Chapter Four

Jack took the stairs two at a time, his hand barely touching the carved oak balustrade as he leapt from one step to the other. He reached the top, turned onto the landing, and burst in through Emily’s bedroom door.

For a moment he felt as though he were either in the wrong room, or on a film set and definitely intruding on something he shouldn’t. The sight that met him stopped him in his tracks while he gasped for breath. The normally peaceful room was a hive of activity, with Emily central to the attention. She lay flat on the bed; her pillows had been tossed to the floor and two paramedics worked feverishly on her. Meanwhile, his Jess was crouched down in a corner, humming, rocking and sobbing with her eyes tightly closed and her fingers pressed into her ears. It suddenly occurred to him that he’d never seen her look quite so small, or as fragile and defenceless, like a very young child who was upset or hiding.

‘Jess, I’m here, come on, I’m here, I’ve got you.’ He went to her, reached out towards her, almost afraid to touch her, and in a gentle loving gesture he used just one finger to stroke her cheek, knowing that in her current state he’d have frightened her even more if he’d taken hold of her. He waited for a moment until she opened one eye and acknowledged him, and then carefully but firmly he pulled her towards him, turning her away from the bed, so as to block her view. He didn’t want her to see what the paramedics were doing, even though he knew she’d already witnessed too much.

He shook his head, annoyed with himself that he hadn’t been here when Jess needed him. A walk in the woods with Buddy had taken him out of range of any mobile signal and only when he’d heard the ambulance had he realised that something was very wrong. He had run back across the fields and into the Hall, where an inconsolable, sobbing Nomsa had pointed to the stairs, while all the time shepherding guests into the conservatory and away from the commotion.

For a moment he just stared at where Emily lay, watching carefully as paramedics rushed around with oxygen, defibrillators and more swabs and syringes than he’d ever seen. Then the men gave each other a look, a look that told Jack that Emily had gone, that there was nothing more they could do, and he began mentally preparing himself for how Jess would be, how he’d tell her and how he’d look after her during the days to come. Nothing seemed real, the room felt as though it were full of fog, like a mist enveloping them all.

The pandemonium had stopped. The fog lifted and one paramedic checked his watch; a time was muttered, a phone call was made and paperwork completed. Then Jack watched as they began packing equipment away, placing syringes and swabs into tubs and bags, before respectfully covering Emily’s body with a sheet and leaving the room, carrying all the equipment down the stairs with them.

Jack felt hot and nauseous. His head began to spin and he could feel himself trembling. It was a trembling that started in his toes and travelled up and into both of his arms that were wrapped around Jess. And then, suddenly, he gasped and took a breath, realising that the whole time he’d been watching the paramedics, he’d been holding it; wishing, praying and hoping that they’d perform a miracle, but all the time knowing that there wouldn’t be one, not today. For a moment or two he concentrated on breathing, in and out, an action that should have been automatic. Automatic, that was, until, like Emily, your body chose not to.

Both Madeleine and Bandit burst into the room and Jack immediately caught Bandit’s eye, and shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he mouthed as he moved Jess past them in an attempt to take her out of the room and onto the landing, where a group of guests hovered, all watching with tear-filled eyes.

‘I’m sorry, but please, give the family some privacy. I believe Nomsa is serving tea in the conservatory.’ He ushered the guests towards the stairs, all the while holding onto Jess. He looked back into the room and prayed that Emily’s passing had been fast, and that she hadn’t felt any pain. After all, wasn’t that what everyone wished for? Didn’t we all want to pass without trauma, pain or suffering?

‘I … I … can’t leave her,’ Jess suddenly whispered, lifting a hand and wiping her face, while her eyes pleaded with Jack. ‘Please, please, Jack, I … I can’t leave her, she’s … she’s all alone.’ She began to move back towards the room, but Madeleine stepped forward and wrapped her arms around both Jack and Jess.

‘Jess, it’s okay. Bandit’s with her.’ She paused. ‘She’s gone, Jess.’ A deep sob left Madeleine’s throat as she spoke. ‘There’s nothing more you can do. There’s nothing any of us can do. Not any more.’

Jack loosened his grip and turned back to see where Bandit stood quietly and respectfully beside his grandmother’s bed. He gently held her hand, stroked it and then leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. ‘Rest now, Grandma. Rest in peace.’ The words were simple but final and, on hearing them, Jess fell to her knees as a long piercing scream that seemed to go on forever left her lips, a scream that was quickly followed by heart wrenching, uncontrollable sobs.

‘No, no, no,’ she shrieked. ‘She can’t be gone … she was talking to me. She … she was sitting there, in bed, drinking tea and talking … like normal. She … she even insisted I open the window, just as she liked it.’ She looked up and pointed to the bed. ‘She’d wanted the fresh air, but was cold and I got her an extra blanket to keep her warm. So, so … she can’t be gone, can she?’