“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Because I’m sure as hell not, I want to scream. But I’m well aware it will do no good. Zak is set on his plan to go meet up with Paco.

“It’s the only way forward, Red. If I can just talk to him, reason with him…” he sighs, “I don’t know what else to do, short of waiting for him to show up here trying to take Kadyn. And I can’t let that happen.”

I lick my lips, nervous tension making me jittery. “I know you’re doing what you think is right, but are you absolutely sure there’s no other option?” I ask, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet.

Tangling his fingers in my hair, he uses it to tug me closer. “If there were, I wouldn’t be doing this. But this all I’ve got, Red.” His lips rest against the crown of my head. “I’ll be back soon, Kadyn will keep you busy, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

My smile is fake. I couldn’t muster a real one if my life depended on it. I can’t shake the feeling something isn’t right. My heart beats in slow motion, heavy pained thuds forcing bloody to pump through my dread filled system. I just want to wrap Kadyn up tight in my arms and run away with her. Her little hand wraps tightly in my hair as she tugs on it, drawing me from my thoughts. “Ouch,” I say, untangling her fingers.

Zak offers her his finger, which she immediately takes. Her tiny fist curls around his pointer. “You be good to Red, now,” he tells her, “I’ll be back soon, Princess, be good for your mumma.” Zak kisses each of her fingers as he slides his free of her grasp.

My heart thuds violently for a moment hearing Zak call me Kadyn’s mumma doing something to me I can’t explain. How did I ever get this lucky? He is so much more to me than anyone I’ve ever met, and Kadyn…she is all the incredible things my mother said and more. Now that I’ve got them both, I can’t imagine life any other way.

“I’ll be back soon,” Zak promises.

My heartbeat slows again at his words, anxiety that pulsing through my veins like poison. “Be safe,” I say, pushing up to my tip toes to kiss him one last time before he walks out the door.

“Ugh you guys really need to cut down on the P.D.A in front of the baby,” Will says, rolling up behind me.

I scoff, “You’re just jealous,” I mutter, plastering on my fake smile again. “I know you want a piece of this,” I say, waggling my brows at him.

He chokes on air. “Ugh don’t flatter yourself.” He rolls his eyes, then trails behind me as I take Kadyn into the lounge room.

“So, what are we watching?” I ask Will, placing Kadyn in her swing then dropping onto the couch. Despite Zak wanting to hold her all the time, I see sense in what the nurse at the hospital told me. She needs to be able to chill on her own too, so I set the swing up on my own. And guess what? She loves it.

“I’ve watched everything,” Will says, “Being in hospital for months on end is boring as shit. I’m talking worse than high school, Smurf,” he mock cringes and I laugh. He’s the only person besides Zak who I let give me a nickname.

I nod, “At least you had Netflix, dude. Can you imagine if all you got was regular TV? Ugh suckfest,” I jest. “What about Orange is the New Black?” I ask, and Will gives me a look that speaks louder than words. I shrug, “Okay…” I mumble looking for something he definitely hasn’t watched. “Oh, I’ve got one that only just came on Netflix, I guarantee you haven’t seen it.”

He raises his chin, “And if I have?” he rebuts, “What do I get?”

I snort, “I think there’s some triple-choc ice cream in the freezer, I’ll share it with you if you’ve seen it. If not, I’m eating that sugary goodness all on my own.”

“You have yourself a deal, Smurf,” he says, offering me his outstretched hand to shake on it.

We shake then I pull up To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Will’s face drops. “No. No, and fuck no,” he says, crossing his arms.

“I didn’t say you’d like it, just that you haven’t seen it. Guess that means I win.” I grin at him and he glares back. “Fine,” I drawl, “I’ll share the ice cream with you. Ya big baby.”

“It’s not about the ice cream and you know it. You’re a sadistic, little Smurf. And here I was thinking we were friends. Friends don’t make friends watch chick flicks,” he mumbles, still giving me the stink eye.

Keeping eye contact with him, I hit play. We stare at each other as the movie begins playing, neither willing to lose this battle. His jaw locks right before he drops his head back, closing his eyes. “Dammit,” he grumbles more to himself than me, and I jump up doing a little victory dance, shaking my ass in his face.

He slaps my butt, “Go get the ice cream, you little freak.”

I shimmy into the kitchen while Will positions his wheelchair next to the couch so he can see the TV and share the ice cream with me. I return with one tub of triple-choc and two spoons. Curling my feet beneath me, I snuggle into the corner of the couch, resting the tub on the armrest between us.

The movie is better than I expect and we relax into a comfortable silence. I wish I could focus on it though, the bits I’ve absorbed have been funny—like the main chick’s crazy best friend. But my mind keeps wandering to Zak, to where he is right now and what he’s doing.

My throat thickens. I’m trying my best to keep my shit together, but the longer he’s gone the harder it is. I pick at my nails and the remnants of red polish on them, scratching at it repeatedly until it comes off and I move to the next one. Out of nowhere Will’s hand snags mine and my head shoots up. “What?” I ask.

His eyes soften, “It’ll be okay, Smurf. He’s not alone, the boys have his back. That’s how this lot operate. I know I haven’t been around long, but I’ve got your back, babe. Just like you’ve had mine since I got shot last year,” he says, bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing my knuckles, “I’ve got you, Smurf.”

I sigh, so much for keeping my shit together. “Thank you,” I whisper as one fat tear slips from the corner of my eye. “It should have been m—”

Will drops my hand and slaps his over my mouth. “Not again, Smurf, we’re solid, remember? You promised me you’d let it go. It was never supposed to be you, everything happened the way it was supposed to.”

My emotions are all over the place. Talking to Will about the shoot-out, worrying about Zak, my eyes drop to Kadyn, snoring softly in her swing…it’s all too much. Tears fall in rapid succession. “I’m sorry, Will, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let it go. I want to, but I don’t know how. And with all this happening, it’s like it’s going to happen all over again. I can feel it, Will. Something isn’t right.”

He nods, “I feel it too. But that’s what I’m here for,” he winks. “If I could scoop you up and hold you, babe, I would,” he pauses and points to his legs, “But I can’t.”

I stand up and step to the side, placing my hands on his shoulders, I sit sidelong on his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck and snuggling into him, he rubs my back as I continue to cry. “Shh…” he murmurs into my ear.

Ten minutes later I’ve got my emotions under control. “Thanks, Will,” I smile at him. He smiles warmly in return then kisses my forehead then I slide off his lap.

“Coffee?” I ask and move into the kitchen.

“You know it. And don’t be cheap with the milk.”

“All I hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…” I sing, feeling a little lighter.

I’m about to start pouring when a knock sounds from the front door. My head jerks at the sound—I’m not expecting anyone. Quickly finishing up, I carry our mugs into the lounge room. My eyes meet Will’s, silently conveying that I don’t know who it is. He nods, unfastens the breaks on his chair, and follows behind me as I approach the front door.

My hand wraps around the knob as I unfasten the deadbolt above it. I take a calming breath and swing it open.