For a full week after I find the tickets, Damien is home at the condo every day and night. If he has to work, it must be what he does in his study. No longer absent from the condo, Damien is torturing me. I mean, he tortures me by not talking to me; he tortures me by not touching me, kindly or otherwise. I'm totally silent the entire week. He never tells me I can speak, and I don't want to find out what happens if I disobey him.

Well, I don't want to find out what would happen to me or how Damien would react…at first.

After a full week of eating the food his chef prepares, wearing the clothes he brings me, and sleeping in the bed in the room he says is mine...and I'm starting to wish I wasn't being such a good girl.

Those are the only things he's said to me.

Two seconds ago, he says I'm being such a good girl.

And now, after a week of going crazy, I don't want to be good anymore. I want to be bad. Do I want to be bad enough to see how dark Damien might go? Not yet, but another day of silence and I might reconsider my gentle nature and how I'll break this silence.

Sitting there, thinking about how I want to keep my cool and not say anything, I wait for him to speak. Somehow, the tangled mess in my mind decides that my brain and my mouth don’t need to communicate.

My lips start moving before I can stop them. “Are you going to keep me?" I speak, my voice so soft from being unused I hardly recognize it. I relish this sound; I won't let it fall weak in my ears. I'm gathering my strength.

This is a calm before a storm. Where I save energy for figuring out how to get out. And right now, I'm rattling my cage. But why in the hell would I dare ask something so leading? Something that speaks to him owning me? I can’t allow that. Can’t accept that. Can I? God, why do those words infuriate and thrill me? And more than anything, I’m aching for Damien to respond. I want to hear him say something to answer it. I want him to react. God, do I want him to punish my disobedience? My breathing goes ragged and shallow and I try to regain my composure.

I let my eyes rise to meet Damien’s. That’s the wrong way to regain my composure.

He's looking at me with a touch of anger...and something else that looks like frustration. Maybe he's not as calm as I thought. I've clearly disobeyed him, but I can see there's more at play here.

Damien is dangerous. I poked this bear.

God, why did I do that?

Why did I want to?

Damien stops eating.

I finished eating before I spoke; I wasn't going to risk being punished by not getting to eat.

I mean, a girl’s gotta eat, right?

I savored those bites like they might be my last. At least my brain had enough sense for that when my voice decided to jump out of me.

Still, the clank of his fork on his plate makes me jump.

He pulls his chair out from the table loudly.

I gulp.

"Get over my knee," Damien says. His voice is thick. Oh, that's more than anger. That's...lust.

Is he doing what I think he is going to do?

He's going to spank me, over his knee?

I'm not a child! I want to scream out at him that this is wrong. I don't want to get up. I'm moving like I'm not connected to my body, not in my mind. I obey out of fear.

Well, I feel something warm pooling in my belly. Oh god…no. Not this. I can’t feel that way about this.

Bending over his knee is strange. I hover over him for a moment and he pulls me down, my breasts smashing against his legs. My nipples get hard at the feel of his body heat against them. 

Again, I'm not connected to my body, but this isn't just fear. It's my own lust. 

Damien desires me like this, and that makes me wet. 

I'm grateful spankings happen on the butt. He doesn't have to know I'm wet because I shouldn’t be aroused by any of this, but he doesn’t have to know that. My mind flashes back to how wet I got sitting on his lap. God, why then? At least I didn’t know what was going to happen then. I know what’s happening now and I should not be aroused by it.

After all this time that I was frustrated he wasn't touching me, now I'm terrified he'll feel that I'm wet. Not when he's angry. I don't want Damien to fuck me when he's angry.

Except I know, if I'm honest with myself, that I want him to fuck me, angry or not.

So his hands running up and down the seam of my panties under my dress makes me tremble. Moan for him. I yelp out a little strangled cry that I know he hears. My nipples ache now with his touch. I squirm over his lap.

"You were so good, but now you're so bad, little one," Damien says in a quiet, dangerous voice that makes me think of him as a predator.

His hands tear down my panties in a way that labels me instantly as prey.

"I can't believe how long you lasted. You wanted to be good for me, didn't you, Sarah?" Damien purrs, and my body trembles. His hand is so close to my bared ass, my exposed pussy, that I can feel the heat of him near me.

"Yes, Damien," I answer. I think I'm allowed to answer. The way his voice shoots thrills through me, I have to answer him. I have to release my voice trapped inside of me. I have to do something about all this lust and tension in me right now.

Damien exhales, and speaks in measured words. ”I have to punish you, but I'll reward you as well. You've earned both."

There’s something more to what he’s saying and I feel like I just don’t get it. But I don’t know what to do about that. I can’t just ask him.

His voice turns my body to cinders. He's dripping with heat, making me ache for him. I hear the lust in his voice, the promise, and I need it. I need pleasure, pain, punishment, and reward. I just can't be trapped in nothingness or need like this. I want to beg, but I don't know for what.

"Squirm, Sarah, you look so good doing it," Damien growls smugly. He knows that he’s making me crazy.

He knows the real torture he's inflicting. I'm afraid but I'm so eager I can't help but writhe.

Then his hands slap down on my pussy. Hard, smacking, right on my wet pussy! 

I gasp.

The wet impact makes me cry out, and the vibrating tremor running through my body makes me ache with need. Pressure builds in my stomach. I push my ass up and squirm more. He pulls me down to his lap and holds me down tight, and sinks his fingers inside my pussy.

Then he spanks my ass.

"Damien!" I cry out. How can he spank my pussy and my ass? Why is he spanking me at all? And why does he now shove his thick fingers inside my pussy?

My pussy is clenching around him because those fingers make me ache with need.

"Oh God!" I scream out. Every smack down makes me groan with need and shake. It hurts and it feels good. He spanks and finger fucks me and I am dying over here. How can it feel so good? How can I want this so much? I don’t understand what’s happening to me. I don’t understand why he’s doing this. I don’t know why I seem to like it. Why I don’t want it to stop. I mean, I want him to stop but I also…don’t.

"You can be as vocal as you like, Sarah. Music to my goddamn ears," Damien moans.

I didn’t realize I was moaning as much as I was and crying out random things until he said that. I’m allowed to talk when he takes the words out of my mouth…through my pussy.

If I wasn’t moaning at the sound of his moan I might laugh.

That sound, his voice, God that's so damn sexy. I shouldn’t find him sexy at all, but I fucking do! And that sound, his pleasure from me? That is the sort of thing that undoes me. I can’t think logically when he’s moaning at me and touching me. This is what insanity feels like, and I’ll keep falling down the rabbit hole.

Damien’s moan, the wet squelching sound of my pussy getting fingered so fast, and the thwacks of the spanks he lands on my ass are staccato notes between my constant symphony of sighs. I'm trembling, shivering, shaking around him. His fingers in my pussy feel so damn good feeling me up I'm screaming for them. I don't know how they can feel so good. If they feel this good, then Damien's thick cock inside me might kill me from the pleasure.

Oh, God, no, don’t think about that. I'm trying so hard to stop thinking about what it would be like for his huge cock to dive into my pussy and sink into me until I’m breathing him in. I need to stop thinking about him like that. I need to think about how wrong this is. How much I want to get away. But I can’t think about that. I can barely think about anything surrounding how much I need him.

“Get out of your head,” Damien commands. “I’ll help,” he says with a dark laugh that sends chills through my body.

Damien's spanking hand comes down hard, and when I cry out, that hand comes to my mouth. Clamps over it. His other hands pumps his fingers faster into my pussy and I scream against his hand over my mouth. I feel the ecstasy and pleasure building up inside of me, and his hand trails down my neck and chokes around my throat.

And his fingers slide out of my pussy just before I can orgasm.

"Damien, please, oh please," I start begging. He was right. I am out of my head right now. Out of my fucking mind because I'm begging this monster to never stop, to keep going somewhere that I don’t even know where it is going.

Damien’s choking me hard, but that's not why I'm begging. I need to come and he stopped me. That’s why I'm begging. God, he’s the not the monster. Or if he is, so am I. Because I cannot focus on anything but the fluttering, tense agony of the pressure building within me and he’s keeping on the edge with no control over my body. I’m deeply in his control and I’m terrified. Terrified because I don’t fear him right now. All I fear is that he’ll stop. Silence was bad enough, but this would be murder if he didn’t let me come now. I need Damien so much that my body is starting to make little promises of trade. I’ll do anything to come. I writhe, I whimper, I gasp. I don’t know what to do.

Damien’s fingers squeeze at my neck and I feel like a warning shot has gone off. ”You wanna come, baby girl, but you forgot that you're being punished. Your reward is over," Damien says with the scarily calm voice.

"Over?" I yelp, gasping as he releases my throat. My reward? How could that be my reward? I didn’t get to have an orgasm. That was my punishment, right?

No. That was the reward. Here comes punishment.

He sets me back up against his lap and my legs wrap around him. I start to grind on him, instinctually needing to hump him like some kind of animal. I know Damien wants me. Can’t he give me what we both want? I don’t know much about sex, but I know that I feel his erection knocking at the door and I want him to answer so badly. I want him to fill me up and erase this agony his started in my body.

Damien grabs my wrists swiftly. It almost feels frantic. Damien shouts, "Stop!" That sounds like panic in his voice. I can feel that his cock is rock hard. He wants me. But he's not going to fuck me.

He pulls me back so that I’m not grinding on him anymore, as if I could after his stern voice shook me to my core in fear…and, goddamn me, arousal.

I whimper.

"You will not come," Damien says, and that devilish snare in his tone makes me dizzy with need.

I can't! He won't let me rub my pussy against him. I could feel the wetness from him fingering me when he was holding my wrists. We both know how fucking bad I need this. I felt his massive, hard cock and I know he wants to fuck me with that huge rod too. So why does either of us have to suffer like this when he wants what I want?

Over a few words that I said when I was supposed to be silent? I need his cock in me and I want him to make me come with that huge cock so badly. He wants to fuck me too.

God, I hate this! I hate being trapped in desire like this and somehow it is so hot at the same time that I'm buried in the taste of delicious agony.

Why must my entire life be turned into a maze of me trying to figure out what I feel, what I need, what right and wrong is?

Everything is so complicated and one single orgasm might've made that feel better.

Oh, who am I kidding? That would be just another part of exactly what I’m complaining about. But at least I would get to come.

"Why won't you let us come?" I pant out, begging for some kind of answer since he said I could be vocal.

"Us?" Damien laughs. “You’re not getting either of us off that easy. Keep being that good girl I know you like to be. I’m not nearly done playing with you, and I know that you like it. You’ll like everything I’m about to do to you,” Damien says with a crazed look in his eyes. I don’t know if that should excite me more, but it does.

It should be terrifying. I know this. But I’m exhilarated.

Damien tears down the flimsy fabric of my dress and his teeth savage my breasts. This isn't gentle or sweet like a boyfriend might do. Damien is not my boyfriend. He's my captor. I am his prey...and he hurts me...but it feels so good I feel my pussy clenching with need.

"Stop," Damien growls against my skin.

He fucking knows.

I whimper with need.

His mouth closes over my breast, capturing my nipple and licking it, then sucking my breast in fully. Then he brings his teeth back to graze my nipple. I groan. How can this be punishment? It feels so good. I let my head fall back. I feel how close my orgasm is.

Damien moves onto the other breast and I'm shaking, trying not to grind on him. I could come now, if I was allowed to. I'm panting trying to hold them back.

Damien stands, holding me against him. Stretching his arm out across the table, he knocks everything to the floor and lies me down against the now cleared table.

He drops to his knees in front of me.

My thighs are so wet, streaks of my arousal sticky down my thighs.

Damien runs his tongue up and down both of them, licking up all of my arousal slowly with his massive tongue.

My legs are shaking. I need to come. The pressure from the building orgasm is making my head hurt, it's so strong, and I'm out of my mind now. I'm nothing but my body's mindless need to come.

"Please, Damien, please, please," I cry out when he looks at me. The blazing lust in his eyes make me greedily beg. I don't care anymore about what happens to me. I only care that I orgasm.

"I'm going to lick your beautiful virgin pussy until you cry and you will not come," Damien says. He flashes me a wicked grin. "You're allowed to beg all you want."

Oh God, I'm going to beg. It may not change anything, but the need building within me is energy that has to be expended.

"Please, I'll do anything," I whimper.

For a moment something flashes in his eyes. Have I said the magic words? I need this; I need this so goddamn much, I hope for that.

“Please, please, please!” I moan out my begging as fast and as earnest as I can. I need this so damn much.

But danger emanates from his being and that moment of whatever flashed through his eyes is replaced with darkness. A delicious darkness that I want to explore, but I know that doesn’t come with me, well, coming. I may not get what I want in this moment, but oh God I need to know where that face and that darkness leads.

Damien is dragging me down to hell, and I want to burn to embers in those flames. I need to feel every moment of whatever torture he has to offer.

He smiles at me, something wicked and telling…but telling what exactly I don’t know.

He lowers his face to my pussy, and he brings a hand to my throat. Squeezing just enough to get me high from his touch, I grind my pussy all over his face. My legs dangling off the table pull him in closer. I ride his face, rolling my hips and diving into him and up to get the delicious feel of his tongue on and around my clit. Damien licks my pussy so good that I want to cry. Cry from the pleasure. Cry from the need to come and being so close but not yet there.

And I cry. I have to. If I’m not releasing the tension, I have to release the agony. I'm doing my best to not come, and he's licking my pussy so good I want nothing more than for him to keep it up and to let me come. I'm a breath away from just letting myself come. This is wicked and cruel. But I need him. I need him so damn bad and I fear now that if I disobey him by coming that I'm going to lose any chance at him touching me. I know enough now to know that if he were to spank me now, I would come, despite how strange that is to me.

So I cannot risk that he’ll stop touching me, stop licking my pussy, or that he’ll spank me if I come.

“I can’t!” I yelp out. “I”m going to come if you keep licking my pussy, it's too good,” I moan out.

At that exact moment, Damien flattens out his tongue and tickles it against my clit.

I scream. I scream like I’m dying. He pulls me down on his face and eats my pussy with a ferocity that makes me legs shake hard around him, as if I might be having a seizure. His hands capture me and dig into my skin and he is wringing every drop of pleasure out of me.

Gasping, I try to hold back. I try so damn hard. I want to come, but I don’t want to end this. I don’t want to disobey him.

“Damien! Please don’t…I will…if you…” I try to protest. Every breath I take runs me through a cycle of intense pleasure heightening more and more and I am crying out to keep myself from going over the edge. I can’t. I won’t. “I want to be good!” I cry out pleadingly, and I realize that he’s running his tongue teasingly over me now, inhaling me and making me that much closer to the feather’s breath away from the edge.

Pulling down to sit on his chest, Damien relents for only a moment. “You are being so good. I’m going to let you come,” he says with a smile.

I’m elated, grinning wide and stupid like I’ve never heard anything better in my life. Oh thank heavens I'm going to get some relief!

My pussy is slick, and I see how much of my arousal is all over his face. I’m ready to explode, and then he’ll have my cum drenching him. Oh God. Is he going to fuck me now?

A few seconds pass and I wonder, why is he just watching me?

“You said I could come!” I say, whimpering.

“Now, you were being so good, Sarah,” Damien laughs. “I didn’t say I would let you come today,” he says and gives me the most volatile smile I’ve ever seen in my life.

I want to cry out, scream, beat my fists against his chest, climb back onto his face and ride him until I come. Maybe I should slide down and ram his cock into me and come that way. Taking my virginity and my orgasm like I desperately need to.

But I don’t. I say nothing. I try to breathe and keep myself from exploding from the sheer amount of desire flooding through my body. I do nothing.

“So impressive, Sarah. You’re learning very well. I will let you come tonight, but you’re going to have to promise that you’re going to come in the future only when I allow you to. You showed incredible strength holding off now. You’ll need to that from now on. In fact, going forward, you’ll also need to cum when I say so. Would you like to try that part out now?”

I nod vigorously, that’s exactly what I want.

Damien slaps my cheek, hard enough to make me yelp. “I want you to answer me when I ask you a question. Don’t make me rescind my kindness.”

“Yes, yes, Damien,” I say quickly. “Please…and thank you,” I say with every bit of politeness I can muster. Emily Post doesn’t exactly cover this, though I get the feeling that she should add a chapter.

A thrill runs through me.

I didn’t know what I was missing all this time, being a virgin.

Of course, Damien said I could come, not that he would fuck me. But regardless every experience with him is so intense that it almost feels like the rest of my life isn’t in color. I shouldn’t think about it this way. Shouldn’t think about him so kindly. But I can’t help it when I’m about to explode because I’m so close to having an incredible orgasm.

Damien pulls me off of him and lies me down on the table. He stands in front of me and licks his fingers, then presses them into me. His face goes down to my clit. He furiously pumps and licks and strokes and tears everything out of me but he hasn’t actually said I could come, and even though I'm close, I don't.

“Now, come for me now,” Damien moans against my pussy.

Oh God, yes, I'm going to come so hard now. I slam my eyes shut, squeezing my eyelids shut and clamping my pussy around his fingers. I fist my hands into his hair and hold him close to me.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I whimper as I breathe in and out and the sensation courses through me. There’s a fire in my veins that’s tearing through my whole body. Molten arousal heats to my core and my cum is blasting out of me in large, creamy gushes, and Damien is licking them up. The wet sound of his tongue and fingers working my desperate pussy are the wettest sounds I’ve ever heard in my life. He could be splashing in a pool down there; I’m so wet. My legs are shaking furiously, flailing about as if I have no control over them. I really don’t because my body is just an extension of my pussy right now. Damien lifts a hand up and squeezes one of my nipples and I scream. A jolt of lightening from my pussy to my nipple tears through my body.

How can he do this? It's as if my body was only in my custody before, and poorly. I mean, I’ve never made myself feel this way. I could never even come before. Until I masturbated thinking about Damien. That means…fuck. I mean, Damien owns my body. He knows it better than I do. He presses buttons I didn’t know I had, releases me in a way I didn’t know I was wound. I'm putty in his hands, and I’m right now literally melting around him.

I’m frightened when I start to come down from my orgasmic high. I can’t feel this way about Damien, I just can’t. I can’t let him own me. He can’t control me with lust.

I’ll be good for him as he terms it. I have to, in order to stay safe. I’ll get away, though, and I’ll forget that Damien ever did these things to my body. I’ll try to forget how they feel. I'll try to forget how he was so comfortable owning every inch of me, and how I wanted him to. I shudder. I can’t think about that. I need to erase all of this from my mind. I have to go to another place when he touches me. A place where that is okay and when I'm free, it isn’t okay and that’s fine because I'm not that person anymore.

I don’t feel confident after I come. I want to hide my body now and the possessive way he touches me, even though he’s pulling his fingers out of my soaked pussy, I just feel so strange. How could I let this man touch me like this? How could I want it?

He spanked me! He didn’t even fuck me and he made me come so hard that I think my head hurts from all the pressure relieved. I’m parched like a desert in my mouth, and my pussy and thighs are soaking wet like I’ve been drenched by a hose. My abdomen is sore from just how hard I came and pushed when I came. My legs are limp water balloons. I can’t let myself be rung out to dry like this at the hands of some insane rich man.

I may not have school anymore—I’m so far behind that I might not be able to catch up; I can’t explain why I’ve been absent. I may not have my parents—I will never step foot in their house again and they are not anything to me. I may not have anything in mind, and the only thing I do want is Damien, but I cannot let this own me. I'm the keeper of my soul, and I can’t let it slide down my pussy and into Damien’s mouth. He’ll swallow me whole if I let him, and I just can’t allow that.

“I want to take a shower,” I tell him. I wonder if I'm allowed to say that. If he’ll want to accompany me. If he’ll deny me for some reason.

“Of course,” Damien says. He acts like this is the most natural thing in the world. It fucking isn’t.

I scamper out of the room and into my room to wash everything off of me. I can’t wash Damien off of me anymore than I can escape him.

Damien isn’t just touching me and erasing my past, he’s marking my future. I know now, beneath the pelting hot water that I try to get release from, that I am always going to remember what Damien has done to my body. So what? That pleasure is nothing compared to what he has done to my mind. He has become something I want. Yet, not in the throes of an orgasm or under his current control in this second, I am afraid. I feel feeble. It's like all the begging I did to come, asking if he was going to keep me, telling him that I want to be good…it's like the words I know that I said must've come from someone else’s mouth because no way could I have been the one who said them. I wash my hair, wash my body, and feel the control of my body returning to me. I’m not oversensitive anymore, and I’m starting to feel downright exhausted. I'm going to close my eyes, but then I'll be trapped in dreams of Damien. I know I can’t erase him from my mind. I have to separate this part of me later. I have to find the confidence to be this good girl and his…and then escape and peel off that person as my past…like a skin coming off a snake.

I feel like a snake. Like I'm betraying myself.

Because I have never felt like I belonged more than when Damien told me I was being good. I can’t let that be my strength. Damien can’t tear me down and make me feel like he’s building me up…can he?