“What are you doing here?”

Guess not, Jasper thinks, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. Katy is leaning over the counter, confused and suspicious. Jasper fishes about for an answer that doesn’t sound like an excuse—Ezra’s sick, he didn’t want to disappoint either of you, but none of them are right. They are excuses. Maybe, he thinks, he’s just so desperate for socialization that he’d actually wanted to take Ezra’s place. I don’t really deserve this date, but I’ll take what comes my way.

“I know,” Jasper says, sympathetic. “Ezra has a really bad cold. He asked me to come—thought it would be bad to just leave Alex hanging, you know?”

“Not really,” Katy whispers harshly, glancing over his shoulder. Oh, crap. He’s here. Jasper can feel panic start to rise in his chest. He hasn’t even thought of what to say, or how he’s going to explain. If he even can. He can imagine some burly man yelling at him. “God, he’s here. Okay. Well, it’s on you.”

“That’s helpful,” Jasper mutters before taking a deep breath and turning around.

He’s handsome. Very, very handsome. Jasper almost wants to curse at the universe; of course it would be a good-looking guy. Of course, it would be someone that looks like he should be answering casting calls and making millions instead of going on dates in tiny bakeries. Alex is a dream with a perfect jaw and high cheekbones; even from a distance, Jasper can tell he has the kind of eyelashes that make people jealous. Suddenly, things have gone from difficult to impossible. I would never talk to someone like him as a friend, much less a date, Jasper thinks, horrified. He can’t imagine he’ll get his tongue unstuck from the roof of his mouth long enough to say anything remotely interesting or charming. There’s no way he can pretend to be Ezra. He can’t even be himself.

“Hi. I’m Alex,” the man says, smiling, extending his hand. God, he’s just like Ezra, Jasper thinks, just as confident and easygoing at first glance. They would be perfect for each other. He realizes then that Alex is waiting and he quickly takes the man’s hand, swallowing his nerves.

“Hi. It’s—um, it’s nice to meet you,” Jasper says. He almost winces at his words. He fishes for something to say or do, heart racing, and then he turns toward the counter. “Coffee?”

It’s a lame distraction. Alex seems to go along with it, even if he does seem a little bemused. Jasper tries to come up with something to say while he orders; he knows there are simple questions to ask—where he went to school, how he’s enjoying the city, why he moved. None of the simple questions help, though; Jasper feels like he’s way out of his depth. The last time I dated, it was a girl, and it was in high school. He hadn’t even attempted to date in college, too busy studying biology, foolishly thinking he would be a doctor. All that time wasted, and now he’s wasting someone else’s time.

“Katy mentioned you have a brother,” Alex volunteers. They head away from the counter and then they’re suddenly outside, walking down the street. Jasper has no clue where they’re going. He wonders if Ezra knew about this and feels a little more frustrated. He’s also very aware of the direction the conversation could head.

“I do. He’s home sick right now.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Alex says.

They’re walking at an easy pace. It helps with the stress, but Jasper still can’t come up with much to say. He feels like anything he says will be an unwelcome, random question. Meaningless. Still, he can’t leave Alex in silence and he wants to at least try.

“Did you, um—I mean, have you ever lived here?”

“A long time ago, when I was a kid,” Alex says. “I have an older brother—we both used to live here, close to the college. He teaches in the city now.”

“Oh. That’s nice. What does he teach?”

“Creative writing. Lucky him.”

Jasper feels like he’s interviewing him. How do people talk on dates? How do you casually get along with someone else, without seeming like you’re being intrusive? They’re quiet for a few minutes and Jasper occupies himself with his coffee. He knows he’s doing a bad job of being a good date, but he didn’t even know he was going to come until two hours ago. Without enough warning, he feels lost.

“I was away in Ireland for about five years,” Alex supplies, answering a question Jasper hadn’t even thought to ask. His confession is interesting, though. Ireland?

“That’s...incredible,” Jasper says, surprised. “Why Ireland? What were you doing?”

“I loved it before I went,” Alex says, smiling. “And my family is from there, several generations ago, of course. I always wanted to visit just to see it, but I finally went because I was offered a teaching job through a study abroad program.”

“Wow. I bet it was beautiful.”

“It was. I’d wake up every morning and look out the window, and I’d think, am I really here?”

“I sometimes ask myself the same question, but not with the same wonder,” Jasper jokes. Alex laughs, and Jasper almost forgets everything he was worrying about. He’s too busy wondering a thousand things, so he opens his mouth to ask, “What was your favorite part of teaching? Of being there?”

“The language. Gaelic,” Alex says quickly. “It’s amazing to see an entire culture coming back from the brink of losing something so important. I loved learning bits and pieces; I had so many students that would ask me questions about America, and I would ask them questions about Gaelic. I felt like we learned from each other, and that’s really the best feeling in the world, you know?”

“I always wished I could learn a language. I feel like you can have such a greater appreciation for the culture when you learn; you can read books in another language and visit the country and just...do so much more.”

“Exactly,” Alex says, smiling, and Jasper almost sighs in relief.

Things weren’t really going well before. They could still end badly, he thinks, especially if he doesn’t confess. The last thing Jasper wants is to drive Alex away. Yet, something about the way Alex looks at him—his interested gaze and the way he seems to be so at ease—makes Jasper hold back. Am I actually considering this? He knows he shouldn’t. He can’t expect any of his friends or even Ezra to go along with the act. Still, Jasper doesn’t want to ruin it. Alex is beyond handsome, and Jasper knows he’d never have a chance with him any other way.

“You know, I’m looking for more friends in the city. I wouldn’t mind meeting up again—you can bring your brother, too. I can even ask Katy to plan a trip to the bar.”

“That would be great,” Jasper blurts, before he can think better...before he can confess. He’s just digging the hole deeper with every word. But he’s looking at me like I’m interesting and like he wants to see me again, and I can’t just give this up. Jasper hasn’t ever felt so determined before. He’s been on okay dates; he’s had coffees and lunches, talking with people who never asked for another date or expressed interest.

Alex is already planning ahead for a group outing. He’s looking at Jasper as if he’s found something worth staying in the city for and Jasper can barely contain himself. What would it be like? Just one night? He knows that if Katy told Alex everything, Alex probably knows that Ezra is comfortable with having sex on the first date. It makes Jasper’s heart pound just thinking about it. Could I even do that? He almost wants to try.

Jasper thinks maybe Alex wants to try, too, because he’s leaning closer, and they’ve come to a complete stop, standing under an awning hanging over the sidewalk. Jasper hasn’t felt a pull so strong in his entire life; it’s like magnetism, drawing them closer with each breath. Magnetism or not, Jasper’s phone suddenly rings, they both startle, and the magic is broken. Jasper fumbles with his phone, almost cursing.

“Sorry—shit, sorry, it’s my brother.”

“Take it,” Alex says kindly. His eyes are still pinned to Jasper. How am I supposed to take a call when I’m this distracted?

“What’s up?” Jasper asks, clearing his throat when his voice comes out a little too low.

“Hey. Sorry to bother you, I just didn’t know if you were still out—we don’t have any medicine left, and I wanted to ask you to pick some up. You’re not still with Alex, are you?”

“No,” Jasper says lightly. The guilt in his chest gets worse. Ezra’s sick and I’m over here trying to steal his date from him. What kind of brother am I? “I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry.”

“All right. I’ll see you soon.”

Jasper hangs up and stares at his phone for a moment. He almost misses what could have been. I guess it’s better this way, though. There’s no way he could confuse us if he happened to kiss both of us. Or if he had sex with me and then somehow ended up with Ezra. Jasper almost laughs—thinking back on the moment when they’d almost kissed, he wants to slap himself for being so stupid. Jasper knows he’d never be able to hold a candle to Ezra. Alex is charismatic and handsome and successful. They deserve each other.

“I guess he’s not doing well?” Alex asks, swirling his coffee.

“He won’t die,” Jasper says, smiling a little, “but I should get back. I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t worry. Good things take time,” Alex says, very visibly giving Jasper a once-over. “I don’t mind.”

“Okay. Well, I…I’ll see you soon,” Jasper says, knowing full well that he’s probably blushing. By the time he gets back to his car, he’s still thinking about Alex’s eyes on him and the breathless moment when they’d both moved toward each other, an attraction thrumming in his blood.

I can’t let it go further, Jasper tells himself, running a hand through his hair. He already knows he’s going too far. As much as he’s attracted to Alex—because he’d be blind not to be—Jasper knows that it isn’t his place to step in. It’s Ezra that Alex is supposed to be dating and even if Jasper had just been misleading him, he’d still technically lied. For no good reason, too, other than his stupid desire to try and act like someone he wasn’t. So, no matter how much he likes Alex, Jasper knows he can’t see him again...not like this and not when Jasper had been so willing to throw caution to the wind for a one-night stand.