Chapter 28

I didn’t sleep much that night. I thought for sure I’d relive the attack a thousand times over or wake up shaking in fear. Instead everything revolved around Killian and the memories we’d shared.

I reflected on the good times, how he’d called me his princess, how hard we’d laughed at his family’s antics and the jokes surrounding his mother’s Irish luck. I thought about how safe I’d felt with his body sleeping against mine, and that smile he’d greeted me with every morning.

Killian had been my teacher in so many ways. He’d taught me to defend myself and be strong. More important, he’d shown me how to give and receive love freely and in its most sacred form.

My mind spun with images of our time with his family and mine, but mostly of our time alone. I crawled out of bed sometime around dawn and showered. My body had given up on sleep, so I did, too.

I walked quietly downstairs to find Teo sprawled out on the couch with Mattie playing on the floor beneath him. Teo sat up when he saw me. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asked.

“No. Too much on my mind.” I lifted my skirt and knelt close to Mattie. He offered me one of his blocks. I placed it on top of the pile he was building. He seemed to appreciate it and added a green one before handing me a yellow.

“What are you going to do about Kill?”

My hand slowly maneuvered the next block Mattie passed me. “I don’t know if there’s anything I can do. He feels what he feels.”

“You mean love?” Teo huffed. “Don’t look at me like that, Sofia. It is what it is.”

“Not when it comes from a sense of duty,” I told him. “He feels like he owes me, Teo. I can’t spend my life with someone who feels indebted to me. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“You sure that’s what he thinks?” Teo wasn’t the chick-flick type. He wasn’t one to pour his heart out or talk through his feelings. But he was talking then, and he wasn’t ready to stop. “For the most part, love’s complete bullshit,” he said. “Most people don’t mean it when they say it or don’t say it when they should.” He picked up Mattie when the little guy grew bored with his blocks, and placed him across his chest. “But when someone is willing to lay down and bleed for you? That’s the shit that counts.”

I carefully gathered the blocks Mattie had abandoned as I spoke. “You think what Killian and I had was real?”

Teo rubbed Mattie’s back as he settled against him. “I’m saying you need to find out where you stand.”

I considered what Teo said and the memories that continued to plague my thoughts. Mattie had fallen asleep when I finally rose. I left without another word, but Teo already knew where I was going.

The ride to Killian’s house took only about twenty minutes. And in those twenty minutes, I almost turned around at least three times. I feared what he’d tell me. But Teo was right. We both owed each other the truth.

I rapped my knuckles on his door and waited. When he didn’t answer, I knocked a little harder. His truck was there, and he was inside, but he wasn’t coming. I was about to knock again when he yanked the door open.

He stood shirtless, wearing only a pair of MMA shorts. Although it was early, way early, he was awake and clearly surprised to see me.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.”

He poked his head out and peered around to the side. “I didn’t see your car. I thought you were a Jehovah’s Witness.”

“I parked across the street.” I motioned to where my car hugged the curb, although by now he’d noticed it. “Can I come in?”

He stepped back, allowing me through. I slipped off my sandals and walked to the chocolate couch. I paused and took a breath before sitting. Killian lowered himself beside me as I stared at my palms. For all that I needed to say, why did it have to be so hard?

“I never said thank you, for everything you did for me.” I looked up at him then. “Thank you. It’s meant a great deal.”

He didn’t say anything back. An uncomfortable silence stretched between us before he leaned forward and placed his forearms on his thighs. “This isn’t right, Sofia,” he finally said. “Things aren’t supposed to be this way, not between us.”

I rubbed my palms. “I know.” I wasn’t planning to say what I did, but my heart had always ruled, and today was no exception. “I miss you.”

He sighed and lowered his eyelids, his voice heavy. “I miss you, too.”

Neither of us moved for a long time. When he opened his eyes, his focus was straight ahead, toward the kitchen. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, about what I feel for you, and how I let you down that day.”

“You didn’t let me down, Killian,” I whispered.

“You’re wrong.” His stare hardened although he wouldn’t look at me. “I meant what I said, I’ll never forgive myself for not being there when you needed me.”

“You’re not the person who hurt me. And you never would.” I placed my hand on his arm. “I forgave you a long time ago for choosing to be with someone else. It’s time you forgave yourself.”

“I can’t.” His blue irises flickered with sadness. “Not after everything my mistake cost you.”

My hand slipped from his arm. “You still feel guilty,” I said quietly.

“Yeah, I do,” he admitted. He watched my hand as it left him, before raising his chin and meeting my face. “When you came back into my life, I thought this was my opportunity to set things right. Like you said, a chance at redemption.”

All my strength left me. It was an effort to simply keep breathing. I hadn’t wanted to be right. And I was.

“Sofia,” he said when the first of my tears fell. “I’d spent years living with regret and wondering how I could fix things. I saw our time together as an opportunity to do right by you…but then we became something more.”

My voice trembled. “But it wasn’t for the right reasons, Killian.”

“No. Not at first.” He slipped his hand over mine. “When you called me out that day you left, I was scared you were right—that what I felt was for all the wrong reasons.” He huffed. “Been scared and miserable this whole damn time. But then something happened last night, and it changed everything—how I saw you—and showed me what you really mean to me.”

I waited, expecting him to say something about the attack or how I’d fought back. I never expected him to say what he did.

“Teo told us Evie’s pregnant,” he said, carefully holding my hand. “And all I could think about was what you’d look like pregnant with my kid.”

Time stood still. I couldn’t breathe. And when I did, I started to cry.

Killian gathered me to him, stroking away my tears. “I want to marry you, Sofia. I want to make babies with you, and grow old with you,” he rasped. “I love you. God, I am so in love with you.”

I swallowed hard and tried to speak. “But how do I know that what you feel comes from something pure, and not from the guilt you still carry?”

The magnitude of his gaze held me in place. “Because I’ve loved you since the first time I saw your smile and you asked me to be your friend.”

Killian held me close when I broke down. I clutched him against me as he whispered words of comfort and told me he never wanted to let me go.

Our past had been our enemy. It beat us down, held us back, and shoved us apart. Because of it, I thought today would be our final goodbye. But when his smile met mine, when he kissed me, and when he promised me forever, I welcomed our future as a friend.

Killian lifted me in his strong arms and carried me across our house, up to our room, and into our bed.

Two years later, he carried me across our threshold, with the train of my wedding gown fluttering behind us.