TRAVIS

Elijah is full of energy today. He was bouncing off the walls of the cabin like a squash ball, so I decided to it was the perfect day for a hike. We’ve been out here for hours with no sign of him tiring anytime soon.

“Daddy, why do you make saw faces?” He forages for new leaves to add to his collection without giving me a second glance.

“I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. Wots and wots. Not before. Since I got home fwom the wake.” An unsettling melancholy takes residence in my chest. I’ve been trying to push it aside and focus on getting my life back to normal—the life I’ve created with Eli.

When I first brought us here, I was at the lowest, desolate point in my life. I had no idea what I was doing or how to be a father. It’s the hardest job in the world—clichés exist for a reason. The first year was the hardest. Day and night blurred together for months at a time in a haze for diapers, feeds every four hours, and an endless quest for sleep. In the few hours I’d grab here and there, I dreamed of Angela—the life we were supposed to have as a family.

Lately, my dreams have been consumed by the same questions. What would my life be like if I made other choices? What if that last conversation with Jules had been different? Maybe, it wouldn’t have worked out. It could have been too much to expect of such a new relationship to survive the distance. Or maybe, just maybe, we were fated to meet, and the stars aligned to help us find our way to each other.

I’ll never have the opportunity to live out my dreams with Angela. But, I’m choosing to forfeit my chance with Juliet. How many times do we find someone to truly love in our lives? Once, if we’re lucky, and I’m throwing away a second chance out of fear. I’m terrified to give another woman the power to break my heart so completely that I can’t piece myself back together. I’ve done it once… barely. I’m not sure I could do it again. But, is that a good enough reason not to try?

No.

“Hey, champ. What would you say to going on a trip?” He jumps up and down, clapping his little hands in excitement, the leaves he’s been collecting all day exploding in a cloud of burnt orange and green.

“Yay! Where?”

“To see your other gran and pop.”

“Will you come with me?”

“Yes. I’m going to take you. I’m going back… to LA.”

We gather our stuff and head back to the cabin to pack. First thing tomorrow, I’m taking back my life. I’m going to find my Juliet.

“Daddy, I wike pwanes. I want to do it again! Can we? Can we?”

“Sure, champ. You know how it works. We’ll get back on the plane when we want to go home.” Eli loves to fly. Whenever he spends time with Angela’s parents, they fly to Montana and bring him back here. He likes LA, but it’s been a while since he’s been here, and I don’t think he remembers much.

Everything is an adventure for him—new and exciting. Right now, he has no idea anything is missing in his life. He’s never known it any other way. Today, I feel like my life could be new and exciting, too. Making the decision to come here after two months of wrestling with my feelings is daunting, but I know it’s the right thing. I need to tell Jules I want us to be together. Since the day I found her on the mountain, I’ve seen hints of the man I once was—the man I want to be again.

My plan is to drop Eli off with Angela’s parents, spend some time with them, and figure out how to convince Jules I’m worth taking a chance on. I don’t want Eli staying at our house. After all this time, I’m not sure how I’ll react to going back there. Even the remote possibility that someone could see me arrive is enough of a reason not to have Eli with me.

As I drive through the Hollywood Hills, I’m reminded of so many happy times. I called my best friend, Fletch, to tell him I’m back, and we’ve arranged to meet up for drinks later. I could use some advice when it comes to navigating the whole dating thing again. I was nineteen the last time I had to deal with this stuff.

Fletch was my teammate at the Rams and is the definition of a player. He’s the guy everyone would crowd round in the locker room to hear his tales of wild nights and wilder women. Rookies wanted to be him, and the cheerleaders wanted to be with him. I’m looking forward to catching up with him.

The gates open as I approach Angela’s parents’ house. They must be watching the cameras for us. By the time I pull into the driveway, her mom is outside, anxious to see her grandson. The moment I cut the engine, she’s opening the back door.

“There’s my sweet boy!” Tears fill her eyes as she unclips Eli’s seat belt and scoops him up into her arms. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Granny!” She holds him close to her chest, drinking in his scent, committing it to memory. I step out of the car with trepidation. Will they see it on my face? That I slept with someone—having feelings for someone else. I want to be upfront with them. They’ve always been good to me, and now that I’m a father myself, I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child.

Grace envelops me in her embrace.

“Hello, son. How are you? We are so thrilled to have you here.”

“Thanks, Grace. I’d say it’s good to be back, but honestly, it feels so strange.” I recognize the sadness in her eyes.

“I miss her, too. Every single day. But, she wouldn’t want us to stay sad forever. Come, let’s go inside.” I follow her in, and a wave of nostalgia passes over me. I don’t remember the last time I was inside this house.

My father-in-law, George, is pacing the floor in the living room until he sees Eli. With a grin as wide as can be, he strides over to where Grace stands clinging to her grandson.

“My boy! How are you, little man?” Eli holds his arms out to go to him jumping into his arms.

“Papa! We pway trains?”

“Well, sure!” They disappear before I get a chance to protest, leaving me under the watchful eye of my mother-in-law.

“Sit, sit. Can I get you a drink or something to eat?

“Water is fine. Thanks.” I slip back into my old routine, taking the same seat at the kitchen island while she busies herself.

“So, what brings you back? We’ve been trying to get you back here for years.”

My silence is deafening.

“You’ve met someone. Am I right?” I hang my head in shame. This is a conversation I never thought I’d have with Grace. Or anyone.

“Her name is Juliet. I’m so sorry, Grace. I didn’t mean for it to happen. She literally appeared out of nowhere. I wasn’t looking for it, and I don’t even know how I feel about it all.” My self-assured demeanor has gone out the window, the words tumbling out of my mouth as a high-speed ramble.

Grace sets the glass down in front of me before wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

“I’m so happy for you, Travis.” With a genuine smile, she takes a seat across from me.

“Really?”

“Of course. Don’t you think I know that if my beautiful, sweet daughter were still here, no other woman would ever turn your head? I know how much you loved each other. I feel blessed every day that she knew that kind of love in her life.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“But she’s been gone for a long time now. You deserve to be happy, and I don’t want you shutting yourself away in that cabin for the rest of your life out of loyalty. Angela would want only good things for you… true love and a long and happy life. You have to let her go.”

I run my hands through my hair, her words hitting me like a wrecking ball to the chest. “I don’t know if I can do that, Grace. She was everything to me.”

“I know. But, if you didn’t have strong feelings for this woman you met… you wouldn’t have gotten on a plane and come back to LA. You owe it to yourself to explore the possibility of a new relationship. How did you meet?”

I thought meeting up with Fletch tonight would be my opportunity to talk through what happened with Jules, but here I sit, telling the most unlikely person the story of how she came stumbling into my world.

After purging myself of the guilt I’ve been carrying around, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I didn’t even realize how badly I needed my in-laws to give me their blessing to pursue Jules.

“Well, if it isn’t my partner in crime! How the hell are you? I’ve missed you… asshole!” Fletch pulls me into a hug the minute he sets eyes on me slapping me on the back before gripping me tightly.

“Missed you, too, Fletch. Sorry I didn’t keep in touch.” He signals to the bartender before finding a quiet table in the back. All his years in the limelight have honed his skills for picking places where we can blend into the crowd without being accosted for autographs and pictures. This place is one of our old haunts.

“I get it. You needed to do what you had to for you and Elijah. How is the little guy? Last time I saw him, he was just out of the hospital.”

“He’s… amazing. You’ll love him. You’re on the same intellectual level.”

“Yeah, yeah. Smack talk me all you want, but you know you’ve been missing my specific brand of charm.” The bartender arrives with our drinks slipping her number to Fletch before turning on her heels and walking away with the swagger of a woman who knows she’s being watched.

“Still fucking everything that moves?”

“You know it, brother. The one perk of fame you never indulged in.”

“I never needed to.” I see the look of pity in his eyes, the same look I left here to get away from—the one that everyone had when I walked in the room. I was the guy that everyone wanted to be, not the one they felt sorry for. It was so far out of my comfort zone, I had no idea how to handle it, and I wasn’t in the headspace to even consider it.

“Why didn’t you let me help? I thought we were friends. More than that… we were brothers.”

“We were. We are. I… Life is short, you know?”

“Exactly. You gotta spend it with the people that matter. Are you back for good?”

“I don’t know. I met someone, and she lives here in LA. I told her we were on completely different paths, but I want to be with her.”

“Have you told her that?”

“Not yet.”

“Then why the hell are you sitting here talking to me?”

“You know why.” Fletch knows me better than anyone. I hurt him when I left without a word, but even now, he’s looking out for me.

“Trav, you’ve always been the most level-headed of my friends, but your judgment is clouded. You know who’d be kicking your ass right now for letting an opportunity for happiness pass you by?”

“Angela.” With a smug smile, he shoves my shoulder.

“Go. We’ll catch up after the game on Saturday, and you can tell me all about this chick. I’ve waited four years to hear how you’re doing, I can wait a few more days. But, you look like you might explode if you don’t get this off your chest.”

I quickly drain my glass for some Dutch courage before grabbing my keys.

“I’m sorry to leave like this, but you’re right. I have to talk to her.”

“You know me… I won’t be alone.” He chuckles to himself as I head for the door.

I need to see Jules before it’s too late.

I hate the idea of her living in this part of town. The streets are busy with the unsavory nightlife of LA. The solitude of Bear Paw has rendered me intolerant of the hustle and bustle of the city I used to call home.

When I find Juliet’s building, my instinct is to march in there like a caveman and drag her back to Montana with me, and yet I’m frozen to the spot. This was the home she couldn’t give up? The one she chose over staying with me for a little while longer.

As I climb the stairs, I begin to question why I’m doing this. Have I left it too long? It’s been two months since I let her walk out of my life, and I’ve been fighting myself at every turn—my head telling me to move on, while my heart brought me here to this moment. Maybe I was wrong to come. Jules ran at the prospect of sticking around to meet Eli. He’s everything to me, and any woman who wants to be part of my life needs to understand that he’s always going to come first. It’s that simple and that complicated.

Her apartment is on the seventeenth floor, and with no working elevator, I can see why she’s fit—living atop an urban mountain. With every flight of stairs, I have a different conversation in my head, and every outcome differs. In some, she throws her arms around me and confesses she can’t live without me. In another, she slams the door in my face, telling me I have more baggage than a Boeing 747.

When her door is in sight, my stomach lurches up into my throat rendering me mute. My palms are sweating as I form a fist and rap my knuckles on the tired green wood. The dank smell of mold permeates the hallway.

“Who is it?” Her voice is faint through the door, but I can hear her getting closer—two inches of wood standing between us.

“It’s Travis. Travis Thorburn.” The moment the words leave my lips, I know I’ve slipped up. It seems like an eternity as the taciturn movement of the bolts on the door echo down the hall. She opens the door, just a crack, with the chain still firmly in place. Her eyes are glassy, tears pricking at her icy-blue depths.

“Why did you come?” The bold, sassy woman who came crashing into my life with no regard for her safety stands cautiously staring at me searching my eyes for an answer I thought would be obvious.

“Because, I hate that you left, and I didn’t mean any of the stuff I said. I was being a jerk. My people skills are a little rusty. I should have tried harder to meet you halfway, so here I am, asking for a second chance.”

“Why now?” She’s a shadow of her former self. Her face is gaunt as if she hasn’t eaten in weeks.

“Are you going to let me in?” Her reluctance makes me nervous. For a minute, I believe she’s going to leave me on her doorstep until I hear the clinking of the heavy stainless-steel chain. It’s a welcome relief, and as she opens the door to usher me inside, I’m captivated by her beauty—my memory is a pale comparison for the real thing. However, the differences I see in her alarm me. It’s clear she’s lost weight, and her posture is down-trodden, her shoulders curling in as if she’s trying to make herself smaller. I can see the same lack of sleep in her eyes that I’ve been suffering from since she left—lying awake at night, replaying our last conversation over and over in my mind.

With her eyes to the floor, she gestures to the living room.

“What do you want from me, Travis?” I take a step toward her running my hand the length of her side. I’m rewarded with a spine-tingling shiver.

“I want you.” She flinches at my words. Unable to hold back, tears spill down her cheeks.

“Even after everything that’s happened?” She chokes out. “Why now?” I pull her into my arms. Her fresh scent invading my senses.

“I came so far out of my comfort zone to stand here in front of you right now. If you only knew, you’d understand.” Brushing my lips against hers in a ghost of a kiss, I beg for acceptance.

“I… I thought you hated me.” Her fingers curl into my hair pulling me tight, her tongue exploring and caressing.

“I could never hate you. You brought me back to life. I’m in love with you, Jules. I just couldn’t admit it to myself.” I’m taken aback by my declaration, but the groan that escapes her mouth sends me over the edge.

Without another word, I lift her into my arms wrapping her legs around my waist. Pushing her against the wall, I grind my hips in an attempt to get some relief from the ache of my cock as it grows tight in my pants.

“God, I’ve missed you, Jules.” She claws at my shirt, ripping it open before running her hands down my chest to my belt.

“I missed you, too.” She showers me with kisses in between every word. Intense, heartfelt, and ugent. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been miserable without you. I thought I’d never see you again.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, wildcat.” With her balanced between the wall and me, I make short work of her t-shirt throwing it to the floor to reveal her pert, heavy breasts crying out for my tongue.

I lap at her nipples, biting, sucking, savoring the soft scent of her skin. I want more. I need all of her.

Fumbling down the hallway to find her bedroom, I ignore everything else around me. All I can think of is how much I want to feel her fall apart beneath me. Nothing else matters.

“Don’t cry, wildcat. I’m here now. Everything’s going to all right.” I wipe the tears from her eyes as my own threaten to fall. She seems so fragile—scared that I’m going to disappear any second. I did this to her, and I’m going to spend every minute making up for it in any way I can.

Jules’s phone starts to ring, and when she leaves it to go to voicemail, I’m so relieved. I don’t think I could stop right now even if I wanted to. Within seconds, it begins to ring again. Scrambling out of my arms, Jules sets her phone on silent and irately throws it on the bedside table, giving me a moment to take in my surroundings.

Her room is sparse, modest—the floorboards are in dire need of repair. She diverts my attention as she drops her shorts and crawls onto the bed opening her legs wide for me. God, she’s stunning. I would never tire of this visual.

Stalking her body, I nestle myself between her thighs desperate to feel the warmth of her pussy encasing the length of me. I loosen my belt and push my pants just low enough for my cock to spring free, rock-hard and ready.

Her delicate fingers wrap around my shaft guiding me to her entrance.

“We can use condoms if you want? I have some in the bedside drawer. Or…”

I ease inside her before she can finish her sentence. I know she wants to feel me bareback as I ride her. I’ve taken her so many times like this, I couldn’t bear to have a barrier between us, no matter how thin.

“Fuck… yes! Travis!” The need in her voice is overwhelming.

My forearms are tight as I steady my weight above her, pushing into her with a long, hard thrust before easing back right to the tip. Teasing her before grinding my hips hard against her, my pelvis hits her soaking-wet clit with every downward stroke.

She is glorious as she writhes beneath me—her head thrown back, her long, elegant neck extending up awaiting the ministrations of my lips. Moving her body in time with mine, we find a frantic rhythm, and it takes every ounce of my control not to sprint to the finish line.

My hands roam every inch of her delectable skin while my mouth explores. I can’t get enough of her.

The moment she finds her release, I’m overcome with the desire to crash over the edge with her. She’s screaming my name, her nails digging into my back as I hammer inside her, anxious to chase my own release.

Juliet’s moans of pleasure send me spiraling, my cum spilling into her in sharp pulses. I ride out the aftershocks like a wild horse—rutting and thrusting until I can’t string a sentence together. Collapsing on the bed, I pull her to my side, the scent of her shampoo drifting lazily in the air surrounding us.

She traces circles on my chest as a strange tension descends on the room. I push her hair back from her face to see her brow etched in worry.

“What did I do wrong? Or not do?”

“You were amazing. I just wasn’t expecting this.” She stares up into my eyes with tender hesitation. “Are you sure? I haven’t even met your son. You had to come all the way out here. It’s not what you want. Not really. It’s been two months.” Her heart is racing as her voice quickens, and her muscles tense against me.

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t sure. I had to be sure. That’s the only reason I waited. Trust me. Please.” She sinks into my arms, her breaths gradually evening out until she’s lost in a quiet, satisfied slumber. I take some time to enjoy the feel of our naked flesh intertwined under the sheets, but when my stomach starts to growl, I extricate myself without waking her. I grab my pants and go in search of the kitchen.

The fridge is bare but for a pint of milk and some eggs. I raid the cupboards for some cereal and pour myself a large bowl before finding my way over to the couch. My mind is racing with fresh memories of Jules, and the decision I made to come here. Now that I know she feels the same way, I’m hoping to introduce her to Eli soon. He’ll love her.

The living room is as meager as the bedroom. Nothing but the bare essentials—a small and somewhat uncomfortable couch and a cheap-looking unit housing a modest TV. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched anything, but maybe I can catch some sports highlights while Jules is asleep.

Flicking through the channels, I begin to realize why I never bothered with a TV at the cabin. There’s nothing worth watching. I devour my cereal and continue to search for a sports station.

The bowl drops from my hands shattering into a thousand pieces on the rickety old floorboards. A shard slices my foot, but I don’t feel the pain. Not from the cut.

Breaking News: Journalist discovers football legend, Travis Thorburn’s, whereabouts. Exclusive interview with the Los Angeles Tribune. Comes at a good time for the paper that was close to bankruptcy last year due to lagging sales. The football star went into hiding four years ago when his wife, Angela Thorburn, was killed in a car crash at the hands of a drunk driver. Their unborn son was delivered prematurely. Once released from the hospital, Thorburn disappeared with the infant and hasn’t been seen or heard from since. We’ll bring you more on this story as it develops.

Shit! I was so careful. I grab my phone and search for the Tribune article while gathering up my clothes and heading for the bedroom. I need to tell Jules I’m leaving. I need to check on Eli and make sure reporters haven’t camped out at my in-laws’ house.

With one arm in my shirt and the other clinging to my phone, I see the headline.

WILD EXPOSURE. Football Legend Found, by Juliet Abrams.

Her name is a dagger to my heart. How could she do this to me?

Without a word, I grab my belt and head back to the living room, turning the volume up loud before walking out and slamming the door behind me.

How foolish of me to think a journalist just happened across my path and into my bed.

Into my heart.