Our vehicle rumbled down the dirt road for the next hour, every bump and tremor sending sharp pains through my spine. Afghanistan was a mountainous desert. I’d sat quietly throughout the trip, lost in thought. When we’d left the base, at the last moment, I’d sat up, finally staring back at Kyle. He stood still as a statue while his friends waved enthusiastically, the mountains just past the transportation area serving as a serene but lonely backdrop. He was shutting down. Again. A sob had threatened to escape my lips. I sighed and closed my eyes and tried to compartmentalize the situation, starting with reliving every moment I’d spent last night with Kyle. I’d felt safe. Comfortable. Invincible even. But they weren’t enough. One thing I fought was wallowing in those memories. The more I thought about his behavior after, the more upset I became.

My lust and admiration for him now had been replaced by anger and disappointment. Too overcome with nervousness, I’d waited for him to speak. Silently begged him to say anything. He said nothing as I left. Just like he’d done before. Fuck him. I’d done nothing wrong. Fool me once, shame on me. I should have learned. Yet the fresh scorch of rejection burned like hell. I couldn’t stomach what was happening between us.

The first time around he should’ve called me, told me he was going away, even if he didn’t want to tell me he was a SEAL. And now he probably thought after our second hookup I would be grateful to be his fuck buddy whenever he returned to the States. I dragged in a heavy breath. How was it he made me feel so amazing one minute and like utter shit the next?

Fuck that, Maya was right. I didn’t care how amazing Kyle was, or that he was a humble man dedicated to his country. To him, I was disposable. And I deserved more. I didn’t want to be his jump off. Last night I hadn’t been thinking straight. And I refused to be played. No matter how hot the sex. It was about damned time. I had finally seen the light.

The universe must’ve acknowledged my realization because a blinding flash of light streaked through our vehicle as an echoing boom radiated beneath us. Followed by the overwhelming sounds of shots pelting the vehicle to our front.

The vehicle jostled us back and forth before coming to a stop. My lungs burned. I began to cough, and a sinking feeling dropped to the pit of my stomach.

High wails came from the occupants of the vehicle, and I froze. The uncertainty of what just happened caused my breath to catch. Though I had a pretty good idea.

Maya shrieked next to me. “What was that?”

It sounded like an IED explosion and the use of AK-47s. But I wasn’t sure.

“I don’t know.” I spoke calmly, trying to reassure myself everything was okay more than pacify her. She had always been there for me. We took care of each other. The least I could do was keep her calm. Inside, I was shaking. But I wouldn’t let that show. I took her hand in mine. “We’re going to be fine, Maya,” I whispered as I gripped her hand. She hunched down into my side, and I wrapped my arms around her, looking toward the hard plastic separating us from the driver and officer in the passenger seat. “Stay down.” I lifted a fraction. The scene in front of me was a horror story.

The Humvees before us had exploded, and sand and clouds of smoke surrounded us. Definitely an IED. One big and powerful enough to take out two vehicles, leaving us vulnerable. “We’ve been attacked. I repeat, we’ve been attacked,” the soldier on the passenger side barked into the radio communicating back to the base.

“Everybody stay down!” the driver instructed. His booming voice roared like I’d never heard before. Immediately after, both soldiers jumped out of the truck. And the roar of unmistakable gunshots pierced my ears. They came in a rapid succession.

Pop, pop, pop, pop.

Gunshots drowned out the shrieks of the girls. My breath labored, I couldn’t make myself move. I watched in horror as local men shot at the vehicles from high above. With a white truck rushing down the mountain, weapons appearing from every opening of the vehicle. Maya yanked on my arm, urging me to hunch back down. The shimmer of white smoke and the rancid smell of gunpowder and death wafted in the air.

We were under attack.

The two soldiers shot back. Coming out of my trance, I dropped to the floor. “We’ll be okay if we do as we were told.” I tried to assure the rest of the girls and the director. My words were futile, but complete panicking was pointless. It would serve us no good if we wanted to survive. The incessant gunfire of the AK-47s assured me the massive bomb that had gone off had been the least of our problems.

Our nightmare was just beginning.

Gun power surrounded us. And the truck rocked viciously. The amount of time passing was irrelevant, whether seconds or minutes, it still felt as if years were taken off my life. My forehead throbbed, resembling one of the intense, pounding headaches accompanied by nausea, vision blurs, and debilitating pressure I experienced when I had the misfortune of having a migraine.

Our reality took center stage, the disorientation becoming a second thought as queasiness crawled up my throat. We were supposed to be safe. Kyle had given me his word—why hadn’t he been on this convoy escorting us?

I refused to die scared. Maya held me with a death grip, and I grew defiant. I needed to know what was happening. I repeated my earlier action and peeked through the plastic divider, my gut clenching at what I saw, and I held my hand to my mouth. Blood, and our driver slumped over the shattered, bullet-pierced window. The bile working its way up my throat made a comeback. I was going to be sick.

I hunched back down, dragging in breath after breath. My mind raced, fighting the pain in my head as I got my wits together, attempting to control the nausea. We’d been targeted. Would the shooters kidnap a bunch of Americans and hold them for ransom? The political words “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” ran through my head.

Through the chaos, I heard a haunting grunt and just knew the other solider had been killed. Maya whimpered at my side. It was deafening. She’d heard the grunt. Tears streamed down her face in droves, my own impending tears struggling to break free. She pulled at my arm again. “Sara, please.”

I nodded. We huddled back on the floor of the vehicle. And my body shook anticipating what might happen next. At any second, men could burst in, killing us like they’d killed the soldiers. Perspiration broke out across my brows, cascading down into my eyes. They stung. I wiped at the sweat and momentarily gazed around in slow motion at the scared faces and our skimpy tank tops peeking from underneath our thin, tight jackets. And envisioned our possible outcome. Our apparel could anger some. We could be raped. I braced myself, holding onto Maya, and stared out the back of the truck. Through the fog, I saw the remaining Humvees had veered out, each to opposite sides, the soldiers surrounding the convoy. It almost looked like a tree’s branches. They fired back at the enemies, and I grew wary of how any of the USO personnel could help. But before I could formulate any type of plan, the vehicle started moving.

My eyes watered and chills spread over the entire length of my body. This couldn’t be happening, the transport was still on. I now saw the side profile of a swarthy man with a long beard driving the vehicle, his similar-looking wingman to his right. My heart grew heavy. They’d killed our protection. I couldn’t help but think, were we next?

The rest of the girls were finally clued in on our looming future. Our terrified director no longer held her usual control. Her face had paled and she stared off at nothing in particular. A reluctant hush filled the air, and we all became silent, less the muffled sobs.

I closed my eyes and did something I hadn’t done for years.

I prayed.

I gave a short prayer for the soldiers whose Humvees had exploded. Then the driver and passenger. They’d made the ultimate sacrifice. And I prayed for Kyle to come for me, and rescue us, to tap into his spiritual side and be guided in his path toward me. Not as my lover, or my boyfriend, or even my friend, but as the only man who I trusted and believed could save us now.