His phone buzzes repeatedly by his ear, humming and breaking through the peace of sleep. Alex groans, trying to ignore the alarm until it ends, but he’s already awake. There’s no getting back to sleep, so he reaches blindly for the device, squinting at the bright screen. It’s not an alarm.

“Hello?”

“Alex. Ben and I are in town, and I thought I’d ask if you wanted to get lunch,” Reid says, the sound of the road echoing over the line. Alex rubs his eyes, trying to wake himself up enough for the conversation.

“You’re in town?”

“Yeah. Ben needed to do something, and I came along. Did you just wake up?”

“Kind of. I’m up. Um—what time? Where are you?” Alex untangles himself from the sheets, kicking them away. He opens his dresser, rummaging for clothes, hoping the water in the shower doesn’t take too long to heat.

“About fifteen minutes from your apartment. Ben’s still running errands, but we should be done by one o’clock. Do you want to meet somewhere, or should we stop by?”

“We can meet at the restaurant. Just text me where you’re going; I’m about to jump in the shower.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay. Bye,” Alex says. He ducks into the bathroom for a moment, turning the water on to let it heat, and then he goes back to staring at the folded things in his dresser.

Alex has seen his brother once since moving in. Reid had met him on the outskirts of town for lunch, just to say hi and talk. Benjamin hadn’t come, busy with a class. This is the first time that Alex will be meeting Benjamin, the person that his brother is so fully in love with, and Alex knows that this is it. This one encounter will tell Alex everything he needs to know—whether Benjamin is good for Reid and whether Alex’s choice to move back home was a mistake.

It still won’t be a mistake if Benjamin is a jerk and they don’t get married, Alex thinks. His suspicions about Benjamin and Reid’s relationship are just excuses. Alex would have moved back home even if Reid hadn’t met anyone; he’s been away so long, and he needed to come back, to find out where he stands and what he’s doing with his life. I got too comfortable in Ireland. I’ve been too comfortable my entire life, getting what I want with little to no effort. Alex has never had to fight to convince someone; he’s never had to do the things that Reid did to keep them together after their parents’ deaths. Alex has lived the life of a younger brother, and he’s starting to wonder whether he really can make it on his own or if his time abroad was all one happy mistake.Was it a chance given to him because of his past, and not earned?

Alex decides he’s spent enough time thinking about it; he pushes the questions away and prepares for his lunch with Reid and Benjamin, glad he has the day off. There’s nothing to worry about; no impending work to be done and no plans to follow through on. It’s an odd feeling, being free; he’d spent so much time in Ireland attending festivals and student functions, exploring the cities and visiting castles. Why don’t I do anything here? He wonders if Ezra would agree to go out. On a whim, Alex calls him from the car as he drives to meet his brother.

“Hello?”

“Ezra. Hey. What are you up to?”

“Nothing. It’s my day off.”

“Really? Me too,” Alex says, smiling to himself. “I’m driving to meet my brother. He’s in town, and I haven’t seen him since I first moved in.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you get to see him.”

“Me too. Listen—I just thought of something while I was getting ready. Do you ever go sightseeing? As in, museums or galleries or things like that?”

“What?” Ezra laughs, amused. Alex can imagine him curled up with Mocha, a book in hand, and he realizes that it’s probably a silly question to ask. “I haven’t in a long time. The only chances I really got were in high school and college. E—my brother doesn’t really have the patience for anything like that, and I won’t go alone.”

“Why don’t we go? I’ve been missing the castles in Ireland.” Alex smiles to himself, wondering at Ezra’s tic. He says eh sometimes before talking about his brother, as if he’s embarrassed to talk about him too much. Ezra always covers it up quickly, though. I guess they’re just that close.

“I don’t think we have castles,” Ezra says, laughing again. His laugh is nice, Alex thinks. It’s uneven, like water pouring over rocks. It sounds genuine; when Ezra laughs, Alex doesn’t wonder if he’s just being polite or trying to sound nice. Alex wonders if maybe that’s the charismatic side of him Katy had failed to communicate properly.

“Well, anything will do. I’ll have to look for something when I get back home. Don’t have too much fun reading on the couch.”

“How did you know what I was doing?” Ezra sounds surprised. Alex chuckles, the image in his mind solidifying. A man and his dog, enjoying the comforts of a warm apartment and a good book. Alex isn’t sure what prompted him to imagine the romantic scene, but it makes sense.

“I’m psychic. I’m also at the restaurant. I’ll talk to you later, Ezra.”

“Okay. Have fun,” Ezra says cheerfully, and Alex hangs up. The restaurant looms before him through the windshield, and Alex glances at himself in the mirror, checking his hair and collar. He’s not about to walk up to his brother’s partner looking half-baked, especially for their first introduction. I have to show him I mean business, Alex thinks, straightening his jacket after he leaves his car.

Alex isn’t about to let just anyone take up space in his brother’s life. He’s spent too many years watching Reid hold back for others, letting his desires and dreams pass him by while he made sure that Alex was happy and safe. It’s about time that Reid had some happiness, even if Alex is hesitant to let him go. Not that he’s mine to control.

“Alex!” Reid calls his name from a corner of the small Italian place, waving cheerily from his spot in the booth. Benjamin is sitting next to him, in a rumpled shirt, hair messy but face clean-shaven. Alex tries not to stare too hard.

“Hey, Reid. Been here long?”

“No, we just got here five minutes ago. You’re sure I didn’t wake you up?”

“Of course not,” Alex says, sliding into the seat across from him. “By the way, are you actually going to introduce me, or—”

“Oh! Right. Um—this is Benjamin,” Reid says, flushing. He’s always blushed brighter and easier than Alex. At least that hasn’t changed. “Ben, this is my brother, Alex.”

“Nice to meet you,” Benjamin says. He offers his hand across the table, but Alex pauses before he accepts it. He pauses because he sees the way Benjamin looks at Reid a beat longer than anyone else would, smiling, his eyes lingering on Reid’s blush.

Alex manages to get through the brief introduction before he turns to his menu, letting Reid chat about their errands as he thinks about Benjamin. He doesn’t seem like he’s going to string him along. If anything, Benjamin seems like the one in the relationship that follows. It’s strange to Alex, watching his brother comfortable enough with someone else to not question himself. To reach for Benjamin’s hand on the table and not worry about holding it, absentmindedly flipping through pages of the menu. He seems almost like a different person, but not quite. It’s more like he’s grown up. I didn’t even think that was possible. I thought Reid was done growing up, that he somehow became mature the minute our parents were gone and he was left to look after me.

He realizes with discomfort that maybe that’s the point. Maybe Alex has never really fully recognized what his brother went through. Maybe looking after me stopped him in his tracks, and it took me leaving for college and Ireland for him to finish learning and growing. Alex doesn’t like the idea of holding his brother back, but he knows there was no helping what happened. It seems, at least, that Benjamin helped Reid—so maybe he won’t be trouble, after all.

“How are you settling in?” Reid asks, after the waiter left with their order.

“I’ve been doing well. It’s been easy to get settled in as an editor,” Alex says, remembering his lunch with Ezra. He smiles, remembering Mocha under the table. I should really talk to him about our arrangement. I need to know his boundaries since this is short-term.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Who,” Benjamin corrects Reid, a smile flickering on his lips. How the hell did he know? Alex stares at him, blinking.

“I just—I was talking to a friend on my way over,” Alex says, unsure why he feels so uneasy explaining himself. “I’ve been wanting to go out more, and he doesn’t really get out much.”

“Really? Who is he?” Reid asks, leaning closer over the table. Alex opens his mouth to answer, but then he sees the gleam in Reid’s eye. Alex looks at Benjamin, questioning, but Benjamin is studying his glass of tea with a secret smile. Wait.

“Wait—no,” Alex says quickly, realizing what the two are thinking. He does not want to explain his relationship with Ezra. Not when he barely knows what it is. “It’s nothing serious—I only met him recently. It’s just fun. We’re…having fun. Going places.”

“So, a friend you went on a date with?” Reid asks, amused. “That sounds like—”

“It doesn’t sound like a novel,” Alex says immediately. Reid still laughs. “Anyway, he’s got this friend he’s into. We’re just doing things together. As friends.”

“That’s interesting,” Benjamin says, raising an eyebrow.

“Tell me about it,” Alex mutters. The three of them instinctively lean back as the waiter appears, tray in hand, and Alex is thankful that the conversation is dropped. He’s not interested in competing with the rose-colored glasses both Reid and Benjamin are apparently wearing.

At least I know they’re both equally in love. Like fools. Alex counts himself a good judge of character; he’s always felt comfortable with guessing at whether other people are being genuine. He’d learned as a child the tells that people had, especially when they’d been trying to convince him that he should give up on living with his brother and find “an appropriate family.” Benjamin seems genuine. He only really pays attention to Reid, despite constant fumbles at asking Alex questions during lunch. Every passing moment and interaction just seems to drive the point home harder. At least, until Alex asks about their errands.

“What were you doing in Westhill, anyway? The only things around there are mansions and upscale malls.”

“What were we doing?” Reid asks Benjamin, frowning. “That was when you had me find parking, right? You finished before I got a spot, and I forgot to ask what you did.”

“I...need a suit, apparently, for a school gallery. Can’t get away with jeans this time,” Benjamin says, smiling easily, but his finger is rubbing the side of his unused fork. Alex watches the nervous movement and immediately knows that he’s lying. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. Alex doesn’t say anything, pretending to let it slide, but he’s already wondering what the truth is and how to get it out of Benjamin. He gets his chance when Reid leaves the table.

“What were—”

“I need you to look at this,” Benjamin says, almost at the exact same time, and Alex stops talking. He watches Benjamin pull something out of his jacket pocket, feeling like he’s having an out-of-body experience, and then there’s a tiny box being held out to him.

Why does it feel so final? It’s just a ring. But he knows that Reid will say yes, and more importantly, he knows that it will happen soon. Alex reaches for the box, feeling his fingers burn with the touch, and he opens it.

“He’s going to love it,” Alex murmurs, staring at the band. Simple and thin, with some sort of flower engraved into it. It looks antique. Romantic, which Reid will love.

“Great. That’s great,” Benjamin says, beaming, breathless with excitement. Alex hands the box back, feeling the food heavy in his stomach, and he suddenly just wants to go back to his apartment. I shouldn’t feel like this, he thinks. I’m not going to keep him from happiness. I should be happy for him. Reid gets back to the table, and Alex puts on a smile, treading his way through the rest of the lunch by the skin of his teeth. By the time they say goodbye, he feels like he’s sleepwalking.

Alex drives home, not realizing until he’s at his apartment that the radio is off. He stares at the dashboard, the ring clear in his vision, and he wonders how much time he has. And why do I care? It’s not as if he relies on his brother for funds or transportation. There’s no reason for him to be so upset. But I am, he thinks. And I have no idea why.