It’s not the best outcome, but it’s not the worst, either. He’d thought a lot about it, while sleeping in Alex’s bed in the middle of the day. Jasper had wanted a relationship, but he’d resigned himself to the fact that he had made a mistake and Alex wouldn’t want anything to do with Jasper anymore. Jasper had been shocked to see Alex’s number on his phone, the call missed as Jasper tried to comprehend what was happening. Jasper had almost thought it was a fluke, until Alex texted can we talk. Jasper never expected Alex to say yes. Jasper hadn’t planned on offering anything in the first place, but standing there, he hadn’t been able to stop himself. All he could remember was the way they had clicked, an immediate connection that had made them both act like teenagers at the bar. Jasper hadn’t been willing to give it up, even if it meant sacrificing the friendship they had. Maybe Jasper will never be able to have Alex the way he wishes he could, but he’ll take what he’s given. He won’t ask any more of Alex, and they’ll both move on with their lives.

It occured to Jasper the day after he stays with Alex, that he has no idea how to continue with this kind of relationship. Jasper’s only experiences have been with slow relationships that he’s tried to establish over time; being a friend with benefits is nothing like anything he’s ever done before. I definitely can’t ask Dean or Ezra for help. How do I even tell Ezra about it? Should I? All the questions he should have asked the day before are piling up in his mind as he works, weaving around the pet store mindlessly as he carries out his daily tasks. Jasper is pulling a heavy bag of dog food off a shelf when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He glances around the aisle, curious, and pulls his phone out. It’s Alex.

Lunch? It’s one word but Jasper feels his heart stutter in his chest. He hates that he still feels this way, even after Alex had agreed to a very specific set of rules. It would be easier, Jasper thinks, if there were less friendship and more benefits between them. It would make it easier for Jasper to go about his day without wondering how Alex is doing and when he might call or text. Jasper shoots an answer back, staring at his sure as if it’s betraying his feelings. He sighs and continues his work, checking his phone once when Alex messages to say he’ll pick Jasper up.

“I saw you at Leo’s this weekend,” a voice says by his ear. Jasper nearly jumps, startled. It’s Amy—the same coworker that had invited him out, over a month ago. She’s stocking something on the shelves across from him, and Jasper clears his throat, uneasy.

“Oh. I don’t think I saw you.”

“You wouldn’t have. I thought you didn’t like going out,” Amy continues, dropping empty boxes onto the floor. She doesn’t sound hostile, but Jasper is worried about the direction the conversation is going in.

“I don’t really. My brother, um, he and a few friends went. I kind of just went along because my friend was going.”

“Your friend?” One of her eyebrows is raised, as if she doesn’t buy his explanation. Jasper knows he shouldn’t feel the need to explain himself—after all, they’re just coworkers—but his ears are warm, and suddenly, all he can remember is Alex’s laugh and the way his bed had been a mess.

“Yes. He mentioned it last minute and asked me to go,” Jasper says quickly, shoving a bag onto the shelf so that he can leave. Amy turns to him, brow furrowed, and then she laughs shortly. Jasper hesitates, unsure of what’s happening. What she’s thinking.

“Well, it makes sense, now. You could have just said something.”

“What?”

“I wouldn’t have kept asking if I had known you weren’t interested in women,” Amy says, looking at him as if he’s the one that’s not making sense.

Oh. Jasper can feel his face heating up again, and he knows he’s probably turning red. Amy smiles a little, and he prays for an escape that doesn’t come. He ends up giving her a garbled excuse, practically running to the other side of the store as if distance will stop his blush.

That’s not what it is, he thinks, but the more he considers it, the less it’s true. All of his long-term, past relationships have been with women and none of them worked. Is that why? He wonders, a little worried, if maybe he’s been unintentionally lying to himself and everyone else for most of his life. It’s almost as if someone has told him the sky was green.

The front door bells ring and someone enters the shop, making a beeline for the checkout. Jasper can’t see who it is, but even from the back, he can tell it’s someone rich. It’s probably someone ready to complain about something silly. Jasper sighs, walking to the back of the store and the office. At the very least, he can put off his thoughts about his love life until he’s off work. He definitely doesn’t want to think about it while he’s with Alex. When Jasper knocks on the office door, his boss answers, leaning against the door frame.

“What?” Darren is always brusque, but Jasper never takes it to heart. The man just has no concept of how to be polite. It’s probably why he’s always in the back.

“Customer at the register looks ready to start causing trouble. I just noticed on my way to the back.”

“Fantastic. Hey—make sure you take the empty boxes and pallets to the compactor. Got it?”

“Yeah,” Jasper says, leaving the office to pick up the stack from where Amy is working. She glances over his shoulder, probably looking at the front register, and shakes her head. Jasper is almost done stacking the cardboard together when she snorts, lowering her voice to say something.

“That guy at the front is giving Josh a hard time. I wonder if he realizes that Josh is high half the time.”

“All the time,” Jasper replies, shaking his head. “I’m taking this to the back.”

Jasper checks his phone while he’s waiting for the compactor to do its work, looking at his messages. There’s one from Alex timed three minutes ago, on my way. There are only five minutes left of Jasper’s shift; he wonders if Alex is going to wait, or come inside the store. When Jasper opens the back door to the store, coming back inside with the compactor key in hand, he can clearly hear the voice of the man at the front. He’s not yelling, but the way his voice resonates suggests that he’s not about to back down. It sounds familiar.

“There you are,” Josh says, appearing at Jasper’s side and almost making him jump. “Boss wants you at the front.”

Me? Jasper doesn’t ask—the question would be wasted on Josh—and makes his way to the front, pocketing the compactor key. He can’t imagine why Darren would want him; he never involves any of the employees in customer disputes. Darren might not be the best people person, but he’s never compromised on the fact that he believes some customers just like to hear their own voices. It’s nice in the sense that there are always irritable people who take it out on employees and Darren doesn’t have any tolerance for them. It must be serious, whatever it is. The closer Jasper gets, the more uneasy he is. Darren is the only one talking, but Jasper still can’t shake the feeling that he had recognized the voice. Jasper comes up next to the customer, trying not to look directly at them.

“You needed me, sir?”

“I did,” the man next to Jasper says, turning toward him, and Jasper feels his heart sink.

“What are you doing here?” Jasper asks, trying to keep his voice even and low. He doesn’t care that he hasn’t seen his father in over a year; if he had it the way he wanted, he would never see the man again. Jasper only cares that his father apparently knows where he works and made the trip in person. He also cares that he had the nerve to show up at Jasper’s workplace. Even this far from the city, Jasper is sure some people are bound to notice his father, with his expensive suit and even more expensive car. “I’m sorry, Darren. I didn’t—”

“It’s fine. You can use the office,” Darren says, uncharacteristically accommodating. Even with his pleasant offer, though, his gaze is hard when he looks at Jasper’s father.

“No. Thank you, but work is not the place for this,” Jasper says coolly, directing the last half of his sentence at his father. Darren doesn’t move from where he is, watching the interaction with a careful stare. Jasper doesn’t budge, ready to leave the desk and his father, but he suspects that the man would follow him and just make things worse. Of course, this would happen now. Now, when I’m already dealing with one of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made. Just seeing his father makes Jasper feel worse. It’s like all of his past inadequacies are being dragged up, coming back into focus with sharp clarity.

“I’m attempting to have a civil conversation. What’s the point of being stubborn? You’re inconveniencing your superior.”

He would say superior instead of boss, Jasper thinks, but he worries that it’s the truth. Jasper knows that he should just agree and go to the back with his father, but he doesn’t want to waste any of his time. Especially not when Alex is supposed to be coming. The front door rings, and Darren leaves the register, probably to field the customer. Jasper clenches his jaw. It’s the same old manipulation that he should be used to by now. Jasper should be used to his father maneuvering and threatening, taking advantage of Jasper’s dislike of attention in public.

“This is not the place for a conversation. It’s unprofessional. If you wanted to talk, you should have called first,” Jasper says shortly.

“So you could hang up on me? No. I don’t think so.”

“What do you want? Just say it,” Jasper says. His blood feels like it’s simmering, and he just wants to leave. He doesn’t like the idea of his father following him, though, and he knows that Alex is probably waiting. Jasper isn’t about to bring the wrath of his father down on Alex, especially given their new relationship. What I wouldn’t give to shove it in dad’s face. I’ll bet he’d have a heart attack.

“I’m done playing games. You’re coming with me,” Jasper’s father says shortly. His hand is suddenly on Jasper’s wrist, grip firm, and Jasper almost gasps in shock. What the hell? He has no place dragging Jasper around. I’m an adult. What does he think he’s doing?

“Are you crazy? What are you doing?” Jasper hisses, trying to keep quiet and extricate himself from his father’s grip without making a scene. They only get two steps from the register before someone walks out from a nearby aisle. Jasper blinks, his confusion turning to shock. “Alex.”

The first thing Jasper thinks is, he’s pissed. He’s never seen Alex this angry—or angry at all, really. Alex has been irritated before, annoyed by little problems like someone cutting him off in traffic or running late to lunch. Jasper has never seen him angry before, though. It transforms him; instead of being approachable and bright, Alex suddenly looks taller and more resolute, the smile on his face replaced with a serious expression. Alex hadn’t even looked like this when Jasper had told the truth about his lie. Jasper wants to ask what’s wrong or what happened, but then Alex plants himself firmly in the path of Jasper’s father.

“Let him go.” It’s a simple directive. He says it like he doesn’t expect to be questioned. Jasper half expects his father to comply just on instinct alone, but of course, he isn’t that lucky. Jasper looks uneasily between the two men, worried. He tries to give Alex a silent message—don’t—but Alex isn’t paying attention to him. His stare is focused on Jasper’s father, unwavering and firm. At least he doesn’t recognize my father, Jasper thinks, as if it’s a small blessing. That’s the one thing that Jasper would hate.

“You have no business with my son.”

“You have no business with Jasper,” Alex corrects, his voice soft. His hands are in his pockets; he’s the very picture of the casual observer, but Jasper can tell he’s just waiting for an opportunity. Please don’t hit him, Jasper prays. He knows Alex will regret causing a scene and Jasper doesn’t want to be the cause of any trouble in Alex’s life. Not any more than he already has been.

“Move,” Jasper’s father says shortly.

“You’re detaining an adult. What exactly do you expect to achieve? He could press charges,” Alex says.

“He won’t.”

“I will,” Jasper says suddenly, aware that his voice is shaking with the swirl of emotions he’s feeling. Anger at his father, shock at Alex’s intervention, exhaustion. I just wanted to go to lunch. He hates that his father can still show up in his life uninvited, expecting Jasper to give in and follow orders like he had for most of his life. Well, he can go to hell. It’s about time I started pushing back. “Do you want me to make a scene? Because I will. I bet someone will record it, too. Maybe it’ll blow up. Maybe you’ll see it floating around the internet.”

They’re silly threats and mostly useless, but it’s the possibility that matters. Jasper knows that all his father needs is the tiny chance that something might get out. He’s too proud; too in love with his image to risk the chance that a video of him might circulate and tarnish his name. He can’t risk it as a businessman. His entire world is full of scandals and secrets. Jasper knows his father worked to fashion himself as the very image of propriety and success. If someone finds out he was trying to force his son to do something, even if it was for the family name, he’ll never hear the end of it. It’s always been the only benefit Jasper and Ezra have exploited about their father—his dedication to his image.

“Jasper. You don’t want to do this,” his father says quietly. His eyes are the same as the twins’, the gray a shade darker. Once, Jasper thought it was something they had in common. Visible proof that they couldn’t be so different, as father and sons. Now, he knows better. They couldn’t be any more different.

“Actually, I do. Not that you know what I want,” Jasper says, twisting his wrist sharply from his father’s grip. It hurts at first, but he ignores the pain, holding his father’s gaze. “Don’t come here again. Next time, I’ll call security.” Jasper doesn’t look back, turning on his heel and making a beeline for the front door. Darren is waiting, his hand outstretched to take the apron Jasper pulls over his head. He doesn’t say anything—not that Jasper expects him to. The sunlight hits Jasper all at once, warm and bright, and he walks to his car calmly, as if he’s leaving after just another day at work.

“Hey,” Alex says, his voice breaking the silence. His hand is on Jasper’s shoulder, turning him around, and Jasper gives in. He doesn’t think about their relationship or anything else; he turns and holds Alex, noticing for the first time that Alex is half a head taller than him. Good for hugging, Jasper thinks, trying to stay calm. He doesn’t want to cry in the parking lot, or even at all. His father doesn’t deserve his tears. He never did.

“Sorry,” Jasper says quietly. It’s an apology for several things—for the confrontation, for Alex’s part, for hugging him.

“What for? You didn’t do anything.”

“I should have just talked to him.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. You didn’t want to,” Alex says firmly. His arms tighten around Jasper. “I don’t know or care what he did; if you’re not ready or you don’t want to, he should back off.”

Jasper laughs a little. He’s still questioning how he ended up here, with his father somehow at his workplace and Alex standing up for him. Before, he might have half believed it; now, he can’t really understand what’s going on. Alex is my friend. Barely even that, because of what I did. That’s all, he tells himself. It’s a harsh reminder of reality, but he knows he needs it. Jasper backs away, sighing, and pushes his hair back from his face. Alex watches him closely, hands moving back to his pockets.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with him. Do you still want to get lunch?”

“Of course,” Alex says immediately. His smile returns and the world seems to right itself, the strange confrontation less pressing. “Let’s go.”

* * *

Alex is fidgety. They’re sitting in a familiar place—one they’ve met at before, when Jasper had brought Mocha with him. Even in the cheery afternoon sun, Jasper still feels cold. He can’t shake the feeling left over from his father’s unexpected appearance. No matter how much he tells himself he doesn’t care why the man showed up, Jasper still finds himself questioning it. If it were his mother, he might have been worried, but he doesn’t think that’s the case. So why did he show up?

“What exactly happened between you two?” Alex finally asks. Jasper stares at him from across the table, surprised. I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about anything too personal. He almost points it out, but Alex seems uneasy, and Jasper thinks maybe he should just explain. After all, he did involve himself.

“It’s not really one thing. It’s just...being too different.”

“That wasn’t just a personality clash,” Alex says, reproachful. “He was trying to drag you off.”

“That was strange,” Jasper says, frowning. “But I don’t think he would have. He cares too much about what other people think of him. He works at a big corporation—Emprise—they have contracts with a lot of the businesses around here. Image is everything to him.”

“Seriously? Your dad works at Emprise? They have signs at my office. I think they probably have a contract with us,” Alex mutters. He seems surprised. Jasper’s used to the reaction—after all, neither he nor Ezra ever really cared about showing off money. Even if they had wanted to, their father had never given them access to any kind of money. In his house, if you wanted something, you had to give him something—and the twins had never wanted to give their father anything. Jasper doesn’t say, my father is actually the president. He knows it’s a lie by omission, but he can’t bring the words to fall from his tongue. With the company’s possible involvement in Alex’s workplace, Jasper is all too aware of what the reaction could be, and what his father could do to Alex. Jasper’s father has a reputation. Alex doesn’t know because he was in Ireland, Jasper realizes. I hope he doesn’t find out. Even forgetting the benefits of their relationship, Jasper doubts Alex would stay his friend, knowing the truth.

“We’ve always been at odds,” Jasper explains, trying to keep his answers vague. “He wants different sons.”

“Why?”

“Ezra is perfect, except for the fact that he’s very obviously not straight,” Jasper says, snorting derisively. He can hear old arguments happening at the back of his mind. “Dad used to rip into Ezra, constantly. He wanted Ezra to be his heir, as if that mattered. I don’t know what he expected.”

“So...your father hates your brother...because he’s gay,” Alex says slowly. He bites his bottom lip, fiddling with his glass. His eyes are skating across the surface of the table as if he’s reading something.

“I mean, it’s the easiest thing to identify. There’s other things—like what Ezra thinks of other people. How he’s very open about himself. How he doesn’t treat life like a chess game.”

“And you?”

“I’m his brother,” Jasper says, shrugging. Alex stares at him expectantly; everything about his expression says he’s not convinced. Of course, he’s not. Jasper sighs, trying to come up with a way to explain. It’s not easy to explain an entire lifetime of bad blood. “That’s really it. I always supported Ezra. To my father, I was just a copy of something far better. I wasn’t my own person; I was an Ezra that was even worse than Ezra. I had all the right personality traits to follow orders, but I followed the wrong person.”

Alex’s hand tightens around his roll of silverware, and Jasper wonders if Alex is about to pull the knife out. He seems more bothered about the entire interaction than Jasper. It’s not like I was hurt; I just wasted time I should have been spending getting to lunch. Alex leans back in his chair, squinting as he looks out the window. Jasper follows his gaze but can’t find anything. Jasper knows the reason he felt so conflicted about pretending to be Ezra was because of his father. Jasper had wanted to know what it felt like to be the better brother, even if he knows that idea is just something his father planted in him as a method of control. Jasper just can’t stop believing it, no matter how much he tries.

“I’m sorry. I kind of get it if you want to be low-key. And you’re not a copy,” Alex says emphatically.

“It’s fine. I’m used to it by now. I think I might not even care anymore,” Jasper admits. This time around, the confrontation had not played out the way it always had in the past. Despite his love for Ezra, Jasper had always been the one to give their parents ground when they were at odds. Maybe it was just a desire for closeness they never had, or maybe Jasper was just too good at giving second chances. Either way, Jasper has always been the one agreeing to meet up or talk over the phone when it comes to his parents. He’s never been convinced, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying.

“Do you...were you trying to get away from them, by coming here? I know you mentioned it, but...”

“Yes. It was Ezra’s idea. He was tired of being controlled. We spent so much time trying to make things work that what we wanted in life was just passing us by. Ezra decided to move. I think—I think I always wanted to prove myself, to be what my father wanted. I just couldn’t. So, I left with Ezra.”

Now that Jasper said it out loud, he realized it’s true. His only reason for leaving hadn’t been instinct or habit. He didn’t leave his parents because Ezra did. It was his choice, and he had made it because somehow, even if he hadn’t admitted it, he had given up on trying to be what his father wanted. He had given up trying to meet him halfway or change his mind. Jasper had left because he had realized that nothing could change his parents’ mind, and if he had stayed, he would have lost his chance at being happy for a miserable existence with miserable people.

“It was brave. After so long and since they were your parents—it was a brave thing to do,” Alex says, trying to smile, like he isn’t sure whether he should be trying to say anything at all. Jasper laughs, shaking his head. Of course. Just five minutes talking with Alex and already, I feel so much better. He feels an acute ache in his chest—a longing for something more, for a relationship that he’d lost the chance to have long ago.

“Maybe. Stupid or brave, I did it. And I’m glad I did,” Jasper says, testing the waters. He tries to find in Alex’s eyes whether there’s something there. Is there? Did I just imagine that he was so angry? So ready to protect me? Part of him desperately hopes he’s right and Alex had helped for a reason more than just being a good friend. Jasper watches Alex, noting the nervousness in his expression, and then it’s replaced by an easy grin.

“I’m glad, too. You’re standing up for yourself. I would say it’s about time,” Alex says, raising his glass in a salute.

Sure, it was. He just wonders if Alex feels anything more or if things are still the same between them. He wants to think there’s more; after all, Alex had been furious when he’d talked to Jasper’s father. He had planted himself in the way, and Jasper can clearly remember his words. You have no business with Jasper. It had been annoyingly attractive and touching, and Jasper knows he won’t be able to forget it. So much for not forming attachments, he thinks, staring at his water while Alex starts talking about his day at work to fill the space between them. I think I was a lost cause long before Alex ever decided to set foot in the pet store.