Chapter Eleven
Tank
There comes a time in a guy’s life, I was coming to realize, when things make sense. Where everything finally comes together and it just fits.
Like Marla’s hand in mine. Like the way a two by four cut at the right angles will just slide into place like a puzzle piece. How the moon and stars go together.
I know. I was getting all mushy, but Marla did that to me. I don’t know how. I just knew that life made more sense with her in it.
Sam’s diner was the same as always. A combination of good, simple food and friendly voices. We’d been coming here for years. Ever since we were old enough to ride our bikes here. We’d sit at the counter and order cokes. Like grownups.
Luke came out of the back as soon as he heard our voices. Drying his hands on his apron, he smiled at us like we were long lost, travelers.
His brow furrowed in confusion for just a moment when he saw Marla standing next to me. But the boy had always been smart, he kept his thoughts to himself and instead, teased Amber about trying to keep Jason away from the pie.
Meagan, the waitress showed us to the booth in the back. The only place big enough to take all six of us.
Luke pulled Nick aside as we passed and mumbled something about it ‘being about time.’ My insides froze. Was he talking about us? Was it that obvious?
I ignored him and let Marla slide into the booth next to Amber before I sat down on the end.
Meagan took our order. Everyone was having Banana Cream pie except for Nick, he had to be different and ordered the Coconut. Marla said she just wanted a water.
I frowned down at her as I tried to figure out what was going on.
“You don’t want some pie?” the thought of passing up dessert did not compute.
“No, I’m fine,” she said with a quiet whisper.
I wondered briefly if she was intimidated hanging out with us. But no way. This was Marla. Nothing ever intimidated her.
“She’ll have Banana Cream.”
“Tank,” she said with an exasperated confusion. “You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
Jason laughed and leaned over to Marla. “He just wants an excuse to have two pieces.”
Meagan laughed and said she’d be right back with our order.
Marla glanced at me. Her cheeks had a faint pink glow that pulled at me. What was going on in that pretty mind of hers, I wondered for the thousandth time that night.
When our food arrived, I noticed that Marla didn’t ignore it. I knew I was right, it was impossible to ignore Sam’s Banana Cream.
I watched as she slowly gathered a forkful of pie. Then, without really thinking it through. I reached over and scooped her forkful onto mine.
Her mouth formed the most perfect O, and her eyes got as big as the moon as I plopped the perfect bite into my mouth and smiled at her.
You could have heard a pin drop across the room. Everyone stared at us, unable to believe what I had just done.
Then, Jason threw his head back and laughed. “See, I told you, When it comes to Tank and food, there are no rules.”
See, just like I thought. Jason figured I did it because I wanted extra food. He couldn’t see that I did it to make Marla’s eyes light up. To make them sparkle.
Everyone laughed and the moment was gone. But Marla kept looking at me from under her brow. As if I might expose her darkest secret at a moment’s notice.
As the other’s started talking about a dozen different things, Marla smiled at me then stuck her tongue out.
I smiled back. All was right with the world again.
We settled into a comfortable conversation about the movie. Jason was pretending that he would have preferred to see a Vin Diesel movie instead. But from what I had seen. He hadn’t exactly been focused on the screen.
From there, things just naturally drifted to talk about college.
“So, what about you?” Amber asked me. “Do you think you’ll get a track and field scholarship?”
I froze for a moment. There it was, the future.
“I already got three offers,” I said, studying the table top like it was my notes for the History final.
“Really,” Jason said. “You didn’t tell me. Where?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to college.”
There it was. The truth. A great sense of relief washed over me. I had finally said what I had wanted to say for a long time.
“Why not?” Marla asked. I could see the confused expression on her face. It tore at me for some reason. She was the one I was worried about. My friends would accept it. They might not understand, but they would accept it.
Marla though? I had no idea what she would think.
I shrugged my shoulders. “The last thing I want to do is spend more time sitting behind a desk listening to someone talk about stuff I don’t care about. All so I can get a job I don’t want to do.”
“I don’t know man,” Jason said. “Giving up a free ride.”
“What are you going to do after you graduate?” Amber asked.
I shrugged my shoulders again. “I don’t know. I’ll get a job or maybe go into the army.”
“No,” Marla gasped as her face turned white.
Everyone stared at her, but she ignored them as she kept looking at me. “When were you going to tell ... us,” she hissed.
“I don’t know. I really haven’t thought it all through. With my dad back. I guess I don’t have to stay here if I don’t want to. My mom will be alright as long as she has someone to worry about.”
Marla looked at me like I’d just stabbed her in the heart.
“But,” I said, frantically trying to figure out what I had just said to upset her.
“You never know,” I continued, “I might meet someone, fall in love, and live happily ever after without ever leaving this town. You know me. I’m always open to changes.”
The group laughed at my sarcasm. All except Marla. She kept shooting me looks like she was trying to solve the world’s hardest puzzle. Looks that let me know that I had some explaining to do.
When we got home, Jason walked Amber back to her house. I knew they’d be saying goodbye for an hour. Longer if her parents didn’t start flashing the porch light.
When we reached Marla’s door I held back.
She stopped and turned to look up at me, her forehead creasing with confusion.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “I had a very nice time tonight. Thank you for letting me tag along.”
Her words stung. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair.
“I’m sorry for not telling you about college,” I said.
She smiled softly and shook her head. “It was just a surprise. It made me realize that I don’t really know as much about you as I thought I did.”
“See, that’s the problem,” I spit out. “Right there. Of course, you don’t know me. We never get any time alone. Just the two of us. Just talking. You know?
She nodded and bit her lip. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“It’s not your fault, Marla. I just don’t know. I feel guilty kissing you. I feel like I’m missing out on the greatest thing in the world when I’m not kissing you.”
She frowned as she gently placed her hand on my chest, directly over my raging heart.
“I know, me too,” she said as she stood on her toes to kiss me.
My insides began to buzz with anticipation when a movement out of the corner of my eye made me take a step back.
Michael, her little brother, had pulled the corner of the curtains back so he could peek out the window.
“See, that’s what I mean,” I cursed as I nodded towards the window. “The next thing you know, your dad’s going to step out here and want to know what is going on.”
She frowned and her eyes got misty for a second.
“It should be different,” I continued, “if it wasn’t you. If it wasn’t your family. If you were just some girl I liked. I’d bring you home from a date, kiss you goodnight. Hopefully, a long, glorious kiss. Then watch you go inside.”
Her eyes began to sparkle with anger. “Do you wish I was someone else?” she asked.
“No, of course not,” I said before her eyes got that familiar angry sparkle.
“I just wish we could be alone. Just the two of us. Alone enough to get to know each other. You know? Also, the fact that I can’t take you in my arms and kiss you is killing me inside.”
Marla gave me a small smile and slowly nodded.
“I understand. Believe me, I understand,” she said. “But remember. I’m not the one wanting to keep this all a secret. I want to yell to the world that Tank Gunderson kissed me. I don’t care what my family thinks. I want to walk down the hall at school with my hand in yours and watch every other girl go green with jealousy. I want it all. It’s you that doesn’t want anyone to know. I understand why. But it is your choice.”
She was right. This was all my fault. This constant tension and worry about being found out. This guilt that constantly pumped through me. It was my issue. Not hers.”
We stood there for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes. I knew this wasn’t fair to her. One more thing to feel bad about. But I just couldn’t see a way out. Not without ruining my friendship with Jason and upsetting Marla’s parents.
It was almost funny. I wouldn’t mind them being mad at me. But the thought of them being disappointed in me made my insides curl up into a tight ball.
“We’ll figure it out,” I said as I reached around her to open the front door.
A quick sad look came over her eyes and my heart lurched to the side. Now she was disappointed in me. I couldn’t do anything right. Not when it came to Marla Turner and her family. It was like being caught in a blizzard up in the mountains. No matter what I did. It wasn’t going to end well.