Kesari

 

“Are you serious right now?” I snarled at Roy.

He wasn’t meeting my eyes as he nodded, a muscle near his mouth working. “Kes, I am not going to submit you to seeing–”

“I did a stint as a medical officer at a shifter hospital that took care of wounded Shifters of Anubis agents. I’ll also remind you that I saved your life when you were pierced by poisonous bolts.”

Now Roy looked at me and his hands were on my shoulders. “Kes, it’s not that I don’t think you’re capable – I’m just trying to protect–”

I swatted him away and stepped back, eyes wide. “We’re still on this? We are a team, Roy. Or do you not realize that? Is this how it’s going to be – something gets to be too hard or scary – and you’ll what? Lock me away? I work for Piper, Roy, not you. I am co-lead here. We both signed that contract!” His eyes were flinty and mouth thin, but he said nothing. “Move.”

Clenching his fists at his side, Roy stepped away and I pushed past him. Inside the room were several agents who worked with Alvie.

Alvie, who was standing in front of a table, his smock black as though with grease. For a moment, I stared, nonplussed, then I gasped softly.

It was blood. Black blood.

The whole room smelled of something rotten, I realized as I forced myself to walk further in. Alvie looked up and shook his head, coming over.

“Kesari, this is no place for you. I will get you samples, yes? Leave, please.”

“No, I should be in here.”

“You are not Shifters of Anubis,” he whispered. “These are not your horrors, not your burdens to bear.” I glanced beyond him and saw the edge of a bone glinting among the carnage and my stomach roiled. “Roy was right to try to keep you away.”

Looking up, I saw Alvie was pale and troubled. For a moment longer I hesitated, then I turned and ran from the room, feeling every inch a coward.

 

Alone in the house, I paced, waiting for Roy. It was hours after they’d brought in the body of the hybrid, torn to shreds by its brethren it seemed and a million years since we sat alone in our office.

My chest hurt. I was angry at myself, angry at him, and enraged at Lilian Frost.

I hadn’t thought about her in a while, but every time I did, poisonous hatred seeped through me. I couldn’t help but remember how she’d kept little children at gunpoint, tried to kidnap Electra Kazan, all while torturing Balt’s family and Balt. How she’d leered at Piper and the terrible things she’d said. Promises of revenge and destruction.

There was science and then there was butchery. Pushing the envelope so fast and hard, you forgot the point of it all. That was Frost. I saw it in her work.

I’d seen it in that man Hunter’s eyes.

And I had never wanted her to win – to hold anything over me. I knew she’d sent those hybrids after me – something Roy tried to avoid talking about – probably because I was the better scientist. I’d reveled in that thought, not caring if it was arrogant.

But in the clutch moment, when Shifters of Anubis needed me to step up and face her work, I’d crumpled. Ran from the room. I couldn’t look her fully in the eyes.

I was too afraid. I didn’t want to bear those horrors, as Alvie said.

Walking into the bedroom, I threw myself onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. My mind was churning through images. The night in Greece. Roy bleeding out on the table. The desperation in Hunter's eyes. The malignancy in the hybrid's as it hissed at me.

And that bit of mangled flesh I’d spied on the table.

 

Piano music drifted through the night as people laughed quietly and walked along the open porches, stopping to pause and admire the gardens and sea beyond. The air was warm and light, filled with light jasmine and the smell of the sea.

“Where are we going?” I asked the person next to me, but they were too far away.

Everyone around me was nothing but a shadow.

Yet I kept walking, even though my heart was beating hard and fast now.

Something was wrong. The scent was metallic and bloody now.

As we passed under an archway, I gazed around at the shadowy room, with hosts of faceless people around the perimeter. The piano music was louder and harsher.

Looking over, I saw the man playing and gasped, loud enough that he stopped and looked up. It was Rasoir, the hired killer. He grinned at me and nodded, then glanced up. I followed his gaze.

Lilian Frost was descending a set of stairs. Behind her were several couches where Piper, Balt, Dez, Kai, Isla, and others sat. Faye Knight. Balt's aunt Kali, his cousin Angele and her daughter Electra.

Finni, Obi, and Dara. Talori and Enele. Rurik and Lev.

All dead, their throats gashed and their eyes staring blankly.

I couldn’t even scream, I just stood there while Frost began to laugh and flashed a bloody knife.

“Did you really think you could outsmart me, Dr. Iyer?”

I hit the ground so hard, the shock of it went through my body and knocked the wind out of me. Gasping for air, I tried to speak, but I was choking and tears were running down my face.

“Here, I left you a puzzle,” she whispered from above me.

Roy was dragged in and thrown at my feet. He was pale and his breathing was shallow. I grabbed his face and glared at her, but she merely pointed at his wrist.

There was the Kazan mark.

“That’s not possible,” I breathed, watching it spread and creep.

The cold was enclosing me as I watched Roy struggle and now we were in the deep mountains. Snow was piling fast and Frost gave me a contemptuous look, then walked away, vanishing.

“Roy? Roy, can you hear me?” I asked, my voice cracking. “Roy!” I screamed.

Nothing and his breath was the barest of gusts between his lips as my shaking hand checked.

“Wake up,” I begged. “Don’t you dare–”

“This is all your fault,” said a voice from above me. A masked man was staring down at us and his eyes glinted with cool amusement. “If you’d just died, he’d have been spared.”

“Take me now, then, please. Let him live.” I was shaking from head to toe. “Please.”

“Too late.”

“No!” I cried and placed my face on Roy’s still chest. “No, Roy! Roy! Wake up!”

The words echoed around me and then light split the clouds.

Wake up!

 

“Wake up, Kes!” Roy was saying and I bolted upright, sucking in hard breaths. The acrid taste of the nightmare was in my mouth and I thought I was going to be sick for a second.

"Here," Roy said, handing me a glass of water, which I took shakily and sipped from. He took it back and sat down, his face serious and his hand pushed back my hair. "You're in a cold sweat. Screaming in your sleep." He looked down. "This is my fault, I should never have–"

I was patting the bed, reassuring myself I was awake. No one was dead and Frost was far away. Roy was gripping his knees and staring at the floor, trying to calm down. Reaching for him, my cold fingers met his cold cheek and a strangled sound escaped my chest.

He turned to me and caught me gently against him as I began to sob. His grip was tight, but his hands were gentle and protective. I was all but ripping his shirt as I held on, as something seemed to try to tear itself from my chest.

I had no idea how long I cried, but Roy didn’t rush me. He didn’t move or say a word. He was just there. If I’d fallen asleep, I was sure I’d wake up and he’d be watching over me.

The idea was tempting.

Eventually, I let go and he let me sit up, but only to drink more water. Then he took my wrists and studied my face. "Tell me."

“I don’t want you to die,” I whispered. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” When he didn’t respond, I slowly said, “I’ve had dreams about you Roy, but I’ve had nightmares, too. Tonight was the worse yet. She took you – she took everyone.”

“Who did?” Roy asked quietly.

“Frost,” I said bitterly, then I told him the whole dream, in halting and shaky breaths.

“That night in Greece,” Roy said slowly after I finished. “I think it was when people realized the lengths she was willing to go. How twisted she was. Piper thought she knew. She’d thought she’d seen it with Kai, she told me.” His eyes met mine. “But even she underestimated Frost, who would have ended Balt’s life because she knew it would have shattered Piper, his family, and SOA.”

I rubbed my nose and sniffed. “You came at the end, though.”

“I found out everything that happened from multiple people,” Roy said. “That was my job. To dig into their testimony and find the truth. Report on it and make recommendations. But I knew the whole story when I saw the look in people’s eyes.” His fingers tilted my chin up. “Especially yours, Kesari Iyer. You looked like you’d been through hell and you barely knew these people.”

“What?” I asked.

Roy’s voice got rough. “I looked into you. That night and later. Learned everything about you. It was curiosity, but something else, too. I was drawn to you.” He closed his eyes. “And then Piper goes and assigns me to you – we live together – I find out I was right.”

“Right about what?” I asked, sounding a little bit more like myself.

His eyes opened and he smiled at me. “You have a beautiful and deeply sensitive heart.” Roy let out a shaky breath. “I never stood a chance and I shouldn’t have tried.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked tiredly.

“That night changed both of us,” Roy said. “It was the beginning of me waking up to the bigger picture beyond petty family politics. Do you know I didn’t even know what had happened to Kai? My own cousin was taken by the TLO and I didn’t know.” He blew out a breath. “I was disgusted with myself.

“And deep down, when Piper offered me this job, as terrifying as the prospect of working and living with Kesari Iyer was,” Roy gave me a half-grin, “I knew I could not say no. Even though Piper gave me the choice to.” He waved his hand. “Piper and Kai would never fault me, I know – And yes, Piper did keep that whole story under wraps for a long time to protect him. But also, maybe, to protect the rest of us.” Roy’s gaze became troubled. “We’ve gotten complacent within Shifters of Anubis.

“Sitting in the shadows, doling out justice when necessary. It was impossible to believe that the TLO could exist, never mind commit these kinds of atrocities. Threaten our own and our families. Be so ruthless. That’s the world of the inanis, not the shifter.”

I stared at him and nodded. “We’ve been sheltered.”

"We've been sheltered. I mean, hell, most shifters don't even know about Shifters of Anubis. They don't need to because shifters take care of each other and most don't break the law. It's why Shifters of Anubis is so good at what it does – we deal with the anomalies. Until now. Now, we’re starting to grasp that Frost wants to tear down those delicate walls and upend the world order. She wants to fulfill whatever her mother was after.”

“What do you think that is?” I asked.

Roy shook his head. "I have theories, but honestly, I do not know. It scares me, too. When Finni got attacked, I was besieged with uncertainty." His hands pushed into my hair and he held my face. "But I have you and you steadied me. That's why I wanted to protect you tonight, Kes, why I did not want to let you in there. I was afraid something like this might happen."

“I didn’t want to be a coward,” I whispered. “But I am.”

“You are not a coward, Kes. The reason you had those nightmares was because there was a particular scent in that room that was there that night in Greece.” My eyes went wide. “I thought it would trigger something in you since it hit me hard, too." He took several deep breaths. "And I am telling you, pretending that fear isn't there won't work. I've tried. We all have. I wanted you to know all of this so that you know I am far from perfect. I struggle, too. We all do.”

“Thank you,” I said. “But–”

“No. SOA has better poker faces is all. Training. But shoving it all down and pretending to be okay when you’re not isn’t you, Kes. You are a force of honesty that affects everyone around you – especially me.” He kissed me hard. “Do not try to be anything else.”

“Okay,” I agreed, leaning in to kiss him again. His touch drowned out the nightmare, fading it away as reality took over, a reality that tasted like the best kind of dream.