MADDOX

“I don’t love you anymore.”

“What about Sally Rae?”

“She’s better off without me. I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I told you that. I should never have listened to you… if I don’t leave now, I never will. I don’t want this life, Mad. I want… more.”

Soft breathing echoes through the baby monitor, our fourteen-month-old daughter sleeping soundly. “Your baby girl needs you, Sam. I need you. I can’t do this by myself!”

The walls close in as she paces the floor, a caged animal in her own home. “Please sit down, sweetheart. Talk to me.”

As I reach for her hand, it only agitates her more. “NO! Don’t touch me!” Her voice reverberates through the kitchen and out into the hallway, disturbing my little angel’s slumber. Sam flinches at the sound, fixed to the spot, staring me down in defiance.

“Dang it! I just got her down an hour ago.”

“I gotta go help set up for the fair. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” Her words are clipped - dripping with disdain.

The door slams, and my chest expands with every step toward Rae. As my eyes adjust to the dark of the nursery, I’m wrapped in the warm blanket of Rae’s scent. My heart swells whenever she’s near, her sweet, gentle nature capturing my undivided attention. As I lift her out of her crib, my fight with Sam is all but forgotten. “Hey, princess. How’s my favorite girl? Tell Daddy what’s wrong.”

“Dadda. Dadda.”

“Who’s my little Rae of sunshine?”

Her chubby little hands find my face. “Want my mommy.”

I wipe her tear soaked eyes. “I know, baby. Mommy’s at work. Just you and me tonight.” Grabbing her blankie, I settle into the rocking chair in the corner of the room—the steady rhythm distracting her—distracting me. As her small, shallow breaths even out, her head resting against my chest, I marvel at how much this little bundle has changed my life in the past year.

The moment Sam told me she was pregnant, I asked her to marry me. Initially, she fought me on the idea, we’d only been dating for three months, but my granddaddy raised me right. You don’t shirk your responsibilities. I’d always wanted to settle down and start a family, I just didn’t expect it so soon, and if I’m honest, I knew Samantha and I weren’t “soulmates,” if there is such a thing. Getting married was the right thing to do, and I want Rae to have a real family, like I never did. My dad worked day and night to expand the family ranch, but it came at a price, my mom left when I was young, and with him so focused on business, I was raised by my grandparents. As much as I love them, I always felt… like a burden. I don’t want that for Rae. I need her to know she’s loved and wanted more than anything.

After we got married, I bought a house here in Kingsbury Falls. I went back on the road, but things soon turned sour between Sam and me. She resented me every time I left, and by the time Rae was born, I knew I had to make a change if we were going to have a real shot at being a proper family. I gave up bronc riding, much to my dad’s delight, and started working the ranch. He was always disappointed I never wanted to follow in his footsteps, and as his only son, the ranch was always going to be mine. I just figured I could have it all, but life has a funny way of knocking you down a peg or two.

The rodeo circuit was shocked by my exit, and I’ve had my fair share of column inches in the newspapers—dumb rumors about why I quit. I’ve been accused of cheating, having a drug problem, some people even believe I was disqualified from competing. No one wants to believe I did it because Sam and Rae are more important to me than fame and fortune. Sadly, I think Sam misses it all more than I do.

I’m trying my best to love enough for the both of us, but lately, I feel like I’m swimming against the tide. Nothing I do is right. I take Rae up to the ranch with me most days because she just loves being outdoors, watching the horses all day long—perfectly content. I love having her with me, and it gives Sam some breathing space. Small town living can be hard when you’re not used to it, and in a town of seven hundred thirty-six people, everyone knows your business.

Tomorrow is the first day of spring, and I’m taking some of the horses down to the town square for pony rides. Everyone pitches in for the annual spring fair, and as much as I wanted to leave here when I was young, I appreciate the sense of community. It’s good for Rae to be surrounded by people who love her, and Sam and I have needed all the help we could get this past year. Becoming a parent in my twenties wasn’t part of my life plan—I can barely look after myself. But, things are looking up. I have a surprise planned for her tomorrow, so hopefully we can put tonight’s fight behind us and focus on moving forward.

I lose track of time in the quiet serenity, humming Rae’s favorite song as she snuggles closer… rocking back and forth… lulling us both into a contented sleep.