The last thirty-six hours have been the most stressful of my entire fucked up life.

Losing Lu, finding out about Kadyn, dealing with Paco…I am so fucking tired. I haven’t slept since I got that call yesterday morning. Even when things quiet down, and Kadyn is sleeping peacefully, I can’t relax. Every moment that passes is a moment in time that Lu doesn’t get to see her baby girl.

Red tried getting me to eat something last night, but I turned her away. My stomach feels like its full of lead. This headache won’t let up either, and the longer I go without food and sleep, the worse it gets.

Paco and I took turns doing Kadyn’s feeds through the night, but we didn’t speak to each other. What am I supposed to say to him that I haven’t already? We were never going to be friends, and we’re certainly not going to be now.

I thought we’d have the results back by now, and the longer it takes, the more agitated I become. I can’t sit still anymore, opting to pace the length of the short room. Paco stands to join me. “How did you know Louisa wanted to call her Kadyn, if you didn’t know she was pregnant?” he asks.

My hands are buried deep in my pockets. “When we were in our early twenties, Lu thought she might be pregnant. She’d had a false positive pregnancy test so she had to wait for a blood test. Kadyn was the name she picked for a girl,” I explain.

“Carney for a boy. They mean warrior, survivor, champion. She wanted her baby to be strong,” Paco finishes.

Coming to a stop we face each other, acknowledging that we both played a vital role in Lu’s life. And maybe, just maybe, we knew her as well as each other.

A knock on the door catches our attention. The doctor that was with Lu when I arrived yesterday enters the room, a clipboard tucked under his arm. He comes to an abrupt stop, his eyes widening as they travel over all the people in the room. When he lands on Paco and me, he assesses us both with a critical eye, “The potential fathers,” he states.

Paco and I step forward. “Yes,” we respond in unison.

The Doctor extends his hand to each of us in turn. “I’m Doctor Marshall, should we step into the hall or…” He eyes my friends, “Can we speak openly in here?”

“Here’s fine,” Paco answers for us.

“Okay.” Glancing down at his clipboard, he reads silently for a moment. “Only two samples were provided for testing?” he raises a curious brow.

Nodding, I explain, “I had the test submitted before Paco arrived. Just me and Kadyn did the swabs. I figured it would prove if she and I are a match and if not, then Paco is the only other option.”

Understanding crosses Doctor Marshall’s features, “Right then. The two samples submitted to the lab were indeed a match. Congratulations.” He reaches for my hand to shake it again.

Warmth spreads throughout my entire body at his words. Bypassing his offered hand, I wrap the man in a grateful hug, “Thank you.” It takes everything I have to get the words out of my mouth before my throat tightens so much I can’t speak. In the back of my mind, there had been doubt, and it plagued me all night long.

Fresh tears shine in Reds eyes as she rushes towards me. Taking her in my arms, relief washes over me and I swing her around. “She’s mine,” I whisper, so unbelievably happy. I didn’t know how much I wanted Kadyn until I thought she could be taken away from me. But that’s never going to happen. She’s mine.

Breaking away from Red, I look around the room for Paco. He’s leaning over Kadyn’s clear plastic crib, hands braced on either side, staring at her. As happy as I am, a cloud of sorrow enters my heart as I watch him. This is exactly what I wanted, but watching him causes a knot to form in my stomach. That could have just as easily been me.

Red touches the underside of my arm. “Maybe we should give him a minute or two with her?” she suggests.

“Can you take everyone into the parent’s room around the corner? I’ll be there in a minute.” When she turns to gather the others, I approach Paco. “I can’t say I’m sorry,” I tell him honestly, “But I understand how you must be feeling right now.”

His head whips to the side, hostility searing me. “The fuck you do. That piece of paper don’t mean shit. I’m the one who was with Louisa at all her appointments. I’m the one who took care of her when she couldn’t stop throwing up. I’m the one who loved her even when she went off and fucked her best friend!” he yells in my face, shoving me back with each statement.

He knew we’d slept together? He knew this whole fucking time I could have been Kadyn’s father and he didn’t say anything? Red hot fury boils in my veins. “You knew, and didn’t think I deserved to know? All this time you knew she was pregnant and it could be my baby?” I shove him hard sending him stumbling back so far he trips over the corner of Kadyn’s crib.

Kadyn’s crib jostles from the contact and she wakes with a fright. She wails and we both move for her at the exact same moment. I beat Paco to her by a fraction of a second, curling her up into my chest, I cradle her in my arms. “Shh, baby. It’s okay,” I whisper soothingly, rocking her until she settles again.

Taking two long strides, I back Paco up against the windows. “I was going to give you time alone with her, time to say your goodbyes,” I seethe, keeping my voice low, “You just fucked that to hell. Now get out. And don’t even think about coming near her ever again, or you will regret it.”

Moving back just enough to give him space to slide out from between me and the window frame, I wait.

His eyes are every ounce as feral as I imagine mine are when he spits, “This isn’t over. You know she belongs with me. Don’t for a second think I won’t be back for her.” Then he’s gone, the door slamming closed in his wake.

Tipping my head back I glare at the ceiling, “Fuck.”