Kesari

 

I’d never known how long one week could be.

At the moment, Roy was dragging his feet behind me, shoulders hunched and staring at some middle ground. He’d been withdrawing more with each day and I was afraid he’d soon vanish.

I’d told him he didn’t have to come with me to the market, but he’d insisted on coming and now I wished I’d insisted he’d stay home.

Not because I didn’t want Roy’s company, but because I didn’t want to miss him in his company. We’d barely spoken the last four days – he’d been buried in his work and training was on hold until my injuries healed. As of four days ago, they’d faded and I felt fine.

But a deeper scar seemed to remain and tainted the air between us.

What had once been there, strange as it was, had been snuffed out.

One week ago, Roy had told me he didn’t know what he would do if something happened to me. He’d held me against him. He’d made me think crazy things.

Now I was back to realizing I’d let my imagination run away with me again. And the pinch in my chest had become a sharp, hot pain that I couldn’t focus on for more than a moment.

It hurt too much.

How could he do that? Embrace me and then push me away? And why?

The trip through the store seemed to take forever. I had to repeat myself several times to Roy, who’d then shrug or mutter a laconic yes or no. Finally, at the register, I didn’t even have the heart to make small talk with Hal, who asked me I was sick.

Nodding, I lied and said I was getting over a cold. We both were. He seemed to accept that.

Oh, how I wished that were the case.

Once in the car, Roy slumped in the passenger’s seat, his eyes closed and jaw tight. I could no longer read his expressions or get to the bottom of what was bothering him. Maybe he was just exhausted – he had gone on several excursions to try to track down the rogue hybrid. But deep down I knew it was more than that.

His phone buzzed from the depths of his jacket as I pulled onto the main road and he stirred, sighing and answering it. He made a noise of surprise and then asked, “Can it wait?” Pause. “Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Don’t you mean “we?” I thought unreasonably.

“What was that?” I asked as he hung up. “The Cantina? We can go now.”

“No, you don’t have to come,” Roy said tiredly.

I glanced at him. It seemed like he hadn’t slept in days. What was bothering him?

“I want to,” I said stubbornly. “In fact, do you want me to drive there now? It’s cold enough – everything in the car will keep.” It was true, it was near freezing temperatures today.

Roy didn’t answer and I decided to take matters into my own hands. Instead of going straight, I turned right and headed up towards the Cantina.

“Hey!” he said. “No, Doc, go home.”

“Too late,” I said, as the car climbed up the incline to the Cantina. We swung in five minutes later, Roy apparently knowing a losing battle when he saw one. Hopping out, I didn’t wait for him, but headed inside and glanced around.

Jive, Hopper and a few other agents seemed surprised to see me, then faintly amused as Roy rushed in after me. He glanced at me, then turned to Jive, who gave a rundown of the situation.

Every time I thought we’d finished ferreting out the secrets of the Cantina, we found something else to baffle us. Apparently, they’d found a hidden hallway in the bowels of the building and wanted Roy to check it out.

As of yet, every door leading off of it remained locked. I wondered if there were more laboratories down there.

Again, Roy glanced at me and this time I said, sweetly and sternly, “I’ll hang back, but I’m not going home. There could be some chemical agent down there that requires my attention.”

He nodded, defeated and I followed them downstairs. The shadows were thick down here and I couldn’t repress a shudder as we passed by the room where Roy had been hit with those poisoned bolts. Then we came upon the passage. I could see how it was easily missed – the door had been seamless. Although open, it was about three feet thick, like a bank vault door.

“If Hopper wasn’t so sensitive to the cold, I don’t know if we’d ever have found it,” Jive joked, to which his partner rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath.

I sniffed the air. It was cold, with a metallic tang underneath, but I didn’t smell anything dangerous. According to the guys, one of the science kids had already been down here and checked the monoxide levels. Everything seemed clean.

Walking in, they flashed their lights all over the place, even though all of us were shifters and could see in the dark. It was more an extra precaution so we didn’t miss anything. Then someone found the lights and hit them, washing us in a sterile, bright fluorescent blaze.

The doors set in the walls were sturdy and thick, set about ten feet apart and something about them was ominous. I shivered, running my gloved fingers across one and a slot above my head opened. Jumping back, Hopper was there in a second and peering in.

"It's a sliding window, but it's black and empty in there," he said. Before he could look again, it slid shut and wouldn't open, no matter how many times we tried.

After a while, I left him, wandering down to where Roy was, at the end of the hall. Here was a thick door with no apparent handle and he was frowning at it.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Something about this is familiar,” he responded, studying it. “But I can’t place it.”

“Maybe this was storage and they cleared it out,” I suggested, rubbing my arms and shivering. I was getting sleepy and hungry. “Nothing that mysterious.”

Roy was glancing up and down the hall, a frown on his face. “I don’t think so.” I watched as he moved closer to the door, a hand moving along the wall until he seemed to find something, pressing on one part. Suddenly a slot of metal seemed to shoot up and a keypad popped out.

There were numbers already typed into it, I barely caught a glimpse of 890321 when it opened. It wasn’t loud, as I was expecting.

Instead, the door had split open silently and I stared around inside.

Empty and all one uniform piece of metal, it seemed. Then I blinked, as it came into better focus and without thinking leaned in.

There were claw marks on the wall. Deep gouges.

With a gasp, I stepped in for a better look. Roy let out a shout, calling my name and then there a whoosh of air as the doors slid shut behind me, enclosing me in the darkness as I turned.

The last thing I saw was Roy’s face, his eyes wide and terrified.

It was dead quiet in here and hard to see. Blinking, I wondered if it was my eyes when I realized the metal dampened the ability for a shifter to see in here. It was on purpose.

This is a prison.

Horror and panic were rising in me as I fought to keep calm. Roy would get me out.

It was only a matter of–

Light broke across my face and I was blinded for a moment as the doors opened and Roy all but leaped inside, grabbing my arm and hauling me forward.

“What the hell do you think you’re–?

Suddenly the hallway went dark as the lights went out and I briefly saw movement before the doors slammed shut in front of us, locking both of us in and silence descended.

Roy went very still, his hand suddenly squeezing mine too tightly before he raised a fist and slammed it against the doors. Then he let go of me so fast I stumbled. Looking up, I could only barely make him out, standing rigidly in front of the doors and breathing fast. 

“Roy?” I asked, hesitantly reaching out my hand, then drawing it back.

He turned, rubbing his face and paced by me. “Why can’t we see?”

“Something about the metal,” I said. “It’s interfering – perhaps reflecting or too opaque, I’m not sure. I’ve never encountered something like this before.”

“Kai,” he suddenly said.

“What?” I asked, a little frightened. He sounded strange.

“My cousin,” Roy said, walking over and slumping against the wall, a huddled shadow. “He - I think this the kind of prison they locked him up in when the TLO took him.” He paused. “I read the case file for the first time before I came out here. It’s part of why I agreed to do this.” His breathing was unsteady and he suddenly slid to the floor. “But I didn’t imagine we’d be locked in one of their cages. Dammit. Someone better get the generator going and soon.”

Walking over, I sat near him and asked gently, “Are you claustrophobic?”

“Sort of,” Roy said, tipping his head back against the wall and trying to steady his breath. “More like I don’t like being trapped. When I was younger, my cousins dared me to walk out on an icy lake and I fell through. It was nothing but darkness and cold.” I couldn’t help but gasp. “And when I came back up, I slammed into the ice. I couldn’t breathe and I did not know what to do. I panicked and started to sink.” A pause. “My grandfather saved me.”

“Piper and Kai did that?” I asked harshly.

“No,” Roy sounded bitter. “Those were the Zima cousins.”

Suddenly I remembered a big, dark-haired brute with an aggressive stance and a cruel smile in Greece. Ivan Zima. I had barely spent any time with him, but I hadn’t liked him on sight. I could see him bullying a young kid to walk out on unsafe ice.

“Bastard,” I muttered.

“I had to have been about seven,” Roy continued. “And my grandfather was angry with me for being scared. Angry I didn’t shift and break through. I had failed a Zima test, apparently.”

“What?” I burst out. “How is that a test? It’s barbaric! You could have died.”

Roy didn’t answer for a moment. “I-I don’t want to talk about it. I’m…” He swallowed hard.

Scooting closer, I touched his knee gently. “How can I help?” I asked.

“I can’t ask you that, Doc,” Roy said, gritting his teeth and holding his head in his hands.

“Kesari!” I snapped suddenly and pushed his hands away. My palms held his face as he stared at me, the blue the brightest thing in that dark room. “Stop calling me Doc, I mean it!”

“Kesari,” he said solemnly, but I thought I saw amusement in his eyes for a moment.

The scruff on his face was tickling my palms and a rush of heat went over me, so I dropped them to his shoulders, suddenly unsure of what to do. I should have probably moved to sit next to him or something, but I couldn’t move.

“Will you–?” Roy’s voice cracked and then he moved me so that I was almost in his lap, his arms inside my jacket and hands pressing me closer to him. “You’re warm.”

My knees curled up and bumped into the back of his hard thigh as his head fell onto my shoulder. Without thinking, I locked my arms around his neck and slid my hands into his shirt.

I’d never been held like this. Like I was a lifeline. My skin tingled from head to toe. Nor had I ever embraced someone like this, in a dark and secret space. It amplified every movement and moment. Each breath from Roy’s lips against my skin.

His heartbeat and mine.

A sigh escaped Roy and the tension seemed to ease out of his body, his breathing becoming slower and steadier. After days of pulling apart, it suddenly felt as though we’d hit critical mass and slammed back together. Where we were supposed to be.

I could have said something, I thought, biting my lip. I’d waited for Roy. Or maybe I’d been relieved since I was so very terrified and exhilarated right now.

What if you’re only a warm body? asked a cruel voice. He’d hug anyone right now.

Suddenly I thought of Roy’s socks and my heartstrings were sharply tugged. Was that part of Roy avoiding the sensation of being cold? Or was I reading into things?

Was he afraid of anything? Those two things didn’t seem to match up.

Roy and fear.

“Kesari, I know this is a lot to ask, but will you talk to me?” Roy suddenly asked. “Distract me – tell me anything. What are you thinking about?”

A funny ache went through my chest. “I was thinking about your socks,” I said lightly and he let out a surprised laugh, almost in spite of himself. “Do you not like to be cold?”

“I can deal with it, but I don’t like it, no,” Roy said, his breath tickling my neck.

I could feel every quickening beat of my heart and prayed he couldn’t. “And I was wondering if you’re actually afraid of anything.” I winced. “Although I’m sure you’d be fine if you were alone in here, I mean. I’m not saying you’re afraid. Or that you’re not. Either is okay. You’d be fine, yeah.”

“Maybe,” Roy said. “I know I could tolerate it, but I’d hate every moment of it.” There was a moment of silence. “You’re going above and beyond to help me. Thank you.”

“I’m not doing much, but you’re welcome,” I said, forcing a laugh.

“Don’t do that,” Roy said in a fierce whisper. “Don’t ever self-deprecate yourself like that.”

“Well, I mean anyone could sit in here and–”

“No, they couldn’t,” Roy interrupted. “Not like you, Kesari.” His scruff brushed over the bare skin of my shoulder as he adjusted his head. My nerves were singing and humming. Butterflies rose in a swarm of terror and flapping wings. “There is no one like you.”

Tears pricked my eyes and I smiled. “Tu me manques,” I said without thinking.

My eyes went wide and I pulled in a breath. No, wait, I didn’t…

No, I did.

I did.

Roy adjusted his arms, pulling me closer and he asked, “French? What’s that mean?”

“Oh, nothing,” I said lightly.

“Kesari,” he said.

“It means you’re a monkey,” I lied quickly.

“Nice,” Roy growled against my throat and a throb went through me.

For a while, we were quiet, with me occasionally piercing the silence with babbling or stories. I mentioned Scandal and he laughed. But when I asked him questions, he refused to answer and rubbed his scruffy cheek on my shoulder. He wanted me to talk, he said.

My toes were curling in my boots and I pressed my cheek on his head. I wish you weren’t going back to being a Runner, I thought suddenly. Out loud, I said, “I’m sure it won’t be long now.”

Roy lifted his head slowly and I nervously met that blue gaze. One of his hands slid around, tracing my rib cage before he lifted it to my face and pushed back my hair.

“You’ve been sad this week,” he suddenly said and I pulled in a sharp breath. “I know I’ve been tired and out of it, but I noticed. You want to tell me what’s wrong, Kesari?”

“I-I’m not,” I said, shaking my head. I couldn’t see Roy’s face well enough to read his expression, but he seemed to be caught in a dreamlike daze. “I was tired, too.”

“You’re lying,” he said quietly, fingers playing with the edges of my hair.

"So are you," I said evenly before I could stop myself.

“I am?” Roy asked, his hand stilling.

“You’re not tired, you’re withdrawn. Something’s wrong,” I whispered. My heart was racing and I was so terrified of what he was going to say next, I wanted to run. But he was holding onto me too tightly. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Kesari, no,” Roy said sharply. I thought his lips twisted. “You asked me what I was afraid of? Let’s just say it came to a head this week. But now I can’t remember why – how do you do that?”

I drew back, confused. “Do what?”

“You make me forget the rules,” he said in a low voice.

“What rules?” I asked, baffled. “Shifters of Anubis?”

“No, not Shifters of Anubis,” Roy said, his voice huskier now and his hand pushed into my hair. My eyes closed at the sensation and a small sigh escaped me. “Kesari, I–”

There was a sound outside and we both looked up to a crack of light. I yanked myself away, leaping to my feet. Roy was following as the doors opened and a figure was outlined there.

I blinked, unable to make out their features for a moment and then my vision cleared. The first thing I saw was the mocking smile and dark eyes.

“And here you are, little cousin,” came a Russian-accented voice. “Locked in a cage.”