JAX
“What the fuck kind of bunny boiler are you?” I’m about to lose my lunch at the sight of all this crap. I can’t believe I’ve been so blind. As I take in the sight before me, it all falls into place. Why she never wanted me in the cottage, and why we spent so much time at the ranch. She’s in love with Maddox.
“Please, Jax, it’s not what you think. Let me explain.” She grabs a blanket from the chair in the corner of the room to cover herself.
“Oh, I think the moment for that passed a long fucking time ago.” Picture after picture of Maddox is taped to the wall. There are endless photographs of him and me together. Fuck! I tear one of them off to get a closer look. This was taken before I met her. “What the hell? This is from Christmas last year. How did you get this? Have you been spying on him this entire time?”
“No.”
“Well, this says differently. Did you take this fucking picture, Savannah?”
“No. I got it from an investigator.” I can’t even look at her right now. She drops her head in shame. “I know that’s not much better, but if you would just let me explain.”
“I only need to know one thing. Did you, or did you not, come to Kingsbury Falls for Maddox?”
“Yes… but…”
“But nothing! It’s all been a lie. Since the moment we met, I was just your way in… or was I the consolation prize?”
“Of course not.” She reaches for me, but I can’t stomach the thought of her touching me all the time and wanting him.
“Was any of it real?”
“It’s all real, Jax.” There’s a small part of me that wants to believe her, but the evidence set forth before me is too vast to ignore. Endless images of Maddox and me, but just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse, I see a picture of Rae on this psychopathic wall of weirdness. Rage begins to boil in my veins.
“Listen to me, and listen well. If you so much as set foot on that ranch again, I will spill every last sordid detail of this room to Maddox and the rest of the town. You’ll be run out of there with pitchforks and torches so fast your head will spin.”
“It’s not sordid.”
“So, how many things have you lied about? Was that virginity thing to divert my attention from this? I bet you were having a great laugh at my expense. I was distraught that I’d taken your innocence. Fucking hilarious! I believed you wanted me to have such a precious gift.”
“I never lied about that! I was a virgin before we slept together.”
“How many other guys have you said that to?” She starts hitting me in the chest yelling and hollering at me.
“Why won’t you listen to me? Don’t I deserve that? You came all this way for a reason… and you’re not even going to let me explain? You know how I feel, Jackson. I’ve always been honest about that. I didn’t lie. You have to believe me! I love…” I grab her by the wrists to stop her frenzied declaration.
“Don’t say it. I can’t… you were thinking about him the whole time. Using me to get to him.”
“No. You’re wrong.” The tears streaming down her cheeks break my heart. I have to get out of here before I kiss away every last one of them until I hear her scream my name—my name—not his. I release her and head for the door. I can’t be here right now. Maddox is my best friend, my brother.
“This is wrong! There’s nothing you can say that makes this okay. It’s fucked up!” This is so twisted, it scares me. She’s been here for weeks pouring over every intrusive picture plotting her next move while I’ve been pining for her praying she’d come back to me.
“You think he’d even look twice at you? He’s in love with A.B. They’re married!”
“I know.”
“So, when did you realize it was never going to happen? Before or after we fucked?”
“Stop it! This isn’t you. You’re not a cruel person.”
“No, I’m not, darlin’… but you are.” With that, I walk out the door and don’t look back. The sound of her sobbing echoes down the hallway as I wrestle with myself to keep walking. No good can come from listening to a new web of lies spin its way from her seductive lips. There isn’t a scenario in which that wall of weirdness is justifiable.
As I jump behind the wheel of my rental and head for the airport, I can’t help but feel in my gut that at least some of what we had was real. Clearly, my instincts can’t be trusted. I need to get back to Kingsbury Falls. Maddox has to know about this. I brought Savannah into their lives, I would never forgive myself if she turned up there and did anything to harm Rae, Mad, or A.B.
* * *
“You’re wrong. This has to be a misunderstanding, Jax.” Maddox is pacing the room, worry evident in his constant glances toward Rae’s room. “She’s been in my house for months. I left her alone with Rae! How did you not see this?” A.B. is quick to defend me.
“Come on, Mad. You can’t put this on him. I had no idea something was off with her, did you?”
“I wasn’t fucking her! This is what happens when you don’t ask someone’s name before bending them over and shoving your dick inside them.” I deserve his anger under the circumstances, but I thought he knew me better, that he knew the man I’ve become since I took on the ranch. Since the moment I looked into Rae’s eyes for the first time, something inside of me changed. She may not be my flesh and blood, but she’s my family, and I wanted to become a better man and a role model for her as she grows up.
“That’s a fucking low blow, man. I know you’re mad, but trust me… I hate myself more than anyone else could right now. You know you guys mean the world to me. I would never intentionally bring someone into your lives who could hurt you.”
“Well, you did! And now she knows every fucking thing there is to know about my daughter. Fucking hell, Jax. Why couldn’t you keep it in your pants for once?”
“I’m going to leave before we both say things we’re going to regret.”
“I already regret letting you bring one of your sluts into my home.” I can’t explain it after Savannah’s revelations, but hearing him talk like that about her still makes my blood boil. I slam my hands into his chest pushing him out of my way.
“As I said, I’m gonna leave. I don’t think either of us are in the right frame of mind for this conversation.” He takes a swing hitting me square in the jaw. I can take one punch for putting them in danger, but my unwillingness to retaliate only enrages him more. When the second swing comes, I duck out of the way.
“What? You’re too much of pussy to fight back?”
“I don’t want to fight you, brother.”
“Brother? You don’t know the meaning of family. You only look after yourself and your dick. Why am I surprised, though? You’ll fuck anything that gives you the time of day.” I lunge at him. He might be angry, but to say I don’t know what family is? I’m the only person in this whole goddamn town who’s been there for him through everything. I tackle him to the ground, A.B. shouting in the background for us to stop. The moment my fist connects with his face, I can’t hold back.
“I fucking loved her! She wasn’t just a quick roll in the hay. You hear me? I loved her!” I can taste blood on my lip as we wrestle each other blow for blow. “You have everything I’ve ever wanted, and you don’t even see it! You disgust me. At least I fought for the girl I loved. I tried! You just ran away licking your wounds until she came back. You’re the fucking pussy!”
“That’s enough! You boys get off my floor and out of this house if you’re going to fight like buzzards on a carcass.” Pops appears with Rae in his arms handing her over to A.B. before getting in the middle of us. He might be old, but he’s still strong. “Enough!”
“Daddy! Why are you and Uncle Jax hitting? I don’t wike it. I don’t.” At the sound of Rae’s scared little voice, we stop dead in our tracks frozen to the spot in shame. A.B. quickly takes her out of sight. She shouldn’t have to see us fighting like children. I can hear her crying as they make their way to her room, and the pain in my chest increases exponentially.
I stumble to my feet grabbing the keys to my truck.
“Running away? You are such a pussy.” Maddox can’t contain his disdain.
“I’m not going to stay here and upset that little girl any more than she already is. Doesn’t matter what you think… she’s family to me.” I brush past him on my way out the door, A.B. close on my heels.
“Wait!” I ignore her plea knowing where her loyalties lie. My keys are in the ignition by the time she catches up to me. “Let me take a look at your lip.”
“It’s fine. I don’t need a doctor for a busted lip. I’ve had worse and dealt with it just fine by myself.”
“Well, now you don’t need to. He was out of line in there. I know you never meant to put anyone in danger, and so does he.”
“I don’t blame him, A.B. How could I have been so blind? She’s in love with Maddox, and the whole time I thought she was in love with me. I gotta get out of here.” She puts her hand on the door.
“Please, don’t go like this. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
“I’ve been alone my whole life. Ain’t nothing new. I appreciate you comin’ out here, but you should go inside. He needs you.”
“At least let me look at that lip.” I clasp her hand in mine, touched by her show of friendship, but I don’t want to drive a wedge between her and Mad.
“I’m okay. Let me go.” A tear rolls down her cheek in resignation. As I reverse my truck and turn toward the gates, a sinking dread settles in the pit of my stomach. Things between Maddox and me are never going to be the same again. We’ve fought plenty over the years, but something in the way he spoke tonight—I didn’t just let him down, I let Rae, A.B., and Pops down, too.
I was so desperate to prove to myself that life wasn’t passing me by that I failed to see what was right in front of me. From the moment I met Savannah, alarm bells were going off left, right, and center, but I didn’t want to see them. God, she ran away from me the first night I saw her. She never gave me a good explanation as to why she came to Bobby’s funeral, and she always wanted to be at the ranch. I thought she was eager to get to know my family—to make herself part of my life. All the time she was using me to get closer to Maddox. I’m sick to my stomach that I gave her everything I had.
My apartment seems lonelier now. I don’t bother with the lights. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I sit on the couch wondering where I went wrong. When did I become this person? I never wanted to flit from woman to woman having meaningless one-night stands. Sure, everyone messes around when they’re young, but I always saw myself settling down with a woman I adored somewhere far from here. I’m a punchline in this town, and now I’m going to be hated as much as I am pitied.
People don’t think I see the judgment in their eyes when they see me out with a woman, or they believe I don’t care, and a year ago I wouldn’t have. I didn’t even realize there was someone or something for me to care about. Once I got involved with Mustang, I stopped thinking about my aspirations to leave town. That only solidified when Maddox came back, and Rae was born. I convinced myself I had everything I needed. They were my family, so why would I worry about having a family of my own one day?
As I sit alone in the dark, it becomes clear to me that I’ve been kidding myself longer than I’d care to admit. But, the pain I feel tonight is more than I can bear. Not only did I lose the woman I thought was the love of my life, but I betrayed my best friend in the process. It’s time I go out and make a life for myself—one that isn’t tangled up with anyone I care about or this town. The idea that I could have a fresh start here was a fantasy. As the cool beer begins to dampen the fire raging inside me, I find comfort in the fact that tomorrow is a new day.
* * *
My head is spinning as I wake with the sunrise, light streaming in through the windows. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. Surrounded by beer bottles, my eardrums feel like they’re about to explode with the sound of glass clinking and crashing to the floor.
“Son of a bitch!”
I practically crawl to the bathroom in dire need of a shower. Stripping off yesterday’s clothes fails to remove the stench of despair. The water is as hot as I can handle beating off my skin as I attempt to wash away my mistakes. I lean my head against the cold tile unable to keep my body upright. I’m exhausted. Just when I thought the pieces of my life were falling into place, they’ve been scattered to the winds. My emotions get the best of me leaving me wrung out and desperate to make a change.
By the time the water runs cold, I’ve decided I’m going to head to Dallas for a few weeks. Maddox can manage without me for a while, and I don’t think I’ll be welcome at the ranch anytime soon—not after putting Rae in harm’s way. It doesn’t take long to throw together a bag of essentials. I grab my phone to send a message to Mad to let him know I won’t be around, and a chill runs through me at the sight of my screensaver—Savannah and me. I stare at her for the longest time, but I still can’t see it. There’s no malice or a hint of deceit in her eyes. All I see is love… just not for me, I guess.
When I finally get past the screensaver, I have a ton of missed calls from Savannah, but there’s no way I’m calling her back. As I delete her voicemails without listening to them, there’s a knock on my door. It’s probably A.B. coming to check on my damn lip. That girl won’t take no for an answer, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt like a motherfucker today.
The shadow looming through the glass of my door is too big to be female and too familiar to be mistaken. It’s Pops. Getting chewed out by Pops always makes me feel like I’m back in elementary school. I know he’s going to have plenty to say about the ruckus we caused last night, but instead of being met with a stern expression, there is only compassion when I open the door.
“Hello, son. We need to talk.” I usher him inside disappointed in myself for bringing trouble to his home.
“I’m sorry, Pops. You’ve always been good to me. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“Boy, I ain’t here to rip you a new one.” He looks around the living room—empty beer bottles are strewn all over the floor. “I bet you were beatin’ yourself up enough for everyone last night. Am I right?”
“Of course. I can’t stand the thought that I brought someone dangerous into your home. You’ve been like family to me.”
“Ain’t no like about it. We’re thicker than blood, son. You ought to know that by now.” He spies my bag in the corner of the room. “You skipping out? You’ve got more grit than that.”
“I think Mad needs some space, and to be honest Pops, so do I. I didn’t see this coming… not in a million years.” He nods in understanding.
“You fell in love. Ain’t nobody in this town who would hold that against you… not even my grandson. He’s as stubborn as a mule at times, and A.B. will tell you he ain’t the best at showing his feelings. I doubt that boy even knows what the word apology means. But I know one thing… you’ve been a brother to him since the day you met. He won’t let that go.”
“Fuck.” I take a seat running my hand through my hair. “I thought she was the one… that I finally had a chance at something real, even though I’d done nothing to deserve it.”
“That’s why I’m here. I had a feeling you might be fixing to disappear.”
“Does it matter?”
“Of course it matters. You boys need to talk things through. If you still want to leave after that, I won’t stop you.”
“There’s nothing I can say that will make a difference. I put him and Rae and the rest of you in danger.”
“If not for you… will you at least try for my sake? I’m going to be selfish for a change. I don’t want one of my boys leaving town unless it’s for the right reason.” He knows he’s got me now. I could never refuse him.
“He needs some time to cool off, and I need to get my head straight. I promise I’ll come by in a few days when things have calmed a little.” He pulls me in for a hug—not something I’m used to from Pops. He’s always been a man’s man. A slap on the back is a show of affection. “You’re worth lovin’, son. Don’t be so quick to think otherwise.” I watch as he closes the door behind him. Part of me doesn’t want to rehash what I saw in Chicago—it won’t change anything between us—but I can’t just go to Dallas and hope this all goes away. If I know one thing, it’s this—your problems will follow you wherever you go.