Kesari

 

Curled up in front of the fireplace with Rurik’s head on my knee and a glass of wine, I watched the flames and shivered. The night was cold and bleak, with a stillness only to be found in the dead of winter. It was so white and frozen outside, it was hard to imagine spring coming.

I was also frowning and gritting my teeth, filled with unreasonable anger at the Zimas. Why couldn’t they leave Roy alone? Why did they insist on driving him into a dark corner and leaving him there? Why did he always get that look in his eyes – far away and sad – when family came up?

Setting down the glass on the table, I pet Rurik and ruminated on it. Maybe I could badger Piper or Balt into telling me. Or Dara, even. She seemed to have an inkling.

I knew Lev and Rurik wouldn’t. I’d already tried.

Roy’s thick-socked feet appeared in my view and he sat down in front of me, fresh from the shower and somehow looking younger. The faint freckles on his face were obvious and his wet hair stuck and dripped down his neck, reflecting the flicker from the firelight.

“I’m leaving the past where it belongs,” Roy said and I stared at him. “Or maybe I should say I’m trying. It’s not easy for me. I’ve always felt this pressure to uphold the dual legacy, to mark the end of a bitter rivalry between Shifters of Anubis families and be above the politics.” He paused. “In the past, instead, I got dragged into it and so I vanished. Became a Runner.”

“Why do the Weslarks and Zimas hate each other so much?” I asked. “Power?”

“Partly, I suppose.” Roy took my hand and traced his fingers across the lines. “But more than that – they stand on the two dichotomies that make up Shifters of Anubis. Strength and shifting versus intelligence and the mystic arts, like healing. Weslarks are known for their genius and healers. Zima’s for their warriors and grit. Two sides of the same coin in the end.”

“How did your parents meet and…? What happened?” I blurted out.

Roy lifted his eyes to mine and smiled. “They both wound up in New York City – at the same school and in the same Shifters of Anubis rookie training program. Of course, at first, they hated each other on principle. But that began to fade as they worked together more and more.

“Mom said my father had a winsome, oddball wit that made her laugh, no matter how much she tried not to. They became friends and by the end of school and training, they were in love.

“Of course, the Weslarks and Zimas were both violently opposed to it. I think my Uncle Elias managed to convince my grandparents on the Weslark side to at least meet my mother. And they were charmed by her. She’s brilliant and beautiful. A bit of rare sweetness in the Zima line.”

“So that’s where you get it from,” I said with a smile.

Roy smiled and went on to tell me how the Zimas all but shunned his mother once she married into the Weslarks. But when he was born, her mother passed away and things changed. On both sides, it seemed, yet there was a hidden cost. Roy.

“I became a bridge between my grandfather and mother. He could be indulgent on occasion and I don’t know, there’s something about him that makes you want his approval. But he can be cold and callous, too. This bothered the Weslarks – pressuring my mother to cut off contact and increase my studies. Things like that. It was hard on my mother and father, too – always trying to appease everyone. I know that and I learned early on to be careful of what I wanted so as not to offend anyone. But after years of doing that, it gets tiresome.

“I became too careful, too aware of every little move and gesture. Even when it came to names. I suppose it made me a good Runner, but it was exhausting. Always watching myself and having to keep tabs on everyone else.”

“A young diplomat,” I joked, even as my heart hurt seeing how Roy had learned to tread softly and calmly between his families. “A tug of war rope for Shifters of Anubis pride.”

Roy’s eyes went wide and he nodded. “Exactly. Sometimes, I think I resented my Weslark cousins, too. And that made me feel terrible as I got older, especially after what happened to Balt’s family and my aunt Palila dying so young. After that, I saw them less and buried myself in my studies as much as I could.” His lips twitched. “I did enjoy those and when I got into Princeton…”

From there, he told me everything. How he “forgot” about the expectations of the Zima family while he was a Shifters of Anubis rookie and sought a Ph.D., pleasing the Weslarks.

Yet how he began to avoid his parents in order to not get dragged back into it. How all that avoidance would merely serve to irk his grandfather. Thus, Ivan had been assigned to his rookie survival test. And after that, even though Roy was the hero, everything fell apart over the next two years. Until Roy felt he had to leave school and become a runner.

“I blamed Ivan and my grandfather for a long time, but it was my choice in the end. When I made that choice, though, the Weslarks took it as a sign I’d chosen the Zimas over them. And I began to resent them, too. It was like no one could ever cut me a break or treat me as anything but a political tool. Everyone always came to me for favors and maneuverings, until I slowly cut them all off. For a while, too, I barely spoke to my parents.” Roy looked down. “I shouldn’t have done that, though. They were never to blame, not really. I was selfish when it came to them, I think.”

“You are not selfish, Roy,” I said, pressing a hand to his face.

“I can be,” Roy murmured. “Spend enough time alone and you learn every flaw.”

“Then you should know every asset and wonderful thing, too,” I said, staring straight at him.

A wide, roguish smile spread across his face and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead into mine and closing his eyes. “Isn’t that what I have you for?”

I couldn't answer that, so instead, I kissed him and Roy pulled me towards him. Rurik snorted and trotted out of the room, whacking us with his tail on the way out. We broke apart laughing and I poked his chest.

“You were cut off from your dreams and selflessly took up a position you didn’t want, all the while being treated pretty poorly by your family on both sides,” I said. “You’re a good man, Roy. You kept up a poker face for years trying to please everyone.”

His eyes were closed and he murmured, “I know. I never wanted to upset anyone or choose one side over the other. I care about them and what they need. But it became too much after a point.” Those blue eyes opened and Roy looked sad. “I used to wish I did things differently all the time and it ate away at me.” Then he looked at me and smiled widely. “But not anymore.”

“No?” I asked in a breathless voice.

“No,” Roy said. “Because then I wouldn’t have wound up here with you.”

“Thank Piper,” I said as he leaned down.

A grin tugged up in his cheek as our breath mingled. “Already did.”

His hands slid under my shirt and across my back, warm and sturdy, familiar and rough-skinned, always gentle and deft. My lower lip was between his teeth and I closed my eyes. Reaching up into his hair, I pressed against him and our kisses were becoming hungrier.

Now I was on his lap, legs around his waist and gasping for breath between each touch. Roy was sliding his thumbs slowly up my sides, finding each bone of my rib cage. One by one.

Abruptly he pulled back and kissed his way down my throat. Laying me down, he rolled up my shirt and kissed his way across my stomach. I watched his blond head move back and forth as though in a dream. His scent filled my nose and I sighed, reveling in this.

Suddenly his hands drifted lower, hooking into my leggings and pulling them down. I let out a surprised sound as my bare legs hit the cold rug. His fingers were teasing my ankles as he pulled the leggings off entirely, then dancing up my calves.

Propping myself up on my elbows, I met his eyes for a moment and saw a wicked promise there that made my heart skip several beats. Then his blond head was between my legs and mine was falling back as I cried out at the skill of his tongue.

“Roy, oh, oh, Roy,” I gasped, then a moan shuddered out of me. “Yes-yes-oh!”

His big hands were holding my thighs, thumbs circling the inner portion and also holding me in place. Falling back, I writhed and my hands found his hair, gripping hard.

The heat from the fire and his body were now filling me, sparking up and down my nerves as I rode that wave of pleasure higher and higher. And it hit hard, scattering those embers and filling me with a roar like a flame rising up. I was that flame, one of bliss and awe.

Opening my eyes onto Roy’s smirk, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Mm, come here,” I said.

Shedding his shirt, then tugging off mine, along with my bra, Roy rolled us over so that we were on our sides with no space between us.

“I like watching the firelight on your body,” he murmured, kissing my shoulder.

“How are you such a romantic?” I asked, somehow still surprised every time.

“I am not,” Roy said gruffly. “I am only being honest.”

Laughing, I captured his lips and we kissed, deep and slow. Hooking a leg over his hip, I pressed into him and felt the hardness growing in his pants.

“Don’t deny it, Roy,” I whispered. “I like that about you.”

Roy was kicking off his pants and pulling me closer. One hand was on my thigh as he moved against me and I gasped as the barest friction teased between us.

His lips were at my ear. “How many times do I have to tell you – it’s you, Kesari.” He slid in and I gasped again, the pressure at being filled drowning out thoughts and inundating me with sensation after sensation of complete ecstasy. “I do not know, perhaps you’re my muse.”

Blinking back tears, I leaned back to look at him and he cupped the back of my head. We gazed at each other for a split second, my heart wide open to his, and then he was tracing kisses across my lips, my jaw and down to my collarbone.

All I could do was hold on and move with him, in this sensual dance written in between thoughts and words. We kissed fiercely and sometimes it seemed too much, but then we’d break apart and in that glance, we knew to take our time. We had all the time in the world.

Even much later, after we’d shattered and come back together too many times to count and the fire was nothing but a red glow and Roy was dozing, I was conscious of a night where the hours slowed down and went softly. A night made for just us. A night of love-making.

I watched Roy’s face and snuggled closer to him under the blanket he’d grabbed off the couch earlier. The floor was hard and I knew we’d eventually have to go to bed, but for right now, I was comfortable and content.

He was smiling in his sleep and I smiled, too. Running my fingers up his jaw, I marveled at his strong, handsome face. One of patience, endurance and deep, abiding empathy. A man who’d been forced to bury his soul and was now standing in the sun.

Maybe I could take a little credit, right?

I love you, Roy, I thought, my heart sending off sparks of exhilaration and terror. I love you and never want to imagine a world without you in it.

Out loud, I murmured, “I’m so glad I was so wrong about you.”

Roy stirred and his smile became wicked. An arm fit around my back and pulled me close. “First impressions can be tricky,” he opened his eyes and grinned. “Although I know you thought I was the sexiest man you had ever seen.”

My jaw dropped. “I did not!”

“Kes, you did, too. I saw you give me a once-over,” Roy said. “The good-looking jackass.”

I flushed. “For a gentleman, you’re so full of yourself sometimes.”

Raising himself up, Roy looked down at me and his smile became downright wicked. “So, you’re telling me you’ve never had even one wayward thought about me? Or a dream?” I shook my head even as my cheeks flushed hotter. “Yeah, I’ll remind you that I saw the way you looked at me that night I came back into the kitchen without my shirt on.”

“Will you stop bringing that up?” I asked, putting my hands over my face.

Laughing, Roy stood up and pulled me with him. He wrapped the blanket around us as we went into the bedroom. At the door, he dropped it and spun me around, shoving me up against the door. Lifting one of my legs, he held it at his waist and leaned forward.

“The first time I saw you, I was so flustered at how beautiful you were. A fierce, brainy and outspoken woman.” Roy dragged a thumb across my lips. “Want to know about all of the thoughts and dreams you were in?” he asked. “I remember them all vividly.”

I nodded, unable to speak and once again, we were lost in each other. Kissing him, I desperately wanted to tell him how I felt, but I held back. It has to be the perfect moment.

I should…

But the rest of that thought was gone as sensation took over.