I soaked my aching muscles in the bathtub. I was so angry at myself for walking out on Erik yesterday. He had expressed his opinion, and I should’ve been more mature. Instead, I had stormed out like a petulant child who didn’t get her way. What the hell had I expected? Of course, SEALs didn’t think women should join the Teams. I knew this. I’d poured over hundreds of articles written by SEALs debating on whether women should be allowed in combat before I had ever made the decision to try.

These men had never seen a woman graduate from BUD/S. By nature, any man who became a SEAL had to be stubborn and unwilling to give up. It would be hard for these men to accept what they believed was a blow to their culture, their ethos, their way of life. The only way these SEALs would accept change was to have it thrust in their face.

If I had only kept my mouth shut, I could’ve spent more time with Erik. Had a hot summer affair to give me something to remember while I went through training.

But it wasn’t just the sex, though it was by far the best sex of my life. The type of sex I’d only read about in romance novels. Something about Erik brought out another part of me. When I was with him, I wasn’t focused on winning, or becoming a SEAL. I was actually having fun despite myself.

I should call him and apologize. But what was the point? I only had three more weeks left here, and then I would go to Officer Candidate School. Erik and I had no chance. He would never support my dreams. He had made that point loud and clear last night.

Today was going to be super awkward because I had promised to coach Erik’s sister. He had asked me out in front of her and their mom, so I was sure that by now Holly already knew about our disastrous first date. I emerged from the tub, dried off with a towel, and put my swimsuit on under my sweats.

I turned to Flounder. “I’ll take you to the beach when I get back.”

Once in my car, I drove away from Coronado, over the bridge, toward a town called Poway. Thirty minutes later, I was completely shocked about how different this place seemed from coastal Coronado. The beautiful mountains beckoned me, and I was charmed by the rural landscape. I passed a high school and wondered if Erik had attended there.

Damn, why couldn’t I get him out of my head? He’d gotten under my skin without me even realizing it.

I pulled outside of a charming one level ranch house. It seemed private, peaceful and serene, the exact opposite of the tiny apartment I’d grown up in. I scanned the driveway and saw only one car. Was it Erik’s? My heart hammered in my chest. Omg . . . what if he was here? No. It was Monday. He was surely at work. And he probably never wanted to see me again.

I could hardly blame him after the way I’d treated him.

Taking a deep, bolstering breath, I rang the doorbell, and Holly answered the door. She was so pretty—she shared Erik’s dark hair and blue eyes.

“Hi. Thank you for coming. Please come in.”

“My pleasure.” I walked inside and was immediately impressed by their home. Pictures were everywhere. Family portraits, Erik’s little league shots, and a framed snap of him graduating from BUD/S, his handsome father standing beside him.

I’d had two dates with Erik and had slept with him, but there was so much more I didn’t know about him. Was he close to his father? He had only mentioned him once to me—that he had been stationed on submarines.

But it was probably best that we hadn’t shared more intimate conversations since we had no future. I definitely didn’t want to open up to him about my fucked-up family.

Holly followed my gaze. “Oh, these. That was such a happy day. My dad was so proud of him. My father died of a heart attack a few weeks later.”

“Oh no, that’s awful.”

“Yeah. My mom was a mess. Really fell apart. Erik really stepped up and took care of us.”

A lump rose in my throat. I felt like such a bitch. Erik was a great guy, and I had totally thrown away an opportunity to get to know him. Why oh why had I let my temper get the best of me?

She led me outside to their pool which was surrounded by a huge back yard filled with dozens of citrus trees.

Holly and I dove into the pool and did a few laps to warm up. She then showed me her routine, which was impressive. I couldn’t help but think that she needed to move up north if she was serious about synchro.

“Have you thought about moving to Marin to train with the Mermaids?”

“Of course! It would be my dream. I begged my parents when I was twelve, but they refused to split up the family. I’m not going to lie—I resented them. I always wonder how good I could’ve been if I’d lived near the top synchro club.” She sighed. “My coach is great, but it’s not the same. But my father really wanted both Erik and me to be kids, socialize with our friends and not become too focused on our sports. You know, Erik was an amazing swimmer. Could’ve probably swum at a national level. But he chose to follow my dad’s footsteps and attend Annapolis.”

“No. I didn’t know that. Your parents were probably right. I never had any balance in my life. I was consumed by competing.”

“Yeah. . . I was really furious at them for years,” Holly admitted. “I felt like they were holding me back. But once my father died, I was so grateful for spending all that family time with him. Now, I just dream of being on the Stanford team. I’ll be a senior next year, and I just hope I get accepted.”

“Well, I can put you on the radar for the coach. She’s really awesome. She takes most of her team from the Marin Mermaids, the Santa Clara Aquamaids, and the Walnut Creek Aquanuts. But she’s always on the lookout for fresh talent. I’m here for a month if you want to work together.”

Her face lit up. “Oh my god. Really? You are the best. I never thought I’d see you again after today. I mean, well, because—oh I hope you don’t mind, but my brother told my mom that you probably weren’t going to go out on another date.”

Awkward. “No, it’s fine. I’ll totally train you. Your brother is a great man. We had some fun dates. I’m just only going to be here for three more weeks, and then I’ll be away.”

“Oh, I know. Sorry to meddle. I just think you are so cool. Erik’s been single for a while, and he seems to really like you. He deploys so much he’s never around enough to get to know anyone.”

A pang went through me. Why had I never thought about that? In a way, being a SEAL would be even harder on relationships than being an Olympian. Sure, I had competed around the world, but I would be gone for a week or so—SEALs deployed for months.

I now realized we had something else in common besides our work ethic. Loneliness. Erik had to get lonely despite being surrounded by his Teammates on missions. I wonder if he felt as cut off from the world as I did when I trained.

I turned my focus back to Holly. We worked on flexibility and breath control, and I cleaned up a portion of her choreography. She had a beautiful natural style that though rough was almost refreshing compared to some of the girls I had trained in my own club. After an hour, I gave her some homework and said goodbye. I was eager to leave before her mom came home from work.

As I drove back to Coronado, my mind returned to Erik. I remembered how good it felt to have him kiss me senseless, to feel his strong arms around me, to have his undivided attention.

I hated to face the ugly truth.

I had blown my chance with this amazing guy.

I yearned for a second chance with Erik. I still had two weeks in town, and I wished I could spend it getting to know him.