Someone is knocking on his door. Alex frowns, looking up from his spot on the couch. He doesn’t want to get up; he has a cookie in hand and a book in his lap, borrowed from Jasper. It was supposed to be a cozy evening in for him, and he’s not excited to see what’s happening. Maybe it’s just a package, he tells himself, leaving the couch with a great effort of movement and morale. He looks through the peephole, surprised, and immediately opens the door. It’s not Jasper—he realizes that after opening the door. Ezra nearly bowls Alex over on his way into the apartment, and Alex opens his mouth, surprised, not sure what exactly he should ask.

“My father showed up at the pet store,” Ezra says, agitated. He’s nearly pacing, walking to the living room before tracing his steps back to Alex, who hasn’t even left the front door. “Jasper—he mentioned it, and I asked him, but all he said was that our father left and that you were there.”

“I was,” Alex says carefully, trying to understand what’s happening. Why would he come here? I don’t think we’ve even been properly introduced. Does he know about me and Jasper? Ezra turns in place, making a small circle as he glares at nothing, one hand on his forehead. “Why don’t you sit—”

“What happened?” Ezra demands suddenly, moving closer to Alex. “What did he do? Did he say something? Why the hell did he show up there?” Alex gingerly sets his cookie down on the kitchen counter. What is it they say about angry people? Keep your voice down and calm them? He’s not sure it will work; not with Ezra and not with the history he has with his father.

“I’m not sure. I got there when your father tried to drag Jasper off. Even Jasper was confused. Whatever it was, he gave up when Jasper walked away,” Alex explains.

“When—did you say he walked away? Jasper walked away?”

“Yes,” Alex says. Why is that so hard to believe? Alex would have expected Ezra to understand. However introverted Jasper might seem, Alex always suspected it wasn’t really the case. Jasper always loved meeting up with Alex, and he seems just as confident as anyone else, once he’s comfortable. He might not enjoy crowded places, but he loves being social. It’s just that apparently, he had felt conflicted before, trying to please his father while living his life. And when that didn’t work, he gave up. That’s around when we met each other, and he opened up to doing things. Alex wonders if that’s why Jasper lied in the first place. Was it just out of habit? A misplaced desire to be his brother, after so many years of being told he was less than Ezra? Alex feels a surge of sympathy but squashes it. He can’t afford to take the risk. Even if he is starting to feel like Jasper would never lie to Alex again.

“Asshole,” Ezra breathes, visibly relaxing, his shoulders sagging. Alex clears his throat, looking around his apartment. He’s not sure whether to offer anything. It’s surprising to finally have Ezra before him. They really are twins, Alex thinks. The same hair and eyes and expressive mouth. Except Ezra is different in some ways, from the way his shoulders are set to the way he stands when he’s at ease, one foot turned away.

“Did he not tell you?” Alex asks, curious. I would have imagined Jasper wouldn’t hide it. Not after everything he told me.

“He did; I just wasn’t sure if he’d hide something from me to save my feelings. I wanted to be sure my father didn’t do anything.”

“I’m pretty sure Jasper can’t hide anything from you,” Alex says, smiling a little. I don’t think he’d want to. Ezra laughs a little, nodding. He seems to look more closely at the apartment, turning around in a more stable manner.

“I’ve never been here,” Ezra muses. “It’s nice. Is that the couch Jasper helped you with?”

“It is. I’m glad I found it.”

“I’ll bet,” Ezra says, leaning against the kitchen counter. He frowns a little, and Alex follows his gaze, curious. Jasper’s watch is there, in plain sight on the bar, right next to his sunglasses. Ah, shit. Alex tries to come up with something to say, mind racing to catch up while Ezra stares at the incriminating objects.

“I—that—” Alex starts, very aware that he sounds guilty. “He, um. Left those. Here.”

“I can see that,” Ezra says. He looks back at Alex, curious. Alex feels like everything is written across his face, and he clears his throat. Why am I remembering the alley right now?! He knows making up excuses or trying to explain it will just make things worse. Alex isn’t even sure how he would expect Ezra to react if he found out the reality of Jasper and Alex’s relationship. Thankfully, Alex doesn’t have to dig his grave because Ezra seems to think he knows exactly what’s going on. He bites back a smile, scratching his nose as if the movement can hide his grin. This is not the way I thought he would find out, Alex thinks, wanting to rewind time and stop himself from answering the door in the first place.

“Well. That explains his good mood,” Ezra says, finally giving in. He almost runs to the door, muffling his laughter with his hand, and Alex groans. “Good night!”

Alex stands in his kitchen, staring at the things on his bar. They seem to mock him, and he sighs, picking them up to deposit them into the pocket of the jacket hanging by the door. I’ll have to give them back later, he thinks. Later, when they meet again and both brothers have had time to talk about whatever is going on with their parents. Their father didn’t even really look like Ezra or Jasper. Just his eyes, Alex thinks, and not even that much. He’d been curious, waiting for Jasper to come out of the pet store, so he’d gone inside. Alex hadn’t expected to be approached by the manager, who had murmured something about an irritable customer and staying away from the front. It had seemed strange, but Alex had wandered into an aisle, staying away until he heard Jasper’s voice. Even from a distance, Alex could tell something was wrong; Jasper had sounded tense and anxious. Alex’s first thought had been, it must be that customer, and then he’d thought, what kind of jerk takes their bad day out on an employee? He’d moved closer and caught the tail end of their conversation and Jasper’s words.

“Are you crazy? What are you doing?”

Alex hadn’t even stopped to think. He’d stepped out of the aisle, defensive and angry, only focused on getting between the irate man and Jasper. The moment Alex had faced them, even without any context, he had known. This man is his father? He had a proud face and a steely gaze, nothing like either of the twins except for the gray in his eyes. Alex had faced him, hoping he wasn’t overstepping any bounds, and then he’d pushed. He had stood between Jasper’s father and the door. What was I thinking? It was far more than he’d planned on doing; more than Alex had ever planned on getting involved with Jasper. After their arrangement, Alex had clearly defined the rules in his mind—don’t get too close, don’t get involved with family, don’t expect too much. Their relationship was supposed to be something easy and simple; something defined by their attraction and not their friendship. Alex knows all too well that friendship is fertile ground for something else—something he knows won’t happen. A relationship will never happen, not after Jasper’s lie.

It won’t help to worry about it now, Alex thinks to himself, trying to forget about the incident. The last thing he wants to do is stress about something so trivial. He looks down at his phone, wondering how late it is, and sees a message waiting for him on the screen. Jasper. He smiles while he opens it, wondering what’s going on. Jasper never usually texts him first, unless he’s offhandedly mentioning things about his day. The message is simple: dinner tomorrow at thai place downtown? Alex raises his eyebrows. It’s unexpected; Jasper doesn’t extend invitations. It makes Alex smile, though, and he quickly sends back an agreement before yawning and walking to his bedroom. His plans for the night fade into the past; he has tomorrow to look forward to, and his conversation with Ezra has given him something to think about. It’s good to consider Jasper a friend; it’s even better to think that Jasper might be more confident, now. Alex just hopes the confidence doesn’t draw him in further. He can’t afford to start loving someone he can’t have.

* * *

Jasper meets him at his apartment. He’s in a disheveled state, dark hair constantly ignoring the way he pushes it away from his face. Alex remembers touching it—practically burying his hands in it. Jasper’s hair is almost silky, soft and wonderful. The night in the alley, Alex had almost felt like he’d had a sensory overload with the way it felt, along with everything else. Which is not appropriate to think about, he tells himself. They’re having dinner as friends. That’s all.

Except Jasper shows up with his hair a mess and his white t-shirt a little too tight to be unintentional. Alex takes one look at him and wants to sigh, exasperated. He’s feeling oddly oversensitive to Jasper; tuned to every moment and every inch of his body. This isn’t going to work, Alex thinks. He knows they have an agreement, and he’s ready to lean on it; all he wants is to pull Jasper in and spend the next few hours inside.

“Are you ready?” Jasper asks, hands in his pockets.

“We’re not leaving yet,” Alex says, practically growling, and he pulls Jasper in. He knows, Alex realizes, watching the way Jasper hides a smile as he lets himself be led. He did this on purpose, didn’t he? Alex almost wants to laugh, too—there’s no reason for being coy; they have an understanding. There’s no reason but Jasper had done it anyway, purposely pushing Alex’s buttons just to make something happen.

“What?” Jasper asks, hands still in his pockets. Alex doesn’t say anything; he slips his hands around Jasper’s back, slowly looking for a reaction. He’s not going to give in without doing some button-pushing of his own. Alex can feel Jasper shiver a little at his touch, some of the confidence in his eyes clouded over by desire. To his credit, Jasper works to stay still, trying not to give in. Alex raises an eyebrow, hands wandering further down Jasper’s body. Jasper tries to hold his gaze, and then Alex slips his hands beneath the hem of Jasper’s jeans, pushing the elastic of his underwear away. Jasper’s eyes close, but when his mouth opens, nothing comes out. Alex pushes further, transfixed, and the moment his hands grip the curve of Jasper’s ass, he gets what he wants. Jasper moans, and Alex leans in to bite at his neck, the sound reverberating against his lips. Perfect.

Alex pulls his hands away, and Jasper makes a sound of protest, trying to reach for Alex’s hands. Alex pushes him to the kitchen instead, helping him out of his jeans as they go, trying not to trip over the clothes they leave in their wake. They make it to the counter before Alex lifts Jasper up, very aware that there is a couch just behind him but not quite caring. Let him look at it, Alex thinks. I’m going to make this as slow as possible.

“Hazy is a good look on you,” Alex murmurs, leaning in to Jasper’s chest. He kisses his way down Jasper’s body, enjoying the little shivers he feels beneath his mouth. Jasper’s panting is heavy in his ears, a steady pulse to everything that Alex is doing. Alex thinks that maybe what they want—Alex taking and Jasper giving—is part of what makes them work so well. They barely have to talk at all, and Alex never worries that Jasper isn’t enjoying himself; they are opposites that fill each other’s needs. Alex pushes and Jasper pulls him in; they work like the moon and the ocean, in tides that are connected even across space.

“Now you’re just being mean,” Jasper says, his voice hitching when Alex’s hands wander down his body. His voice is perfect in Alex’s ears when he moans, contented and unashamed. “How long are you going to make me wait?”

“You’ve got to wait for good things,” Alex says, smiling to himself. Jasper is hot in his hand, just right as Alex starts moving. Jasper leans against Alex, the noises he makes echoing right next to Alex’s ear. It doesn’t take long before Jasper’s pleased sighs turn into weak moans, his body shaking with the effort it takes for him to stay still. Alex’s free hand is heavy on Jasper’s shoulder, pushing him down as if it can keep him in place. Jasper’s will breaks just a little, and his hips move, trying to push against Alex’s hand.

“Lie back,” Alex says shortly, pulling his hand away. Jasper whines in displeasure but follows his instructions, chest heaving as his body lowers. He recoils a little from the cold marble and Alex looks at him, pleased with his work. “Stay there. Don’t move.”

Alex leaves for the bedroom, snatching what he needs before returning to Jasper. He can see the way Jasper’s hands press against the counter, itching to touch and move, but he stays still. Alex smiles, tugging Jasper’s legs over his shoulders. Jasper leans up on his elbows, opening his mouth, but Alex shakes his head. He’ll hit his head if he doesn’t just lie down, he thinks, already anticipating what he wants from Jasper. As soon as the lube in his hand warms, he presses a finger against Jasper, waiting. There’s nothing for Jasper to hold; his hands wander the surface of the counter, and he groans, trying to move closer.

Alex pauses before finally slipping a finger in, careful and slow. Jasper’s moan echoes in the room, and his head tilts back; Alex watches, pleased, and moves another finger in before Jasper can react. He presses his free hand against Jasper’s hips, keeping him pinned to the counter even as he tries to move up. As nice as it is to watch Jasper give in to him, Alex knows he can’t drag things out for much longer. He doesn’t have the energy; he’s wanted Jasper since the moment he opened the door. Alex moves away, and Jasper inches up from the counter, still panting, his gaze questioning.

“Where?” Jasper asks. Even in his state, he still manages to make it sound mischievous. Where do you want me? Alex watches him, wondering how he got so lucky. How he could find someone so perfectly in tune with everything he wants and needs.

“Here,” Alex says, because he can’t wait and Jasper looks perfect against the black marble, his tanned skin warm and glowing. Alex pulls Jasper away from the counter and before he turns him, leans in and kisses him. They’re messy with anticipation, and Alex thinks there’s more teeth and tongue in it than anything, but it’s just as good as everything else. After just a moment, Jasper is turned against the counter, his chest pressed against it. Alex moves behind him, tracing down the line of Jasper’s back with one hand. He slides into Jasper seamlessly, sighing—nothing has felt the way he feels with Jasper. They are somehow just right; Alex is just tall enough and strong enough to move Jasper to where he wants him; Jasper fits perfectly against Alex’s hips, leaning into him as Alex moves.

Alex can just reach up Jasper’s back, his hand resting on Jasper’s shoulder as if it can keep him grounded. There’s no other word or thought Alex can come up with besides right. It feels right to be here with Jasper, enjoying giving him pleasure, and watching him unravel in Alex’s hands. No matter what their arrangement is or how close they actually are, this moment is uncomplicated; there are no worries between them—just the simple reality of feeling and desire. Jasper leans back into Alex, the muscle beneath his skin perfect and firm beneath Alex’s hands. He looks like a painting, Alex thinks, or a statue. Beautiful in the dim evening light. No matter how many times Alex hears about his appearance, he still can’t get over the way Jasper looks. He is startling, with his dark hair and gray eyes that seem to see through everything. He’s what’s really beautiful, Alex thinks. Alex has seen and been with a dozen conventionally attractive people; men with square jaws and broad shoulders. None of them can really capture his attention the way Jasper does, with the almost delicate curve of his body. He’s not fragile by any means, but Alex can never stop himself from seeing Jasper like some lost piece of art, unappreciated by the people that see it.

Jasper pushes back against Alex, and there’s nothing left but the two of them and the way Alex feels Jasper’s body tight around him. His pulse is rushing in his ears, drowning out even the low sounds of their breathing; Alex loses all desire to drag things out, his pace quickening almost too fast to rein in. He barely registers Jasper’s gasp when he shudders against Alex, his arms flexing against the counter, head dipping down to touch the cold surface. Alex finishes just behind him, his ears ringing with the force. He feels as if his body is burning, like a fever has taken hold of everything. They stay there, standing weakly in place, coming off the high inch by inch.

“Now you have to take me to dinner,” Jasper finally says, laughing a little, panting. Alex laughs, enjoying the feeling of Jasper’s skin pressed against his back. They’re uncomfortably sweaty, but Alex doesn’t even mind; he doesn’t care that he’ll have to shower again later, after they eat. He’s just glad that he had this chance, a brief moment of perfection. He still isn’t sure how they can match up the way they do, giving and taking in perfect rhythm. Relationships aren’t perfect; he’s had enough of them to know there is always communication and testing the waters. There’s always a period of awkwardness. So what is it with us? Why did we skip past all of that?

“We should clean up first,” Alex sighs, moving away from Jasper. He almost imagines he feels colder, but he brushes the thought away, moving to the bathroom. “Come on.”

It doesn’t take long for them to get dressed again and then they’re driving to the restaurant, almost as if nothing has happened—except Alex feels tuned into Jasper, like they’re touching even as they are apart from each other. Jasper casually talks about how his day at work was and how his coworkers have finally stopped trying to force him into going out and Alex listens to him talk, fighting the desire to just stop and stare at Jasper while he describes his coworker’s invitations.

“Maybe I will, though. At least so I can see them getting drunk. I wouldn’t mind some blackmail material for Josh; he barely ever works,” Jasper says, grinning as he looks out the window. Alex spends too much of his time at stop signs and red lights staring over at Jasper, drinking in the sight of him like he’ll never see him again. He has to force himself to look back at the road, concentrating on getting them to the restaurant in once piece.

Of course, he spends most of their dinner listening to Jasper talk. It feels strange to be on the opposite end of their usual dynamic; instead of dominating the conversation, Alex sits back and lets Jasper wash over him, laughing and going on about the dogs that he’s seen at the pet store. I could just listen to him all day, Alex realizes. He’s almost shocked by the realization. He’s not usually the passive one in any type of relationship, especially when there’s conversation involved. With Jasper, though, the only thing Alex cares about is how he’s doing and what his day has been like. Hearing about Jasper is more important to him than talking about his own meaningless day at the office, where nothing happens, and he spends his time thinking about what he’ll do in his free time. Like him, Alex thinks humorously.

“My brother is having an engagement party in a few days,” Alex ventures, when he finally brings himself to interrupt the steady flow of Jasper’s talk. Jasper raises his eyebrows, his glass stopping in midair as he raises it to his lips.

“What? Wow—I mean, that’s great, right? He must be excited.”

“He is,” Alex says, smiling to himself. He’d been planning on mentioning it during the drive, but his plans had been derailed the second he opened his door to Jasper. “I’m going to have to bring out my nice suit for it. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”

He’s very aware that they’re toeing the line. The wedding is technically a family event, and it’s pretty clear that the offer is risky. In the afterglow, however, it suddenly seems less important that it’s a wedding. Alex doesn’t have anyone else to bring with him. That’s why I’m asking him, he tells himself. The wedding isn’t as much of a looming darkness in his life anymore; it’s just a fact. He hadn’t actually thought about it in weeks when his brother had called, excited, going on and on about how he had almost screamed when Benjamin proposed. No matter how much Alex knew it was coming, he’d still been happy to hear Reid, happy and breathless, cheerily explaining the engagement party they’d planned. It’ll be a while before we can get married, but we wanted to make sure everyone knew it was official. The party will probably be bigger than the wedding, honestly—we wanted to make sure we got our friends together while we had the time.

“Are you sure?” Jasper asks, toying with his straw. He asks carefully, like he’s trying not to make it into an issue despite his worries.

“Very. It’ll be fun—just an engagement party, no gifts required. Reid told me it was an excuse to get everyone together. He thinks the wedding will take a while—another year, even—but he wanted to prove they’re serious.”

“They’ve been serious for a while,” Jasper says, laughing, “even if they didn’t realize it.”

As right as Jasper is, Alex tries not to dwell on it too long. He tries not to dwell on the reason he’s staring a little too hard, or the way he wants to reach over and hold Jasper’s hand. I’m just in a good mood, he tells himself, pushing away the pounding of his heart. That’s all. We had sex, and I’m just feeling overly sappy because of it. Tomorrow, I’ll laugh at myself for acting like this. Alex tells himself it’s just a good mood for the rest of the night, and then he’s leaving the restaurant to walk down the sidewalk with Jasper. Instead of going to the car, they somehow end up wandering past storefronts, no destination in sight. Even though Alex knows he has work waiting for him at home, manuscripts to mark and emails to check, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t feel any compulsion to rush. They get to an intersection crowded with people and Jasper moves toward the crosswalk, silently guiding them back toward the car. Alex steps up to him, tempted to reach for his hand—it’s just between them, resting at Jasper’s side as if he’s waiting for Alex to take it. You’re being stupid, Alex tells himself, but his arm starts moving on its own. Before he can do anything, though, Jasper starts and turns, bumping against Alex’s arm with a surprised expression.

“I think that’s Elijah,” Jasper says, a smile forming on his lips. A hundred questions come to Alex’s mind—who’s Elijah? Is he a friend? Boyfriend? Is Jasper excited to see him because he likes him? They intrude with force and Alex tries to ignore the sting he feels at the sound of some stranger’s name. He tries to rein himself in, thinking of a polite way to ask Jasper who the hell he sees.

“Who’s Elijah?”

“A friend from back home,” Jasper explains, bouncing on his heels as he waits for the crosswalk light to change. Alex stares across the street, half hoping that the light will take too long or Elijah will start walking in another direction. Stop it. I’d be a jerk if I didn’t want him to meet up with an old friend. Besides, it’s not like I’m dating him. We both agreed that this was just going to be a friends with benefits arrangement. I can’t complain if he dates someone else. The logical part of his mind keeps Alex from saying or doing anything, but he can’t help the resentment he feels for someone he’s never met. This shouldn’t bother me so much. The light changes, and Alex follows Jasper across the street, wondering whether Elijah is still there. He gets his answer when Jasper jumps a little, looking over the head of someone taller that’s standing in front of him.

“Elijah!” Jasper yells, grinning as he waves his arms exaggeratedly over his head. Alex tries to find the person Jasper pointed out, but there are too many people to be sure. He only knows who they’re talking about when a man turns around, searching, and then waves back. Elijah is standing at the corner of the street, phone in hand, as if he’s been waiting for someone or something.

“Jasper? Damn—I didn’t think I’d run into you here,” Elijah says, surprised. He’s short, with dark hair and strangely tired eyes, as if he’s in a perpetual state of sleepiness. “You’re kind of far from home, aren’t you?”

“I moved out about a year ago,” Jasper says. He straightens a little when he does, and Alex smiles a little—that’s pride. He wouldn’t have been confident about it, before. Elijah’s mouth hangs open as he tries to come up with something to say. Jasper waits, bouncing on his heels.

“That’s—I mean, that’s crazy. How is it, being away from home? We spent most of our lives there.”

“It’s better. Much better.”

“I bet.”

“What are you doing here?” Jasper asks, curious.

“There’s a music shop here that does repairs I needed. I didn’t expect to be here all day, but here I am. I’ll have to find a hotel or something.” Elijah glances over his shoulder, and Alex knows exactly what Jasper is about to say. He feels a sudden rush of denial—no, he can’t—and then Jasper opens his mouth.

“You could stay with Ezra and me—”

“No,” Alex blurts. Jasper turns to look at him, confused, and Alex wants to hide. No? What am I talking about? It’s a stupid refusal, but he can’t help it. For some reason, he doesn’t like the idea of someone he doesn’t know staying over with Jasper. What am I even doing? I don’t want a relationship with Jasper. He lied. I wasn’t even looking for a long-term relationship. Why am I being so possessive? “I mean—you don’t have room, right? With all the stuff you’re moving around? I have space.”

It’s a flimsy excuse. Jasper and Ezra might be putting furniture together, but it’s not really in the way of the couch or the bedrooms. There’s no reason that Elijah couldn’t stay with them, especially since he knows them. He doesn’t know Alex. Whatever Jasper might be thinking, though, he just frowns and hums.

“I guess—I mean...would you even be okay with that?” Jasper asks his friend, uneasy. Elijah glances between Jasper and Alex, pausing before he answers.

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

Jasper figures out the details with Elijah, going on about breakfast plans and what time Elijah needs to leave. Alex feels almost frozen. Did I seriously just invite some stranger into my apartment? He’s not a fan of people being in his space to begin with; the idea of some stranger staying over for a night isn’t appealing. Alex knows he can’t back down, though. Besides, I could use this, he realizes. If Elijah is a friend, Alex could probably ask him questions—specifically, about Jasper’s parents and brother. Questions he’s not willing to pry out of Jasper.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then,” Jasper says, bringing Alex back into the conversation.

“Sure. I’ll see you then,” Alex says, pretending he knows when they’re meeting. Jasper gives him a strange look before he leaves, something in his expression that Alex can’t quite place. As soon as Jasper is gone, Alex sighs, starting to walk to his car.

“Do I just follow you?” Elijah asks. Alex blinks, looking back at him. Damn. Did I just forget about him?

“Sure—well, actually, let me give you the address. Just in case.” Alex leaves before Elijah, hoping the man doesn’t get lost. Alex doesn’t want him repeating horror stories to Jasper.

Annoying. Why did I have to go and invite him over? Alex frowns at himself in the rear-view mirror. He tries to think positively about it, but it’s difficult, when he’d been planning on a quiet night at home. Alex gets to his apartment and waits in his car, realizing he doesn’t know what Elijah’s car looks like. Things couldn’t really be going worse, he thinks to himself, sighing. And all for what? To keep him away from Jasper? It’s not like they’re in a relationship. At least, not one where it would matter if something happened. Alex is fully aware that he doesn’t own Jasper, and he has no say in what Jasper does on his own time. That’s the entire point of a friends with benefits relationship, he knows. So why does it bother me that he can do it? Elijah shows up after three minutes, and Alex leads the way upstairs, wondering what he should say. He’s not sure how to broach the subject of Jasper and his parents, and something tells him it would probably be a bad idea, anyway. Asking outright would just seem intrusive.

“Can I get you anything? Water?” Alex asks, feeling a little uncomfortable. Elijah shrugs, dropping his backpack by the kitchen table.

“Sure. Water is fine.” Alex busies himself with filling the glasses, taking the time as a welcome respite from the stilted atmosphere. He passes one to Elijah before drinking from his, turning away.

“How long have you been together?” Elijah asks and Alex almost chokes on his water. He swallows harshly, eyes watering.

“Sorry—what?” Alex asks, his voice uneven. He tries clearing his throat, avoiding eye contact as he pretends to go through the mail sitting on his counter. Elijah leans against the bar, either oblivious or choosing not to notice Alex’s awkwardness.

“You and Jasper,” Elijah says, scrolling through something on his phone.

“We—it’s not really like that,” Alex says. Unfortunately.

“Seems like it. Have you not asked him out yet? I mean, from the way you act, I thought you were already together.”

“What do you mean, the way I act?” Whatever it is, I should change it, Alex thinks distantly. If he’s being obvious about something, it’ll only be bad for Jasper. Especially if he wants to date other people. Which is none of my business.

“I mean, you jumped in pretty quickly when he offered his place for me to stay. Anyway, Ezra told me about what happened with their father. I didn’t think just anyone would jump in the middle of that. He’s kind of an intimidating man.”

“He’s an ass,” Alex says sharply, remembering the way he had held Jasper’s wrist. Elijah smiles a little, and Alex rolls his eyes. I’m doing it again, apparently. “So, what? I’m not allowed to care? As a friend?”

“You are. But friends don’t stare at each other’s asses when they’re supposed to be listening to a conversation about when to meet up the next day. Not that I blame you.”

Alex glares at Elijah, but the other man is too busy with whatever is on his phone to notice. He may seem tired, but he doesn’t miss a thing. Alex stares at the counter, wondering what his problem is. He had planned on staying at arm’s length; he had been perfectly content just having Jasper for as little time as he did. Alex had been relieved to simply know that Jasper didn’t hate him; he didn’t want to push for more. The problem is, he’s starting to want more. With all the misunderstandings about Ezra and Dean out of the way, it’s just Alex and Jasper. So, now I’m questioning why I’m holding back instead of going all the way. Alex frowns, walking to the couch as he comes up with something to say. He wonders about Elijah’s comment about Jasper, frowning. Were they ever together? Or did Elijah want to be? Alex wonders if all the questioning wasn’t for Elijah’s benefit instead of Alex’s.

“Ezra told you about that?” Alex asks.

“Yeah.”

“Do you...know about their parents? What happened between them?” Alex asks. Elijah finally turns away from the bar, scrutinizing. He seems to be looking for something in Alex’s face. Whatever it is—and whether he finds it or not—seems to make him careful.

“Yes. Anyone who knows them does, I think. It’s hard not to be aware that their father constantly tries to reign them in.”

“What about Jasper, though? He told me why his father hates his brother, but Jasper seems to blame himself for his relationship with his father.”

“Probably because his father never acknowledged him,” Elijah says, folding his arms over his chest. “At one time, Jasper really tried to be what his father wanted. I think that man’s exact words were, I only need one son.”

“You’ve got to be joking,” Alex says, but he knows it’s true. It chills him to the bone to think about it—those words coming from a father’s mouth. Alex might have only had his parents for a short time, but they were always good to him. They tried their hardest. He might have lost them, but it hadn’t been in the way Jasper lost his parents. Alex suspects, that in some ways, Jasper is probably more hurt. To have living parents, but parents that hate you.

“Ezra told me Jasper is different. I could see that today,” Elijah muses. “He seemed comfortable when he was with you—like he wasn’t worrying so much about being noticed.”

“Noticed? What do you mean, noticed?”

“His dad,” Elijah says, raising an eyebrow as if Alex had just asked what water was. “You know, president of Emprise. Practically owns the city, at least in spirit. He gets noticed everywhere; it’s a Fortune 500 company. Has been for years.”

Shit. Alex can feel his heart drop right down into his stomach. Things are starting to make much more sense—Jasper being withdrawn, his father’s pressure on Ezra, the twins’ escape from home. He didn’t tell me, Alex thinks. He doesn’t feel betrayed by the revelation; he understands it because he understands Jasper. He knows that Jasper heard Alex mention knowing the company and immediately kept the secret. After all, based on what Elijah is saying, Jasper’s father has more influence than he knows what to do with. He could probably run me out if he talked to the right person, Alex thinks, uneasy. It’s then that Elijah yawns, breaking the lull in conversation.

“Anyway—I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but that’s just what I thought. Can I take a shower, now?”

“Yeah. To the left,” Alex says, waving a hand in the general direction of the bathroom. Elijah chuckles as he walks away, shaking his head, but Alex doesn’t pay attention to him. How can I tell Jasper I know? How do I even start to explain that I can’t risk my job if his father decides to come after me? Alex stares at the ceiling, wishing things were easier, and then he decides that the only way to ensure his job is safe is to say something to Jasper. Alex has to say something or cut off their relationship for good, feelings or not. Tomorrow, he thinks. I’ll ask about it tomorrow.

* * *

Breakfast is a quick affair. Elijah doesn’t have much time, and he spends most of breakfast unloading information for Jasper, going on about their hometown and the people Alex has never met. They seem comfortable during the exchange, but Jasper sits next to Alex the entire time, and his leg brushes against Alex’s occasionally, the brief contact making Alex’s heart thud in his chest. He feels like he’s gearing up for something big, even though he knows it’s not true. Somewhere between driving to breakfast and sitting down at the table, Alex had thought better of his decision to confess. By the time Elijah leaves, he has promised himself to forget about. It’s not worth the risk.

Jasper and Alex walk toward the parking lot across the street after Elijah leaves. There are people everywhere, having brunch and relaxing in the afternoon sun. A woman passes them with a small dog, juggling her phone and a water bottle while trying to untangle her earbuds.

“What a cute dog,” Jasper says, smiling. Alex looks over at him and tries not to say something revealing when he opens his mouth. He never gets the chance to speak. The woman in front of them stumbles, a startled cry ringing in the air. Alex watches as she drops the leash in her hand, hitting the sidewalk on her hands and knees. Alex moves to help her up, startled, and he notices Jasper moving out of the corner of his eye. The woman’s dog is walking as if nothing is wrong, moving toward the crosswalk. The lights are green but there are no cars in sight. Yet, Alex thinks, worried. He realizes at that moment that Jasper is going after the dog.

“Jasper! Jasper!” Alex yells, barely paying attention to the woman holding his arm and getting to her feet. His gaze is focused on Jasper, who is hurriedly making his way across the street to catch the dog. He’s going to get himself killed, Alex thinks, moving toward the street. Before he can get close, a car comes around the corner. He barely registers it; his heart stops in his chest, and he sprints, hoping he can at least make himself a big enough target that the driver will stop. There’s a loud honk, and the car swerves away from him, continuing down the street as Alex grabs Jasper and shoves him the rest of the way across the street, relief flooding his veins when his feet hit the sidewalk. The moment the panic is gone, he immediately turns to Jasper, breathing heavily.

“What the hell were you doing? You could have been hit!” Alex yells. His heart is still hammering in his throat; everything in his vision is uneven, swirling with dizziness.

“I’m fine,” Jasper says, laughing shortly. It doesn’t help. Alex runs a hand through his hair, pacing in a small circle. There are cars rushing by, their trails of wind fluttering against Alex’s shirt. All he can imagine is Jasper stumbling or a car screeching as the brakes are hit. A million possible scenarios, all of which could have ended badly.

“There was a car right around the corner!” Alex says, aware that he’s shouting and out of breath but unable to calm down. “You could have been hit—and for what, a dog?”

Jasper glances across the street; the light is red, and the woman is hurrying over. The dog in Jasper’s arms barks shortly, nonchalant, and Alex has never been angrier at a dog in his life. Jasper steps over to the crosswalk, meeting the woman there. She apologizes and thanks him over and over, trying to offer something, but Jasper just laughs it off. Alex can’t pay attention to the conversation; it’s suddenly too bright in the afternoon sun and his heart is still racing too fast. What is this? Heat stroke? He feels like throwing up or passing out. Jasper is still talking to the woman so Alex moves away, down the sidewalk, trying to pound sense into his head with every step. He’s fine, he repeats with each step, shutting his eyes against the outside world for a brief moment. He’s fine. Jasper is fine. Nothing happened. Even the simple fact doesn’t make him feel much better.

“Hey! Where are you going?” Jasper asks, incredulous, jogging up to Alex. “Slow down.”

“You slow down,” Alex says, barely stopping himself from yelling again. He breathes out heavily, staring at the street as if he can glare it into submission. Damned street. That dog. Everything. “You can’t just jump into the street, Jasper. You could have been hurt, or killed.”

“I’m fine,” Jasper repeats. He hesitates, lifting a hand and letting it hang in the air before reaching out to touch Alex’s shoulder. “Alex. Stop. Look at me.”

Alex turns, only enough to see Jasper. He’s whole and intact, sweaty from the heat and running but otherwise normal. Normal and fine, looking at him as if Alex is the one doing stupid things like chasing a dog into the street. It wasn’t even his, Alex thinks faintly. Jasper frowns, pulling Alex away from the sidewalk and into a narrow alley between buildings, in the shade and apart from the people milling around the fronts of the shops lining the street. It isn’t exactly private, but it’s out of the way enough that Alex relaxes, leaning back against a wall and closing his eyes. He tries to forget the image of Jasper running onto the crosswalk, but it won’t go away.

“Don’t ever do that again. Okay? Just—don’t.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jasper says quietly. Alex opens his eyes to see Jasper moving closer, his hands light on Alex’s arms. “I didn’t see anyone coming, so I went.”

“You weren’t thinking. I know you’re not an idiot, Jasper. Please be careful. I don’t—just don’t make me watch you do something like that again. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jasper says. He looks over Alex’s face as if he’s reading a book, scanning every inch for something. Maybe it’s what Alex didn’t say—don’t make me watch you hurt yourself—or maybe it’s something else. Maybe Jasper is looking for more. Alex holds his breath, wondering if he should even say anything; he still wants to say something about Emprise and Jasper’s father. He wants to, but suddenly, none of it matters that much anymore; Alex can’t bring himself to care. He can’t care about Jasper’s father or the fact that he could get socially blackmailed. He doesn’t care that he could have to switch jobs just because of Jasper’s father. Alex wants Jasper to be near; he doesn’t want to lose him and he knows talking about Jasper’s father and Alex’s fear could end things for good. Alex just can’t hold back his feelings anymore—not after the threat of having Jasper pulled away forever, even if it only lasted a moment. Not after all the dates and intimate moments they’ve had, even if things had started imperfectly.

“I can’t do this,” Alex says suddenly.

“What?” The word leaves Jasper’s lips in a short, empty sound.

“I can’t do this. I’m not—I can’t keep doing this thing where we’re friends but we have sex and we can’t get too close. I can’t.”

“I thought—”

“It’s not working,” Alex says. His voice sounds unstable in his ears, like he’s confessing something terrible. It feels terrible. “I just...I care about you, and I can’t keep pretending I don’t. I can’t keep pulling back every time I want to get closer. I know you lied to me, and it was stupid, but I get it. I know why you did it.”

“You—what? You know?”

“Of course, I know. I’ve met your father and Ezra. I see the way you act around your friends. After that many years of being told you’re not enough, I understand that you wanted to be the important one. But you are important, Jasper. You don’t have to constantly compare yourself to your brother. I didn’t go out with you because I thought your name was Ezra.”

“Wait,” Jasper says, firm and sudden. He’s staring at Alex, a thin veneer of distrust in his gaze. He hesitates before he speaks again, as if he’s not sure whether he should say what he wants to. “You...care? More than—more than what we talked about? As in—”

“I love you,” Alex says, stressing every word. God, that felt good to say. It feels so good to have it off my chest. He knows, even if he’s never admitted it before, that it’s true. “I love listening to you talk, I love that you love your dog more than most people, and I love the way your back feels under my hands. I love you, Jasper, and I can’t be with you like this if it means I have to pretend I don’t.”

“You don’t,” Jasper says, blinking, and there are tears in the corners of his eyes. Alex hates himself for those tears up until the moment that Jasper opens his mouth again. “You don’t, Alex—I love you, too, and this entire time I didn’t—I never thought you would—”

He loves me, Alex thinks, the three words the only thing he hears anymore. It’s strange how relieving it is to hear them. They sound perfect falling from Jasper’s lips, like a promise. The promise we should have made in the first place, Alex thinks. He stops Jasper’s stuttering with his mouth, leaning in, and he thinks maybe it’s the best kiss they’ve ever had.