JAX
I sit outside my apartment watching the dark clouds overhead, sheet lightning illuminating the sky with a fury that only serves to reassure me of a higher power in this world. The crack of thunder is deafening letting me know it’s getting closer. There are few things in my life I can control. You don’t get to choose what family you’re born into or which town they’ll raise you in. Anything I have had control over, I’ve made a mess of. That said, I wish I could control the weather right now.
I shouldn’t have left Savannah at the ranch, but I didn’t want to say or do anything else I’d regret. I’ve never professed to be knowledgeable when it comes to the way women’s minds work. I understand biology—the female body is an instrument to be played with absolute precision—ridden like a wild mare—and worshiped with reverence. Relationships are something I’ve avoided until now, but I thought Savannah was my chance to change.
I’ve gone over it so many times in my head asking myself why she would lie to me about something as important as her virginity. Did she think it would mean so little to me? Is that the way I portray myself? I told her I loved her, and when she came to say it back, I didn’t skirt around the issue—I reinforced my feelings with conviction.
Day one of the storm, I thought my apartment would survive without any damage, but the rain and winds have been unrelenting. Day two, water began creeping closer to my door, and by that night, I knew it was time to get out with anything I could save. The rest has been a blur.
Savannah’s been at the ranch for four days now. God only knows what she thinks of me for leaving her there. By the time I made it back to my place, the power was already out. I took that as an excuse to switch off my phone—certain that Maddox would inundate me with calls or texts demanding an explanation. Or worse—messages from Savannah. The ranch has a backup generator, so I know they are safe and comfortable. I’m sure I’ve been the topic of conversation around the dinner table more than once, but I needed to clear my head. I made a split-second decision, as always, and Mother Nature must be laughing her ass off now. Four days of endless rain and lightning storms that would put Thor to shame.
Half the town is underwater, and I’ve busied myself helping to evacuate people to the high school. All roads leading to the ranch are impassible. I trust Maddox with my life—if he had to get all of them out of there, he’d find a way. It’s who he is.
Being able to help others has been selfishly cathartic for me. I’ve barely had any time to obsess over my fight with Savannah. Yeah, I’m still pissed she didn’t trust me enough to be honest with me, but as I look around the crowd of people I’ve known all my life, I’m humbled by their camaraderie. I rescued people who’ve known me since the day I was born—helpless and afraid as they crouched on top of their cars waiting for a boat to come and get them out of there.
I’ve never felt so connected to my town. Tragedy can spark such an appreciation for life, and the blessings we have rather than focusing on what we want. Am I going to let a fight with Savannah stop me from giving us a shot at happiness? I’m consumed with the need to talk to her, to understand why she felt she couldn’t talk to me about this before we took such a big step. If I had even an inkling that she was a virgin, I would have done everything in my power to make it special for her. It certainly wouldn’t have scared me away. What scares me is that she seemed to treat it with so little regard after how long we waited to be together. I’m angry, but at the same time, I feel privileged that she gave me such an amazing gift—just not the opportunity to treat it with the reverence it deserved.
* * *
The rescue efforts have been going on for days now. I haven’t slept in forty-eight hours, but the fire chief just informed me everyone is accounted for including Mustang Ranch.
“You spoke to Maddox?”
“Sure did. Water levels over there are beginning to recede. He’s going to bring down as many supplies as he can tonight. Do you think you could take one of the boats and give him a hand? We need as many blankets and clothes as possible, bottled water, and whatever food stores he can spare.”
“I’m on it, chief.” He slaps me on the shoulder with a wide grin.
“I know, boy. We couldn’t have done this without you. You’re becoming the man Bobby always said you were. Be proud of yourself.” A lump forms in my throat. I didn’t realize how much I needed someone to have faith in me right now.
“I miss him.”
“We all do. Surprised you weren’t riding out the storm over there with Maddox.”
“I had some stuff to take care of at my place. Glad I did… I wouldn’t have been able to pitch in over here if I’d stayed at the ranch.”
“Amen to that.”
I make the necessary preparations to head over to Mustang—to where Savannah is safe and dry from all this carnage. I’ve been trying to put everything with her to the back of my mind and focus on being useful around here, but now that I know I’m about to see her, she’s all I can think about.
It’s disconcerting to boat down the country roads you’re used to driving on a daily basis. It’s like being in an alternate universe. All familiar landmarks are transformed into unexplored new worlds. It takes longer than it would in my truck, but eventually, the gates of Mustang come into view, and my heart swells with gratitude. These people are my family, and this place is home to me. Maddox is out in waders putting together a pallet of supplies for the shelter.
I dock the boat in what is normally the pathway to the porch, tying it to the wooden balustrade. The moment Mad sees me, he strides toward me, his imposing frame sending waves rippling through the water. I step out of the boat apprehensive of his reaction, but he pulls me into his arms holding me tight for a few minutes.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again, bro. I didn’t know if you were dead or alive. I’ve never been happier to see that ugly face of yours.”
“Sorry, bro. I’m okay.” He pushes me back before punching me full force in the arm. It’s completely dead.
“You motherfucking asshole! How could you leave your girlfriend here and bail like that? Rae has been beside herself worrying about you, and Savannah has barely spoken a word since you left her on the porch. You’re a dickhead.”
“I know, I know. Did she tell you what happened?”
“No. Her and A.B. keep disappearing into the bedroom, but I have no idea what they were discussing.”
“Thank fuck.” He punches me a second time in the same spot. “Stop! I know I’m an idiot, I don’t need you pointing it out to me.”
“Go and talk to her. Now! I’ll start loading the boat, and we can get this stuff over to the high school.” He slaps me on the back. “I’m relieved you’re okay.”
“I know, man. Me, too.”
I stand at the front door afraid to step over the threshold for the first time in my life. I didn’t even stop to think how all of this would affect Rae. I should have known she’d be worried about me—I’m the only uncle she has. Her wrath will be bad enough, but A.B. and Savannah are going to tear me a new one… if Savannah will even talk to me.
“What are you waiting for? Open the fucking door! What are you? Chicken?” Maddox shouts from the barn.
I slowly twist the handle taking a deep breath as the door swings open. I don’t know what I expected—that somehow the changes I saw on the way here would impact this place. Everything is business as usual. Pops is cooking pancakes for Rae in the kitchen, A.B. is engrossed in a phone call that sounds doctor related. I assume she’ll be coming with Mad and me when we head back to town. Doc Barnes has been dealing with anyone who needed treatment, but we sure could’ve used her these past few days. I knew Mad wouldn’t risk her traveling at the height of the storm, but now that I can get them there safely, she already has a bag packed by the front door.
Savannah is curled up on Pops’ chair staring out the window—a million miles away. She looks like she hasn’t slept in days, dark circles under her eyes—her frame somehow frail in one of Mad’s oversized t-shirts. I take a tentative step forward careful not to startle her. Crouching down, I rest my hand on her knee.
“Savannah…” The moment she feels my touch, her eyes come alive as she scrambles into my arms tackling me to the floor.
“I’m so sorry, Jax. You have to forgive me. I’ve been going out of my mind with worry. I didn’t know if you were okay. The storm… the water… our fight…” She holds me so tight I can’t breathe, but I just wrap my arms around her shaking body soaking in her scent.
“I’m okay, darlin’. I’m so sorry I left you. I wasn’t thinking. I needed to clear my head. I’m so sorry.”
A.B. interrupts our reunion pulling me to my feet before slapping my chest repeatedly. “You scared the shit out of us, you inconsiderate jackass! How could you do that? Haven’t we lost enough this past year?” I grab her hands and pull her into my arms.
“I’m safe. I’m sorry. I knew you’d all be safe here with Maddox.”
“And we didn’t know if you were okay. Why would you turn your phone off? We’ve been calling for days thinking the worst.” I stroke her hair, knowing how much I mean to her—she’s a sister to me. “Don’t ever do that again!”
“I promise, sweetheart. Cross my heart.”
It’s then I hear the small voice that cuts me to the quick.
“Uncle Jax!” My Rae of sunshine comes running toward me as fast as her little legs will carry her. “I thought you swam away! It made me sad.” I scoop her into my arm still clutching A.B. with the other.
“I’m sorry I scared you, baby girl. You know Uncle Jax will always come back. I promise.” Tears well in her eyes as she wraps her tiny arms around my neck nuzzling her face into my chest. I turn to Savannah—tears are dripping down her cheeks.
“Get over here, darlin’. I think we could all use a hug about now.” A.B. opens her arm to welcome Savannah filling an empty space in my heart I thought I’d forgotten a long time ago. We stand wrapped in our embrace for what feels like hours, but as Rae wriggles free breaking the spell, I know it wasn’t long enough. A.B. promptly leaves Savannah and me to have a few moments alone before I need to get Maddox and the much-needed supplies back to town.
“Oh, Jax. I don’t even know where to start.” Clasping her delicate features in my palms, I relish the feel of her soft, smooth skin against mine. Searching her eyes for permission, I guardedly press my lips to hers begging her forgiveness. She licks the seam of my lips, and I dart my tongue out to meet hers. My body vibrates with the intensity of love I feel for this woman. After everything I’ve seen in the past few days, lying about her virginity seems like such a small obstacle. I should be focusing on the fact that she wanted it to be me.
“I love you, Savannah. We can talk this through after I get these supplies into town, but I just need you to know how sorry I am.”
“I love you, too. Let me come with you. I want to help in any way I can.”
“Really? That would be amazing. Thank you.” I struggle to keep my composure.
Before we leave for the shelter, I squeeze Rae a little tighter than usual remembering to tell her how much I love her. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for Mad to say goodbye to her and Pops before forcing himself out the front door. With a boat full of supplies, a doctor, and two more willing helpers, we embark on the arduous journey through the waterlogged roads of Kingsbury Falls. This time around, my focus is on the shock on each of their faces as they take in the devastation that has befallen our small town.
* * *
It will be months before the damage left in the aftermath of the storm can be repaired, but for now, every member of our town has a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and a warm bed to sleep in. People who I’d labeled as selfish and mean my entire life have proven themselves to be anything but—opening their homes to anyone in need. Finally, I understand the reason why so many families live, laugh, and love here spanning back generations.
Savannah and I have found a comfortable routine, our focus on providing whatever relief we can for those in need. She’s fast becoming a part of our close-knit community. Her boundless energy and loving nature are endearing to all who come in contact with her. It only makes me love her more, and yet we’ve been avoiding the elephant in the room. Witnessing such devastation in people’s lives, including our own, has been a distraction. My home will be uninhabitable long after the water drains, and we still need to go and assess the damage at Savannah’s cottage. We’ve been working hard both in town and on the ranch, so by the time we fall into bed at night, all we’ve wanted to do is lose ourselves in each other.
I’ve memorized every inch of her body, and every time we’re together, I find something new to love—a freckle, a laugh, the way her back arches off the bed when she orgasms. I’ve claimed her as mine over and over again, but in the back of my mind, it’s always there gnawing at me—there’s something she’s not telling me—a piece of herself she keeps locked away even in her most vulnerable moments. The question has been on the tip of my tongue a hundred times, but I just can’t bring myself to say the words.
She rolls over in her sleep as I lie awake listening to the gentle in and out of her breathing.
“Jax, are you okay?”
“Sorry, darlin’, did I wake you?” She turns on her side resting her head on her hand as her ample breasts harden from the cool air of the ceiling fan.
“What’s on your mind? I can see that little crease you get on your forehead when you’re thinking about something.”
“Things have been… amazing between us lately.” She leans over tracing circles on my abs with her tongue.
“Mmm. I agree.” As she lowers the sheet covering my hard-on snaking her way down my body, I know I’m going to regret opening my mouth.
“But, we never talked about what happened the night of the storm.” She stills. “Don’t you think I deserve an explanation? Why did you lie to me?” I’m left bereft as she puts distance between us—pulling the sheet to cover her body leaving me with a raging hard-on and nowhere to hide.
“I thought we were past this. You never brought it up again.”
“Fuck. We were dealing with a natural disaster. I figured we would still talk about it at some point.” I switch on the bedside lamp eager not to have another misunderstanding in the dark. “You acted like it was no big deal. I need to know why. Was it something I did or didn’t do?”
“No! I was embarrassed. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I couldn’t find the words. In the end, I just thought it would be better to get it over with.”
“Listen to yourself! We’d just told each other how we felt. I don’t know about you, but that’s a pretty big fucking deal to me. Get it over with is not how I wanted our first time to be. And if I’d known… I’d have made damn sure your first time wasn’t being bucked like a bronco in a pitch-black old bunker. I never got the chance to make it special for you. You deserved that. I deserved that.”
“Jax, please hear me when I say this… it was special, and it meant everything to me.” I throw my arm over my eyes more confused than ever.
“Then why the fuck did you say it wasn’t a big deal?”
“God, I had cum and blood running down my legs. I was mortified and trying like hell to play it down. It was nothing to do with how I feel about you or my decision that I wanted you to be the one I gave my virginity to. Whether I’d told you or not, or if we’d been in some romantic hotel room or that bunker… I wanted it… I needed you.” I pull her into my arms stroking her hair as I try to make sense of it all. Why don’t women just say what they mean when they mean it?
“I need you, too. I just knew you’d heard about my reputation around here, and I got defensive.”
“Sex God, Jackson McKinney, is pretty intimidating, but what really spooked me was the first time you kissed me on the dance floor in Cardinals. I knew then that I wanted you to own every part of me… mind, body and soul. I never came to this town expecting to fall in love with you. It was a curveball I didn’t see coming.”
“Right back at ya, darlin’. I’d set my sights on leaving this town when you came walking into my life. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my head. That’s as intimidating as it gets for a guy like me.”
“So, we’re okay?” There’s trepidation in her voice.
“We’re better than okay. I’d say we’re dang near perfect. But no more lies.” She lunges, pinning me to the bed, her lithe thighs straddling my hips as she grinds against me whipping me into a frenzy. I flip her under me, her stunning brown eyes staring up at me.
“Better saddle up, darlin’, it’s going to be a rough ride tonight.”
“Just the way I like it… cowboy.”