“You haven’t had a couch for how long?” Jasper asks, amused. He’s in the break room of the pet store, taking his wallet and keys out of a tiny locker. It’s almost eight o’clock, and his shift has been long. It had felt like it dragged on forever—at least, until Alex had called him.

“I just never got around to buying one. I’m lucky I ran into the people moving out. They had to leave to meet the moving truck at their new place, so I couldn’t ask them to help me carry it up.”

“I just got off work. It might take me a few minutes to get over there.”

“That’s fine. I’m just glad you can help.”

“It’s no problem. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” Jasper hangs up, wondering what Alex has been using to watch television for the past few weeks. A kitchen chair? A blanket on the floor? Somehow, it’s incredibly believable that Alex hadn’t thought about getting a couch. He seems like the kind of person that’s always been looked after or had someone to remind him of things. He may not be incompetent or absentminded, but he’s certainly careless sometimes.

Jasper maps the address Alex sends him and leaves directly from work, humming to the radio. I wonder how lunch with his brother went? When he pulls up to the apartment complex, he stares, surprised. It’s very modern and sleek, with a boxy structure and cool gray-blue paint. It looks like a place meant for architects and thriller novelists. It just drives home the fact that this is not a place Jasper would ever be. Alex is not someone Jasper would ever be able to date. Yet here I am, dragging this whole charade out. He’s just lucky he hasn’t been caught, yet. Katy hadn’t said anything at the first date, either because she wasn’t willing to or because she expected Jasper to say something. Ezra hasn’t even really brought up the date, other than to ask how it went; he probably barely remembers, since he was feverish that night. Every time Jasper thinks I’ll tell him, though, something holds him back. It’s probably the same something that compelled him to say yes to a lunch date with Alex, even though he had promised himself to stay away.

That one almost-kiss had been enough to drag Jasper back. He feels pitiful for being so easily manipulated by his attraction to Alex. Jasper’s never been particularly swayed by attractiveness before. Something about Alex makes him want to stay, though...to want to know more. There had been undeniable sparks between them on that first date. I guess that’s what people call chemistry. Jasper isn’t sure how to handle it.

Alex is waiting on the sidewalk between two apartment buildings, sitting nonchalantly on an immaculate black couch. Jasper laughs when he sees him—Alex is in sweatpants and a T-shirt that’s been washed so many times the graphic on the front is barely visible. He looks more comfortable than Jasper has ever seen him.

“Which one’s yours?” Jasper asks as he climbs out of his car. Alex stretches, rolling off the couch to turn and point at the complex on his left.

“Third floor. The very top. You know, I don’t know why we don’t have elevators.”

“Well, I’m here, now. Let’s get it up there,” Jasper replies, pushing his hair back from his forehead. He still feels sweaty and dirty from work, and he knows he smells like dogs, but something tells him Alex won’t care. Well. As long as I don’t sit on his couch.

They move the couch with little effort. It’s light, and they seem to make a good team, ascending the stairs at an even pace. Jasper waits when Alex unlocks the door with one hand, propping the door open so they can walk the couch through. The inside of the apartment is just as nice as it looks from the outside. There’s an economical kitchen with silver fixtures, shining and sleek. The living space is set next to a balcony with glass doors, the view overlooking the street and the pristine neighborhoods beyond.

“This is nice,” Jasper says, following Alex’s direction, sliding the couch carefully down onto the floor.

“I guess. It’s simple. I’m glad I had my brother to look into things for me before I moved.”

“Your brother?”

“Yeah. Reid actually came in person to check out a few places for me. He helped me make a decision.”

“Huh. How did your lunch go, by the way?” Jasper asks, standing with hands in his pockets. Alex is sitting on the couch again, leaning back comfortably into the cushions. A strange look comes to his face—regret, maybe, and annoyance—and Jasper wonders if he’s made a mistake in bringing it up.

“All right,” Alex mutters, staring at his shoes. He sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes, and Jasper waits for the other shoe to drop. “Benjamin is going to propose...to my brother.”

“That’s not good?” Jasper asks cautiously.

“No—I mean, yes, it’s good. It’s great. They’re sappy. They’re in love.”

“But, you’re not happy about it?”

“I should be,” Alex says, frustrated. Jasper perches on the edge of the couch, curious. “I mean, it’s my brother, and he should be happy. He spent all of his time looking after me; he deserves something for himself.”

“So...you’re used to him paying attention to you? I kind of get that, I guess.”

“It’s not really that simple. Our parents both passed away when we were young—at different times—but Reid fought to keep me with him. He was in his early twenties; he should have been partying at college and figuring out his life. Instead, he was looking after me.”

That explains some things, Jasper thinks. Like why Alex has always seemed so confident. Why he’s forgetful about simple things. He’s used to being a little brother, it seems, and one that was constantly looked after. He likes attention because it’s what he grew up with, having Reid to look after him and constantly make sure he was happy. It seems selfish of Alex, but Jasper can recognize that he’s trying to be more understanding about his brother. At least he’s admitting to the problem.

“Sounds simple to me,” Jasper says kindly. “At least you know you want him to be happy. It’s hard, I bet—I know I would probably have mixed feelings about—my brother, getting married. When you live your entire life with someone else, it seems strange to see them move on. Especially if you’re still trying to find what you’re looking for.”

“Exactly,” Alex says, looking at Jasper with a curious expression. Jasper feels antsy under his gaze, and he knows his face is getting red. Alex’s gaze is weighty on him and Jasper is suddenly very aware that they’re alone, in Alex’s apartment, which Jasper has never been to before. He feels a sudden thrill of panic and excitement. Is this it? Could I even—? Jasper isn’t sure what will happen next, but he knows he needs to explain. He has to confess. Before he can say anything, however, his phone starts ringing. One look at the screen tells him all he needs to know. Of course, Ezra would call me while I’m talking to Alex.

“Hello?”

“Hey. You’re not home yet?”

“No. I helped Alex move a couch,” Jasper says. He bites his tongue hard enough to taste blood. All this time, he’s been avoiding mentioning Alex. Ezra doesn’t know about Jasper’s lie. “Why? What’s up?”

“Nothing. I was just going to ask you about dinner, but you weren’t home when I got back.”

“Well, I’m heading back in a bit. Try not to eat my dog.”

“Ha, ha. I’ll see you,” Ezra says, hanging up abruptly. Jasper stares at his phone for a moment. He knows he’ll have to tell Ezra about what’s going on. Jasper can almost imagine Alex going to the bakery and running into Ezra at work. Jasper realizes, horrified, that he hadn’t even considered that fact before now. This could all be undone by a simple meeting. Jasper knows that no matter what, Ezra will help him figure things out. He’s far better at relationships. And maybe he’ll point me in the right direction with how to salvage this relationship I’ve already sabotaged.

“Dean?” Alex asks, smirking. He didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t into Dean, Jasper remembers. It’s aggravating, to say the least. And all because I freaked out when Dean called me by my real name. I thought for sure that Alex would figure it out. Jasper wonders why he didn’t.

“No. It’s, um, my brother. He can’t feed himself.” The words feel heavy on Jasper’s tongue, not as playful as he wants them to be. Alex raises his eyebrows, nodding.

“Oh. Huh,” Alex says, as if he had forgotten about his brother completely. “Well, don’t let me keep you. Oh—but before you go. Is anything off-limits?”

“Sorry, what?”

“Off-limits. You know, since this is kind of temporary. I don’t want to push you into anything if you’re, um, saving some things for Dean,” Alex says, wincing at his wording. “That sounded less blunt in my head.”

“It’s fine,” Jasper says, laughing nervously. He hates how much it needles him to hear Alex talking about things as if they’re in some sort of friends with benefits situation. Damn. We haven’t even kissed, yet. Don’t friends with benefits usually have sex on the first date? “Don’t, uh—don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you if you cross any lines. I don’t think that’ll happen, though.” Mostly because you’re going to hate me as soon as you find out.

“Okay. Yeah. Well, I’ll see you soon. We still have to go to some museums,” Alex says, grinning.

“Yeah. Later,” Jasper echoes. Alex waves at him from the porch as Jasper leaves, still feeling strange as he turns his car key, barely registering the start of the engine. The sense of unhappiness clings to him the entire drive home, no matter how much he tries to shake it. It keeps coming up like gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Jasper is still trying to figure out how the hell he’s going to fix the lie he’s entangled himself in when he opens his apartment door to find Mocha dragging a blanket on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Jasper asks, amused. He bends down to look at the blanket, which appears to be from Ezra’s bed.

“Here! Over here, Mocha!” Ezra yells, his voice echoing from the tiny laundry closet in the hall. Jasper rolls his eyes, watching Ezra take the blanket as Mocha pads over to him. “Good boy. Thanks for helping.”

“So, now you’re getting my dog to do your laundry, too?” Jasper asks, toeing his shoes off. He waits for Ezra to emerge—he’s also still in work clothes, black shirt covered in powdered sugar, a smear of dry icing on his forearm. I can’t do this. God. I love my brother. Why the hell did I ever think pretending to be him was a good idea?

“There you are. Do you want to go somewhere or make something?” Ezra asks, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. Jasper glances at Mocha, as if maybe the dog will have all the answers. It would certainly be helpful. Mocha just stares back at him, eyes bright and unassuming.

“Let’s get burgers. I’m tired,” Jasper says. What he really wants to do is take a shower and go to sleep, but he has a mission to accomplish. A mission involving his brother, Alex, and a lie he’s starting to regret.

* * *

“So…yeah. That’s what happened. I lied. I can’t believe I lied.”

Ezra is staring at Jasper over his giant soda cup, eyes wide as the straw makes a gurgling noise. Jasper feels miserable. It had taken him almost the entire trip to the drive-thru and back to come up with the strength to pour his story out. He’d half expected Ezra to cut him off at some point, angry about the deception, but this feels much worse. Ezra’s shocked expression is a hundred times more telling than his outright anger would have been.

“So, to recap, you pretended you were me on the first date, realized you were into him, and just…kept pretending?”

“Yeah.”

“You like him?” Ezra grins, shoving his empty paper bag aside. His eyes are practically glowing with excitement. It’s an expression Jasper knows well, and he isn’t too keen on finding out where this conversation is going, but it’s his fault for lying in the first place. “Why? What’s he like? What does he look like? Is he—”

“Okay, one question at a time,” Jasper says, groaning as he slumps down in his chair. “I mean…he’s so hot. He’s just…he has this perfect jaw and the best blond hair I’ve ever seen, and he’s also just charming and cool and he just flirts with me like it’s as easy as breathing.”

“You’ve got it bad,” Ezra announces after a second, gathering their trash from the kitchen table. “Jeez, Jazz. Why—I mean, why didn’t you just fess up on the second date? I mean, it wouldn’t be the worst first date faux pas. It technically wasn’t your fault, either, since I asked you to go.”

Why? Jasper knows full well why he kept lying. He’s just not really all that keen on telling his brother. He can’t imagine a situation in which telling his brother that he feels inferior goes over well. It’s not Ezra’s fault; it never has been. It’s just something Jasper has always dealt with. Feeling as if he were Ezra for one night had been thrilling. It had been a rush, imagining himself as someone more confident and desirable. It had certainly made him a lot more daring. Jasper had almost been willing to go home with Alex.

“I don’t know why I didn’t explain,” Jasper finally says. “But I didn’t, and now, he thinks I’m just looking for something short-term. I don’t even know if it will matter now, if I tell him that I’m not you. He might just run off before I get a chance.”

“A chance to what?”

“I—I don’t know. Prove—”

“Jazz,” Ezra says, suddenly serious. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that it’s a bad idea to build any relationship on a lie. I mean, I’m sure you panicked at the time, but keeping this up won’t end well. Especially not if you’re trying to keep him as a friend.”

That’s what you say, Jasper thinks, but it’s easy for you. It’s easy for Ezra to be forgiven, with his smiles and charm. It’s easier for things to go right for him. It’s never been easy for Jasper. No matter what choice he makes now, Jasper is either going to lose Alex for good or lose any chance he previously had. Maybe it’s selfish of Jasper to want to stretch out his time with Alex as much as possible, but he can’t help wanting it. He’s never really wanted anything before like he’s wanted this chance with Alex. That feeling is the only thing keeping his mouth shut, even as Ezra tosses one last warning over his shoulder.

“You have a real chance, Jazz. Don’t mess it up.”

* * *

The next day, Jasper is avoiding thinking about confronting Alex when he hears Ezra’s phone vibrating. They’re both at home, and it’s barely ten in the morning, the sun warming their apartment through the patio window.

“Ezra! Phone!” Jasper yells, pausing to listen. He moves to the end of the couch he’s sitting on, trying to look into his brother’s room. Is he in the bathroom? Jasper frowns, moving from the couch to look for Ezra’s phone. Whoever it is, Jasper assumes it’s important; Ezra’s friends usually only text him. When Jasper finally finds the device, piled under a jacket, he looks at the screen and freezes in place.

Father is illuminated on the screen in white letters, bright and sharp. Jasper stares at the word like it’s in a foreign language, mind racing. He can’t think of a reason that their father would be calling. It’s not like they left on the best terms, after all. Jasper almost doesn’t answer, but some dark worry eats away at his resolve. He can’t help wondering whether there’s an emergency or something important happening, and before he can stop himself, Jasper is answering the phone.

“Hello?”

“Jasper. Why are you answering Ezra’s phone?”

Typical. His father doesn’t even give him a greeting. Jasper hadn’t expected apologies, of course; he hadn’t expected some tearful pleas for forgiveness or a stoic recognition of the wrong that was done. Still, it’s chilling to hear his father—someone who should love him and care about him—speak like they’re strangers. With bitter humor, Jasper wonders if his father would enjoy the mess Jasper’s got himself into. He suspects the man would be haughtily pleased, considering he hates everything about his sons and what he calls their lifestyle.

“He’s busy,” Jasper says shortly, coming back to himself. “Why are you calling?”

“Does it matter? I was calling your brother.” Jasper almost hangs up at the brusque tone his father uses. He’s not sure why the man is calling, though; especially since Ezra is less willing to interact with their parents than Jasper. When they’d left, it had been Ezra that planned and orchestrated the move. Jasper had all but been an afterthought, following his brother because he didn’t know what else to do. So why is dad calling Ezra? Have they been talking? He sincerely doubts it. Ezra had been far less willing to smooth things over after their father first blew up when Ezra brought his boyfriend to a party at the best restaurant in town. Jasper can still remember the yelling.

“I can tell him you called, if you even care,” Jasper says, unable to hide his bitterness. No matter how much he had wanted to make things right—to prove to his father that his sons weren’t disappointments because of their choice in partners—Jasper couldn’t forgive what was said. He couldn’t forget the way Ezra had stormed away from the conversation with angry tears in his eyes. It was the one thing that compelled Jasper to follow him.

“You don’t have to be rude.”

“I’m your son,” Jasper says, his attitude snapping right back at his father. He hates the way his father makes him, sharp and bitter. That was the whole point of leaving. Except since leaving, Jasper has only really opened up to Alex. Which might not last for long.

Ezra’s bathroom door opens, and he steps out, humming to some tune. He sees Jasper, amused, but his smile quickly evaporates when he sees his brother’s expression. Jasper doesn’t even bother fighting when Ezra snatches his phone back from Jasper, eyes hard and determined. Right. He would never talk to our father, Jasper thinks. Hopes. They’ve both been pushed down too much to ever reach out to their family.

“Don’t call me,” Ezra says shortly, before hanging up and tossing his phone back onto the bed. “Jazz—”

“I’m trying to finish my book,” Jasper says shortly, avoiding the subject. He leaves the room, feeling like a fog has settled into the apartment. A bitterness, rising from something so simple as a phone call. He hates that his father has so much power in their lives, even after they left. Jasper stares at the pages of his book, trying to concentrate on reading, but the letters float before his eyes, nonsensical and muddy. He gives up, slapping it shut, and goes to his room to find a jacket. All he knows is that he can’t stay in the apartment; not when the conversation is still hanging in the air.

“I’ll be back,” Jasper says, and he takes Mocha and leaves.

Jasper walks without thinking. He moves, letting Mocha lead him, and tries to clear his head. He doesn’t want to dwell on everything he and Ezra moved away from...the negativity and control. He can almost hear his father’s voice goading him, even and cool, always saying one thing and suggesting another. Jasper can remember the day they left as if it were yesterday, his mother drinking something in the doorway, and his father standing at the end of the sidewalk, arms crossed over his chest. Disapproving. You’re wasting money and time, he had said. Ezra had ignored him, piling things into his car, and Jasper had spoken to take up the space. We need to go. We have to figure things out for ourselves, without your help. He had said help and meant something else; he had meant control. He had meant disapproval. The twins had left home to escape a planned route and all the disappointment that came with failure. Ezra had made the choice for them both, finding an apartment and packing up. Jasper had simply followed, even if he tried to give his parents every chance before they left. There was so much to run from—so many little irritations and behaviors that made living together as a family hell. There were demands to attend graduate school, constant questions about dating and grandchildren, condescending comments at every individual decision the brothers made. No matter how hard Jasper tried to give his parents the benefit of the doubt—they just want better things for us—he couldn’t escape the truth of how he felt. How disheartening it was to be belittled at every turn.

His father had changed the insults, one day. He’d changed them and driven away one of Ezra’s first boyfriends, a sweet young man with dreams of becoming a doctor. Ezra had stood there as his father threatened to chase the would-be doctor out of town through academic blackmail, using his connections to suggest something bad here and there. It was at that point that Ezra had snapped, no longer caring to stick around for the rest of his father’s scheming and control. Jasper had followed, because if there was one thing he couldn’t take, it was the way his brother had looked, saying goodbye to a boyfriend he’d kept secret for almost a year.

“Ezra.” His brother’s name cuts through everything, sudden and startling, and Jasper stops in place. He blinks, looking to his left, and sees Alex watching him with a bemused smile.

“Oh. Alex.”

“You know, I almost had to run to catch up with you. You in a hurry?”

“No,” Jasper says, trying to smile. His surprise subsides, but he still feels uncomfortable. Too many bad memories are floating around his mind. I can’t tell him now. Not when I’m like this. He knows he has to tell the truth, now more than ever. I should plan something. A date, maybe. To explain.

“Is something wrong? You don’t seem happy,” Alex says, careful as he asks. He lowers his voice, leaning back on his heels as if trying to give Jasper space.

“I—um, I’m fine. I just got a call from my dad. Well, my brother did. I picked up,” Jasper explains miserably.

“That bad?”

“I mean, we didn’t exactly leave things on good terms. He and my mother are the reason we’re here. We moved because of them.”

“Did they make you move? As in, kick you out?” Alex asks, puzzled.

“If only,” Jasper laughs shortly. That’s the opposite of our problems. “No, they didn’t want us to. They kept us at home for so long, I thought we’d never leave. It’s really my brother I should thank. He made the decision for us.”

He makes most of the decisions for us, Jasper thinks. Ezra has always been the more active brother. In some cases, he gets himself into trouble, but Jasper has always been around to help him out of it. Talking about his family—a subject he usually avoids as much as possible—feels new. Jasper doesn’t really talk about the subject with friends, and he’s only known Alex for a short time. Jasper feels like he can trust Alex; through their interactions, Alex seemed genuine and caring. Even if he does have the absolute wrong idea about Dean. Alex tries to make plans with Jasper and is always willing to listen, the few times that Jasper is the one talking. He hasn’t pushed for anything, even considering the way he’d characterized their relationship as short-term.

“You could have stayed, though. You didn’t,” Alex points out, smiling.

“Yeah. I guess that’s true,” Jasper says. He laughs a little, surprised. He hasn’t considered his part in the move at all, even if he did have a choice. “I should probably get home. Um—Jasper’s probably cooling off from the call.”

“Okay. Well, hey—don’t worry about your parents. They’ll either realize how great you really are, or they’ll live their entire lives without having the pleasure of being around you. It’s their loss.”

“Thanks,” Jasper says, a little dazed, and he watches Alex walk away with a smile still stuck on his lips. He feels better having talked to someone, even briefly. Just knowing that someone cares makes him feel less alone, even if the problem hasn’t been magically fixed. Jasper still feels conflicted about his parents, and he still isn’t happy about the situation, but knowing Alex is willing to listen and support him makes a difference.

I wish I’d met him sooner, Jasper thinks as he walks home. Even if it had been an accident, Jasper is glad to have Alex as a friend. These days, he’s starting to look forward to his dates with Alex more than anything else in life. Unfortunately, I just might be starting to want more. More that he knows he can’t have.