Chapter Nineteen

Jess pulled on her anorak, hat and gloves. She was determined not to be indoors for the whole day. She turned towards where Madeleine still sat in reception, still surrounded by her multiple lists.

‘Come on, lazy bones. Bandit needs rescuing from the girls. He’s been looking after them all morning, and I’m sure I just heard him screaming for help … listen!’ Jess threw Madeleine’s coat towards her and pulled open the solid wooden door that stood between the grand hall’s reception and the tree-lined driveway. The harsh wind rushed inside and Jess felt a shudder go down her spine as she stepped outside into the cold winter day.

She stamped up and down impatiently. ‘Come on, Maddie, or poor Bandit will be tied to a tree with skipping ropes and both Poppy and Lily will be playing cowboys and Indians, running round him with duck feathers in their hair,’ Jess called as she zipped up her coat. ‘Unless, of course, it’s Bandit that has the girls tied to a tree and then you could be in all sorts of trouble,’ she joked. ‘It could be him doing a tribal dance around them.’

Jess walked in front of the tall, mullion window and allowed her eyes to travel through it and into the grand hall where the newly decorated Christmas tree stood in the corner. Its lights were reflecting in the many pictures that hung on the walls and Jess concentrated on the amber hue that the room had taken on from the fire, which she couldn’t see from where she stood, but she could imagine how the flames flicked and licked the back of the chimney breast, whilst busily crackling away as more and more logs were tossed on as the days grew colder.

She thought of the Christmas before, how she and Jack had curled up on one of those very settees that stood in front of the fire and watched the flames dance in the darkness. They’d sipped wine, made wishes and reflected on times gone by and, on just one occasion, when they’d thought that everyone had gone to sleep for the night, they’d gently and quietly made love, right there, in front of the fire, laughing and giggling. ‘Shhh …’ Jack had whispered to her. ‘Is it just me, or do you feel like a teenager again?’ he’d questioned as they’d hurriedly dressed, and picked up their wine glasses, just in time before Bandit had entered the room with his arms full of logs. Life had been so good. So settled. They’d found a daily routine, which had been so much less complicated than it all seemed right now.

She opened her eyes, walked back to the main doors and stepped through them, before staring through the dining room window beyond. She could see Jack sitting on the bench, chatting away to Bastion. They seemed deep in conversation and Jess found herself wondering what on earth they could be talking about. Or even why they were talking at all, especially after Jack had shown his initial distrust towards the man who claimed to be her father. She stepped forward as she saw Bastion stand, begin to cough and then sit down again. She had an overwhelming urge to run to him, but she couldn’t, knowing that whatever her father and Jack were talking about, the words were probably better off said sooner rather than later. Besides, she needed to have a conversation with Bastion herself. Madeleine had been right; the test did need to be done. But now, time was against them. It was the nineteenth of December already and it would soon be Christmas. Even with first class post it would be doubtful they’d get the results before the big day, and now Jess wished she’d sent for it sooner.

Jess forcibly looked away from where Jack sat and turned her attention back to Madeleine who was now standing beside her in the doorway. ‘Hey, Maddie, come on,’ Jess said, grabbing Madeleine’s hand. She pulled her sister outside and then began to laugh as she saw the face that Madeleine was pulling. ‘Hey, you used to love being outside, always running here and there. We couldn’t keep you in at one time. What’s wrong with you?’

Madeleine shrugged. ‘I’m just tired, Jess. My get up and go has disappeared. I have zero energy and it’s as though everything’s gone wrong.’ She spun around on the spot with her arms held out. ‘I love this place so much but it keeps on taking from me and after all that happened last year, I’d just started to feel okay, we’d just started being a family again.’ She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. ‘I mean, not just a family, but a real life, normal family. We hadn’t had that for such a long time. Goddamn it, Jess, we hadn’t ever had a normal family life. And then Emily died and Bandit’s been a mess, after all she was his grandmother and he’d only just found her, and … well … it’s all really shaken me, that’s all.’ She stopped and sat down on the stone step and sighed. ‘Oh, and Bandit’s dad, he isn’t in the best of health either and, on top of that, it’s Christmas and we have a hotel to run. We have to turn on the smiles, for the staff, and for the guests. Everyone expects us to be really happy, to glow with enthusiasm and Christmas cheer. And right now I haven’t got an enthusiastic bone in my entire body, not one.’

Jess pulled her sister to her feet and into a hug. ‘I know, Maddie. It’s been hard on us all. I miss her too,’ she whispered. ‘It doesn’t seem fair, does it? It’s only a year since she came back home where she belonged.’ Both sisters stared at one another with tear-filled eyes and shook their heads in unison, and then both jumped and screamed as a shower of leaves seemed to fall on them from above, making them spin around on the spot to see Poppy and Lily running off into the distance with Buddy, quickly followed by Bandit, who’d obviously instigated the whole game.

‘Right, you three are really going to get it now,’ Jess shouted as she threw her scarf around her neck and set off at pace, ducking and diving through the trees in fast pursuit. The leaves were wet making it slippery underfoot. ‘Maddie, quick, you go that way,’ she shouted, pointing to the left, as she ran to the right. ‘We’ll cut them off.’

Madeleine joined in and took up the chase, over the ha-ha wall, past the sheep, across the field and into the woods. She quickly grabbed hold of Bandit, who’d purposely slipped on the leaves, landed in a heap, rolled onto his back on the woodland floor, and allowed Maddie to catch him.

‘Okay, okay, I submit,’ he shouted as Madeleine’s slim thighs straddled him. But the tables were quickly turned and the last thing Jess saw as she ran on was Bandit spinning Madeleine around, straddling her body instead, pinning her down to the floor, with his fingers waving in the air and coming down on her with full tickling intent.

‘You’re in trouble now,’ he shouted as Madeleine’s screams rang out. But Jess just laughed as she ran past. It wasn’t her job to save her sister, not on this occasion. Anyway, she knew that if Maddie screamed any louder, she’d be attracting the attention of every guest in the Hall, who’d probably end up running to her aid instead.

Jess ran on. She’d been distracted by Madeleine and Bandit, but could see Buddy in the distance, and headed towards where he now played. She presumed he’d followed the girls, and ran in his direction. Jess laughed at him as he rolled on the grass, paws in the air.

‘What are you doing there, boy? Where are the girls?’ she shouted as she got close, but a thick, rancid smell drifted through the air and Jess turned her nose up. The smell had hit her way before she saw the remains of what may have been a squashed hedgehog and her whole body began to retch. ‘Buddy, oh no, get off. Urgh. Stop that. Urgh.’ She heaved repeatedly. The smell was unbelievable and she quickly grabbed at Buddy’s collar. ‘Stop that I said.’ She dragged him away from the animal’s corpse and back towards the Hall. But the fact that he’d being rolling in the decomposed animal meant that the smell was clinging. It was following him home.

‘You, my friend, need a bath, and I think we may need the hosepipe first.’ She looked down at Buddy’s pitiful eyes, the look of a wounded soul. ‘Don’t you look at me like that, I didn’t make you do it,’ Jess growled. ‘You stink, and, boy oh boy, my stomach is really not liking that smell. Couldn’t you roll in something really nice smelling, like lemons or snowdrops?’

She dragged the dog over to where Maddie and Bandit now lay together on the grass, kissing and giggling. ‘Here, take your damned dog. He stinks,’ Jess announced as she dragged the spaniel towards Bandit, who immediately jumped up and took him from her.

‘What the … wow, Buddy, you really do stink. What you been up to, boy?’

‘Dead hedgehog, in fact it’s a decomposed hedgehog. It’s somewhere over there. Looks like it was hit the last time the sit on lawnmower went through.’

‘Bandit … come, come quickly!’ Nomsa shouted, and all three of them turned towards the Hall in concern. Nomsa would never shout, not from the front door, not while they had guests and certainly not unless it was urgent.

Maddie and Bandit jumped up, and all three set off towards the house. They burst in through the front door and took in the scene before them. Bastion was breathing erratically and Nomsa was holding him up.

‘He was just sitting outside, he came over all funny, and by the time he’d gotten himself inside, he almost collapsed, right there in the bar,’ Nomsa yelled, her eyes full of concern. ‘He needs to be in his bed. I don’t know what I was thinking letting him go out there.’ She reprimanded herself and Jess could see the worry that was etched across her face.

‘He’s fine, Nomsa. He’s fine. It’s just the cold air,’ Bandit said as he walked across to Bastion. ‘Come on, sir, I’ve got you.’ Bandit quickly and effortlessly put Bastion’s arm over his shoulder and within seconds he was helping him up the stairs. ‘You’ve probably just overdone it, my man, being outside and all that, but just to be sure I’m going to get our Nomsa to give the doctor a call. Let’s get you checked out, just in case.’ He stopped on the last step. ‘Did you get that, Nomsa?’ He turned to see Nomsa, pale faced, holding onto the wall.

‘I thought he was going to collapse again, I thought …’ A sob left Nomsa’s throat, making Jess run to her side.

‘I think you need a cup of tea.’ She walked Nomsa to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Her normal joviality had deserted her, and she looked more than just a little concerned. ‘He’ll be okay, Nomsa, honest. Now, it looks like Madeleine’s taken on the task of calling the doctor and you … you need to sit down.’ She suddenly looked around. ‘Where’s Jack? I thought he was here, talking to Bastion.’

Nomsa took a seat and nodded. ‘Oh, he was. But then he ran into the kitchen, said he had somewhere important to go and left your daddy sitting out there enjoying the sunshine.’ She looked towards the patio, as her hands continually screwed the edge of her apron round in circles. ‘He looks real sick, your daddy does, doesn’t he?’

‘Do … do you think he’s really sick?’ Jess paused. ‘I mean … what … what if I lose him?’ Jess grabbed hold of Nomsa’s hands. ‘Nomsa, what if we both lose him?’ She stifled a sob and then jumped up from the chair. ‘Oh my goodness, the girls. Nomsa, please look after him for me. I have to go. The girls, they ran off into the woods, they’re still playing hide and bloody seek and probably still waiting somewhere for us to find them.’

‘I’ll come with you,’ Nomsa said as Jess headed out of the kitchen.

But Jess shook her head. ‘No, no, it’s fine, I’m sure Maddie will have phoned the doctor, he’ll be on his way. Why don’t you take Bastion some nice hot tea? And while you’re at it, get a mug for yourself, you look as though you need it.’ Jess held her gaze for just a moment too long, and an understanding passed between them. She wasn’t just asking Nomsa to look for the doctor, she was asking her to care for her father, care for him like no one else ever had, and by the look on Nomsa’s face, it was an undertaking she was more than happy to take on.

Bandit came back down the stairs. ‘Right, he’s settled and in his bed, but grumbling and saying that he’d rather get up.’ He turned to Nomsa who’d walked through and into reception with two steaming hot mugs of tea.

‘Well, if it kills me, I’ll keep him in that bed all day,’ she said as she headed up the stairs. Bandit and Madeleine caught each other’s eye and began to laugh. ‘What, what did I say?’ she asked, blissfully unaware of the innuendo within her statement.

‘We need to go find the girls. They can’t have gone too far. Did anyone see which way were they heading?’ Bandit asked as he pulled open the door and looked between Jess and Madeleine, who both shrugged their shoulders.

‘They could be anywhere by now.’ Madeleine zipped up her coat. ‘We’ll need smelly Buddy’s help to find them.’

They all moved through the trees, casually at first. They searched behind bushes and fanned out, each walking in a different direction, shouting both Poppy’s and Lily’s names, without any of them receiving an answer.

‘Where the hell can they have gone?’ Bandit strode on. ‘There should be noise, they’re children, there’s always noise,’ he shouted. ‘You can’t take a step without the leaves either squelching or crunching underfoot. Besides, those two are never quiet, are they?’ He stopped and once again looked behind a tree. ‘Seriously, in the past week, how often have either of them been quiet for more than three seconds at a time?’

Bandit held a finger to his lips and they all stood still. All noise had ceased, not even the birds were singing and Jess held her breath while she listened.

‘I don’t understand why they haven’t come back home,’ Maddie whispered, worry crossing her face. ‘We only went inside for a few minutes. They can’t have got far, can they?’

All three stared at one another. Bandit concentrated on Madeleine’s face.

‘Oh my God, Bandit, I don’t like this, something isn’t right. It’s … it’s …’ Madeleine suddenly began to run from one tree to the other. Gone were the measured steps, now she ran frantically, anxiously searching for her daughter. ‘She knows … Poppy knows not to leave sight of the house. She knows to come when I call for her.’

Bandit’s look was enough to tell them that he too was worried. For a moment he just stood and stared at the ground. ‘Okay, okay, what to do. We need a plan.’ He took deep measured breaths. ‘Right, they ran off in that direction.’ Bandit pointed through the trees. ‘Chances are that they’re hiding and any minute now they’ll burst out of the woods in fits of giggles.’ He began marching up and down. ‘Jess, you go check the summer house, Maddie you phone Nomsa, see if they went back and I’ll … I’ll keep heading this way.’ He pointed deep into the woods. ‘I’ll stick close to the road. If they’re hiding, they should see me.’ He looked determined, and glanced down at where Buddy sat faithfully watching his every move.

‘Buddy, go find them, boy, go on, go find Poppy,’ he shouted and Buddy set off, sniffing at the ground. ‘Poppy, Lily, come on now, time to stop the game, dinner’s ready!’ His voice carried through the bare winter trees, and almost echoed back at him as he walked further and further through the woods.

Jess ran off to the summer house, but soon returned. ‘No sign of them over there.’ She walked up to Madeleine who just stood and stared at the floor.

‘Jess, I don’t like it. How could they just disappear? Surely they wouldn’t have gone this far, not on their own, would they?’

Jess stared at her sister. ‘I only took my eyes off of them for a few minutes. I saw them run off, they were playing, giggling. I should have stayed with them, but I went to see what Buddy was up to instead.’ Her voice shook, and the anxiety rose within her. She began spinning around on the spot in the hope that if she spun fast enough, she’d spot them both hiding. ‘They’re missing and it’s all my fault. I lost them. I didn’t watch them close enough. Hell, Maddie, what kind of a mother am I going to be?’ Jess began to sob, huge tears fell down her face and immediately Madeleine pulled her into a hug.

‘Jess, you’ll make a wonderful mother one day, and Poppy won’t be far. You’ll see.’ She picked up her phone. ‘I’ll call Nomsa again. I bet they’ll be sitting in the kitchen eating something good that she’ll have cooked up for them. Here, blow your nose.’ She passed Jess a tissue in typical mother mode and waved her mobile in the air. ‘A signal would be good right now, ah …’

Jess kept searching while Madeleine phoned Nomsa. She lowered her gaze, realising how close she’d been to blurting out the news, even though she’d promised Jack that she wouldn’t. Not till after the wedding. She took deep breaths and listened to Madeleine’s call. It wasn’t going well. ‘Okay,’ Maddie said. ‘Well, if they do come back, call me immediately. We’ll keep looking.’

Bandit had run on ahead. He’d followed Buddy and Jess could see him far in the distance. Then suddenly he began waving his arms in the air. ‘Quick, this way,’ he shouted. ‘Buddy seems to think they’re in here.’

Jess spotted him pushing open an old wooden five bar gate, before heading through the garden of an old derelict farmhouse, with Buddy blazing the way.

Both Jess and Madeleine ran after him. The air was cold and their lungs hurt and without a thought for her condition, Jess forged on ahead at top speed. ‘Why here? Why would Buddy think they were here?’ Shivers went down her spine as the house came into sight. It was obviously devoid of love or inhabitants, and weeds grew through the abandoned clutter that adorned the garden, making it look as though it had been there forever.

‘Poppy, Lily, you in here?’ Jess shouted. ‘Bandit … Bandit … where are you, where the hell did you go?’ She stopped and looked back. ‘They wouldn’t have gotten this far, would they?’ She held a hand out to Madeleine who inched her way down the path. ‘This house, it’s quite a long way from the Hall.’ She pushed at the back door, which creaked, but surprisingly opened with ease. A plume of dust filled the air and Jess once again shouted for Bandit.

Her stomach turned over and over. The girls were missing and all the terror of the year before flooded back through her as a feeling of impending tragedy, loss, and fear rotated around her mind. She moved from room to room, inching her way forward, careful of her step, all the while wondering what on earth could have happened to make two little girls run into an old abandoned house. Jess ducked to avoid the old units which hung off the kitchen walls, and her hand touched an old pot white sink that obviously hadn’t been cleaned for many a year.

‘Bandit, Bandit! Where are you?’ she shouted, and once again turned to Madeleine. ‘Where the hell did he go? How come everyone’s disappearing today?’ It was like a horror movie, where one person disappeared and then slowly throughout the film, one after the other, the other actors would be gone, until finally just one person remained. Again, she reached out and grabbed Madeleine’s hand. There was no way she was allowing either one of them to disappear, not again, not today, not ever.

A sudden noise came from deep within the house, a soft rumbling that sounded like thunder. Then there was a bang, followed by the sound of sobbing. ‘They’re here, I’ve got them.’

A loud gasp came from Maddie. ‘Where are you?’ she shouted as she followed Bandit’s voice and a barking Buddy.

‘We’re here, good boy, Buddy. Good lad.’ The spaniel seemed to have appeared from a door beneath the stairs. He was happily wagging his tail, bouncing around in the hope of treats, but still smelling of the decomposed hedgehog.

‘They were in the cellar. No idea how, but the door had slammed shut and locked them down there,’ Bandit said as he emerged from the staircase covered in dust and carrying a pitiful, sobbing Poppy in his arms. ‘They’d gone down there to hide. I found them right down at the bottom, behind a load of old boxes.’

‘But they’re both okay … please tell me they’re okay?’ Madeleine’s voice was barely a whisper, her eyes searched Poppy’s frame, but she was fixed to the spot, her body shaking, and Jess knew that she’d been fearing the worst. She was reliving the horrors of the past as her eyes became fixed on Bandit.

‘They’re fine, honestly. Aren’t you, honey?’ Poppy’s face was hidden in the nape of his neck and Jess could see Lily creeping up the stairs behind them. Her face was ashen, her eyes puffy and full of tears and a deep sob came from within her.

Bandit transferred Poppy into her mother’s arms. ‘I’ll phone Nomsa. Tell her the girls are safe and ask her to organise baths. It’s filthy down there and God only knows what they might have touched.’

‘Poppy, tell Mummy what happened?’ Maddie hugged the little girl to her and waited for a reply. But she didn’t get one. ‘Poppy, talk to me. Haven’t I told you about going out of sight of the Hall?’ She held the child away from her so she could look into her face. ‘You know it’s naughty, don’t you?’ Madeleine’s voice was calm but shaking as she automatically pulled Poppy into an embrace again and began rocking the sobbing child. ‘How did they end up locked down there?’ She directed the question at Bandit, who shook his head.

‘I don’t know. Something to do with the door. We’ll get to the bottom of it later.’ Bandit fussed the smelly dog. ‘It was our Buddy that found them. Didn’t you, boy, you good boy?’ he said as Buddy immediately rolled on his back, his whole body bending in two as he wagged his tail.

‘Poppy.’ Once again Madeleine held the child from her and looked directly into her eyes. ‘I need to you tell Mummy what happened.’

Poppy shrugged and Madeleine continued, ‘Why did you hide down there? I’ve told you before how dangerous it is to go into old houses, haven’t I? We’re always telling you not to leave the safety of the Hall, honey, aren’t we? So why did you?’

Poppy’s eyes went to stare at where Lily stood.

Madeleine turned to Lily. ‘Lily, do you have any answers? Do you want to explain? This is not your house and I need to know why you came in here. What on earth were you both thinking?’

Jess watched as Lily physically shrank into herself and she felt her heart go out to her. ‘Come on, sweetie.’ Jess held her arms out to the child, who immediately fell into them and Jess could feel her whole body shaking with fear.

‘We were just playing, wasn’t we, Poppy?’

Poppy nodded. ‘We ran away when Bandit was tickling Mummy. We ran and we ran. But then Lily screamed, she grabbed my hand and we ran to the house. She said we needed to hide, didn’t you?’ Poppy sobbed and clung onto her mother, as both Madeleine and Jess caught each other’s eye.

‘Lily, why did you to do that, honey?’ Madeleine continued to look at Lily. ‘Why did you scream? Did something frighten you?’

Jess felt torn; she loved Poppy with all her heart and would always protect her, but now she felt responsible for Lily too. After all, it was almost certain that they were sisters and she was probably far too young to know how dangerous an old house might be, or did she? Jess knew that Lily had grown up in squalor; they’d had a shared toilet down a corridor or a bucket in the corner, old houses were probably normal in London, which made Jess wonder how many other awful things she’d seen or had to endure while growing up there.

Poppy sobbed again and turned in Madeleine’s arms. Her eyes were now fixed on Lily, who shook her head, and for just a moment Jess wondered if the girls were using telepathy to communicate, just as she and Madeleine had done as children. Especially when their mother had been looking for answers that neither had wanted to give.

‘We were looking for a hiding place.’ Lily clung onto Jess. ‘I’m so sorry … it was just a game. Wasn’t it, Poppy? Tell them, Poppy. Tell them it was just a game.’

Poppy nodded, but Jess was not convinced. The shaking of heads, the staring, and the way that Lily was physically shaking didn’t ring true, but Jess wasn’t sure what she should ask or do to get to the truth.

‘Honestly, Jess. The door, it just slammed shut. It locked on us and I couldn’t open it; it was too heavy. I tried and tried, but it wouldn’t open.’ Lily’s eyes searched Jess’s. ‘Go and try it if you don’t believe me.’

Jess sighed. She knew she had to give the girls the benefit of the doubt, but still felt sure that there was more to the story than either was willing to tell.

‘Lily said you’d come. She said you’d come and find us, but we had to hide. It was a game of hide and seek and that means being quiet, Mummy, right?’ Huge sobs continued to leave Poppy’s throat. ‘So I just did as I was told.’ The irony of the statement didn’t go past anyone in the room. Even if bribed, Poppy was the worst person at keeping quiet ever and Jess saw the disbelieving look that went between Madeleine and Bandit.

‘Am I still allowed to stay with you till after Christmas? Or … or are you going to send me away now?’ Lily questioned. ‘Because … because our Daddy really wants to stay and I’m so so sorry that I’ve been so very naughty.’ She stood back and wiped her eyes, distancing herself from Jess before going to stand and face the wall. It seemed like an act of learned behaviour and Jess felt heartbroken as she wondered how many times Lily had been punished this way in the past.

‘My school teacher always makes me stand against the wall when I’ve been naughty,’ Lily whispered.

‘Oh, Lily, please don’t do that. Come here, of course we want you to stay. Don’t we Maddie?’ Jess looked at her sister for help.

Madeleine nodded. ‘We wouldn’t send you away, Lily. Come here. It’s okay, honey. It’s okay,’ Maddie said as she passed Poppy to Bandit and grabbed hold of Lily. Jess watched as they held onto each other tightly. ‘I’m sorry if I sounded angry with you, I was scared too. It was an accident. I know that and … and … Poppy knows that too, and you’re both okay … so lessons learned. Okay?’

Jess could hear the fear in Maddie’s voice. She could have lost her daughter, she could have relived the hell she’d gone through the year before and she’d obviously feared that the girls could have both been hurt, or worse.

Jess left the room and went back into the kitchen. She shook her head and with it her whole body trembled. Was this what it was like to be a mother? Was it a constant battle to keep your child alive? Would every day be like this? And was it compulsory to show care and empathy for another child, even though your own daughter’s life could have been in danger? Her head spun with questions that she couldn’t answer. A child was a huge responsibility, a responsibility that lasted a lifetime, not just for the first years. It was for always.

Jess let her mind go to how her own mother used to react and she remembered how she’d shouted at both her and Maddie repeatedly. They’d always been in trouble for messing around, and for playing games that she didn’t agree with. She’d always felt like her mother was picking on them, telling them both to walk slowly, to sit still and to be careful in everything they did. But now she understood. Now she knew what constant fear her mother had had to live with. Especially as her mother had been on her own for so many years, with not one, but two of them to keep safe and alive.

Jess looked around the kitchen. It had an old wood burning stove, along with a bread oven that had been built into the wall many years before. She stopped and ran her fingertips through the inches of dust that covered the units. The room was stuffy, dusty and the whole place was dirty and cold, but for some reason it felt homely. It felt like she belonged and she took a moment just to close her eyes and wonder what it would be like to live in a house like this.

She left the house by the back door, and went to stand in the farmyard where rubbish, bits of wood and old pieces of machinery lay everywhere. It had all been abandoned. And to Jess it looked as though the farmer had come back from the fields one day, put his tools down and left, never to work the farm again.

Had the farmer lived here alone? Did he have a family or could he have died? Jess spun around; she could hear the noise of a vehicle, but couldn’t see it until she jumped up onto the old, rusty tractor and caught a glimpse of an old van, which had taken off at speed. It was heading away from the farmhouse and past the Hall, making Buddy dance on the spot. He barked and for a moment he looked as though he were about to give chase. ‘Here, boy,’ she shouted as she got down. ‘Stay here, boy.’ She wondered where the van had been. The only house for miles around was the Hall and this derelict farmhouse. ‘Rustlers?’ She pondered the thought and it occurred to her that she should mention the van to Bandit, just in case.

Jess held onto the wooden gate, staring at the Hall. It rose up in the distance like a fortress. Everyone she loved lived here on this estate. Everyone she loved seemed to have someone, even Nomsa who now had her father. Everyone else seemed to know what tomorrow would bring, or what they should be doing today. Yet she had no idea what to do in the next ten minutes. Did she take Lily to their father? Did she insist on the truth or, like Maddie, did she appear to let it go in the hope that the truth would come out on another day? Was that what a mother would do? She shrugged.

Some days her life felt like a fairground ride with everything whizzing around. It was as though she was caught up in a bubble, standing on the inside looking out. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She tried to concentrate, tried to make sense of all that was happening and suddenly realised that the whole world was spinning around her, spiralling on its very own axis, and she was floating above it, watching it turn.