I waited for Erik to fall asleep. After around ten minutes, I turned over in the bed and saw his chest rise and fall.

As quietly as possible, I extracted myself from the bed. I grabbed some clean clothes from the top of my hamper and snuck out of the bedroom into the living room.

I laced up my running shoes and leashed up Flounder. It didn’t matter that it was midnight—I needed to get the hell out of here. I didn’t care if Erik woke up while I was gone. He was a smart man—he could figure out why I was livid. Maybe he’d come looking for me. Better yet, maybe he would leave.

The cool ocean night air hit my face when I left my place. I grabbed Flounder’s leash and ran on the beach toward the SEAL base. Despite Flounder’s old age, he could still keep up with me, and I loved watching his long hound ears flap in the moonlight.

Flounder. What was I going to do about Flounder?

My mom had already told me that she wouldn’t watch him when I went to Officer Candidate School. “Take him to the pound,” she had said. “He’s had a good life.”

Fuck her. Flounder was the only one in my life who had always been loyal to me.

That was more evident today to me than ever.

I had one friend from back home who had offered to take him while I was gone, but she didn’t really like dogs, and I felt she had offered more out of guilt because my mom had threatened to dump him at the shelter than out of a desire to love my dog.

Erik was great with my dog. And before tonight, I had considered asking him, especially since I had planned to tell him the truth about my plans.

But after what he had just asked me to do, all plans were off.

I continued to run down the beach past the lights of the Del. But brighter beams beckoned me just beyond the hotel.

Glow lights. Oh my god! It was hell week! It was Sunday night. Hell Week always started on Sunday. This had to be a sign!

I ran to the edge of the base where I was still on civilian land and stood there gawking in awe. There were around twenty-five men in front of me, carrying swift boats over their heads as their instructors yelled at them.

In six months, I would be one of them.

My heart chilled, and it wasn’t from the lack of sunlight. I had to process what had just happened with Erik.

TritonFix.

My mom had been right. He had been using me. No matter what he had said, I didn’t believe him. From day one, he knew who I was; he had targeted me. I knew a man as hot as he was could never be interested in me. I was an asset. Great on paper. “Hey guys, my girlfriend is an Olympic Gold Medalist. Let me tell you about my business and how I can help you achieve my goals. That will be ten thousand dollars.”

Damn him. I refused to let him use me. My heart was crushed—how stupid I was for possibly believing he didn’t have an ulterior motive for dating me. I shut my emotions down. I would kick him out of my place the second I returned tonight.

My eyes returned to the men in the water, their oars battling through the surf as their boats flipped over. Their sadistic instructors laughed at them as these poor candidates clung to their dreams.

A few instructors glanced my way. I didn’t know if they had seen me with Erik, but none of them dared to approach me. Which was fine by me—at least they weren’t shooing me away.

One of the boats came into shore. The men dropped into the sand and rolled around, getting wet and sandy.

And then I saw it. One man ran to his instructor. The instructor led him over to the bell, and he rang it three times.

A lump grew in my throat. That man had just quit. All his hard work washed away like an abandoned sand castle.

The rest of the men were now all out of the water. The instructors lined them up and ran them toward the back of the base.

Toward the “O” course.

I grabbed Flounder’s leash and ran up the beach, past the Del, in front of Erik’s condo building and toward the other side of the base. Though I had no ID card, I could see the “O” course from the road that ran along the Silver Strand Boulevard. When I finally arrived, I peered through the wires on the fence as cars whizzed by, making sure I had a tight grip on Flounder’s lead.

Sure enough, I had been right. Men were attacking the course. I waited for a few minutes, staring at Dirty Name. One by one, the men slayed it.

Until one man, a tall, skinny guy with black hair, fell. He picked himself up and tried again. And again. And again.

After a few more tries, an instructor walked over to him. The instructor placed his arm around the man’s shoulders and walked him off the course.

And over to the bell.

That man was out.

My heart dropped. That man hadn’t wanted to quit. I just knew it. He couldn’t master one obstacle, a required obstacle during hell week. So he had been forced to ring the bell.

I didn’t want to watch anymore.

I grabbed Flounder’s leash and ran back toward my place.

What if I couldn’t master Dirty Name? I needed every advantage I could get.

I had actually liked Erik. Up until tonight, I honestly thought we could have a future together if he accepted my career path. Initially, I had been so against dating him because I didn’t want it to appear like I was using him.

But now, that had all changed.

He had charmed me with dinner and a girl power movie. I had slept with him. He had given me the opportunity to try Dirty Name. He had forced me to overcome my fear of riding a bike. I had fallen for him.

I had to turn off my feelings for him. Stop aching for him, making him my first thought in the morning and my last thought of the night. No more dreaming of a future together.

My worst fear had been realized. He liked me for what I had accomplished, not who I was.

I would never be good enough for a man like him.

I choked back a sob, realizing that he had been using me.

Well, two could play that game.

If he was going to use me, then I was going to use him.

I had one week left in San Diego. I’d go to dinner with his client. I’d pump Erik for information about BUD/S. And then I would demand to try the “O” course again.

After that. I was done with men. If I wanted to have sex, I’d have sex.

But I would never, ever listen to my heart again.