper being the one to show up for the first date. He had just assumed that she couldn’t tell. But I guess it makes sense. Damn. Was everyone in on it?

“Kind of after the fact. I assumed he kept it up because he’d do anything for Ezra, but after a while, I figured it was because he just felt safer that way. I gave up trying to set Jasper up a long time ago.”

“Really? Why?”

“Well, I spent most of my time trying to set him up with a nice girl. If I had known, I would have just switched tracks.”

Girl? Alex pauses with a straw in hand, hovering over his drink. He almost says something, but then he wonders. Jasper had been so slow to start their relationship, which could have just been because of his lie, but Alex wonders if it wasn’t something else. If his father doesn’t approve of him and Ezra, it would make even more sense. I wonder if he was even out to his friends. I guess not. Alex wonders if maybe that wasn’t another reason Jasper lied—to hide his uncertainty behind someone else’s name.

“Has he...was he single for long, then?” Alex asks, pretending to peruse the menu.

“As long as I’ve known him. I think Ezra mentioned Jasper barely dated in college, something about him focusing on school. Jasper doesn’t talk about dating, though. At all. Well, at least not directly; I know you two went out a lot.”

Since college, at least, Alex thinks. It explains why Jasper was uncomfortable with being open about his interest, along with his introversion. Even beside that, if he hasn’t explained his preferences to his friends, it’s easy to see why Jasper is tight-lipped about dating. Alex wonders how much Jasper doesn’t tell his other friends. It makes sense now, that he usually gravitates toward spending time with Alex. It’s understandable, if Alex is the only one who has accidentally guessed and been comfortable with it. As much as Alex had been determined to stand his ground against Jasper’s initial lie, it’s somehow seeming less important in the face of the truth and everything Jasper has gone through. Maybe it’s not okay, but I think I understand. Chance seems to answer him when he leaves the bakery. Alex’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he fishes it out, glancing at the caller ID. It’s Jasper.

“Hello?”

“Alex. I hope I didn’t catch you at work.”

“No, I’m actually leaving. What’s up?” There’s a small pause and Alex waits, bemused. He crosses the street to get back to the office, where his car is parked in the garage. It’s getting colder as the light fades.

“I was just wondering if you were free tonight. I was thinking of getting dinner, and I thought I’d ask.”

“Oh.” Alex almost says yes, instinct taking over. He hasn’t seen Jasper alone in a few days, and he misses the lunches they’ve had on sunny patios with Mocha at their feet. The easy conversation about movies and books. The way Jasper is comfortable around him. How nice it is to have someone’s undivided attention. Pretending to be asleep while Jasper snuck out of Alex’s bed in the morning. Alex wants nothing more than to say yes, but he doesn’t. “I actually have some work to finish at home, so I should probably stay in.”

“Oh. Okay. I just thought I’d ask,” Jasper says, laughing nervously. Alex bites his tongue, wanting to take his words back, but knowing it won’t be helpful. I’m already giving in and it hasn’t even been that long.

“Thank you, though,” Alex says, trying to sound as sorry as he possibly can. “And—you know, I was going to ask you something.”

The question hangs on his tongue—did you lie because you were scared—but he can’t bring himself to say it. He doesn’t know how to ask correctly. He feels like he’s fumbling the real thing he wants to ask—if Jasper can really, truly promise that he won’t lie again. That it was all just a bad mistake made for all the right reasons.

“What is it?” Jasper asks. Open. Trusting. Alex can’t ask.

“I...um, do you have a suit for a wedding?” It’s the first thing that comes to his mind.

“What?” Jasper’s voice is faint, like he’s trying to understand what Alex is asking. Alex wants to give up, make an excuse and laugh it off, but he doesn’t want to leave Jasper confused or suspicious.

“I was just—just thinking about what I need for Reid’s wedding,” Alex says quickly. “I mean, now that I know Benjamin has a ring, it’s just a matter of time. If I need to save up for a good one, I should probably do it now. Just thought I’d ask.”

“I...um, I don’t,” Jasper says. He sounds disappointed, somehow. “Sorry. I’ll ask Ezra. He probably knows where to get one.”

“Oh. Don’t worry about it,” Alex says, glad to bring the conversation around to something else, even if it is a subject he’s not crazy about.

“Okay. Yeah,” Jasper says, still sounding let down. Alex resists the urge to take his words back and invite Jasper over. He honestly wouldn’t enjoy anything else in the world more now. All he wants is to be with Jasper, even if it’s only for a short night.

“Thank you,” Alex says, emphasizing the words. “We haven’t hung out in a while. We’ll get lunch soon or something.”

“Sure. We’ll do that,” Jasper says. Alex doesn’t quite buy the cheer in his voice, but he lets it go. They say goodbye, and Alex unlocks his car, sliding in and tossing his phone on the passenger seat before staring out the windshield at the gray sky.

Alex wants to forgive Jasper more than he’s wanted to do anything else in some time. Jasper deserves it, with whatever he’s been struggling with. Even though Alex knows all the reasons he shouldn’t give in, statistics and patterns and reasons why serial liars and cheaters never change, he still wants to give Jasper a chance. Alex keeps telling himself that there were so many reasons to lie and Jasper even tried to explain on his own, without being caught and forced to confess. And he’s trying. As much time as they spend together, Alex knows that Jasper has been trying to atone for what he did. So why can’t I just forgive him?