I had just finished the dishes and was headed up to my room when my phone buzzed with a text message.
“You busy?”
Jason. My heart jumped into light speed, and my mind raced.
“No.”
“Can I come over?”
I instantly rushed to my room. Yes, everything was clean. Then, I realized. He wasn’t coming to my room. Get a grip Amber.
“Sure,” I texted back, once I was able to get my thumbs to stop shaking.
Quickly running a brush through my hair, I debated whether I should change or not. But, then he’d know I’d changed just because of him. I was still losing the argument with myself when the doorbell rang.
The boy didn’t waste time.
“I’ve got it,” I yelled as I raced downstairs. Only at the last moment did I stop and pull myself back under control. This is all pretend, I reminded myself. Then, why was my heart beating out of my chest? And, it wasn’t because I’d taken the stairs three at a time.
“Hey,” he said with that silly grin of his when I opened the door.
“Hey,” I answered back. Once again demonstrating my excellent command of the English language.
He had a nasty bruise on his cheek. Like someone had punched him. Of their own accord, my fingers reached up to gently brush the bruise.
“What happened?” I asked. My insides clenched up at the thought of something hurting him.
He laughed. “I zigged when I should have zagged. Johnny Templeton clocked me good.”
“He punched you?” I asked, incredulous that a fellow teammate could do that to him.
“No, nothing like that. He just tackled me hard. It was my own fault. My mind was wandering, and I wasn’t paying attention. It’s nothing really.”
I studied his eyes for a second and realized he was telling the truth. At least about the bruise. Something was bothering him though. I might only be a pretend girlfriend. But, even I could tell he was bothered by something.
“I wondered if we could talk?” he asked.
“Sure,” I said, as I tried to understand what was going on. Was he having second thoughts? Had he decided it was better to be hooked up with one of the queen bees? Maybe he was thinking about all the sex he could be having if he had chosen one of them.
A thousand different thoughts flew through my brain, as I stepped out onto the porch.
“I thought we could go for a drive,” he said while raising an eyebrow.
“Okay,” I said. “Let me tell my mom. I’ll be right back.”
He nodded and stepped off the porch to wait.
I rushed inside and told my mom I was going for a drive with Jason from next door, then turned and hurried out of the room before she could say anything. The last thing I saw was my mother with her mouth hanging open, frantically grasping for something to say.
It was not something you saw every day.
Jason held the door for me to his truck, then hopped in behind the wheel.
“Feel like some pie?” he asked. “Sam’s has the best pie. Banana cream.”
“Okay,” I said. Again with the high language skills.
We drove in silence. That awkward wall between us. My heart raced as I tried to develop a response to one of a thousand possibilities.
Finally, after a couple of blocks, he took a deep breath and said, “Listen Amber. I’m sorry about today.”
I could feel my forehead narrow into a dozen creases. “Today?” I asked. What exactly was he sorry about? The pretend girlfriend boyfriend thing? The treating me as an escape thing? What? And, why, I wondered, was I so nervous?
“I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. It wasn’t part of the deal, and I’m sorry.”
The kiss. He was sorry for one of the most beautiful kisses in the history of kisses. Why?
“Why?” I asked. “Was I that bad?”
Had those words just come out of me? I gasped and put my hand over my mouth before I said anything else equally dumb.
He laughed and shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I just didn’t ... we didn’t agree to that. I was worried that you might be mad at me.”
I looked at him for a long moment. Good, I thought, a little suffering will do you good. I continued to let him hang there for a long moment, then smiled and said, “Jason, I’m a big girl. I’ve been kissed before.” Okay, it was a complete and total white lie. But, no way was I letting him know.
“Who?” he asked with a frown.
“I lived in New York, remember? Not exactly a place known for shy boys.”
He continued to frown for a long time. Then, his shoulders relaxed as he said, “So you’re not mad?”
I smiled. He was so cute when he was worried about what I thought. A girl could get attached to that cuteness.
“No Jason, I’m not mad.”
He sighed heavily. It had obviously really been eating at him.
“But,” I continued, “don’t get any ideas. That doesn’t give you permission to start treating me like a piece of meat.
“Okay,” he said with a smile. “No treating you like meat.”
I could see his entire body posture relax. It was as if he had been let out of a prison of his own making. I would never understand this boy. He had a dozen girls clamoring after him. Offering him the real thing. And, he chose to pretend with me instead. It didn’t make sense.
When we got to the diner, he ushered me in, briefly holding his hand on my lower back. A shiver traveled up my spine from his touch. I liked the way my body felt around him. Alive, sure of itself.
Luke worked there as a dishwasher. He was out bussing tables and shot us a big smile.
“Here for the pie?” he asked. “Grab a seat, and I’ll send Meagan over.”
Jason smiled and pointed out a booth in the back. I slid in, and Jason slid in across from me. A pretty waitress approached with a couple of menus.
“Do you need these or do you guys just want pie?”
“Two banana creams,” Jason said, shooting me a look asking if that was acceptable. I nodded, and the waitress returned to get our dessert.
“Wow, how good are their pies?” I asked Jason.
He just smiled and said, “You’ll see.”
When the waitress had delivered our food, I asked him, “So, what else did you want to talk about? Surely it wasn’t just about that kiss.”
I took a bite of my pie while I waited for him to answer.
“Wow,” I said, this was good. A perfect mix of bananas and toasted coconut.
Jason smiled. Obviously pleased that I was pleased.
“I just thought we should get our stories straight. You know, what, where, when, type stuff.”
“Marla tried to pin me down on the bus ride home,” I said with a smile.
Jason nodded. “Yeah, she tried the same on me. And, Tank was all over my case. Something about how girls on our street are off limits.”
I almost blurted out the whole Tank-Marla issue, but then stopped myself. No, we weren’t real boyfriend and girlfriend I reminded myself. There was no requirement to share information like that. Not with Marla’s brother.
Instead, I nodded and encouraged him to go on.
“I thought we should probably keep the story pretty generic,” he said. “You know, you moved here. We talked. One thing led to another.” The shrug of his shoulders let me know that deep down he was still bothered by something. Was it the deception? Lying to his friends? Or, was it something else?
“Okay,” I answered. “Keep it simple.”
He nodded and concentrated on finishing his food.
That awkward wall was there again. Would it always be there? I wondered. Would we ever be able to be in the same room and not have this barrier between us? Or, was it just me? Was I the one who felt uncomfortable? Buzzing with excitement, and terrified for some unknown reason.
“You know,” Jason said with a small smile, “this makes it official. If anyone doubted that you were my girlfriend. Taking you to get a slice of Sam’s pie sort of puts that to rest.”
I laughed. “Do you bring all your girlfriends to Sam’s?” I asked as my stomach clenched up.
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “Up until now, none of them have been important enough.”
My insides shook. I knew he was only teasing. This was only pretend. But, it was hard not to let my head run away with my heart.
“So what next?” I asked.
He smiled, “I thought maybe you might want to go to a party. Friday, after the game. Jamie Taylor usually organizes something.”
“You mean together, like a date?”
Jason laughed. “Well, it is sort of expected. You are my girlfriend. People will expect us to go together.”
Yes, of course, people would expect. My insides tightened once again. Would my body ever be able to relax?
“Okay, I guess,” I said, as I took my last bite of pie.
“Don’t sound so enthused,” he said with a chuckle.
Now it was my turn to laugh. I shrugged my shoulders. “Sorry,” I said. “It’s just that I don’t know how to do this. What are the rules for a pretend relationship? How convincing do we have to be?”
“Relax, Amber, it’s not that big a deal. We do this for four or six weeks, then you dump me. Then we move on with our lives.”
I fought not to grimace. He was right. It was only temporary and not even real. Relax, I told myself and go with the flow.
But, it didn’t seem to work. Nothing, I thought. Nothing, I said to myself, would make this sad feeling of regret go away.