SAVANNAH
I can’t put it off any longer. Now that the water is receding, I have to go and assess the damage at the cottage. Jax and Maddox offered to come with me, but this is something I need to do alone. There are too many secrets hidden in those walls. I need to get over there and get rid of it all before anyone sees it.
The door gives a soft thud as it opens, the wood soggy and broken as I force my way inside. The obnoxious ring of my phone startles me in the eerie calm. It’s Jax.
“Hi, baby.”
“Hey, darlin’. I wish you’d let me come with you. I’m sitting here worrying about that old cottage crumbling around you.”
“It’s fine. I’m okay. You have work to do on the ranch. Please, don’t waste time thinking about me. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Thinking about you is never a waste of time.” The smooth rasp of his voice warms my heart.
“I love you. Now get back to work!”
“Love you more, darlin’. Hurry back.”
The damage isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The tile floors on the ground floor will need to be swept and cleaned, but the rest of the cottage is in good condition. Mrs. Hawthorne will be happy to hear it. Before I get started, I need to store the evidence of my research. Jax may have let me come alone today, but I won’t be able to keep him from coming here for much longer, and I wouldn’t be able to explain it all to him—not yet.
It takes an hour or so to pack all of the photos, documents, and newspaper clippings into a box and stow them in the upstairs closet. On my tiptoes, I push the box in an attempt to reach the top shelf, but a sound at the front door catches me off guard, and the box comes tumbling down on top of me scattering the evidence to the floor.
“Hello! Savannah, is that you? Are you okay up there?” Shit. It’s Mrs. Hawthorne.
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll be right there.” I scramble to my feet shoving the papers out of sight and covering them with a sheet before closing the closet door. I take a deep breath to compose myself and head down to greet her.
“Not too much damage, dear. We can get this fixed up in no time.”
“You didn’t have to come. I could have done this myself. You’re too kind.”
“Where would my Southern manners be if I did that?” I can already see her eyes scanning the room greedy to know more about her elusive tenant. “Did you let your family know that you’re safe after the storm? Are they planning to visit?”
“I’ve spoken with my father. My mother passed a few years back. My dad won’t be coming here. He’s a busy man with a company to run.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. Everyone needs people to rally after something like this. Will young Jax be coming by today?”
“No. I told him to stay and help on the ranch. They had extensive damage to the barns and fencing. I can manage myself. I’m used to it.” I go in search of cleaning supplies eager to get this over with and get Ida out of my personal space. It’s going to be hours of her picking apart every detail of my living habits and my relationship with Jax. Once we’re organized, I take the opportunity to put some distance between us.
I go to work in the kitchen where the water was highest. I can see the waterline mark on the cabinets. These will have to be replaced, but I can do that. I wouldn’t feel right letting an old lady like her bear the burden of refurbishing. It’s the least I can do. She charges a pittance in rent. I doubt it even covers the property tax. It’s a shame because a cottage like this could pull in a great tourist trade. She doesn’t strike me as the type to welcome strangers—not unless she thinks they have some juicy gossip she might want to hear.
It’s tragic to see how much food has spoiled when there are so many people across the state who have nothing right now—garbage bags full of the contents of my refrigerator are thrown into the trash. When I’ve done all I can to clean up the kitchen, I go in search of Mrs. Hawthorne. I navigate my way down the dark hallway toward the front room when I hear her voice.
“Well, I never.” My heart begins to hammer in my chest, my mind racing—wondering if I left any of my research papers downstairs. I find her sitting in the old rocking chair by the window staring at a picture. I can’t make it out from here, but something tells me this is going to be problematic to explain.
“Mrs. Hawthorne. What are you doing?” Guilt is written all over her face.
“Oh… I was just making sure none of these papers got wet, and I happened to see this picture.” She holds it out to me, and as I step closer, a wave of relief washes over me. It’s just an old picture of my dad. Then I see recognition in her eyes. She’s seen him before. He was in Kingsbury Falls.
“Do you know him?”
“Of course. I’m just surprised that the McKinney boy kept it. I thought his momma burned every picture.”
“What do you mean? What does Jackson have to do with that man?”
“This is Jeb McKinney… Jackson’s father.” A shrill, high-pitched tone rings in my ears, drowning out everything around me. I swipe the picture from her hand pointing to the face of my father.
“This man? In the photo.” She’s looking at me like I just lost my mind.
“Yes. Jeb McKinney was born and raised here in Kingsbury Falls. I’d know him anywhere. He left when the boy was only two or three years old. A crying shame, but the man was a known philanderer. Good riddance if you ask me. I’m surprised Jackson kept a picture of him and that he showed it to you.”
This can’t be happening…
Jackson McKinney’s father is… my dad.
“Are you okay, dear? You look a little pale. Maybe you should sit.”
“I need you to leave. Please. I need to lie down.” I hustle her out the door as fast as I can, much to her dislike.
“I’ll check in on you later then. Maybe bring you some soup.”
“Thanks.”
I slam the rotten front door and run upstairs, but I don’t make it to the bathroom before the contents of my stomach are involuntary expelled in agonizing spasms. When there’s nothing left, I dry heave a few times until my body collapses in exhaustion.
She’s wrong. She’s old and probably blind as a bat. There is no way that Jax could be my brother. We can’t share the same father. We just… can’t. We’ve done things—things that brothers and sisters should never do. It’s depraved. How did this happen?
How can I be in love with my brother?
I crawl over to the tub, and it takes all my energy to turn the tap. My mind goes blank focusing on the gushing sound of the water—it’s scalding hot, steam filling the room with a comforting haze. Nothing is left. It’s just me and the water and this room. I strip naked running my hands over my body remembering what I did last night and the way he made my skin tremble in ecstasy.
The water burns my flesh as I step into the tub—not hot enough to leave a lasting mark, but painful nonetheless. Instead of reaching for the cold tap, I sit, submerging myself—knowing that nothing can wash away what I’ve done. I should never have come here. My father was right. Chasing ghosts only unearths more secrets and lies.
My father…
I need answers, and this isn’t something I can do over the phone. Watching the drip, drip, drip of the leaky faucet, I devise a plan. I can’t trust anything or anyone. I need hard facts—DNA. If I can get some of Jax’s DNA, then I can have it tested to see if we’re related. Maybe Mrs. Hawthorne has it all wrong. There could be a million different reasons why my mom and dad ended up together. I have to believe it or… it’s unthinkable.
The water is cold, and my fingers are wrinkled like raisins by the time I muster the energy to get out of the tub. I don’t feel disgusting. I don’t feel cleansed. I’m numb. There’s a void of darkness beckoning me to relent to the hidden depths of my mind, to retreat to a small space where nothing can touch me.
* * *
“Savannah.” His dulcet tones whisper in my ear tempting me from my slumber. “Savannah.” His voice is getting closer caressing my senses. “Savannah.” A wet warmth engulfs my breasts, his tongue teasing my nipples as his strong, callused hand glides up my thigh…
I’m awake.
“Darlin’ I can’t wait to get inside you. It might be the hottest thing I ever saw walking in on you… naked and wet with your legs spread wide waiting for me.” His eyes are alight with desire. The blazing inferno I know will result in a mind-blowing orgasm. He trails kisses down my stomach nestling himself between my thighs.
That’s when I remember. The rest of today wasn’t a dream. Jax is my…
I push and kick at him. “Stop! Stop it! No!” He grabs hold of me pulling me tight to his chest.
“It’s me. It’s Jax. I didn’t mean to startle you.” His heartbeat races thumping against his chest as I breathe in his scent. Thrashing in his arms, I fight the urge to melt into him and forget what I found out today.
“Let me go, Jax. Get off me.” I clamber out of bed and over to my robe. He can’t see me naked.
“What’s wrong, darlin’?” He approaches me with care, his brow furrowed with trepidation.
“Don’t come any closer.”
“What the hell is going on?” My heart breaks for the confusion and concern that cloud his bright blue eyes. “You’re scaring me, Savannah. Talk to me.”
“I need you to go. Please… if you feel anything for me, you’ll go. I can’t explain it right now, but I will.”
“I’m not leaving you in this state. You’re trembling, and it’s a hundred degrees outside. Maybe I should call A.B.”
“I don’t need a doctor! I need some space.” He edges closer. “Don’t touch me, Jax. I can’t handle it right now.” His arms wrap around me in one swift motion holding the pieces of me together.
“Whatever it is, we can face it together. I love you, Savannah. I won’t let you go.” His words are my undoing. The floodgates I’ve been barricading burst inside me unleashing a torrent of grief. I don’t recognize my anguished cries as Jax holds me tighter.
“Please, I’m begging you.” The scent of fresh laundry and cologne coddles me in a warm embrace as his lips silence me with a kiss.
“Don’t push me away.” It’s painful to turn my face from his comforting caress.
“I can’t do this. Go! I don’t want you here. Get out! Get out! Get out!” My palms slam into his chest over and over again as I scream at him to leave me. Confusion turns to anger and resignation. Without another word, he grabs his keys and heads for the door. Gravity feels too heavy to bare like I’m being crushed to the ground until I can’t breathe.
“You’re the one, Savannah.” I gaze up into his wounded eyes and breakdown at the sight of a single tear as it escapes his lashes trickling down his cheek. And just like that… he’s gone. The happily ever after I dared to dream for Jax and me is over. I’m not sure how long I stare at the doorway wishing he would reappear. I cry until my eyes hurt and my eyelids are almost swollen shut. At some point, day turns to night, and I find my way over to the bed and pull myself up and into the fetal position. The pillow smells like his cologne, and I fall into a fitful sleep with it clutched close to my heart.
* * *
It’s been three days since my world was turned upside down. Today is the first day I’ve showered and dressed. My mind is clear enough to know what I have to do, and with that in mind, I’m on my way to Mustang.
Jax is out front with Rae when I pull through the gates. My heart shudders at the sight of him—running around in circles with Rae chasing him until he swoops her up into the air much to her delight. His laughter fades when I step out of my car.
“Run along, Rae. Go tell Pops we need some lemonade. Uncle Jax has to talk to Miss Adams for a minute.” Her chubby little hand waves in my direction as she skips up the steps of their back porch. I wave in reply before turning my attention back to Jax, his gaze burning into my soul. He strolls toward me with the same confident swagger I know and love, but when he stops six feet from where I’m standing, his demeanor shifts. His hands are shoved firmly in his pockets, his muscular arms taut as he steels himself for what’s to come.
“Hey, Savannah.”
“I’m so sorry about the other night, Jax. About us. All of it.”
“Did I do something wrong?” The seasoned player is gone, and a shy boy stands in front of me.
“No. You’re perfect. I… I have some family stuff I need to take care of.”
“Let me help you.”
“You can’t!” My words come out clipped and unkind. He kicks at the dirt unable to look at me.
“All I’ve ever wanted to do is love you, but you seem to be fighting me at every turn. I’m lost here, darlin’.”
“I want to love you, too…”
“But you don’t?” Every moment we’ve spent together floods my heart with unspeakable joy and agony.
“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
“Then stop pushing me away.”
“I came to say goodbye. I have something I need to do, and if I can, I’m going to come back to you.”
“You’re scaring me, Savannah. What happened? Where are you going? When are you coming back?”
“I can’t answer any of those questions right now, and I know it’s more than I deserve to ask you to trust me, but I’m standing here begging for you to do it anyway.” He closes the distance between us reaching his hand out to stroke my cheek searching my eyes for the words I can’t say out loud.
“You don’t have to beg me, darlin’. I trust you with my life… and my heart. If you need to do something, then go… do it now… and come back to me as fast as you can. I’ll be here waiting for you ready to start forever.” With a chaste kiss, he turns on his heels and heads to the house.
“Jax!” My legs move of their own accord propelling me into his arms. I hold him tight memorizing the fresh scent of his shirt. “I love you. Remember how much I love you.” I grab his ball cap—it’s his favorite, and I love the way his sex-mussed hair peeks out around the edges. “Can I keep this?” He rakes his hand through the mess of blond, his lip curling slightly at the corner.
“Everything I have is yours, Savannah. All you have to do is ask.” I run to my car and away from my desire to stay. Despair mars his rugged features as I steal one last glance in my rearview mirror.
The more miles I put between me and Kingsbury Falls, and between Jax and me, my sorrow turns to fury. My parents lied to me my whole life. I thought I’d found out the deepest, darkest secrets of my family when I realized my mom had a son she never told me about. Finding out my dad has always been a sack of shit and a selfish cheater is no surprise to me—but I never thought he would shirk his responsibilities to his child.
First stop will be a testing lab. There should be some trace of Jax’s DNA in his cap. I need to know if we’re brother and sister, and I don’t trust my father to tell me the truth. I need someone to prove me wrong and tell me the love of my life isn’t the one man on this earth that I cannot have. The alternative is too horrifying to contemplate.